Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Ok, I'll start... (BTW, Andrew is now 1 year and two weeks old)  Time
    sure does FLY!!!
    
    Andrew over the past few months has discovered bugs.  He used to just 
    observe them, but now, he likes to touch them and help direct "bug 
    traffic"!   He noticed a couple bugs just the other day that he 
    hadn't every seen before.  One was a "daddy long-legs".  Well this 
    poor creature was minding his own business when Andrew (after long
    observation) walked over closer to it and picked it up, looked at it,
    and then put it back down in a different place.  The poor daddy
    long-legs was missing a half a' leg or two after Andrew put him down!
    Then Andrew watched him walk along (a little crooked without the other
    legs!) then he picked him up and moved him again!  A few less legs
    again and I mean he was wobbling by this time!  I redirected Andrews
    interest long enough to let the poor thing hobble out of Andrews range!  
    It was sadistic, but pretty funny to watch.
    
    He also noticed a grass hopper.  (This is where the "turn about is fair 
    play" comes in).  Andrew approached the grass hopper (nicely), but as he
    went to "touch" it, it jumped at him and he fell over (you'd think the
    thing knocked him over!) it shook him up, but he got up and went on as 
    usual.
     
    Geez, can't wait to see what he does when he finds a snake!!
    
    Nancy
    

    (Great minds think alike--I was just waxing nostalgic about this string
    a few days ago!)
    
    Here are a couple from Alexandra, who's 5 (and a half, she'd hasten to
    add):
    
    Last spring she and I had a "first date" with a man who I knew to be a
    single parent (but I didn't know any specifics of his situation).  We
    had just gotten settled in our spots on the picnic blanket and were
    starting that hesitant first-date conversation when Alex piped up
    brightly,
              "So!  Where's your WIFE?!"
    
              (AAARRGGHHHH!!!!  where's the trap door???!)
    
    
    And a week or so ago, Alex and I were watching the video of her dance
    recital (the entire...two-and-a-half...hours), and her favorite
    teacher's number was on.  The costume was terrific, so I said, "Doesn't
    Lisa look good?" and then, thinking aloud jealously, "I tell ya, she 
    has *great legs.*"  Without missing a beat Alex said, "AND, great *ARMS*."
    
    Leslie_who'll_compare_arms_any_day

    I was taking a walk with my three girls the other day, (Jacqueline is 5,
    Marybeth is just 3 and Denae is 1), when we passed by a small bird with a
    broken wing, who was struggling on the sidewalk.  The two oldest wanted
    to take it home so in an effort to not do so but still sound humane I
    told them that we ought to leave it there so that its Mom can come
    back,find it and take care of it.   That seemed like a good enough
    reason to them to leave it behind so we went on.
    
    However, less than a minute after we walked on Marybeth said to me
    "Daddy do the birdies have little baby cribs in the nests for the baby
    birdies ???? "  I almost cracked up - what an imagination. 
    
    				Paul t

    When our son Josh was not-quite-3 and our daughter Carrie was just 1,
    we thinking of having child #3. On this particular day, the kids were
    jockeying for position on my wife's lap, in order to have a book read
    to them. They were getting pretty unkind to each other, pushing and
    shoving, and my wife said, "If you fight like this now, what will you
    do if we have another baby?" Well, Josh burst into hysterical tears and
    it took several minutes before she could calm him down to ask what was
    wrong. He finally sobbed, "I don't want *another* baby....I want to
    keep Carrie!!!!". Well, my wife managed to control herself from
    laughing at him, and assured him we would add on to our family and not
    replace his little sister. We have since heard that other families have
    gone through this, with little ones thinking a new baby meant someone
    had to go!
    --dave-- 

    When Aisha was just 2, her grandpa was trying to explain to her
    why he had to wear glasses.
    
    "I wear glasses so I can see better, but they aren't very comfortable
    and just aren't very fun to wear," said Grandpa.
    
    After a moment of contemplation, Aisha replied, "Oh, you mean they're
    a pain the a**?"
    
    Grandpa nearly died.           
    
    
    Dot (who_needs_to_watch_her_language)
    

    Ryan, at 2, is very much into stripping off his clothes and dashing through
    the sprinkler at a moment's notice.  He still needs help, though, in
    getting his jersey off so he'll come over to me and say "mommy, shirt
    off". When we've got it off, he invariably looks at me, and says
    "Mommy, you shirt off"!
    

    My son Alexander is 4.5 years old. He was given a shirt that glowed in
    the dark for a gift, and insisted on putting it on the other morning.
    We had to go into the closet with the door closed to make sure that it
    still glowed, of course. As we were coming down the stairs to
    breakfast, he began rubbing his chest. I asked him what the matter was,
    and he said "Boy, this shirt must have flat batteries" !!!!!!!!!

    Robby (4) is rather fascinated with breasts.  Especially mine ( I am 
    rather generously endowed...).
    
    The other day he said to me
    
    "Mommy, some ladies have large breasts, some ladies have medium breasts
    and some ladies have small breasts.....
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    and some ladies don't have any at all!"
    
    What am I going to do when he says something like that to someone who
    is less than generously endowed......  :-}
    
    
    Sue
    

    Nicole, 8, was finally visiting her Grandmother's (my mother) house for
    the first time.  She was shown the bedroom that my brother and I shared
    when we were younger.  Nicole asked which bed was mine.  After my mom
    told her which one, she went up to it, stuck her nose in it, took a
    deep breath, and said, "Yep, that's the one.  It smells like Daddy."
    
    We didn't have the nerve to tell her I hadn't slept in the bed for
    about 15 years.
    
    Bob

    Driving to work this morning Berk, 2.5, thought he saw a double decker
    bus. I told him it was just a regular red bus. He casually reached
    over and put his hand on my stomach (I'm now half-way through this
    pregnancy) and he said "No, you're a double decker bus". 
    
    I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!!!!               
    
    Andrea

    An exchange between my sitter (Keri) and her daughter (Ashley)
    when she was not quite two years old...
    
    K:  "Ashley, what does a dog say?"
    A:  "Woof."
    K:  "Good.  What does a cow say?"
    A:  "Moo."
    K:  "What does a cat say?"
    A:  "Meow."
    K:  "Excellent.  What does a pig say?"
    A:  "Excuse me."
    

    My just turned four year old son was in the middle of "Inspector
    Gadget" -you know the good guy cartoon spy who is made up of gadgets--like 
    springs in his legs, helicopter blades out of his hat, etc... 
    
    And to use his "gadgets" he says, "Go-go Gadget Legs" and the springs
    appear, or "Go-go Gadget helicopter" and out of his hat come the 
    helicopter blades. 
    
    Anyway, my son announces on a commercial break that he has to go
    "wee-wees" (urinate, he calls his penis a pee-pee) and goes into the 
    bathroom. As he pulls down his pants and takes aim, he shouts, 
    
    			"Go-go gadget Pee-Pee!" 
    
                                                 

The other day, 3 year old Kathryne and I were riding home in the car.
She piped up from the back seat, "I'm not picking my nose, I just
had to get the boogers out!"

(now just how do you get 'em out without picking?);

    The same way they aren't touching the toys on the shelf in the
    store, they're just looking at them.
    
    --bonnie

	My family has racing harness horses.  Imported horses have
	tattoo's on their necks.  (Big Letter/Numbers about 3 inches
	high).

	Saturday we were at the Rutland State Fair, down at the
	horses barns.   A horse stuck his head out of the stall
	and you could see his tattoo.

	My son john, almost 4, yells "LOOK!! Somebody wrote on 
	that horse!"   He was all upset.  

	/robin\

Lately, Kathryne (3) has been an a "Where's your grandmother/grandfather/
mother/father" kick.   Last night the conversation went like this:

"Where's your grandfather?".  

"He's living in heaven with God". 

"Did he die?"

"Yes, he got very very very old and died".  (at age 99!)

"Oh, then he went to Kevin's!"

Eilis often comes in our bed around 5 am and sleeps with a leg in my mouth, 
Arm in Eileens stomach... you know... anyhow one morning I woke up and 
she was face to face with me and I said

"Eilis, why don't you stay in your own bed in the morning ? your always 
 interupting my sleep"

she then responded in a very serious manner...

" But dad, you can go in MY BED!!!"  We cracked up over this one...

Eilis is 3...

another one just happened last night...

my father stopped by the house on his way in from N.J. and he was wearing those
BIG BLACK sunglasses that fit over his prescriptions.. Ben (6) was in the
driveway with his buddy's when I pulled up from work and said in a real 
chipper and kinda exicited tone

" Hey Dad, Dampa is blind!! "  (Dampa is a home grown word for grandpa)

hope these put a smile on your face!

Roger

    Thanks people, keep 'em coming.  I'm actually kind of blank for the REAL
    good ones, but here's one I do recall:
    
    On a few rare occations we've allowed AJ to ride in the front seat with
    seatbelt of course, but still not in his carseat from the sitter's house to
    Grampa's house or from sitters to pick up mom or dad at work, either
    way distace of only few houses, he finds this a big treat. One day we
    had both gone to pick him up at the sitters and while I was chatting
    with the sitter he annouced to dad that he wanted to ride in the front
    seat.  Dad trying to get out of this already bad habit, tried to
    explain that if he rode in the front, where was mom going to ride.  To
    this AJ explained very reasonably that mom could ride in HIS seat!! ;-)
    
    Lyn
    
    Keep 'em coming it's a great picker upper!!

    Last night Ryan sat on my lap to read "Clifford" before off to bed, as
    we do each evening.  The first page of the book says" HI, I'm Emily
    Elizabeth and this is Clifford, my big read dog".  So, I read exactly
    that, in my "Emmy Beth" voice (as Ryan calls her).
    
    Ryan looked up at me sideways and said "Hi Mommy, Nice to see you".
    

    When Josh was only about 3, he had a habit of crying *very* loudly when
    any little thing didn't go exactly as he thought it should. We took to
    ignoring it, hoping it would stop when he didn't get any attention. One
    day, while he was wailing loud and long, my wife and I continured to
    talk over and ignore him (not easy! :-)  ) He was getting quite
    obviously annoyed at us, and he suddenly stopped wailing, and came over
    to us, planted his little feet, hands on his hips, and said,..
    "Quiet! Can't you see I'm crying now!!???!!!".

    Nick turns a year old this weekend and, although he isn't *really*
    talking yet, has begun to consistently associate certain sounds with
    certain things or moments ("bahhh" is ball, "dah" is dad, etc...).
    One sound he just picked up on is "Uh-Oh!". Then, whenever he dropped
    food on the floor, he'd look down at it, then up at us and say "Uh-oh".
    
    Now, however, he'll look at us first, say "Uh-oh", and *then* drop the
    food onto the floor!

    I was having a deep conversation with my 10 year old about drugs.
    She's the daring type.  I told her I knew she'd be really curious, but
    that it was really dangerous and you'd be buying the stuff from
    criminals and it could be poisoned, and even without that some drugs
    people have been known to have brain damage or die the very first
    time they tried it.
    
    Anyway, my cautious 7 year old was overhearing the conversation.  He
    said very sincerely, "You don't have to worry about me, Mommy.  I
    don't even try things that are safe."
    

    This is about my girlfriend's son... since I don't have any of my own!
    
    Mikey [who was then 2] spent the day with "Auntie" Marcia over a year
    ago while mom and dad went somewhere.  We were playing and I called him
    GOOMBA several times during the course of the day.  I always thought
    that was a friendly, casual word for friend.  
    
    Anyway, several days later, when I was visiting Mikey and his family,
    and I walked into the house and he immediately said, "Hi GOOMBA!"  His
    mom got upset... and I got the feeling that she didn't really like the
    expression.  She asked, "WHERE did you learn that?????"  With the
    biggest grin on his face, Mikey replied, "Over Auntie Marcia's house!"
    
    One year later, Mikey still remembers, and says "GOOMBA!" when I walk
    into the house.
    
    Now let's hear from people who really know [I certainly don't]... Is
    there anything wrong with that word?

    
    
    I remember a lot of my friends when I was in high school (4 yrs. ago)
     always saying that. We always thought it ment like (Weirdo,Stupid)
    
    ( YOU GOOMBA!!) (ha-ha) But never like a bad word...IMO

    Oh goodness... I hope that's not true.  NO WONDER MY FRIEND DIDN'T LOOK
    TOO HAPPY WITH AUNTIE MARCIA!  Any true Italians out there who can
    attest to the real meaning of the expression?!?  Good heavens!
    
    Well, at least Mikey calls *ME* GOOMBA, and nobody else.... I'm the one
    who taught it to him!  Good grief... ;-}

    I don't think you have spelled the word correctly, but I don't
    know the correct spelling.  The word was used frequently when
    I was growing up in a Portuguese family.  Though I'm not sure of
    the exact relationship, I think it means Father-of-my-Godfather
    or Brother-of-my-Godfather.
    
    It was definitely not a derogatory term and was often used with
    family members who were not directly related to the family, like
    close family friends.
    
    Diana

    Ryan and I were playing pretend yesterday, with him leading the game
    like he usually does. At one point, he said it was nap time, made me
    lie down, and then put my pretend blanket on me. 
    
    A moment later it was time to get up, and he came over, he said, to
    unfasten my seat belt! Guess I didn't know we were sleeping in the car.
    

    Has anyone beside me become the victim of the latest "TOT Phrase"
    
    AJ's latest is "you got it Dude"! (Of course it must be spoken with the
    Thumbs up !)
    
    Oh yes how can we forget "Kawabonga Dude"
    
    It just looks so cute coming from this little person trying so hard to
    look tough and act the part!
    

    re: GOMBA - believe me - it's an Italian slang word for a very close
                friend.  Maybe she thought he said "goober"!?!
    
