Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I have friends from my children's daycare in Arlington, MA who made
    the reverse move (Paris->Boston), spent the better part of three years
    here, and are now back in Paris. Their children are now 7 and 4.
    
    I have no particular knowledge of Paris, but would be happy to give
    you their address and phone (if I can find the phone number) to contact
    while you are there. Please reply via mail for additional info.
    
    			- Joe 

    Please feel free to contact me by mail. We have had 2 nannies
    (American) but think we did a pretty good job with questioning.
    There is a previous note in this conference about live-ins or not and I
    also commented about nannies there. We went through agencies as well.
    
    I might also be able to offer you some help with an international move.
    We moved from Boston to England 9 months ago. You are right, there are
    a million things to think about. 
    
    I'd end up writing a novel here so we better take it off line.
    
    Andrea (MAJORS::MANDALINCI)

    There is a "US_EXPATS" notes file... it's HERON::US_EXPATS
    I don't know how to do the "keypad 7 etc".  I am sure the people in
    there would be more than happy to offer their advice/assistance.
    
    From my own experience with "live-in" help in varying forms... If you
    do not have your own personal experience in this area... I would
    strongly suggest you spend considerable time with yourself/husband
    carefully thinking over your expectations of this person.  It's hard to
    explain, so I'll try to give a few examples...  You take this person
    shopping with you and ask them what sort of food they like - you get an
    answer, buy the stuff, and find they when on their own, this person
    can't be bothered to "cook" a proper meal and only snacks...  OK this
    was a young girl and I "counter balanced" by making sure dinner was a
    well balanced meal... but I really resented buying their preferred food
    and no one eating it... the reverse is true "prepare this for dinner"
    aand or simply serving what was for dinner... was met on occasion with
    "i can't eat that it makes me sick...", asking for some ironing to be
    done and finding that I had to iron everything all over again...
    
    In short, try and figure out what you want/can tolerate and not
    tolerate as clearly as possible.  Make these clear statements when you
    interview... try asking questions like "what would you do if.." rather
    than supplying the answer "I expect you to..." of course they'll answer
    "yes, I agree" 'cause they can see it's what you want to hear.. which
    in turn can be very different from what they intend to do.
    
    Good luck - I no longer like real big cities, but I lived in Paris city
    three years ago and still cherish the memories (bad and good)  I hope
    you will get the job and enjoy yourselves
    Diana

    Whomever "wrote" the base note....I am trying to respond to you to the
    mail node you sent me. It has been "unreachable" for quite some time 
    now. To avoid entering a very long response here, send me
    another node name I can mail the response to. I also tried ALL-In-1
    mail and don't know if you received it. 
          
    Thanks, 
    Andrea

Hello everyone -

I was the anon. base noter, and want to thank Liz for helping me keep things 
under wraps while going through the process.  As the title suggests..We are 
Moving to France!!!  I ahve been offerred, and accepted, a terrific job in 
France with one of Digital's customers.  While I will miss all of you terribly, 
I hope you will still help me over the next few weeks.  Right now, I will be 
here through the end of September.  

We ahve, so far, been very lucky.  My husband's company is going to transfer him
to France as well, although not until January.  I will be moving over mid-Dec.
Hopefully, I will have a house and a nanny set up by then.  Apparently, I am 
starting to pick up my new boss's chronic optimism.  

Anyway, my request for help from PARENTING is threefold:

1)  As you know, anyhelp you can offer in finding a nanny will be greatly 
    appreciated.  The information shared already has been useful, but I now
    need to REALLY start working, and finding agencies that can deliver in 
    France.

2)  Any suggestions on how to handle 'the move' - mentally?  
    I have two boys (3.5 and 1.5),
    and the oldest will be starting school in France probably a month after we 
    arrive [France starts school at age three, M-Sat, with Wed and Sat aft off].
     My thinking was to allow him to spend some time with the Nanny learning 
    some French before school, and also that I would spend some time with the 
    teachers to assure that they don't penalize him for not knowing all the 
    words in French.
    Wathcing Swedish friends here, we plan to emulate their methods of developing
    bilingual children.  We will only speak ENGLISH to the children, and the 
    NANNY will ONLY speak French.  While it may be a little difficult to begin
    with, I think it will be easist way for them to assimilate into the 
    environment.  Also, I will make sure that the NANNY understands some basic
    english, and SAFTA is very willing to learn some basic FRENCH.  Fingers 
    crossed, please, everyone!!!!!!!!


