Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Donna,
    
    One of the benefits of using a day care center (and I realize there
    are lots of pros and cons) is that you usually don't run into this
    problem.  If one day care worker is sick or out of leave or whatever, 
    other workers shuffle schedules or more workers are hired, but always
    "the show goes on."  And with most centers, when you already have one
    child enrolled, guarantee a space for any future children you might
    have.  
    
    So this might be the time for you to begin looking at day care centers
    in your area.  You mention that your daughter will be 2.5 when her
    caretaker has her baby.  I believe your daughter will be old enough
    to really enjoy a center environment, with all of the other children
    and activities.  The key will be to find a day care center that also
    have a very "home-like" environment for infants, so when you have your
    next child, that child will have the quieter, more one-on-one attention
    in the infant area of the center.
    
    From someone who uses a center and is very satisfied,
    
    Jane

    Hi,
         Sorry to hear of your predicament.  What do you mean when you say
    that your daughter and the provider's daughter get preferential
    treatment?  Do you notice this in her actions or does she tell you
    this?  It doesn't seem right.  I feel bad for the other little girl.
    I know it is probably difficult not to give your own child preferential
    treatment.  I would be concerned that my child would be the odd man
    out when her other child arrives.  I would probably opt for the pre-
    school.  Your daughter will probably have enough of an adjustment to 
    make with a new sibling at home without having to compete at daycare
    also.  (new baby at home, new baby at daycare)
    
        My son is only 7 1/2 months old so I am not exactly the voice of
    experience here.  Maybe some of the more seasoned parents have some 
    better insight.  One of the things that I looked for when trying to
    find daycare was someone who's own family was semi-grown (10 and up)
    who wasn't likely to have more kids.  I didn't want my child to
    compete with the providers child and I also think that they tended to
    stay with daycare after their kids were grown because they really
    enjoy it.
        
    				Good luck,
    
    				Mary

    Sounds like a good time to transition your daughter to a pre-school
    environment.  She's at the age where "socializing her" would be
    beneficial.  However, if you plan on having your daughter and the next
    child in a daycare situation together, you need to find a center or
    provider that will be able to accomodate another infant.  That way
    Marisa would not be moved around another time.
    
    Kathy
    

    Sounds like your best choice is to move your daughter to a
    daycare center that also has a good infant program.  I think
    2.5 is a good age to start at daycare center, where her 
    daily routine will be more structured.  Don't rush into
    decision yet.   A lot of good centers out there, just take your 
    time and look around.  I am sure you will find one that will fit 
    your needs.
    
    Wendy 

    
    It sounds like you've gotten alot of good advice already....
    
    I have the same problem arising , my babysitter is due in August and
    I'm not sure yet, how much time she will want off from watching
    Michael. She has a 2 year old right now, and I feel that he gets his
    fair share of attention, due to the age difference...but with another 
    infant around, it'll be tough.  And I feel 9-10 mos is too early for
    a center... We don't know many people in the area, and it would be 
    hard finding someone else I trust enough to watch Michael..   So, I'm
    not sure WHAT we're going to do...  ?????  
    
    RE: back to the basenoter....did you say you were thinking of having 
    someone come to your home...?? I would think that might be a little
    easier on Marisa, where she would at least be familiar with her
    surroundings, even if it takes awhile to get used to the new person
    in her life. ?  depends on how shy/accepting she is...?  Just a
    thought.
    
    Chris
     

Unfortunately, from our experience, replacing a daycare provider that you like 
is a fact of life if you need daycare.  

My advice it not to plan on Lori's returning when she thinks she will be able 
to.  There is no way that she can assure you that she will be able to care for 
Marisa eight weeks afther her baby is born.  The baby may have problems, and 
she may not be physically ready eight weeks after her baby arrives, or she may 
have a change of heart and want to go out of the childcare business.  So I 
would advise against just  trying to patch something together for the 8+ 
weeks.  At least now you have time to make an organized search.

I'd advise you to start looking for a full-time permanent replacement now; not 
a desperate search, but an orderly, open-minded consider all options search.  
If things work out well for Lori, then you could make a decision then whether 
to take Marisa back or not.  In looking for a replacement, find out (probably 
best if you don't make it blatant) what kind of notice requirement they have.  
If you go back to Lori, you may end up having to pay two care providers for 
the same week(s).  Of course you my find someone who has all of Lori's 
advantages, but none of her "few quirks here and there."

We had to do this (replace a daycare provider we liked) many times.  Sometimes 
it was difficult and painful, but we were always able to find a situation we 
were happy with.

Unless your situation is complicated by odd work hours or travel, having your 
children at two different places is a hassle, but it's usually manageable.

Best of luck.  This is a tough one.

Clay

    Hi.  I sympathize with you because it's hard changing daycare, and
    your concern for how your daughter will react is very real.  However,
    try not to let this anxiety carry over to your daughter who will feel
    it.
    
    My daughter, now 20 months, has been in a daycare center since she was
    14.5 weeks old.  We did not like the idea of family daycare where we
    felt the children wouldn't be watched as carefully and did not have to
    worry if the provider was sick.
    
    Due to circumstances that I will not go into, we changed daycares in
    September.  I wanted to change earlier (as early as February, 1991) but
    my husband thought I was crazy.  Last summer some instances occured in
    my old daycare which made me anxious and upset and this reflected on my
    daughter.  We changed daycare centers and are now extremely happy to
    the point where I almost wish my daughter was there since the beginning.
    
    My point here is that a daycare center is great (in my opinion).  It
    provides secure care for your child and your child learns some points
    of social behavior that is not always provided in a home environment
    (ie, playing with other children, sharing).  If and when we have
    another child, I would have no second thoughts about bringing it to my
    center.  However, like any daycare situation, choose carefully, visit
    on odd hours, and check references.
    
    Mary                                                         
    

    
    I agree, don't wait make the change.  Daycare should not be that
    complicated.  You seemed to express some anger as well as concerns,
    this is red flag territory to me.
    
    Just recently I had to make a change (Christopher was 10 mos).  
    I felt really guilty especially when considering his feelings.
    Well, he may have liked it there but he loves where he is now
    and they (provider, daycare & her children) love him too!
    Over the past month we have all been happy (not to mention it
    is much closer to home and work - great for emergencies - and 5 
    minutes from his Dr's and hospital).
    
    Change can be hard....just keep an eye on the positive aspects to
    help you stay sane.
    
    ..el