    This does bring back good memories - my dad (who is polish) used to 
    call this name to several of his Italian friends and they used to hug -
    don't think it has a bad connotation.

    We are also getting "You got it, Dude!" from Brian.  I'm not sure where
    the phrase started out, but the littlest girl on Full House (Michelle)
    says it alot and Brian absolutely adores her!  He still talks about the
    first-day-at-preschool episode (he started preschool two weeks ago) and
    the birthday episode where Michelle, Stephanie, and Uncle Jesse got
    locked in the garage.  I think I prefer Michelle as a role model to
    overgrown, nucleur turtles! 

Kathryne (age 3) is "into" getting married 'cause she sees Ariel and Eric 
getting married on the Little Mermaid.  Here's our conversation
from a few nights ago (in this context, Eric is a friend at daycare):

Kathryne:  I'm getting married.
Me:	   Who are you marrying?
Kathryne:  No one.
Me:        Launched into an explanation of me marrying daddy, and that
           you marry "someone".
Kathryne:  I think I'll marry Eric, he's kind of a cute guy.
Me:	   Who told you that?
Kathryne:  God.

    I was giving Tobias, aged 4&1/2 a bath the other night and we had the
    following exchange after he had climbed out of the bath.
    Tobias: Daddy, my fingers have wrinkles on them (from the bath water)
    Me:     Gee, I don't recall having a son with wrinkles on his fingers,
            I guess I'll have to trade you in for another boy without
            wrinkles.
    Tobias: No daddy, not all of me has wrinkles, look at my feet.
    Me:     Gee, your toes have wrinkles too.  I really think I'm going to
            have to look for an unwrinkled boy.
    Tobias: (looking a bit desperate, and pointing to his tummy). There's
            no wrinkles here, so a lot of me has no wrinkles.
    Me:     Well, ok, I guess there's no wrinkles there, but if I see any
            we'll have to trade you in.
    Tobias: No Daddy you just can't trade me in.
    Me:     But why not?
    Tobias: Because you love me.
    (Scene ends with mutual hugs and kisses)

    We are trying to bring up Alex to appreciate females and males in this
    society by treating them equal - this is how our conversation went
    the other night.
    
    Mom:  Are you going to be a fireman when you grow up Alex?
    
    Alex:  No mommie, I'm going to be a fireperson, I'm a person
           not a boy and not a girl, I'm a person!
    
    Kids really do listen!

    re .33
    Ryan learned the word "guy" quite early, for some reason, so for a
    while everyone and anyone was a guy. Then we started talking about
    "ladies", so now he's the fire guy and I'm the fire lady.
    

    3 year old Matt sitting in the car with Dad while Dad reads a road map.
    
    Matt: 'Why have we stopped Daddy?"
    Dad: "So I can read the map to find out where we are"
    Matt: "We are right here Daddy!"
    

    Waaaayyyyyy Back.... when Reagan and Brady were shot.. my then 7 yr old
    son watched all the TV reports at the babysitters... as he got in the
    car and we started the drive home this was our exchange:

    Brent: Mommy, did you hear what happened today?
    Me: Yup, pretty terrible isn't it?
    Brent: It sure is!  you know that man with President Reagan?
    Me: you mean James Brady??
    Brent: Yeah, he's the one... you know if he lives he'll be an onion!

    With that I almost drove the car off the road!

    Me: An ONION?????  
    Brent: yeah, that's what Jane (the babysitter) said.
    Me: Brent, do you mean a vegetable?
    Brent: Oh....... yeah, I guess so... isn't an onion a vegetable????

    Kids are GREAT!!!!!!

    M-L

    Back a few notes to the story about marriage...
    
    My daughter told me she was planning to marry her brother and they'd
    live with me FOREVER.
    
    

    When Josh was about 3, he had done something which required a stern
    speaking to about. Now, our son, whom we call Buddy at home, is not one
    for paying the closest attention to these little talks, and we require
    he maintain eye contact while we talk to him, to minimize his
    distractions. So, my wife was having this heart-to-heart with him, and
    was amazed that she didn't have to keep reminding him to look at her.
    He gazed at her raptly the whole time. Finally! she thought....I am
    *finally* getting my point across to him! She concluded by saying, "Do
    you understand what I said?". Josh didn't answer her question, but got
    even closer to her face and stared intently in her eyes...."mommy?" he
    asked, "Did you know I can see little Buddy's in your eyes?"
    So much for paying attention!
    --dave--

    Last night my husband, AJ and I were sitting on the couch.  Up comes
    the newest addition, our 5+/- mo old kitten.  I start doing as the vet
    suggested and check to see if he's lost his kitten teeth. (this is
    supposed to be an indication he's old enough to be altered)  The
    conversation goes like this...
    
    AJ:  What yer doin mommy?
    me:  Checking baby kitty's teeth
    AJ:  Why (gawd I hate the WHY stage!)
    me:  (without thinking) To see if he's old enough to be fixed
    AJ:  Why mommy, what's broke?
    Should've seen me stumbling through THAT one!!
    
    Lyn
    

We were watching some movie with shooting guns last night and one guy
shoots the other dead.  3 year old Kathryne pipes up with, "That's bad
manners!" (she's not kidding!)

    Speaking of manners...
    
    Ryan, now 2+, has begun saying "cuse me" when he burps, and expects
    others to do the same when they  burp. Well, the dog (all 130 lbs. of
    him) burped the other day, so Ryan looked at him and said "cuse me
    doggie. Thank you."
    

    
    
    Conversation while watching t.v. with (4 1/2) Jeff.  
    
    ME:  Me and Daddy are going to grow "old" and "grey" together!!
    
  JEFF:  "People don't get grey"!!  Only their hair does!!!!
    
    
    
    
      

    This morning, about 5:00 AM, Tobias, aged 4&1/2, work up in his crib
    and cried "I'm having a bad dream."  So we told him he could come and
    join us in our bed.  About 1/2 hour later we were awakened by laughing
    and giggling and all kinds of carrying on.
    Our son was fast asleep, and having what must have been quite a funny
    dream.  He was smiling and chortling all over the place.  It was quite
    a joy to watch him.
    When he woke up this morning we asked him about his dream.  It was
    something to do with dinosaurs and funny bones, and really broke him up
    when he told us about it.

Last night I got home with the munckins and asked Eilis to take off her coat..
She did so and dropped it on the floor.

Dad: Eilis did you throw your coat on the floor?
     That is not where it belongs.

Eilis: But Dad, I did'nt throw my coat on the floor.

Dad: Then who did?

Eilis: My arms did! 

    
    We were staying with some friends whose guest room was furnished with a
    waterbed.  Sleeping on it was out of the question for Alice, 3, because
    it was too "squishy."  She thought it would be a great idea, however,
    to "take the sheets off and go swimming."                  

    Brian (3 1/2) called me last night.  At one point in our 20 minute (!)
    conversation, he was telling me about going the the hospital to visit
    someone who just had a baby.
    
    Me  : Was the baby a boy or a girl?
    Him : I don't know, but it looked like a boy to me.  The mommy still
          had him though.
    Me  : Oh... (not knowing what he was getting at)
    Him : When I was little, I thought that boys grew in daddies and girls
          grew in mommies.
    Me  : Hmm, what do you think now?
    Him : Daddies don't have a special place for babies to grow.
    Me  : That's right, but it was still a pretty smart thing for a little
          kid to think, wasn't it?
    Him : Yeah.  When I was little I used to think of everything in the
          *whole world*!
    
    I always wondered what went on inside those little heads...
    
    
                                                     Tracy 

Last night my husband had 3 year old Kathryne outside and noticed how
beautiful the cresent moon looked so he pointed it out to her.  The
reaction, "Oh, it looks like a fingernail!".  So, the rest of the night
it was a "fingernail moon".

    re .47 - we've always called it an eyelash moon. I've taught Ryan how
    to do Eskimo kisses (rubbing noses) and butterfly kisses (batting my
    eyelashes against his cheek).
    

    
    Eric decided that this past weekend would be a good time for him to
    learn to read books (rather than just exit signs).  And he did so
    (first 3 with dad's lead, and then 2 more almost on his own).  But the
    comical thing was that for quite a while, whenever he couldn't get a
    word pretty fast, he would seek the meaning by staring into my face! 
    When I convinced him that wouldn't work, he took to gazing out the
    window!
    
    I think he understood intellectually that he needed to keep looking at
    the letters, but he just couldn't do it.  When I would say "look at the
    letters" he would give one of those weird "whole body shakes" he does
    when frustrated with himself.  Then he'd put his hands up beside his
    eyes like horse blinders, and lower his face until his nose touched the
    page.  It was very hard not to break out laughing (I wish I'd had
    someone there to videotape it).  After about an hour he got the hang of
    it well enough so this strange ritual petered out (and he even decoded
    "tunafish sandwiches" all on his own).
    
    I can remember that some 4 years earlier, Aaron had the same avoidence
    pattern when he first learned to read, though he didn't have the same
    self-designed remedy.  Anyone else experience this, or is it just some
    strange gene of mine?
    
    		- Bruce

    Last night my 3 month old son, Shane, was sitting in his chair in front
    of the t.v.  He was actually quite interested in what he was watching. 
    I stepped in front of him, blocking his view, and he looked at me and
    said, "Arrrrrrggggg".  I guess he wanted me to get out of his way.
    
    Lori B.

    Last night our son Tobias, aged 4&1/2, went into the bathroom and sat
    down on his potty to have a bm.  A few minutes later Nancy went in to
    check on him, and she came out laughing, and said, "He's your son, you
    take care of him".  Loosely translated, that means approximately "I'm
    tired, and he's made a mess I don't want any part of."
    
    Well, I went in and he was still sitting peacefully there, except he
    was playing with his retractable hair brush. (For those of you who
    haven't seen them, the bristles are more like the teeth on a comb, and
    they retract into the brush.)  And then I noticed that the brush was
    wet, and there was no way he could have reached the sink while sitting
    on the toilet. But he was having a great time using that hair brush the
    way hair brushes are usually used.  So I asked him where the water came
    from and he said (I'm sure you're all ahead of me on this, but anyway)
    "It's peepees from my penis".  (Are we having fun yet?) So I told him
    that he shouldn't pee on his hairbrush, and he said "I didn't put
    peepees on my hairbrush, my penis did."  I'll spare you all the rest
    of the details, except that Nancy and I had a discussion about whose
    son he really was. (Hint, I lost).

    Sally (5) and I were discussing names last week and I explained to her
    that when people get married the wife often changes her last name to
    that of her husband, as I did. 
    
    Sally said "I'm glad you changed your name to Brzozowski!"  
    
    "Why?" I asked her.
    
    "Because", she explained "Abelson is too hard to spell!"

    
    In re: .52
    
    I like this Sally already.  She and I each have an easier time with
    consonants than with vowels.
    
    		- Bruce
    

The four of us were sitting around the coffee table the other night 
working on a puzzle when out of the blue, 3 /12 year old Brian threw 
his arms around my neck and started to wimper "Please don't die, 
Mommy, don't die".  

My eyes were misting up as I hugged him, but I was thoroughly confused 
as to what brought it on.  I was beginning to sputter some comforting 
words when he pulled back, looked me right in the eye, and said    
"What IS die, mommy?"............

Norma

    My 6 year old recently brought home her first real report card.  She
    started counting the grades and got 10 A's and a B+ in Gym!  When she
    saw the B she started to cry.  Bewildered I hugged her and asked why
    the tears.  She answered, "But Mommy, B means BAD!"
    
    Poor thing - wonder what that makes a C?
    
    Nanci

    We were in a fancy hotel lobby, admiring the gaudy scenery and
    listening to the pianist.  My daughter suddenly remarked (and
    I think the pianist overheard) "Why don't they just get a player
    piano?"
    
    (It's a little embarrassing to admit she's 10, and not only that, but
    plays violin and gives concerts -- I suppose she can be replaced by a CD!
    I have no idea what she meant and don't realy want to know.)
    
    Another anecdote about her:  She read an excellent book by the Masseys
    about their hemophiliac son.  There was a pointer in the book to
    another book by Massey called "Nicholas and Alexandra" about the
    Russian royal family.  I don't know anything about history, so I
    let her take that out of the library.  I skimmed it and discovered
    to my horror that the last chapter describes, in shocking detail,
    the brutal murder of the whole family, including all the kids.
    But I figured it was safe because the book was about 500 pages long,
    so she'd never get to the end.
    
    She was reading it in the car.  I heard her say, with
    great concern, "Oh, I hope he doesn't
    die in this book" (meaning the prince with hemophilia).  I said, "Oh,
    should I screen everything you read first to make sure it has a happy
    ending?"  She said, "No, it's OK."  Then a little later she said, "Oh,
    I can't take the suspense.  I'm going to check out the ending."  I
    silently gulp, but figure I can't take the book away from her at this
    point.  Then a pause, followed by a small "Oh!".  Then a long silence,
    followed by a hearty, "Well, at least he didn't die of hemophilia!"

    This morning my 5 year old was telling me some disjointed facts.  One
    fact he disclosed was that his brother (age 3) uses too much toilet
    paper.  "Sometimes he uses 80 pounds", he claimed.  "Wow, that is alot.
    But I don't think your number is quite right.  You weigh only 45
    pounds," I remarked.
    
    "Oh, well maybe he uses 50 pounds then.  I guess it's just part of
    bein' a kid."
    