3)  And, any suggestions about the Physical Move.   Current plan is that my
    Mom ['SAFTA'] would fly over with me and the boys in Mid-Dec. Probably
    try to take an evening flight out of Boston, direct to France.  I am 
    hoping to travel Business Class to give us all a little more room.  Does
     anyone know if they allow children in Business Class???  Hopefully, some
    one will meet us at DeGaule, and we might just go to a hotel [dependent on 
    the status of house and nanny]  Plan is to take about 3-4 days settling in
    together, and then I will have to go to work, but SAFTA and Nanny can spend
    time with the boys together.  Dad can't move over until January, and SAFTA 
    will stay until than, at least. 


Any and all ideas will be GREATLY appreciated.  I have already found and 
entered the Conferences on ExPats, as well as the two on France.  Any other 
Suggestions??????????????????????????????


thanks, 


Minda Reidy
EMASS::REIDY

    
    Minda,
    My mother-in-law moved to Switzerland with 3 kids (ages 7, 4, and
    6 mos.) back in the early 60's.  My father-in-law had already been over
    there for 1 month prior to the move--so he had already found housing.
    Is there anyone in France who can find you a nice apartment before you
    arrive?  That might help to ease things up a bit...  
    
    My husband was 7 years old at the time of the move.  Both he and his 4
    year old brother went to the American International School in Zurich
    for 1 year.  By the end of the year, both children were fluent in
    German and expressed a strong desire to go to the local community
    school--where they could be with their neighborhood friends.  They both
    did very well in the Swiss public schools.  Only English was spoken at
    home (neither of my in-laws picked up enough German to speak it
    fluently).  The kids were completely fluent in both German and
    Swisserdish (sp?), the local Swiss dialect.
    
    After 4 years in Switzerland, the family moved to Germany.  There, all
    3 kids went to The American International School, where English was the
    prevalent language.  They spoke German outside of school--with their
    friends.  They stayed in Germany for 3 years before moving
    back to the USA. 
    
    When they left Germany, all 3 kids were fluent in German.  My husband
    (who was 14 when he came back to the US) is still fluent in German. 
    The middle brother who was 11 when he came back is no longer
    fluent--but he can understand parts of conversations.  The youngest,
    who was 7 when he came back, almost flunked German in High School.  He
    doesn't remember the language at all.
    
    If you would like to talk to my mother-in-law about moving and living
    abroad with small children, I would be happy to give you her phone
    number.  Contact me off-line and I'll put you in touch with her.
    
    Good Luck!
    Bonnie
    
    
      

    re: do they allow children in business class?
    
    Yes.  But check on whether they all have to be ticketed
    individually.  I'm not sure they allow lap children in business
    class.  When we went to France a couple of years ago with our
    kids, 14 and 4, we flew coach, and I would definitely pay the
    extra for business class if I could afford it. 
    
    re: timing of flight, etc.
    
    Yes, if you take a night flight, do plan on going straight to a
    hotel or sompelace else to catch up before you try to do anything. 
    Even if you and the kids travel well, and sleep well on the plane,
    it's going to be exhausting, and you'll all be disoriented and
    groggy.  Going to a hotel will let you have a quiet breakfast, nap
    in the afternoon if you need to, and make plans. 
    
    --bonnie

    I would like to offer some general tips on moving with kids.
    
    First, a book about moving may help your kids get used to the idea.
    The Berenstain Bears and Mr. Rogers each offer a book on moving.
    
    Secondly, my (former) neighbor's pediatrician offered two bits of
    advice when she moved with her three- and six-year old recently.
    
    1)  Don't assume your kids understand anything.  Sometimes, kids
        won't realize that the whole family and/or pets are moving,
        or that their "stuff" comes along with them or something else
        that we think is obvious.
    
    2)  Before you do _anything_ else, set up the kids' rooms.
    
    Hope that helps.
    
    -Tracy (who doesn't speak from experience!)