Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Sounds like Steven . . . who is 6.5 and in first grade. 
    
    Usually it's a sign he's under too much pressure and needs to blow
    off some steam.  Often he feels that he has no control over his
    own life and everybody is telling him waht to do.
    
    We're working on it from a number of angles:
    
    Trying to get him to recognize his feelings earlier.  Right now he
    doesn't seem to recognize them at all until he gets yelled at.  
    
    Trying to help him express them in a more acceptable way.
    
    Indicating that his behavior isn't acceptable in class.
    
    Trying to give him more outlets for feelings of energy and more
    situations where he's in control.  Completely unstructured play
    time is good for this. 
    
    It's worse when he's in a growth spurt or when he's tired, so we
    try to keep his bedtimes regular and his diet healthy.  It really
    does help. 
    
    That's assuming the behavior is only occasional.  If it's a
    chronic problem serious enough to interfere with the class, you
    might want to consider having him tested for ADD or other learning
    disabilities.
    
    --bonnie

    Thanks Bonnie.  She does the exact same thing.  We are doing some of
    the things you recommended and I will try your other ideas.  Sometimes
    she just doesn't listen unless we raise our voice to her.  Her brother,
    almost 3 years old, doesn't help matters either.
    
    It's a once in a while thing and when asked why she does it, she tells
    us she is tired or excited about something (usually an activity with
    Girl Scouts or something that is about to happen over the weekend). 
    She got into trouble today and she told my husband when he picked her
    up from school that her teeth is bothering her.  Her bottom two are
    loose.  
    
    We try to be understanding, patient, sympathetic to her needs (not
    everyone of them), etc. but sometimes it just doesn't seem to be
    enough.  Lately, I'm feeling I'm not being a good mother and nothing I
    say seems to be sinking in.  I would like to stay home but under the
    circumstances I am the primary source of income right now.
    
    Karen 

    Karen,
    
    Yeah, it's rough, especially when you start thinking that everyone
    else has these perfectly behaved children who never smart off to
    the teacher and never trip their little brothers into the toy
    pile. . . but that isn't true.  Every child has some discipline 
    problems, some areas of behavior that are less than ideal, and
    some areas that will always cause friction.  
    
    On the bright side, a child who's got enough self-confidence to
    tell the teacher "No" is likely to grow up having enough
    self-confidence to tell her friends "No" when they're doing
    something she doesn't like. 
    
    I doubt that being home full time would make any difference. 
    She's probably starting to learn that what goes on at school is
    her own life, and unless she tells you about it or it's serious
    enough for the teacher to tell you about it, you don't know what
    she's doing.  Steven has a tendency to gloat about this new
    independence once in a while -- which is difficult for us but all
    in all indicates a positive new step.
    
    --bonnie

    
    The previous "Reading at 4" brought to mind another issue ...
    
    	Why are the schools EXTENDING the minimum age requirement
    	to start kindergarten?
    
    It used to be "5" before January 1st.  Then it was "5" before
    December 1st.  NOOOWWW, many schools are trying to pull it up yet
    more so kids have to be "5" before SEPTEMBER 1ST!!!!
    
    I thought the pre-kindergarten screening process was supposed to
    evaluate if a child was ready for kindergarten (both emotionally,
    physically and intellectually) BEFORE s/he started kindergarten
    "in the Fall".  (I know of one parent who used the summer time to
    bring her child "up to speed" to meet the screening requirements.)
    
    I, too, believe kids are "smarter" today ... and I commend parents
    and daycare providers with "challenging, motivating and getting the 
    kids involved" with learning at a younger age.  Juli THRIVES on
    learning and works hard at figuring things out (puzzles, Mr. Potato
    Head ...).  To her this IS FUN.  At 19 months she can alphabet to
    "H" and count to "6 or 7".  She speaks short sentences and knows
    the meanings of words.  She will bring you a book and point out
    the major objects on each page.  She will do the hand motions to
    most kid's songs.  Kid's just have so many opportunities available
    to them now ... parents investing in their kids, daycare providers
    investing in the kids, educational toys, playgrounds ... a wealth
    of opportunity ... and they begin SO YOUNG!
    