    No kidding!
    -sandy
    

    Last year around Christmas time we were visiting a friend's house
    and they mentioned that their daughter was afraid of Santa.
    The daughter and my son, both about 3&1/2 at that time, went
    to the same school together, so we've become friends.
    At any rate, my son Tobias was (and still is) afraid of Santa too.
    
    Later that day we happened to meet at a store where there was a Santa.
    I really wanted to get a picture of Tobias, and our friends wanted to
    get a picture of their daughter with Santa, but we weren't having much
    luck, as we were having trouble getting them to do much more than look
    at him from a distance of fifteen feet.
    
    So I said to Tobias "Tobias, I'd like to go talk to Santa, but I'm
    scared to walk up to him alone.  Would you go up with me so I won't get
    scared?"  So he gathered up his courage and walked with me up to Santa,
    always being careful that I was between him and Santa.  Someplace we
    have a neat picture of me almost in Santa's lap with Tobias in front of
    me, clearly avoiding Santa, and a somewhat supressed look of terror on
    his face. Of course I thanked him afterwards for helping me out.

    reading the last reply reminded me of a conversation I had with AJ,
    who's almost 4, and has become *very* aware of Santa, Christmas and
    such this year.  He was becoming really unbearable and giving me an
    extremely hard time going to sleep one night, so I pulled a line out
    of my childhood which always seemed to work....then the reality of a
    generation gap became evidient.
    
    Me:  AJ go to sleep it's very late
    AJ:  How come mom (this how come phase is worse than the Why phase)
    Me:  Because if you don't Santa will leave coal in your stocking for
    Christmas
    AJ:  Mom, what's coal?  (can you tell we have an all electric house and
    a WOOD burning stove?)  
    
    Needless to say I gave up with the threats and decided a hug would work
    better to induce sleep!
    

    
    In re: .59
    
    Send AJ to visit us.  Half our house is heated by a coal stove (which
    beats a wood stove hands down).  The boys rather like it, but not
    nearly as much as the cats.
    
    		- Bruce
    

    re: .59
    
    I recounted this anecdote to Kat, who chuckled and then said, "At
    today's prices, Santa can send me a whole truckload of coal and
    I'll be warm while everybody else is freezing."
    
    --bonnie

    This is sort of an offshoot of the Santa debate, and illustrates how
    kids can sometimes talk themselves into believing more (or less?) than 
    you might think.
    
    My kids both know that at minimum Santa's efforts need to be
    supplemented, and that they should get presents for each other. Last
    weekend we went off to the local toy store (which is rather small) to
    attempt the necessary two purchases.  I managed separate conversations
    with each beforehand, about how they should convey their choice of gift
    to me secretly, and I would get the clerk to ring it up without the
    other one knowing.
    
    They played along very well, each secretly consulting with me, then
    making a choice, but pretending to go on looking.  This continued until
    I announced that we were ready to go (with a single bag tucked
    discretely under my arm).
    
    _I_ naively thought that each would ride home privately delighting in
    his own stealth.  But no!  Instead, each was convinced that the other
    had in fact failed to select a present.  The symmetry of the situation
    clearly didn't occur to either of them.  Eric was rather upset, since I
    think he concluded that he wasn't going to get any present from Aaron
    at all.  Aaron appeared to assume that daddy would make it come out all
    right, by taking Eric back another time; but even he was nervous. 
    Clearly dad had been too clever by half.  :^{
    
    		- Bruce

With child #2 due in about 8 days I've been feeling rather uncomfortable
when s/he decides to slowly stretch my side with one of its feet.  I 
was groaning a little about this the other night when Kathryne (3+ yrs)
says, "Just go potty mommy, you'll feel better".

Liz

    Driving home last night my 5 year old says "I think I have a goodie
    tooth".  Asking her what she meant - she said that she just has to
    have something sweet for a treat tonight!  I think she was thinking
    "sweet tooth".

Sunday afternoon Kathryne really wanted to turn on the outside Christmas
lights.  I tried to explain that we turn them on at night when people
can see them and she replied, "Libby's lights are on".  Libby is the
across-the-street dog!

    Last night Lauren (3yrs 2mos) was playing Santa; she was sitting all
    her "buddies" (stuffed animals) on her lap and asking them what they
    wanted for christmas.  My wife asked her what they all wanted; she
    replied:
    
    "credit cards, so they can buy toys!"
    
    happy holidays, ...tom (& leah & lauren)

Well, this happened last Friday night, a few hours after 8 year-old Nicole
initiated a discussion that ended with her knowing that there is no Santa
Claus that comes in a sleigh and brings presents...

I heard Lisa tell her, "Go tell Daddy what you just told me."   When I hear
that, I know it's going to get very interesting around here, real soon.

Nicole came in and said, "Daddy, mumble and mumble have sperms in their
tummies".  I said "What did you say?" and she said, "mumble and mumble
have sperms in their tummies.  You know.  Like in Look Who's Talking."

I said, "Oh. O.K.", not knowing who mumble and mumble were, and figuring
that after our Santa Claus talk, we didn't need another so soon.

I found out later from Lisa that mumble and mumble were apparently the names
of some of the New Kids on the Block.

Bob

    A friend's child thinks:
    	- Skiing is what you have to learn to do so that you can ride the
    	  lift to the top of the mountain.
    	- French Fries are the sticks you use to eat ketchup with.

    My 8 year old son HATES it when the cleaning person comes to clean.
    He hates the sound of the vacuum.  He hates having a stranger tromping
    all through the house.  He hates having his toys moved around.
    
    Anyway, Mike and I were looking around for money.  Ray (my son) said,
    "What do you need money for?"  We said, "To pay Marge".  My son looked
    at us with total amazement and horror and said, "You mean it's an
    EXPENSE as WELL as an annoyance?!"

One warm spring day last year (when I was home full-time), three of us 
"neighborhood moms" were in the yard of one of the other moms with our six 
young children.  It got to be lunchtime and we decided to order pizzas.

We set the tables (with the four oldest girls at the child-sized picnic 
table) while the kids played.  Paige, who was 18 mos. at the time and who 
can spot food miles away, saw the pizza boxes and came running.  

She approached her 'Auntie Lili' at the "grown-up" table saying "Pizza, 
please."  Since Lili had already set Paige's place, complete with pizza, 
on the table behind her, she said "Turn around."

Always the obedient child, Paige turned 360 degrees and then repeated 
"Pizza, please." 

-Tracy


    

    Did anybody watch America's Funniest Home Videos last night?  This one
    should have won first prize:
    
    Daddy is teaching "Jr." how to golf with his little golf club and ball. 
    Daddy hands Jr. his golf club.  He tells him to keep his eye on the
    ball.
    
    Junior bends over and PUTS his EYE *ON* the BALL!
    

    I think a lot of kids do that!!!
    
    My son was about 2.5 or so, and getting his hair cut in our kitchen by
    a family friend.  She stood him up in front of her on the floor and sat
    down to cut.  When she did the back, she said 
    
    	"Okay Robby, look down.  No, No, look at your toes."
    
    To which he squated all the way down and peered at the toe of his
    sneaker.

    The three of us were eating in a mexican resturant one night and I said
    to my husband "this food is so hot, my socks are going to blow off!)
    Alex 3.5 proceed to slip under the table to see if my socks were
    still on!
    
    Gotta love 'um

    While in the ladies room of a local restaurant, I was in one stall and
    Sarah was in the one next to me... I had to blow my nose and made the
    comment that my nose was running, oppps, there it goes, it fell off my
    face and is running under the door!  To which Sarah yelled, "MOM, don't
    do that, I LOOKED".

    

    Mind you, Sarah is 15 YEARS old!

    ;^}

    The nice man in the flower shop of our local humungo-market gave Alex a
    carnation, which she held by the very bottom of its stem.  I was afraid
    that (the way Alex was waving it around) it'd bend and weaken and be a
    battered bloom by the time we got home.  So, I said "Hold it higher
    up,"--of course, she gave me a perplexed look and obediently held it 
    over her head.

    One morning I hugged my 7-year-old son and told him I loved him.
    He replied that he loved me, too.  As an afterthought he said,
    
               
    "You're the best mother I ever had!"
    
    
    
    :-)

    My absolute favorite story concerns a co-worker's 4 year old nephew.
    It seems he had a doctor's appointment, and had to pee in a cup for
    the nurse.  No problem-- because she'd put the cup right in his hand.
    The little boy before him had had to do the same thing, but the nurse
    had made the mistake of putting the cup on the back of the toilet, and
    then instructed the little boy to "pee in the cup".  Of course, he
    tried his best.....  :-)
    
    

    Had a conversation with my 2 year old nephew Rocco last week in the
    car:
    
    Me :    Rocci, see that big crane (not the bird, but the construction
    equipment) over on the side of the road?             
    Rocci : I can drive that!
    Me : You can?  When did you learn?
    
    Rocci : When I was a little boy, I used to drive them.
    
    Guess when you are 2 years old, size is extremely important!
    

    
    Friend of mine's son didn't have very much money for a birthday
    present for his dad.  So he bought him a t-shirt that said:
    
    	It's great to be Bald!
    
    The only problem was that Bald was spelled - Balled!
    
    8*)

    Sitting on the sofa holding my baby with my friends' child Evan (age 6)
    beside me.  My baby suddenly lets out a yell.  Says Evan, "Getting a
    little feisty, are we?"

    My son Jason this morning (3 years old), keeps complaining because when
    he kicks a board with his bare foot, it hurts his foot.  I said "Jason! 
    Where's your Brain?!"  He says "BRAIN?!" (like he has NO idea What I'm
    talking about!).  Then I said again (laughing) "JASON!  Where's your
    brain?!"  He says "Back here!" and points to his butt ....
    
    
    And Christopher (5 1/2) a few weeks ago .... My husband asked him "Why did 
    the chicken cross the road?"  He answered (after a bit of thought)
    
    "Because he has a pecker
    
    
    
    {Delay - gasps and strange looks between my husband and I}
    
    
    
    
    
    
    and the chicken food is on the other side of the road for him to peck!"
    
    
    It keeps life interesting - that's for sure!

    On Saturday night, I was logged on from home.  Gina (9 months) crawled
    over to me and whined to get picked up so she could play on the
    terminal.  (It certainly starts early...)
    
    Anyway after lines of KKIIIOOOIIIIII I suddenly notice this:
    
    SEX XXXXXXXXXXXX ...
    
    !!
    
    Her first written word.   I guess that's what you get when you slam
    your entire (small) hand on the keyboard at once.  But, let's hope 
    it isn't a sign of things to come in puberty.
    
    judy

    Along the same lines as .-1, one night my husband was standing on the
    garage landing holding Marc while I was getting something out of the
    car.  It happens that our alarm system keypad is right next to the
    door, and it also happens that Marc's favorite thing in the world is to
    push buttons.  The next thing we know, the alarm is ringing.  Loudly.
    
    We turn it off, figuring he's pushed the "tester" button, and go
    inside.  Next thing we know, the police are ringing the doorbell,
    looking kind of nervous because they received a "panic alarm" code from
    the central monitoring system.  (To generate a panic code, you have to
    push a certain two buttons simulataneously).  They were slightly
    skeptical that our 1-yr. old son was responsible, and that there wasn't
    a burglar hiding in the closet making us say that!
    
    What's the old law of probability, or something, that if you put a
    monkey in front of a typewriter, in 1,000 years he would type
    Shakespeare?

    I was talking with my husband who took my son to california for a quick
    trip, and he handed the phone to Nathan (14 mo.).  Nathan has always
    looked at the phone, pointed and squeeled...this time, he took the 
    receiver, and promptly hung up on me.  
    
    Guess I'll call at a later time, next time!?
    
    Adrienne
    

  My sister was cooking swordfish for dinner the other night and
  my almost 3 year old son asked if it was "sharp".

    I took my son to a Catholic Mass.  The priest consecrated the bread,
    the altar boy rang the chimes, and my son yelled "PHONE!"  
    
    The wine consecration was followed by a muffled "phone" (^;

    Hows this for a quick change of subject.  A conversation I had with my
    three year old daughter while playing with a globe.
    
    Julia: Where is Australia?
       Me: (I point) Right there.
    Julia: What is this country right here?  (Points to Antartica)
       Me: Oh, that's called Antartica.
    Julia: (With a concerned look on her face and putting the globe down)
           Where is Aunt Ida!
    
    By the way we do have an Aunt Ida.
    

    Last night we had put AJ into bed (he's 4) for the half dozenth time,
    and I went upstairs to do some chores, (I just *love* organizing
    drawers ;-) ) while my husband was watching TV
    on the couch.  Next thing he knows here comes AJ sneaking around the
    corner, he looks at his dad and says "Dad you look sad, you must need
    someone to keep you company while you watch TV" and proceeded to crawl
    up on the couch and cover both of them with the afghan, and *attempt*
    to settle in.  Of course dad quickly informed him that is was well
    after bedtime, and told him what a great kid he is!
    
    There are times I swear my son is going to be the next "Joe Isuzu"!!
    Or maybe he'll try selling ice to Eskimos!!
    
    Lyn

    
    Last night my two older boys (Jake-5 and Tommy-2) were running around
    the house.  Must have been post-Easter-bunny-candy syndrome but they
    were wired.   Dinner was served, but dinner wasn't being eaten.  I
    finally was able to get Jake to sit and eat but Tommy was still doing
    laps from kitchen to livingroom.  At wits end I said "If I were you
    Thomas Miner, I'd get in here and eat your dinner" to which Jacob
    replied virtually immediately "If I were you, Mom, I'd stop screaming".
    
    
    :-O!  I was too shocked to say anything!  I just did as I was told! 
    
