Conference moira::parenting_v3

    yep, it's a phase. And it does pass.....
    

	My advice:  Enjoy it while it lasts!

	Katie is in an "I want Mommy to do it" phase that is about to drive 
me CRAZY!

:-)

Tracey

    It's a stage, it will pass, it probably doesn't have anything to
    do with the new baby.
    
    --bonnie

    Afterthought:  I think it usually happens with the parent who's
    the same sex as the child.  A child that age is just discovering
    gender and is developing a strong identification with the same-sex
    parent, and it often takes the form of not wanting a thing to do
    with the opposite-sex parent.
    
    --bonnie

    I agree that it's a phase and that it'll pass.
    
    In the meantime, how you handle it can make a big difference.  It
    sounds like you have a great attitude and can stand back and accept it.
    I wasn't so lucky - I took it very personally and felt like my heart was 
    breaking.  It seems almost silly now, but it was very real at the time!  
    I didn't accept it and my daughter picked up on how she could run the 
    situation.
    
    What I learned: Give the message that this is ok WHEN it works out for
    the family and that when Dad's not available then Mom is what you get
    for the moment.  I've found that 2 1/2 isn't too young to explain this
    to in a calm moment.  
    
    You are all very fortunate that your son and his dad are so connected
    at a time when you will be physically and emotionally occupied with a
    new baby!  If he gets some nice shots of "special time" with you in the
    coming months, this situation can be a great balance for you!  
    
    Enjoy it!!!!!
    
    Jane

re: .0

<    This has been going on for months. I am pregnant (about 6 months) but
<    he doesn't seem to understand about the baby coming yet (I don't
<    think).  Anyone gone through this lately?  Hopefully this is a stage

   Don't be so sure.  We found that our daughter understood a lot more
   than we thought about baby #2, and she was younger than yours.
   I'll bet they understand more than you realize..
   
   - Tom
   

    Matt has 'let Mom do it or let Dad do it' phases. He is three.
    Sometimes it is me that he wants to do it and sometimes its Mom. But
    when he prefers one of us to do something he wants the SELECTED person
    to do it, NOT the other.  We handle it the same way an earlier noter
    suggested... if it works out, then ok. But if Dad is up to his ears in
    dishes and Mom is watching TV and he wants Dad to wash his hands,
    tough, Mom does it protests or not.
    
    Jeff

See Parenting_v2, note 1612, coincidentally entitled "Daddy Do It!!!!!!".  
This is not an uncommon problem, as the volume of responses already indicates.

Note .5 of this note and 1612.0 of the note in V2 talks about an aspect that 
makes it a bit more difficult to say "Enjoy it while it lasts, etc.".  Yeah, 
it ain't bad (except your spouse may feel frazzled) when it's a chore kind of 
thing that your child insists on the other parent doing.  But if it's 
something that you LIKE to do, or maybe even something that is PRECIOUS to 
you (like for some people tucking them in at night, or reading the bedtime 
story), well it HURTS.  It happened to us, too.  And I was hurt, too.

I think it's OK to admit that it hurts, but I absolutely agree with .5 and 
other notes that while you should accomodate when possible, you should not 
allow the child to control the situation.  Preferably, you should do it in a 
calm, not angry or combative tone of voice.  In our case, sometimes it had to 
come down to "Daddy reads the bedtime story, or there is no story at all".  
Usually we would get a "Well, OK" -- which, was only a marginal improvement to 
my ego, since it was usually "well it's better than nothing" tone of voice.  
But we found that eventually, Lara became less demanding of who did what.  I 
don't know if it is what we did, or whether it was just a phase that would 
have passed anyway.

FWIW in our case it was daughter rejecting a father.  I don't recall any 
prolonged phase of daughter rejecting mother, or son rejecting either.  So our 
anecdotal evidence supports the opposite sex parent theory.

Clay

Re .8:
>In our case, sometimes it had to 
>come down to "Daddy reads the bedtime story, or there is no story at all".  
>Usually we would get a "Well, OK" -- which, was only a marginal improvement to 
>my ego, since it was usually "well it's better than nothing" tone of voice.  
>But we found that eventually, Lara became less demanding of who did what.  I 
>don't know if it is what we did, or whether it was just a phase that would 
>have passed anyway.

    With the second child (the first is for experimentation, after all),
    when this happened and we were 100% calmer about it (mostly because it
    was Mom in and Dad OUT and Dad doesn't flip out over this stuff), the
    above description is *EXACTLY* what went on at our house!  Kathleen
    would sometimes choose NO story and songs rather than have Dad.  We went
    back to alternating nights for each kids and let her choose Dad or
    nothing on every other night.  We felt like monsters the nights she
    would choose to go to bed without her books and songs, but after a
    short while she figured out that this was the way the family works and
    went back to enjoying her Dad at bedtime.  This setup was important to
    us, so it was worth it.  
    
    So now both our daughters have gone through preference stages for Mom
    AND for Dad!  Just wanted to add that to the opposite-sex discussion.7

A friend related this incident.

His 3.5-year-old son was sitting with Mommy.  The son was not mad at Mommy,
and nothing was going on to precipitate this comment: out of the blue, the
son said, "Mommy, I like Daddy more than I like you."

She just very cooly said, "I know there's times when you like Daddy more
than me, and that other times you'll like me more than Daddy, but no matter
what we both love you very much."

<She just very cooly said, "I know there's times when you like Daddy more
<than me, and that other times you'll like me more than Daddy, but no matter
<what we both love you very much."

Oooh.  *Very* good.  I'll have to remember that one, in case it comes up for us.

Heh heh.  I just love all of your same-sex/opposite-sex theories.  Both of us
are female, and our son goes back and forth with both of us.  Sometimes it 
lasts a couple of hours, sometimes a few days, once it lasted more than a 
week (he was mad at Shellie for working overtime so much). 

What I've found sometimes helps is that if he wants "Mumsy" and Mumsy can't
do it, that I have *him* ask her.  That way *I* am not denying her from him.
Then if he still won't accept it, it goes back to the basic "either I do it
or you do it" (like hand washing) or "either I do it or you don't get it"
(like either I read you the story or you go to bed without a story).

Generally, though, the one he prefers that moment *can* do it, so we let
him choose, or on some occasions we might compromise ("okay, Mumsy will
read you the story, but I want you to sit on *my* lap).  I feel that we are all
entitled to a preference, and it is only when it is unrealistic that it should
be denied.  In the same way, I will expect him to respect my preferences some
day, so I try to give him the same respect. 

          Carol

    Others have already said that it is a phase, and that you should enjoy
    it.  Of course, like most "phases," it will probably last only as long
    as it bothers you.  Just when you relax and come to rely upon it, the
    kid will reverse field.  Nature only bothered making some aspects of
    parenting as wonderful as they are because of the really rotton stuff
    on the other side, such as this particular paradox.
    
    		- Bruce
    

    I cannot WAIT for the Daddy stage. I asked Berk (2.8 now) yesterday who
    he was going to marry (the conclusion to a discussion about my engagement
    ring) and he proudly responded "Mommy". 
    
    I know it does hurt my husband when Berk wants me to do things and I'm
    fully expecting to be hurt myself when the next phase comes. It is such
    an ego trip to have a little one "adore" even the way you brush their
    teeth!! It's all part of the process of letting go!!! The hardest part
    is getting a 2-year-old to understand that they cannot always have it
    their way and parents don't spend every living and breathing moment
    waiting to do something for them. Getting them to understand the whole
    concept of the needs of everyone is difficult but certainly can be
    explained simply. 
    
    Andrea_mother-of-"Mr. Oedipal"