    SOOOO ... with all this in mind ... why are the schools holding the
    kids back from starting kindergarten???!!!
    
    Dottie
    
    

    
    re. .4 
    
    I think it is just an arbitrary cut off date, which varies from
    town to town.  I think kindergarten should start at 5, no sooner
    than 5. It is not the academics, but the social skills and
    emotional maturity that are the criterion. I don't think I'd
    feel comfortable putting a 4 yr old on a school bus by him/herself.
    The kid has to feel good and confident about him/herself;
    kindergarten is no nursery school; the kid is on his/her own,
    no more hugs and kisses from teachers anymore.
    
    
    Eva

    If AJ were born TWO DAYS sooner he'd be entering kindegarten this
    September.  But because of the December 31 town cut off, he's going to
    be in daycare another year.  He'll be 5 years, 9 months when he goes
    into kindegarten.  I can only hope he manages to get through school
    without being held back.  As it stands now he may be one of the oldest
    kids in his class.  Unfortunate too is because he is a little bigger
    than the average child his age being taller and quite broad shouldered.
    (it's hard to look at him now and remember he was barely 5 pounds at
    birth)
    
    Part of me would like to have him in school, since he's already
    developing an attitude that seems to indicate he *Hates* even
    preschool.  I've already heard the "I have a tummy ache" excuses, or
    I'm not going to school today because soandso won't be there today, or
    tomorrow isn't a school day, right mom? (and this is on Monday night!)
    
    I can only hope he'll get a real good and understanding kindegarten.
    
    Lyn

    
    re: .6
    
    What school districts still have a December 31st cut-off????  
    I thought most had gone to the September 1st or September 30th.
    So, don't feel too bad, my son will by 6 years minus 8 days before
    he can start kindergarten!   Unless, of course, he seems super
    ready when he's close to 5 and we opt to pay for a private 
    kindergarten.
    
    Carol

    Carol, we live in Oxford MA which is southwest Worcester county, on the
    Thompson CT line.  Many of the surrounding towns; Webster, Dudley and
    Charlton have the same cut off date.
    
    Kind of odd, many of our locals send the kids to private schools, some
    either in Worcester or even Thompson CT.  We used to have the Oxford
    academy, a private 1-8 school but that now is in Northboro. That
    building now houses only the kindegarten children, and is adjacent to
    the French River Teacher's center, which sponsors(ed?) the Digital
    summer computer camp.  (I'm rambling on this trivia stuff I know)
    
    Lyn

    Ashland MA still has a 12/31 cut off but trying to move it to 9/1.  I
    don't understand,  there are still kids who will be a year younger than
    others not matter what the date is moved to.
    
    

    P. S. If you can get a back issue of Working Mother - April, 1991,
    Magazine it has a great article about the child being "ready" for
    Kindergarten.
    

RE: .7  (early entry via private school)

I offer a word of caution to parents who are considering private 
kindergarten as a way of getting around the arbitrary cut-off date.
Depending on the district, the public school may not necessarily
accept into first grade a child who went to private kindergarten and 
would have been too young to start public kindergarten the year before.
I have been told this by two different districts, but have not had to 
push to really find out.  My daughter went to a private kindergarten,
for other reasons, though the school district was willing to consider 
early entry.  (She missed the cut-off by six weeks.)  During that year,
we considered moving back to Colorado, to a district that I knew did not
allow early entry.  I talked with the superintendent about our situation,
and was told that they would not even consider accepting my daughter into 
first grade the following year.  This person told me that they were not
obligated to transfer an "early entry" child into the next grade, from 
another district, unless the child was in third grade or above at the time
of transfer.  We didn't move, so I never had to deal with them.  However,
the requirement in our own district was that my daughter had to be tested
and evaluated by the principal and school counselor before they would 
agree that she should go into first grade from the private kindergarten.

Sarah Szymanski

    re: .11
    
    Thanks for the tip.   I've got 3+ years before we need to do
    something about kindergarten.  By the way, he is only _8_ days
    from earliest cutoff date that I've heard (9/1), so I'm not
    talking about sending a 4-1/2 year old to kindergarten!
    
    Carol