    ;-)

    They DO catch you off guard sometimes, don't they?  :-)
    
    Makes you wonder who's training who???

    Tobias, aged 5, is getting more and more independent. The
    other morning I heard him get out of bed, go to the kitchen,
    and start fixing himself some cereal.  All of a sudden it was
    quiet, and then he came into the bedroom and said
    "Just stay in bed, don't come out here at all."
    Then he was busy running back and forth between the kitchen
    and bathroom, grabbing a handful of toilet paper each trip.
    
    Finally he came back into the bedroom and announced it was
    ok for us to leave it. So I asked him why we had to stay in
    the bedroom and he said that he'd spilled some milk but
    had wiped it all up.
    
    We broke up.

    A couple of weeks ago we had to take Tobias to the emergency room at
    the hospital, and he ended up staying in the hospital overnight.  The
    next day he was having a great time in the hospital bed, as he had
    learned how to get it to bend and go up and down.  He said he didn't
    want to leave because he was having a good time (we, however, were
    completely spent emotionally). And he was having a great time with
    his own personal TV for watching cartoons.
    
    At any rate, before we took him home he decided he wanted a souvenier
    for show and tell at school.  So he took the urinal!
    
    At school he made a point of telling everybody he had been in the
    hospital and kept proudly showing everybody the "hole" in his arm
    where the IV had been.
    
    Never a dull moment!

    Our Amy (5) has just this week been really attached to a particular
    doll (Casey).  She changes the babies diapers, puts her down for a 
    nap (shuts the bedroom door and requests us to *keep it down*), taking
    the doll with her to daycare, putting the doll in a car seat in the
    car, etc. etc.  
    
    Anyway, yesterday we were getting ready to go out the door to the mall
    (with her baby in tow) and my husband remarked at what a good mommie she 
    was and her reply was *yes, I have lots of love don't I*.  We thought
    that was really cute!
    

    more along the lines of .91:

    I was upstairs working, and David (3) was downstairs.  It was quiet (a bad
    sign...).  Eventually, I heard "Mommy, I spilled a little bit of yoghurt
    on my arm."  I said, "Ok, I'll come and help you clean it off."  I went
    downstairs, and discovered that he had tried to open the new quart-size
    container of yoghurt, and it had apparently slipped out of his grasp
    and splashed:
	all over the table
	all over 2 chairs
	over half the kitchen floor
	all over his shirt
	all over his sweat pants
	in his hair
	inside his ear (!)

    and yes, a little bit on his arm...

Katelyn (2yrs, 2 mo) is beginning to get very interested in anatomy.  My
husband was *very* uncomfortable whenever Kati stared at his anatomy, but
I have been trying to encourage him to act more normal about it and not
run & cover when she does it.  The other day she asked "What's that?" and
he answered "It's daddy's weener."  Nothing more said for 3 to 4 days until....

Last night we were getting ready for "Girls shower hour" and she turned to
daddy (who was fully clothed) and said "Doctor take your weener off daddy?"
We still have no idea where she came up with that one!

Today she was *digging* in her nose with a wipe, and I asked "What are you
doing, Kati?"  She replied "Picking my nose, mommy!" in her matter-of-fact,
"why do you ask" voice!

Gotta luv em

    Funny the things kids will pick up and store as important.  The
    dual meanings of words, although perfectly clear to adults, sometimes 
    cause tremendous confusion in the little ones.  The conversation
    between my nephew Rocci (2.5 years old) and my Dad on Easter Sunday
    regarding Rocci's new white dress shoes...
    
    Dad   :  Oh boy!  Look at those shoes!
    
    Rocci :  Don't touch them Grampy, they're SHARP!  
    
    Good things nobody called them "the cat's pajamas"!
    Sarah
    

    A couple of months ago Harry and Noah, our five-year-old identical
    twins, where horsing around in their bedroom when Harry managed to fall
    against the edge of his dresser and split open the bridge of his nose.

    The injury required a trip to the plastic surgeon, and a dozen or so
    stitches.  The doctor told my wife that there may be a permanent scar. 
    I was discussing this fact with the boys, and noted that since now you
    can tell them apart they won't be able to fool people any more.

    I could tell Noah was disappointed as he replied, "But Dad, that's our
    *LIFE*".

    As part of evaluations in preschool, Brian's teacher asked each child to
    draw a full length picture of him/herself.  Brian drew a head with two
    eyes at the top of the paper and many small circles at the bottom. 
    When my sister went in for the parent/teacher conference, the teacher
    said that his picture was unusual because most kids made some attempt
    at drawing a body, legs, and arms.  However, she hadn't asked Brian
    what the circle were all about.
    
    When Lorri got home, she showed the picture to Brian and asked him to
    tell her about it.  He pointed out his head and eyes and then said "and
    these are my toes" as he pointed to the circles.  Our guess is that the 
    teacher asked him to draw a "head to toe" picture of himself and he
    took her a bit too literally!
    
                                                      Tracy  

    My nearly 2-year-old daughter started with some very odd behavior a few
    weeks ago.  One nice Saturday, every time we entered the front door,
    Stephanie would bend over and grunt before entering the house.  My
    husband and I were baffled by what prompted this front door ritual.
    After the 4th time or so, it dawned on me what was going on....
    
    Every work day, I pick up Stephanie from daycare.  When we get to the
    front door, I'm carrying my purse, my briefcase (or some equivalent), 
    the mail, Stephanie's school stuff, and occasionally Stephanie.  I open 
    the front door and the *&$@@!! evening newspaper falls on the stoop.  
    I bend over to retrieve it, apparently grunt loudly, then go in the front 
    door.  :^)
    
    Well, at least I don't swear!
    
    					Mair
    
    

    My husband bought a pair of those scissors that can only cut paper, and
    some construction paper for David (3) last weekend.  David thinks they're
    great, but apparently didn't hear exactly what we said they were.  Now,
    all day long I hear "Mommy, can I cut the destruction paper with my
    destruction scissors now?"

			cheryl

    Kat's normally a jeans-and-tshirt person, but last week she was
    trying on her prom dress, which used to be my cocktail dress
    before the last baby came along.  It's knee length, off white,
    with ruffly lace skirt, shirred top, and dropped waist, mildly
    low-cut but nothing racy.  She had her hair up and her jewelry on,
    and really looked different.  
    
    "Is it all right with these earrings?" she said.
    
    Steven took one look at her and said, "I hate sex!"
    
    --bonnie

    I got woken up on Mother's Day morning yesterday by Ryan (2 3/4) all 
    ready to "read me his Mother's Day card. He solemnly told me it was
    card, and that it said "to Mommy", "from Ryan".
    
    When I finally got a chance to actually see the card - it's a
    graduation card!  My husband said Ryan was insistent that this was the
    right card for Mommy.  I'll cherish it always!
    
    

    Last night at supper, Brian (4) was telling me what a good weed
    wacker he could be and he wanted to show me how loud he could be.
    I was trying to convince him to wait until after we finished
    eating so that we could go outside to try it.
    
    Me  : Let's finish our supper and we can go outside.  Then you
          can be as loud a weed wacker as you want.
    Him : I can't be as loud as I want.
    Me  : (misunderstanding) Not in the house, but once we're outside
          you can be as loud as you want.
    Him : No I can't.  I can be as loud as I *can* be, but that's not
          as loud as I *want* to be!

    re: .104
    
    Cute, very cute!  I'm imagining a similar conversation in a couple
    of years....   I never thought I'd say this, but boys seem to have
    an innate ability to make engine noises...
    
    Carol

    I am farely new to the parenting file.
    
    I just thought that I would look back at some of the other versions to
    the parenting file.  While I was doing that I started reading one that
    was talking about when baby's started to laugh.
    
    I found myself laughing out loud over it. Then I start to think about 
    when Andrew (who is 2) started to laugh and the way he laughs now.  
    Some times he will just sit there and play with his toys and laugh for 
    no apparent reason.  Then I start to laugh which in turn gets him going 
    even more.
    
    I just love to here all children laugh.  
    I cant wait to here my new baby laugh (still have some time not due
    until 8/24/91).
    
    I would love to here about some of your funny time with your children.
    
    Della

    Just have to share this one.  Hope it translates well.  I'm still
    laughing!
    My nephew Rocci (age 2.5) was fooling around in the bathroom.  My
    sister went in, and found him cowering in the corner, with water
    pouring out of a source which she could not locate.  She couldn't see
    where if was coming from, because it was guhing so hard.  Apparently,
    ROcci had removed the toilet tank lid, and had released the valve that
    control water flow into the tank.  It therefore shot straight up into
    the air, hit the ceiling, and was raining down all over the bathroom.
    Rocci was slipping all over the place in the water, and so was my
    sister. She sent him to his room while she cleaned up, then told him he
    was to "Stay in the house!".  She went out to the front of the house to
    set up the sprinkler to water the new grass.  AS she reached for the
    sprinkler, it whipped out of her hands and flew all over, water
    spurting out.  Knowing it had to be Rocci again, she spun around to
    yell at him, only to see him standing :
    	At the faucet, trying valiantly to turn the water off
    	Stark naked, except for his winter boots
    

    Sarah,
    
    God bless your sister!  Sounds like she's going to have her hands full!
    (Rocci sounds like my friend's son! - She colors her hair now, to cover
    the greys!)     
    
    

    That was great.  I can just picture him standing there so innocently
    trying to help!
    
    Here's one, but I don't think it's as funny as yours.
    
    My son is 4 1/2 yr.  He came to me a couple of weeks ago as I was
    cleaning the house with a true confession.  "Mama, I was cutting the
    paper and the scissors slipped and it cut the Nintindo cord."  I went
    to investigate and found the Nintindo control cord cut completely in
    half!  Needless to say I began to scream at him for doing such a thing
    and he started crying and said "But, Mommy, I just wanted to see what
    was inside!"
    
    The curiosity of little boys!
    

    re .109
    
    Kathy did that to a lamp cord. 
    
    That was still plugged in.
    
    --bonnie

    One of the most commonly heard phrases at our dinner table every
    night is "Allyson, please turn around and eat your dinner."  Then,
    after about the third time, I shorten it to simply "Eat."  Well,
    this passed weekend my stepson was with us and he was telling me
    a story during dinner.  I put down my fork and was listening to
    him intently and when he paused for a short time, Ally (almost 20
    months old) in a very stern voice said, "Mommy, EAT!"  We were all
    so shocked that we were speechless and she seized the opportunity
    to point at Craig's plate, look up at him and repeat the command.
    She then looked over at my husband's plate (which was totally full
    as he had just loaded up with a second helping) and shook her head
    and sighed, "Oh Daddy...  Eat, eat, eat, EAT, EAT!"  At this point,
    we were all in hysterics.  She even points to the cat's bowl now
    when he's standing nearby and tells him to "EAT!"
    
    - Kathryn 

    Sunday, I was talking with a little friend (age 3) who loves her thumb.
    I was commenting on her pretty nail polish and asked why her thumb
    wasn't pretty, too.  She said her mommy thought the nail polish would
    make her sick.  I said "What if you don't suck your thumb?"  She looked
    at me and at the woman I was standing with and said:
    
    
    
    
    		"You people are boring me now!"
    
    
    
    			

    Cory's enjoyed brushing his teeth more since I introduced him to the
    idea of looking for animals in his mouth (thanks noters !).
    
    The other day, he was telling his daddy all about his trip to the
    doctor's office to have his ears checked.  When his daddy asked what
    the doctor saw in his ears, he responded:
    
    	"Chickens, ducks, goats, COWS !!"
    
    
    - Terry

               This past Sunday was my daughters (9 & 4 yrs) dance
       recitial. My wife was putting make-up on the 4 year old. My
       wife told Sarah too close her eyes so she could put on eye
       shadow. When my wife was done, my wife said 'OPEN'...Sarah
       stood there with her eyes closed, and her mouth wide OPEN!...
       I guess all of those 'after brushing checks' got take too
       literally.

               :-)

               Steve

    Last night my neighbor asked Ryan (almost 3) whether the new baby
    coming to live with us would be a brother or a sister. Ryan looked at
    her for a moment and said "I'm the brother"!
    
    So she then asked if the new baby would be a boy or a girl - Ryan again
    looked at her, paused, and said "It'll just be a baby"!
    

    Our 4-year old informed Daddy that teasing was mean.  He attempted to
    explain that some teasing is for fun.  He gave an example.  If he said
    that there was a spider on the wall and she looked at the wall than
    he would say "April Fools".  She looked him in the eye and said, 
    
    	"Daddy, you're an April Fool."

    
    I took my 22 month old daughter to McDonalds for a Big Breakfast.
    While there she made a toy out of the little grape jelly container
    and was 'driving' it all around the table and window accompanied by
    the necessary sound effects 'rruuummmmm rruuummmm'.
    
    The conversation went:
    
    Me: 'Colleen, that is not a car' (said playfully) 
    Colleen: 'Of course not daddy'   (said very seriously)
  
    and after a short pause ...
    
    Colleen: ' It's a truck!'
    
    
    Guess I should have known this by the sound effects :-)
    
    Doug.

My wife teaches a Sunday School class of 4 & 5 year olds.  She says she has 
experienced many things in that class, but dull moments aren't included in 
the list.

A couple of Sundays ago, Pat told the story of the lame man who was sitting 
by the side of the road begging passers-by for money, since he couldn't 
work and support himself.  Jesus (or one of the disciples, I forget) walked 
by and the man said "Please may I have some money?"  Jesus said "I'll give 
you something better than money: get up and walk."  Healed, the man got up and 
walked away.  Then the children got to bandage each other's legs with 
strips of old sheet and act out the story.

Pat passed one of the mothers in the hallway after Sunday School, and the
mother asked what they had studied in class.  Pat explained to her what
they had done, and then asked the mother what she had heard from her child.
The mother answered, "Veronica said she learned that when you're hurt you
get all bandaged up, and then if you give Jesus money he will make you
well."  My horrified wife assured the mother that the message was NOT what
her child had understood! 

Shades of modern televangelism...  (^:

Steve

    My son, 3, loves Coca-Cola Classic.
    My son loves his new Power Wheels Jeep.
    Driving home from the store - Marc with a can of coke - his mom suggested 
    that while she put away the groceries he could ride around in his jeep.
    On her second trip into the house she noticed Marc just standing by his
    jeep, can of coke in hand, looking kind of sad.
    What's the matter Marc?
    "Mom - I can't drink and drive, policeman says no."

    RE: -1: Actually, this story is about me.  When I was 4 I rode with my
    Uncle while he picked up milk from various farms and delivered it to a
    creamery.  I can remember being absolutly appalled when he open his
    thermos and started drinking coffee.  Drinking and driving was frowned
    upon even in 1955.
    
    -LA

	I was heading out to shop for birthday party paraphenalia with
	my son, Brian (about to be 4) and my au pair, when we heard him 
	say from the backseat -

	"Mom, I know why God loves me best."

	"Why is that, Honey?"



	"Because I'm so cute!"

	Now where the heck did that come from?
	Norma

    This passed weekend, my mother was having a conversation with my
    4 year old nephew.  They were talking about what he and my brother had
    done the previous day.  Andrew was telling my mother that they had gone
    to a friends house and when they knocked on the door she didn't answer. 
    My mother said, "Oh daddy must have been very angry" and my nephew
    said, "Yes, he was p*ssed".....
    
    Lori B. 

    Last week, I had to take a red-eye flight from Phoenix to Chicago.  The
    plane was full.  I was in a window seat.  The aisle seat was occupied
    by a young woman carrying a 6-month old baby boy.  The middle seat was
    occupied by the woman's 3-year old daughter.
    
    I'm sure that the woman had given her daughter very strict instructions
    on what to do on the plane.
    
    The flight left at midnight.  After we were airborne, the stewardess
    came by with drinks.  She gave the little girl (obviously at the
    mother's suggestion) about half an inch of apple juice in a cup.  She
    gave me a full cup of Diet Sprite.
    
    The little girl looked at my glass and said:
    
    
    "Don't drink too much or you'll have to go pee-pee."

	My 3 year old daughter was coloring a picture of Cinderella washing
her bad stepmothers floor. She finished coloring everything except the brush
in Cinderella's hand. I asked her if she was going to color the brush.
I got the Oh-Dad-why-are-you-so-dumb look and she answered,

	"Yes! But I have to wait until she moves her hand out of the way
	 first!"

    I don't quite know if this entry belongs here or not.  Clearly
    there's something humorous about it.
    
    At any rate, we were all taking a walk along the road in our
    neighborhood, talking with another couple and their children
    that we had just met.  Our son Tobias was up ahead with their
    three-year-old daughter; the two of them just happened to get up to a
    dead rabbit in the road, fresh "roadkill" it was. So they came running
    back to tell us about it, and when we got up to it they used the example
    of the dead rabbit to explain to the three-year-old that something
    like that could happen to her if she wasn't careful along the road. But
    of course she didn't really want to hear about that, she wanted to know
    all about the dead rabbit, why the car did it, and so on. So here we
    are, four adults and three children standing around a dead bloody
    rabbit talking about it.
    
    And then this daughter says to her dad "I want to do it too".
    Yup, she wanted her dad to take her for a ride and be sure to hit a
    bunny while he was about it too!  When her parents tried to tell her it
    wasn't nice to kill animals like that she started to throw a tantrum.
    Finally she quieted down when her dad told her that when they got home
    she could take out her plastic car and make her own roadkill with any
    rabbit she could catch.
    
    

    My 2yr 10mth old son is suddenly fascinated by gender.
    
    During an explanation of what a woman is he must have remembered my
    wife's old doll that he sometimes plays with, so he said "I've got a 
    plastic woman upstairs".
    
    Luckily we weren't in a public place when he made his announcement.
    
    Greg.

The other evening, I was talking to Kathryne (almost 4 years) and letting
her know that when she's older and can babysit for her sister that I would
pay her as I would pay any babysitter.  She responded by telling me,
"Yeah, for 200 bucks!"  


Liz (wish I made that much being her mom!)

    On the Fourth we were at a place that had a clown show as part of the
    festivities.  One part of the act included a simulated baby and what
    to feed the poor thing.  One of the clowns got out a Coca Cola can and
    said "Should we give this to the baby?"  When the crowd yelled out "NO"
    the next question was "What should we do with it".  My 4 year old
    yelled out for everyone to hear - 
    
    
    
    				"Recyle it!!!!"
    
    Worth a big hug anyday!!

    The other night while trying to get my almost 3-year-old asleep at a
    friend's cottage I whispered to her to close her eyes.  She whispered
    back to me "I can't, I can't breathe."
    
     ^_^
    (>.<)
     ) ( Jeanne

    	Well, your kids leave me in stitches.
    
    	My coworker has a few more that I will pass on.
    
    	It seems the 2-year-old son has been going after mother's
    	breasts. One time, after mother pushes her son off, he goes
    	after grandma's breasts.
    
    	4-year-old daughter says:
    
    	"Oh, Ethan, don't you know that grandmothers don't have
    	 nipples."
    
    	Another one:
    
    	2-year-old brother and 4-year-old sister are in the tub
    	together. Brother has an ear syringe full of water. He
    	squirts his sister in the face with the syringe. She looks
    	up at dad and says:
    
    	"Dad, I'm sure glad I never had kids."
    
    	Stay tuned. I just know there'll be more from these
    	two.
    
    	Scott

    Here's a few that have had us rolling .... Our 3-year-old, Jason;
    
    About 9:20 comes downstairs with the token "I have to go the bathroom!"
    So he goes, and when done, I say "Jason, are you ready to go back to
    bed now?" and he puts on his 'aren't I cute?!'  face and says "Well, I
    got some sleep yesterday!" ... He went on to tell us he didn't NEED any
    sleep tonight and that he was going to stay up and clean the toyroom
    and fold the laundry and clean the basement ....  Of course at about
    10:00 when we headed up (after he gave us a hug and kiss good night),
    he decided he was suddenly tired and would finish the toy room in the
    a.m.  I think he was Scared!
    
    The next night his brother gets in on the act, and they decide they're
    going to stay up a 1/2 hour later and fold the laundry.  About half way
    through the basket, Jason holds up one of my husband's T-shirts and
    says "Dad, is this your shirt?"  Dad says yes, and Jason walks over to
    him hands him the shirt and says;
    
    "Good, then you can fold it!"
    
    I don't where they get these things!! (-:
    
    Patty

    About a week before Halloween, Molly (then 6) was sitting at the
    kitchen table.  She had her pumpkin basket, some bits of yarn and
    string, crayons, paper and scissors.  She was drawing things on the
    paper, cutting them out and putting them in the basket along with the
    bits of yarn and string.
    
    My wife happened by and asked: "Molly, what are you doing?"
    
    Molly: "I'm making witches' brew."
    
    About 10 minutes later, I happened by and asked: "Molly, what are you
    doing?"
    
    Molly, this time a little louder: "I'm making witches' brew."
    
    Another ten or fifteen minutes goes by.  My wife asks: "Molly, are you
    still making witches' brew?"
    
    "YES!"
    
    "And what's this witches' brew going to do?"
    
    
    "It's going to turn nosy parents into frogs!"

I was dressing to go out and asked Kathleen (almost 4) how I looked.
Kathleen said "You look like hundreds of moneys!".

It took me a while to translate this to "a million bucks", which she
confirmed.

    re .133
    
    Alex was 3 1/2 when we had this exchange:
    
    Alex [lying on the loveseat]: I have a heart attack.
    Me:   What?
    A:    I have a heart attack.
    M [feigning ignorance]: What does that mean?
    A:    A heart attack means a child is tired.
    M:    Where did you hear that?
    A:    I bought ten money for that reason.
    M [pausing to decode]: You paid ten dollars for that word?
    A:[matter-of-factly]: Yeah.

    Re: -1.  This one is too mysterious for me... He paid $10 for a word
    and he had a heart attack??  Huh?

    I took it to mean that she paid 10 bucks for (the license to redefine!)
    the phrase "heart attack".
    
    Alex does this a lot--she'll use a word or phrase she's heard recently,
    then eye me suspiciously to see if my reaction verifies her definition. 
    
    Last winter she wanted to ask a fellow kindergartener's mom about his
    odd speech, "but I wouldn't want his mom to be *disappointed*."  In
    rehearsing what she might say to the mom, I told Alex that I didn't
    think the mom would be disappointed-- or *embarrassed*, either.
    
    Leslie

    
    
    Here's one I thought was particularly cute...
    
    Some friend's of ours, who have just had a baby, 2 year old daughter 
    pointing at her mommy's breasts and telling us:
    
    
    	"Babies a bubbahs"
    
    
    John
    

    
    So the other night, my 14 month old son (J.C.) is lying on my chest
    as I am rocking him to sleep.  And as I'm rocking him, I begin to 
    hum a little tune.  It was a real Kodak moment.
    
    Anyway, seconds after I begin humming, J.C. lifts his sleepy head and
    looks at me with a disapproving frown....lets out a grunt and whacks
    me across the mouth.
    
    Needless to say I was shocked and stopped my humming.  He then rested
    his head back on my chest and drifted off to sleep.
    
    
    Do you think he was trying to tell me something?
    
    Hamp

    I took my 2 1/2 year old son to the third birthday party of a little
    girl in his Montessori School's class on Saturday. It was a pool party,
    and three of the little ones were perched at the side of the pool,
    waiting to jump in to the waiting arms of some of the parents. The
    parents began to count, intending of course, for the children to jump
    in after "...THREE !". The children, however, began to count along
    "ONE< TWO< THREE>>>" and just kept going all the way to TWENTY-FIVE,
    while still perched to jump into the water !!!!! 
    
    Needless to say, I guess we parents need to explain a little better
    what we wanted them to do ! We were not sure WHEN they were going to
    stop or jump in !
    

    The other day my 13 yr. old asked if she could go to the movies with
    her friend.  I asked, "what are you going to see?" she says "Don't tell
    Mom the babysitter's dead."  My 4 year comes into the room and says
    "Why? How come we can't tell her the babysitter's dead?"
    

    
    Here's a little one my younger sister (10 yrs old, my 1/2 sister) 
    came out with a couple of months ago.
    
    We were on our way up to our familys summer place in NH. We were
    driving up a VERY bumpy dirt road that leads to the house, and I was 
    holding onto my belly a bit, kidding with my stepmother, saying 
    "thanks alot, I really need this"...(I had to go to the bathroom, of
    course).....     when out of the blue, Dawn pops her head over the 
    front seat and says....
    
    		"You're not going to drop that kid now are you?"
    
    My stepmom and I just looked at each other and burst out laughing!  Out
    of the mouths of babes!  Guess you had to be there.
    
    Chris
    (BTW: I was only 4 mos pregnant at the time) :-)
    
    

    This morning David and I were laying in bed with Kati beside us.  David
    rolled on his side and put his arm around me.  Kati got mad and removed
    his arm, firmly saying "MY mommy!"
    
    David said "I know she's your mommy, but she's MY wife."
    
    Kati:  "Not your wife - MY MOMMY!"
    
    David: "What is she to me if she's not my wife?"
    
    Kati:  "MY FISHY!"
    
    (thinking that "if she's"  was fishy)

    Away on vacation, and my husband and the boys had just come back from a
    canoe ride.  Jason (3) wanted to have a snack, but Dad had already told
    him he had to wait for dinner cuz he already had a snack. (I didn't
    know any of this).
    
    Jason comes running into the house and starts asking me if he can have
    something to eat, when his brother (Chris, 6) interrupts him and says
    to me "No.  Daddy said that he can't have more because he already had
    some and he has to wait till after dinner!".  About mid-way through
    this, Jason turns to Chris, tries to slug him and says "SHHHHHH!  Don't
    tell MOMMY!!"
    
    Can't blame a kid for trying ... (-:

    The other day while just finishing up dinner, my 4 year old nephew went
    and got his toothbrush and came back to the table and started brushing
    his teeth.  My brother looked at him and said, "Andrew, what do you
    think you're doing?" and my nephew replied, "I'm trying to get the sh!t
    out of my teeth".
    
    Kids, ya gotta love 'em!
    
    Lori B.

    Brian (4) and I were at Sesame Place last week.  One of his favorite
    parts was a huge container full of blue plastic balls that he could
    jump into, crawl through, burrow under.  Among the thousands of blue
    balls were two red ones.  
    
    One of the workers jumped into the balls with Brian and was playing with 
    him.  They were taking turns hiding and finding one of the red balls. 
    After a while, Brian grabbed a blue ball and said "I know a harder game
    -- I'll hide *this* ball and you try to find it!".
    
                                                Tracy
    
    P.S.  The worker played along with Brian.  He picked up a couple of balls
          off the top and asked if they were the right ones.  Brian said
          no.  They he dug way down and pulled up another blue ball and
          said "Look, I found the right one!".  Brian said "Yup, that's
          it!".  

    re: -1, Tracy I don't know where you live but we recently found that
    Burger King accross from the Auburn Mall has a playroom with balls on
    this trampoline thing that may be similar to what you had at Sesamie place.
    
    Unfortunately you're not allowed in if you're taller than 48", that
    means NO Adults allowed!!  I only wish I could tolerate their food more
    often, the playpen is a big treat for AJ!
    
    Lyn

    Playland in Worcester also has one, as does Chuck E. Cheese.  However, 
    there are all quite small compared to the one at S.S.
    
    (the other)
     Tracy

    I took my daughter to a birthday party saturday.  She was all dressed
    up with pretty panties, socks shoes and dress.  Well when the birthday
    girl opened one of her gifts there was a box of pretty panties and
    socks.  Jessica got real excited and said at the top of her voice. 
    
     Oh look, pretty panties, just like mine.....  And with that she lifted
    her dress, so that everyone at the party could see her pretty panties.
    
      It was a riot.....
    

    Due to a business trip, I had to have a friend drop off Lauren (3 years
    9 months old) off at daycare in the morning a couple of days last week.
    
    On the way in to school the first morning, they were stopped at a stop
    sign waiting to take a turn; Lauren was sitting in the front seat. She
    pipes in with "See that little trumpet on the steering wheel? You push
    that and the bonehead in front of you gets out of the way."
    
    ...tom

    Nathan (4) and I were at my Dad's company outing this weekend.
    We were playing ball with a boy who must have been about 1 1/2.
    The boys father was saying, "throw the ball to the lady!"
    
    So Nathan pipes up and states, "That's not a lady, that's my Mom!"
    
    Do you think I have a budding comedian on my hands?
    
    Pam

The other day Evan, age 3, was taking a bath and talking about his friend,
Brandon, from daycare.  He informed us that:

"One day Brandon's going to come over, and we are going to build a *big*
penis, and we're going to climb up it, all the way to the sky!"

Needless to say, Shellie, who was standing in the bathroom with us at the
time, had her head out of the door trying to keep him from seeing how hard
she was laughing.  This is a new twist on Jack and the Beanstalk that 
somehow we had just never considered!

         Carol

	Katie (2years and 4mo) has an imaginary house filled with imaginary
things and pets.  You can tell what things are real and what ones are imaginary
by her phrasing.  About 4 months ago she started making the distinction between
"at home" and "at MY house".  Things that are "at home" are real.  Things that
are "at HER house" are imaginary.

	This can be great fun.  At HER house she has a red car that she bought
"yesterday".  At HER house she has a black dog named Freddy.  And so on....

	The other day we passed by some horses in a field.  Katie: "At MY house,
I have a horse!" Me: "Oh?  What color is your horse?" K: "Brown" Me: "And what 
is your horsie's name?"  K: "Dinky." Me: "Dinky?" K: "uh Huh! And at MY house I 
have a doggie!"  Me( Knowing about Freddy, the black dog): "And what's your 
doggie's name?"  K: <Something unintelligible that is NOT Freddie.>  After 
*several* attempts, Me: "Brown Sugar???"  K: (with great relief that dumb Mommy 
FINALLY got it right): "Yeah!"  Me (Sensing a chance for an easy answer here):
"And what color is Brown Suger?"  K: "Blue!"  :-) :-)  (By the way, Dinky later 
changed his color to green.)

Tracey

	

Tobias, aged 5.5, has quite an inventive mind.  He strings all kinds
of things together into special inventions that do wonderous things,
at least in his own mind.

The other morning I got up and found he had constructed another
invention.  It was some string stretched between a couple of chairs,
with a couple of sticks wound up in it, and a plastic bucket in a
strategic place, so IF the string unwound the stick would hit the
bucket and make a noise, or at least that's how he explained it.

He told me this was his invention for letting us know that the
doorbell had gone off if we couldn't hear it.  According to him, if no
one heard the doorbell go off the string would unwind, so that the
stick would hit the bucket, and that way we'd know that we'd not heard
the doorbell.

It was impossible to resist asking for a demonstration, to which he
agreed, and was all excited about it.  So I went outside and rang the
doorbell. But when I came back nothing had happened; the string,
stick, and bucket were still in place, and he was acting as if nothing
had happened.

So I asked him why nothing had happened and he said "But daddy, it
doesn't actually do anything until the day after the doorbell rings."

So then I pointed out to him that this wasn't really practical, that
whoever rang the doorbell would have to stand there all night, and
maybe get cold and wet if it rained.

He smiled and looked at me really seriously "Ok daddy, you caught me,
I was only teasing you about what it does."

    I think this is an appropriate place for this.
    
    Last Friday we all took the day off to go to the "Big E", (Eastern
    States Expo in Springfield, MA).  We did the usual things, which
    included the barn with the cows.  As we walked by one set of cows there
    were two rather worried looking owners standing near one cow, obviously
    very "heavy with calf", and a discharge coming from her. I suspected
    and was right, she was in labor.
    
    I wasn't quite sure what to do or how to explain this to AJ, 4.5+
    "going on 40", and the next thing you see is a set of feet emerging!
    the owner assured us she wasn't due for a while longer, so we assured
    him the cow would be OK and that she would be having a baby cow soon
    and that we'd come back. (Hopefully after it had happened.) We came
    back soon after, aparently very soon after the birth, the calf was
    still quite bloody but he took it in stride.
    
    Later that day, just before we left AJ was insistant that he go back to
    see "the baby cow that just got borned", so we did.  His reason for
    insisting was to make sure the Mommy cow washed all the blood off his
    face!  He was quite relieved when we arrived, the mother was *still*
    washing the calf off.  For us it was a very positive experience.
    
    I guess all my insisting he wash his hands and face has really made an
    impression.
    
    Lyn

    Boy, did you get your moneys worth!  Wish my kids could have witnessed
    that!
    
    -sandy
    

A couple of girls in the neighborhood were over playing yesterday.  Sarah (6)
was talking about her great-grandmother, and said that she had to have an
operation.  I asked why and she said "I don't know - she's REAL old.  I think
she's gonna be 26 on her next birthday.."


(After a few laughs as near as I could determine she will be 86 on the next
birthday!)

REAL REAL REAL OLD

Kristen

    Driving in the car the other day and switched on the air conditioner. A
    piece of dust blew in my 4 1/2 year old sons eye. "Daddy" he said "you
    need to change the air filter it's letting dirt in the car."
    He's helped before as I've changed oil and air filter, etc but had
    always thought the air filter was what kept the air conditioners air
    clean.
    

    Riding in the car with my sister and her 10-year old neice Stephanie,
    we were stopped at a light behind a large truck.  The light turned
    green, but the truck did not move.  My sister leaned on the horn,
    shouted at the driver, to no avail.  We sat through a change of the
    light, and again it turned green.  At that point, my sister lost her
    patience and pulled around the truck, and cut right into a funeral
    procession!  For those non-US  (or even non-Massachusetts residents,
    not sure of the laws), a funeral procession has the right of way on
    roadways, and all vehicles in the procession turn on their lights to
    show they are a part of the procession. She was very agitated, the 
    following exchange took place. J is my sister, S is 10-year old 
    Stephanie:
    
    J : What am I going to do!!!  Oh my gosh, I just cut those people off!
    Oh no, it's a funeral procession!  The guy behind me is probably
    writing down my license plate number and is going to call the cops! 
    What am I going to do????
    
    S : Turn on your lights!
    
    

    My youngest son, then almost 3, was learning names of different
    animals.  One day we had to bring our dog to the kennel.  On the
    porch next door, there was a large black & white great dane.  When he
    saw the dog, he most proudly exclaimed, "COW!"
    
    
    My older son, 9, was school shopping with me at Raschel's a couple of
    weeks ago.  While I'm trying to be practical, Rich is pointing out all
    sorts of clothes he "truly needs".  As we walked by a rack of boys'
    coats, Rich says (of course, loud enough for several surrounding Moms
    to overhear), "Mom, I really need a vibrator."  After my initial shock
    & embarrassment, I realized he'd meant he wanted a WINDBREAKER!
    
    Ugh!
    

    Yesterday, while driving home from shopping, Daddy decided to quiz our
    2 year old daughter Avanti on things like, what is your full name?,
    what's your address, etc.
    
    All went fine and the following was exchanged just before entering our
    driveway :
    
    Daddy : What's your name ?
    Avanti : Avanti Golikeri
    
    Daddy : Where do you live?
    Avanti : (matter of factly) Right here, Daddy? (pointing to our house).
    
    Daddy was about to correct her and ask her to give our street address
    when he caught me snickering and realized that her answer was
    absolutely right. Never assume anything Dad!!!
    
    Shaila

    First a little infro -- My son is talking about my younger sons
    babysitter.  Louise had an allergic reaction to somthing and has a
    swollen raw rash on her face.
    
    This morning a commercial for Preparation H was on TV, I didn't realize
    Jason (4 1/2) was listening.  When the Ad  was over he came over to me
    and said...
    
    J - "Louise can use that on her face"
    
    Me--"No honey, she can't use that"
    
    J - "WHY, they said it's for pain and itching!!!"
    
    
    This sure made me smile on a dreary Friday morning.
    
    Donna

    Scenerio: Thursday night, my son Matt (4 years old with a new sitter).
    
    The sitter started Matt off to bed.  Matt said to her: "If you don't 
    let me stay up late, YOU WON'T BE BACK!".
    
    She was dumfounded and didn't know what to say.  Later, I suggested to
    her that she could have said: "If you think I'M hard wait till you see
    my replacement!"
    
    I didn't know Matt even understood the concept that people can be 'let
    go'.
    
    Jeff

    Picture this, AJ said something to me yesterday which was clearly
    something his father said to me.  One of those disrespectful put downs
    said in a moment of frustration and anger.  Unfortunately the events
    following were so funny I can't even remember the exact remark.
    
    I told AJ he would have to do time out for saying something
    "disrespectful to a grown up".  (He understands this concept well) And
    then I turned to my husband and informed him, in front of AJ, that HE
    should really be the one to get the time out for saying it in the first
    place.
    
    The next thing I see is AJ taking his dad by the hand and *leading* him
    to the ususal time out corner.  Picture the backsides of these two
    facing the wall, looking quite sad and dejected.  Of course after a couple
    minutes I get the expected question from AJ of "mom can I get out of 
    time out now?"  So I decided to seize the moment and tell AJ that HE 
    could get out, but DAD would have to stay there a bit longer, since 
    he was the trouble maker!

    Nick, who just turned 2 last week, must have been watching TV with his
    mother lately. As we were watching the football game yesterday, a Coca
    Cola commercial came on in which a group of skydiver/surfers
    (skysurfers?) run out of Coke in mid-flight. Spotting a vending machine 
    5000 ft below, they all immediately bail out of the plane, strap on
    their surfboards, and start performing some awsome aerial acrobatics
    before opening their chutes and landing. Nick watches this with his jaw
    hanging, turns to me and says: "Oh my gawd!".
    
    

    After recently giving birth, when Chase (3) asked if mom could give him
    a bath tonight (this is a pleasure usually reserved for dad), I
    couldn't disappoint him.  Facing me in the tub, he looked at my
    Cesearian scar and said "What's that?".  When I came home from the
    hospital several weeks ago, I showed him the staples so that he would
    avoid jumping into my lap, and I was surprised that he was asking
    again.  "That's where I had my operation" I said.  "No it's not", said
    he, "Those are train tracks!!!!!!!"  And you know, that's exactly what
    the scar looks like!
    
    Same bath:  "Mommy, what are your breasts doing?".  Good question,
    since for the past several weeks everytime he saw them they had his new
    sister Leah attached to one.  Passing the buck, I said "What do YOU
    think they're doing?".  Without missing a beat, he raised his finger,
    and pointing exclaimed "I think they're taking a nap!"...
    
    Kids are the greatest! 
    
    Dale

    While not exactly related to this topic, I couldn't see starting a new
    one.
    
    While I was walking down the hall here at work, I noticed an electrical
    outlet.  I went into a bit of panic because it wasn't covered!  I'm not
    sure where I thought I was...I don't think we have employees under the
    age of 3.
    
    I think I'm taking this motherhood thing too seriously!
    
    judy

2.5 year old Kelly watching Daddy changing 1.5 year old Chris' diaper. Points
to Chris' penis and says "Dad, what's that on Chris's bum?"

I calmly answer "It's his penis. Boys have those and girls don't."

Kelly accepts this and goes back to playing. Later, she announces to Mommy;

"Mommy, Daddy and Chris have peanuts on their bums because they're boys and we
don't because we're girls!"

Can't wait to see the expressions when she informs Grandma and Papa of her new
found knowledge. :-)

							Mark

    My sons are both fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  They are
    also very inventive, since mom won't buy them every gimmick out there
    with a turtle on it.
    
    Ryan (age 4) was with me at my sister's house while they were on
    vacation - we were there to feed the cats.
    
    Anyway, from the kitchen I could hear him yelling "Come quick, April,
    we need you!"  This is something he always says into his "turtlecom".
    (Usually he uses an old empty makeup compact).  Quickly he runs into
    the kitchen and does a nosedive on the floor as he flips open his
    turtlecom and calls for April again.
    
    I almost died when I looked at his turtlecom and saw it was my sister's
    empty birthcontrol dispenser! 
    
    Then to top it off, he flips it open and asks me what time it is!!
    
    
    
    When I told my sister the story, she graciously gave it to him and now
    I have alot of explaining to do when he plays in public!  Oh well!!!
    
    -sandy
    

    During the summer months we've had a toddler pool in our backyard. 
    Occasionally Kate (3) has been allowed to swim naked in it.  In September
    we took her to DisneyWorld.  While on the ferry from Magic Kingdom to
    Fort Wilderness Campground she asked: "Dad, when we get back to the
    campground, you want to get naked and go in the pool?  Want to?"
    
    Of course she announced this so the whole boat could hear her...
    
    

    
    When my son was in kindergarten they were learning about different
    heritages. When we told him that he was of Portuguese descent he
    started to cry and said "I don't want to be pork a cheese, I want to be
    American"!
    
    Trudy

    For the last several months, Marc (just about 2) has been asking me
    "what IS that?" about practically everything on earth.  I've been
    pretty good about trying to provide labels for everything he can point
    to, pick up, see or hear.  Lately, he's started to extend the question
    to "what is that [whatever]?".  The other day we were listening to the
    radio in the kitchen.
    
    Marc:  What IS that song?
    Me:    I don't know the name of that song.
    Marc:  Ask the man on the radio.
    Me:    That's a good idea, but the man on the radio can't hear us.
    Marc:  Talk louder, Mom!
    

    .170 reminded me of an exchange I had with Alex when she was 5:
    
    Me:   Do you want parmesan cheese on your noodles?
    Alex: [pause]  Just cheese.
    Me:   [it took me a couple beats] Were you wondering...
          ... what "parmas" are?
    Alex: Yes!

	re: .169 

	Something about the name Kate must turn them into nudists.  Our Kate 
only half a year younger than yours also skinnydips in the wading pool.  She
LOVES being "nekkid".  In fact, one of the first phrases she ever said was 
"Naked baby!"  with a BIG grin on her face!

	We've recently saying "See ya later, alligator" to Katie.  (Whereas, 
before we said "See you in the afternoon/evening".)  When saying goodybye to 
Gary yesterday, she decided to give the new phrase a shot and came out with:

	"See you in the Alligator, Daddy!"


Tracey 

	

Evan hated it when I said "See you later, alligator."  He would always respond,
"I'm *not* an alligator!"  He's only recently (at age 3 1/2) accepted my
saying that.

On another subject...

Evan is constantly acting out being whatever superhero he thinks of at any
given moment.  He's done Superman, Spiderman, Batman, Peter Pan, Captain Planet,
Ninja Turtles, and Zorro ("I'm Zero!" he would yell).  Mind you, much of
the time had only *heard* of these people, never even seen a show with them.
Lately it has been Robin Hood.  He hasn't seen the movie, but has seen many
animated versions that are popping up everywhere.

Last night he stood on the couch and announced he was "Robin Hood, Prince 
of Eve!"  I had him repeat it, making sure Shellie was listening.  I then asked
him why Robin Hood was Prince of Eve.  With a shrug, he answered, "Because he...

married a woman."

      Carol

    Very similar thing happening in my house, along the same lines as Evan
    and the super-hero's.  David isn't quite 2 yet, so he has no idea who
    these people are or what they do.  But he does know their names.  The
    latest super-hero activity is:  taking off every stitch of clothing,
    including diaper and socks, and running through the house yelling
    "Superman!"  I guess Superman was in a great hurry during one of those
    phone booth episodes, and forgot to get re-dressed : )
    Sarah

    I took my 3 1/2 year old son Bob to a fall festival recently.  One
    of the features of the festival were *TWO* hayrides, one pulled
    by a tractor and the other pulled by oxen.
    
    We went on the tractor hayride first.  At the end of the ride I
    tried to get him to go to some other attractions but he insisted,
    in a very LOUD voice:  "But Motherrrrr,.... I want to go on the
    OXYGEN hayride next!!"
    
    Priscilla

    Last week the preschool was pushing fire prevention week, and told the
    kids about stop-drop-and roll.  Over the weekend, without any
    explaination AJ would go through this sort of football motion.  He'd do
    a run, drop to the floor and slide on the linoleum for a distance and
    then roll over, over again and crawl.  After a few of these, (but I was
    really thankful he was at least burning some excess energy off) I just
    had to ask what he was doing.
    
    His explaination was simple, (and his tone was clearly one of "aw c'mon
    mom don't you know") when the alarm goes off you have to *crawl under*
    the smoke, and if you catch on fire you have to *Stop-drop-and roll!*
    and couldn't I tell that was what he was doing?
    
    Did I mention he's at least got the right idea on the smoke detectors,
    except he point to the ceiling and calls them "fire 'tinguishers".
    He also said they had a "fire drill" at school last week, and the
    firefighters came and brought their trucks.  My guess is that someone
    in the development burnt a meal which set off the automatic fire alarm
    and caused the fire dept to come.  He thought it was great since this
    happened in the middle of being taught fire prevention.
    
    Can't wait til tomorrow when they all visit the fire station.
    He's so proud of his dad the firefighter!!
    
    Lyn
    

    	At a recent children's liturgy for homeschoolers at our church, 
    	the priest was asking the kids what they can do to make their
    	world and home a better place to live.
    
    	"Love one another."  "Stop fighting."  "Share your toys."  "Listen
    	to your parents."  "Eat what your mother makes for supper."
    
    	These were the standard types of answers given by the kids.
    
    	Then my 3-year-old raised his hand.  Our priest pointed to him,
    	and Peter stood up.  As he usually does when he has a matter-of-
    	fact answer, he stuck his index finger out and shook it at the
    	priest, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Don't litter."
    
    	Joe Oppelt
    	

The other day we were at the dinner table (myself, my husband, his 3 boys) and
Kati walked in an announced that her hiney was smokin.  She was very serious,
so it was hard for all of us not to laugh, but I asked her to clarify it and
she said it again.

Later on when we went to take our tubby, she mentioned smokin her hiney again.
That's when I realized that she meant _SOAKIN_ her hiney!!!

(Earlier that day she told me her hiney hurt, and I said we would soak it
in the tubby later)

Aren't they wonderful?

Kristen

   This morning my daughter (2.5) was building stuff with her blocks.
   She took one of the pieces with wheels, and was building some sort
   of car - she had one of the window pieces, and 3 people all stuck
   on there in different places.  Well, she showed me this creation,
   and told me that there were people there.  I asked what they were
   doing, and she replied.. "Standing.".  
   
   The only thing I could think of was the "penguin on the telly" skit
   from Monty Python...
   
   o There's a penguin on the telly..
   
   o What's it doing there?
   
   o Standing...
   
   I cracked up, and she just looked at me as if to say "so, what was
   so funny Dad? ....".

   Ah well, I guess you had to be there...
   
   - Tom

    We took Tobias, age 5&/12, to a haunted house for the first time.  I'd
    never been through one, and my wife hadn't been through one in decades.
    Tobias said he'd go, so we decided to give it a whirl.
    
    We spent a lot of time explaining that everything was pretend, that no
    one would hurt him, that he should just laugh at it, and so on.
    
    Well, he clung to Nancy the entire time, in apparent terror, and we had
    to take the short cut through the house for his benefit.
    
    Afterwards Nancy and I said how much we'd enjoyed it, and Tobias says
    "It was fun for everybody except me."
    
    So a couple of days later when he and I were alone I asked him if he
    wanted to go the haunted house next year, because he'd be older and not
    so scared. His reply was
    
    "I never ever want to go to another haunted house for my entire life
    ever again."
    
    Followed about 30 seconds later by
    
    "Daddy, I was just kidding."

My 11 year old son, who is pretty fluent in English but can still come up with
some interesting uses of the language, accompanied me to a band rehearsal the 
other evening.  At the break, I tried to talk him into going home and going to 
bed.  No way.

The following Saturday we were planning on celebrating his birthday but I first
had a band performance that I had to go play for.  He was very impatient and
asked me, "Can you leave when you have the breakdown?"  I said "What??"  and
he said, "You know, like the other night, you have the breakdown when all the
broken people can leave!"

Broken down Mom

The same son as in the previous reply (11 yrs, reasonable English skills) loves
to use the computer.  He also will occasionally spell things out for emphasis,
usually when Mom is being particularly thick or he is upset with his older
brother.  Like "Get Out!" he spells "G  E  T  spacebar  O U T"

He also uses "rubout" and "delete" :-)

I'm waiting for the smiley faces to appear in his speech but he's not yet into
VAX.

Cheryl

    My not-quite 2 year old, David, has been quite the "two year old"
    lately.  I've been using the time-out method for his tantrums, and they
    work quite well with him.  Sunday evening, the family was over
    Mom-in-laws for dinner.  David was, as usual, duking it out with his 3
    year old cousin Michelle. Time outs were conducted in the back hall,
    since that's the only place there weren't any other people.  After
    sitting him out there three times within 20 minutes, he was beginning
    to get the idea.  He went into a bedroom where the older kids were
    playing Nintendo, and insisted he was going to play. Next thing I knew,
    he came rushing out of the room, with the longest face I've ever seen
    on him, and marched himself into the "time out" area.  I asked him what
    happened, he replied "I hit Shelly". It was so hard not to laugh at
    him, he was so serious. He sat out there for about 2 minutes, then 
    toddled out and informed me "I all done now, mama".  Imagine that, a
    child who disciplines himself! 
    Sarah

We had a six-year-old dinner guest the other night and we got into a 
dinnertime squabble about something (probably who got the blue cup, or
something critical like that).  At the end, I had this conversation with
our guest:

	Me: Do you have fights like this at your house?

	G: Oh yeah! 

	Me: But then everyone makes up, right?

	G:  Yeah.  My mom and dad fight, but later they take off all
	    their clothes and kiss in the kitchen.

We were speechless.  

I wouldn't even quote this back to her parents!

Markus (11 yrs.) has a cold which has also given him a sore throat.

This morning at breakfast he was irritable and angry and generally out of sorts.
He sat there looking at his cereal and said, "I think I'll scream" and then he
opened his mouth in a silent scream.  I said, "Oh, I like that kind of scream, 
it's so quiet!

He looked at me and said, "Do you know WHY I'm screaming like this?"  I thought
a minute and said, "Oh, your throat hurts, right?"  At the nod of his head I
got out the throat lozenges :-)

He's a scream :-)

ccb

    My son and husband have been trading a cold, sore throat and flu
    symptom type of thing for several weeks now, so finally I got them both
    to their respective doctors last Monday and now both are on
    anitbiotics.  This morning I was playing "doctor Mom", and making sure
    both of *My boys* got their medicine, of course AJ gets a dose of
    mineral oil anyway every morning, to keep his "innerds"moving (per
    doctor's order).  
    
    AJ took his liquid medicine and oil, and watched dad take his pill, and
    then you here AJ in a very authoritative voice announce "day you're NOT
    through yet, you haven't taken your OIL yet!!
    
    all I can say is, I'll be glad when my cabinet looks like it belongs in
    a kitchen, NOT in a drugstore!!
    
    Lyn
    Lyn

    Gosh, this two-year-old keep me in smiles! I've tried very hard to
    speak clearly to David, as he learns and mimics all our speech patterns
    in his quest to communicate.  Because of this, we never called his
    bottle a "bubba".  Also, because our pet bird's name is Bubba!  A few
    weeks ago, a family friend was visiting and commented "Does David still
    use a bottle?" I said no, he gave that up about 6 months ago.  She
    turned to David and said "No more bubba?"  David looked rather
    confused, dashed into the kitchen, dragged a chair up to the bird cage,
    and shouted at the poor bird "Bubba! Where are you?"  I don't think
    Bubba's hearing will ever be the same : )
    Sarah

Yesterday my 6 yr old daughter had a rough day.  She claimed that she doesn't
have friends in Kindergarten, but that's another story.  Anyway, we started 
watching the show Dinasaurs.  During the commercial we went into the bathroom to 
clip her toenails and we started a long discussion about how to make friends, 
etc.  She started to feel good about her whole day.  This took quite a while 
and we both forgot that we were missing her favorite show.  We left the bath-
room in time to see the titles of the show scrolling across the screen and she 
turned to me and said "Mom!  You made me miss my favorite show by listening to 
your dumb talk"!  All I could do was laugh.  What am I going to do when she's 
16? 

    Amber, who is 2-1/2 years, thinks Tums are candy.  She has tried
    pleading and crying to no available.  We have told her it is medicine
    and she can't have any.  Finally, I have put them out of her sight and
    we don't let her see them when anyone is taking them.
    
    The other night she dragged the chair over to the counter, where the
    Tums used it be on a high shelf, turned around to me and said, "I have
    wicked, wicked heartburn".
    
    We all looked at each other and it was all I could do to keep from
    laughing.  I guess she figured she would try the SICK approach and see
    it that worked.
    
    Phyllis
    

    My friend was driving to work the other day and his daughter age
    5 said confidently:
    
      I know what the f-word is daddy; I know how to spell it, and I know what 
      it means.
    
    He said what is it?
    
      She said "fart!".
    
    What a relief to hear that word.

    9 year old Nicole was helping Lisa fix dinner and they were talking
    about how Lisa was having to work a lot and wasn't home as often as
    they both would like, when Nicole says, "I'd like to trade places with
    you for a while Mom,...but the details wear me out."  At that point,
    Lisa had to make a beeline for our bedroom to keep from bursting out
    laughing.
    
    Bob

    	My coworker's son Ethan is at it again.
    
    	Dad and Ethan walking through Filene's. Ethan (2), is tapping
    	the legs of the mannequins and saying, "That not real." Up
    	ahead, a man and woman are standing next to the aisle talking.
    	Ethan puts his hand on the woman's leg, then on the man's leg,
    	and then says, "They real."
    
    	I guess both were quite startled when they felt Ethan's hand.
    
    	Scott

    Last Sunday night our town had the annual lighting of the Christmas
    tree at the Bandstand.  During the brief outside festivities they had a
    mini version of the Nativity story, some carols sung by everyone, and
    finally Santa arrived in a carriage pulled by a single horse.
    
    I hadn't said a thing to AJ about it until we got there, just in case
    something happened to prevent us from attending.  As santa appeared
    from the darkness he looked a me and asked "what is HE doing here mom?" 
    I told him that he had taken time from his busy schedule of building
    toys for the kids for Christmas to come and help light the tree.  He
    thought this was "neato mom".  After the festivities Santa stayed
    around and took a few kids radomly up on his lap and did the usual
    "what do you want for Christmas, and have you been a good boy" routine. 
    AJ told him that he had in fact been a good boy, then looked at me and
    asked "isn't that right mom, I've been good", (shaking his head in the
    affirmative the whole time) and with that business out of the way he
    turned to Santa with a very firm look and shaking his finger at him,
    informed him that he'd better get back to the North Pole and finish 
    all his work Before Christmas!
    
    I simply wished the ground would swallow me up
    Lyn!
    

    My 4 yr old boy was all stretched out, lying on his back, under the
    coffee table just as peaceful as you please.  Oh, and he was just
    'a-singing away'.  While smiling to myself and watching him I noticed
    two furry paws poking out from under his head and two more poking out
    near his belly (this was all that was visible of our white cat).  I
    said, "are you laying on top of the cat" to which  he replied, "No, I'm
    singing!" ... at which point he continued on singing.
    

	My 3 year old nephew had just had a bath. He was in the kitchen
with his mother and started wimpering about being cold.

Mom: "Come on over here and I'll warm you up." (meaning she would give him
							a hug)

His wimpering became loud crying with continued complaints about being 
cold. He didn't move.

Mom again: "Well, come on over here and I'll warm you up."

At this point Evan becomes visibly agitated and crys louder. Mom becomes
exasperated and says;

"Evan, if you're cold then come over here and I'll warm you up. Otherwise,
	stop your crying!"

She realized where she was standing when he fearfully replied;

"But Mommy, I don't want to go in the microwave!" 

						:-) :-) :-)

    I can't believe how much my 17 month old son understands.  Yesterday
    while visiting with my mother Shane started to cough.  I turned to him
    and said, "Shane, cover your mouth when you cough".  Well to all of our
    surprise, he coughed again and sure enough, his hand was over his
    mouth.  We all got a good laugh outta that one.
    
    Lori B.

    Last night we put Christopher (5 months) into the high chair for the
    first time. While he sat figuring out where he was for a while, I
    explained to Ryan (age 3 1/2) that this was the high chair that I used
    as a little baby. So he said, "and who was your mommy", and I explained
    that Nana was - and still is - my mom. So he said "and who was MY
    mommy", and I asked, "well what do you mean?". So Ryan asked it again:
    "So who was MY mommy when you were a little girl?"
    
    I'm still thinking of an answer....
    

    The other morning at breakfast I told my husband I didn't like his hair
    cut it was too short.  John (age 5) pipes up and says:
    "I like it when all the gray is cut off, Mom!"
    
    Out of the mouths of babes!
    

    
    Kevin (4 year old) and Marc (my husband) recently had their hair
    cut.  Kevin had 2 lines cut in on either side, above his ears. After
    the hair cut they went to the video store.  One of my friends was
    working there at the time. She told Kevin she really liked his hair
    cut, especially the lines.
    
    She asked him "Why Daddy didn't get any lines?"
    
    Kevin responded "Because Daddy doesn't have enough hair he's going
    bald!"
    Needless to say hubby wasn't to happy.  My friend excused herslf
    and went in the storeroom to laugh.

    The other morning my 5 year old was watching the Disney channel.  They
    were showing previews of what will be on in 1992.  She decided she
    wanted to watch one of the previewed shows so she said, "Daddy, will
    you please tune in 1992?"

My 11 year old daughter is a music fan.  When her mom gave her a pet rodent, she
named it after one of her favorites:  M. C. Hampster.

We live relatively close to railroad tracks and, when bringing Brendon home 
from daycare, we cross these tracks.  The other day, while waiting for a 
train to pass, Brendon and I were having fun doing our "Whoo Whoo! Chug, chug,
chug, chug..." sounds and arm motions.  Once the train had passed, Brendon
said, "Bye bye, train.  I wuv you."

I think we may have engrained that last part enough now... :-)

-Andy

My son, 3 years old, heard me use the expression "There's no charge. It's
on the house".  

One day he was playing barber and pretending to cut my hair.  When he was
finished I asked him "How much do I owe you?" and he replied :

"There's no charge.  It's on the roof."

    My son, Bob, at age four, is a manager-in-training.
    
    I was cooking dinner and Bob was pleading that I stop cooking and come
    play with him.  I said "No, Bob, I must finish dinner.  When we finish
    eating, then I can come play with you.".  To which he responded:
    
      "But Mom, this is an OPPORTUNITY for you to come and play."
    
    
                                   

    I've just come back after a week home sick with flu. Ryan, 3 1/2, asked
    me one evening what the flu is, and I explained that it's a germ bug.
    Later that evening he told my husband that Mommy got the flu bug
    because she eats squash, and that's why he doesnt' eat it.
    

    I brought a friend's child home from a birthday party on Saturday.  I
    knew approximately where her house was, but I asked her to let me know
    exactly [she's 4].  
    
    "Sure, that's easy -- it's right between my neighbors"!
    
    I tried not to laugh too hard as I drove down 495.....
    
    /sandy

    I tried a little "reverse psychology" on David (2 years old) yesterday,
    and had it backfire miserably.  It was my husband's grandmother's 91st
    birthday, and David was sitting on the couch, completely engrossed in
    the Disney Channel.  Our conversation went like this:
    
    Me:    David, if you don't go take a nap now, you can't go to Nana's
           birthday party!
    
    David: Oh, poor Nana!
    
    Guess he decided it would be harder on Nana not to see him, than it
    would be to go take a nap. A healthy sense of self???
    
    Sarah

    
    My husband has the pleasure of dropping Christopher (2.4 yrs) off at 
    our Daycare providers house in the morning.  On occasion, he crys and
    clings to Daddy's leg, begging him not to go... etc.
    
    Yesterday was one of those days.  After a few minutes of trying to 
    reason with Chris, my husband extricated himself and skulked out the
    door, feeling horribly guilty.
    
    Here's a conversation our angel had with our Provider immediately
    after Dad left. 
    
    Christopher: (eyes dry and smiling) "I teasin' my Daddy"
    
    Susie: (not sure she heard correctly) "What did you say, Christopher?"
    
    Christopher: (clear as a bell) "Yea, I cryin'... I teasin' my Daddy"
        
    ....Unbelievable........
    

    As much as we'd like to take a vacation, it's not in our plans for
    the next year or so, and as such we haven't been discussing anything
    like destination, schedule, etc. Yet as Kathy and I were getting 
    dressed this morning, Nick (2 1/2) woke up, marched into the room and 
    (out of the blue) stated:
    
    	"I want to go to Disneyworld...*now*!!!"
    
    when we tried to tell him no, he followed that up with:
    
    	" But I *have* to!"
    
    	

    Last night we watched "Life Goes On".  The episode was about how
    women's lives have changed over the last two decades.  There were
    flashbacks to the 60's (in what looked like 8mm film) and to the 50's
    in black and white.  I was commenting to my 6 year old that life sure was
    different back in the 50's.  He grasped what I was saying - I just knew
    it when he said...
    
    "Why, mom?  Because it was all gray?"
    
    -sandy
    

   My wife told me this story this afternoon... she is pregnant, a
   little over 7 months along.  Recently, Elizabeth (just over 16 mo.
   old) pointed to my wife's stomach, and said 'baby'.  Mom, of
   course, agreed.  Shortly after that, Mom was putting on her socks
   and Victoria (nearly 3) asked..
   
   Mom, are you putting on your socks to keep the baby from coming
   out?
   
   :-)
   
   - Tom
   

    My 18 month old son was so funny yesterday.  He was chasing my 4 1/2
    year old nephew around the living room with an empty 2 liter soda
    bottle and whenever he'd catch him, he'd bob him over the head and then
    laugh hysterically.  It was too funny to watch!
    
    Lori B.

    My daughter Amanda, aged 3 was in the back seat of the car, my son
    Jordan aged 10 months was sitting in his car seat next to her.  Jordan
    has this habit of sitting there and just screeches once loudly, stops
    and then looks around to see if anyone is paying attention.  On the way
    to church last week, Jordan decided to try this trick out in the car,
    after doing this a couple of times Amanda finally said "Daddy, tell
    Jordan to stop it, he is scaring my ears".  It was hard not laughing
    but we asked Jordan to please stop as he was scaring Amandas ears.
    
    Shari

    Tobias, almost 6, has been picking up a nice vocabulary from school.
    The other night we were getting in the car to go to the library and my
    darling son says
    
    "Ok, Dad, let's go kick some a$$".
    
    I had a really hard time keeping a serious face as I politely informed
    him about the inappropriateness of what he had said.
    
    When I told my wife she practically split a gut with laughter.
    
    

    Tobias' comment is especially funny in the context of
    going to the *library*!

    To add to the list of cute things our kids do.... here is something
    my then-3-year-old nephew said to me.  I was about 8 months pregnant
    at the time and was visiting my sister and my nephew.  My nephew was
    fascinated to learn that there was a "baby in my tummy."  After talking
    about this for a while, my sister called us in to the kitchen for
    lunch.  My nephew turned to me and said, "Do you have to take the 
    baby out so you can eat?"  :^)
    

    -1 reminds me of when I was pregant last summer - my then 3 yr old
    asked if I had a crib in my tummy for the baby to sleep in!
    

    We have a picture of me pregnant with my son, laying in bed with my top
    pulled up and my, then 2 year old daughter, feeding her soon to arrive
    baby brother with a bottle, stuck in my navel.
    
    I guess you had to be there :^)

    When I arrived home the other night, I found Kathy and Nick watching
    his new videotape. When I asked him if he was watching "The Jungle Book",
    he gave me that 'Boy, these big people are stupid!' look that only a
    toddler can master, and said: "No, Dad, we're watching "the Jungle
    *Tape*!"
    
    

    Good one!

    I had to drop my car off at the dealer for some work yesterday, and my
    husband met me with our 2 year old son David in the new car showroom. 
    I was looking at the Chrysler/Maserati product and David ran over,
    shouting in that 2-year old louder-than-a-brass-band voice "Daddy, but
    this car!"  Sticker prices mean nothing to this kid!
    Sarah

The other day my 4 year old daughter was doddling with a note pad and
pen (one of her favorite pastimes). As usual, this was accompanied by
a constant stream of chatter. I stopped to listen for a moment and
was quickly reminded that maybe our household has become too scheduled.

(pretending she is on the phone): "Wednesday, yeah, Wednesday looks
				   good. I can do that on Wednesday."

(she scribbles a bit on the notepad): "Yup, I can play Duck, Duck, Goose
					on Wednesday."


							Mark

re .223

Mark,

	You'll have to get her a Day-Timer for her next birthday!!

Frank

    Alexandra (7) overheard me mention KO.
    
    "KEN OLSEN?!" --she was VERY impressed.
    "Yes... you know who Ken Olsen is?"  (I do show her whenever his photo
    makes the Worcester Telegram & Gazette...)
    
    "Yes--he's on 'The Daily Planet'."
    
    I guess Jimmy's moved on to some computer job now, huh?  :-)

   Well, I got a lesson in meteorology/weather this weekend from my 3
   year old...  It happened when she way singing songs to herself,
   which she has taken quite a fancy to lately...
   
   "Tinkle, tinkle, little star.... "
   
   I always wondered where those rain clouds came from.... !  :-)
   
   - Tom
   

    This isn't exactly "funny" but it seems to fit here.
    
    Tobias (6) has found an original way to really gross
    us out.
    
    Sometimes in the evening, after getting on his pajamas
    he comes and sits with us on the sofa.  Lately Nancy has
    been complaining about something smelling bad, as if
    someone "let one fly".
    
    Well, it seems our little darling has discovered that he
    can create that odor by bending over, putting his rear
    end in the air, pointed in the "appropriate" direction,
    and then reaching back and spreading his cheeks with his
    hands.
    
    

    My eight year old son, Robert is into rock collecting.  He went
    on a rock hunt with my friend's husband an brought back quite a 
    few specimens.  
    
    One day I was searching for a hammer to pound a nail, and saw one
    of Rob's "rocks" in the corner.
    
    "Rob, will you hand me that rock so I can pound this nail?"
    
    "That is not a rock. It is red granite.  You can use it but don't
    insult it by calling it a rock!"
    
    

    From Nicole's 4th grade science test....
    
    Q.  It's winter, the heat is on, it's cold outside, and water is forming
    on the inside of the windows.  Why?
    
    A.  Because the cold can't take the heat.
    
    Bob
    

    Back a couple on the "rocks".  Last weekend I let out a scream from the
    laundry area, after discovering about 5 pounds of assorted rocks in the
    zippered pocket, of AJ's "brand new" LL Bean jacket, that my inlaws had
    given him.
    
    He couldn't understand why I was upset, (I mean why not, after all I
    just put the jacket through two spin cycles + new jacket and new
    washer!)
    
    So in a moment of trying to think quickly I instructed AJ to return th
    rocks to the preschool, where they came from, and told him that the
    
    parking lot would fall apart if he didn't.  Then in a moment of genious
    I told him if he brought them back to where they came, that they would
    definitely multiply.  (I had inside info that the landscapers were
    brining more rocks in this week for the gardens in the complex where
    the school is!)
    
    I can see me explaining this to him when he is older....

    So that's where Caileigh got that idea from...