Conference moira::parenting_v3

    Is she interested in going swimming with you?  If you can do some
    casually, she might forget about the problem.
    
    On the other hand, she may have really made up her mind against it, for
    whatever reason.  If so, trying to force her back to lessons could
    attach long term trauma to swimming.  If she feels strongly, why not
    respect it?  Having a sense of control will probably give her even more
    confidence at a later point, as well as bolstering general self-esteem. 
    I thing alternating pro-anti-swimming phases are real common.
    
    		- Bruce

    Masami, 
    	I am assuming from your node that you are located in Colorado
    Springs.  If this is correct, maybe the water really is too cold.  
    The month of July was very warm but with all the rain we have had and 
    the cooler temperatures the water may have cooled down too much.  My 
    girlfriend is going thru a similar problem with her boys, they too 
    use an outdoor pool.  
    
    Just a thought, FWIW
    

    In my experience, kids sense water temperature in some different
    dimension, or even universe, from either me or the thermometer.  On
    Saturday, Eric will pronounce the water much too cold to even stick a
    toe in, while Aaron swims happily for an hour. On Sunday, with the same
    air and water temperature, Aaron won't go NEAR the pool on the grounds
    that ice is already forming, while Eric refuses to get out after 45
    minutes.  There must be a 4th Law of Thermodynamics: among the young,
    epidermal heat flow is regulated solely by state of mind.
    
    		- Bruce

    re: .3
    
    I can prove your theory, Bruce.
    
    Steven hates warm water.  Sometimes I think he's part polar bear,
    but that's another story. Anyway, if I make his bath water warm
    enough that ice doesn't form around the edges, he sticks his foot
    in and shreiks that it's too hot.  I then touch the control -- I
    don't turn it, or adjust the temperature in any way, just put my
    hand on it -- and ask, "Is that cool enough, or do I need to turn
    it down some more?"
    
    He tests it and usually announces that it's fine. Sometimes he'll
    claim it's still too hot, and then I touch the control again.  The
    second time always does it . . . once it was so hot his skin
    turned reddish, and he didn't notice . . .
    
    --bonnie

    Masami,
    
    I personally wouldn't push her to take the lessons but I would
    encourage her to still keep swimming either with you or with her
    daycare casually!!! 
    
    Also being a swimming instructor is a past life I have seen how
    children "turn" when parents are around. We insisted that parents could
    not stay, even just sitting on the deck. A cold pool is a different
    story - it really may suddenly be cold for her. Also the change of
    instructors plays a very big role on children - they just get used to
    certain methods. 
    
    My son sways with his attitude toward water. If I'm around I have to do
    everything with him; if I'm not he's like a wild man in the water. He
    clings to me when we swim together even in a wading pool!!!! We bought
    a small pool for the backyard for him and he even tried to get me to
    "swim" with him in that. After a little convincing he doesn't need 
    us in the pool with him. So, I'd vote for just working through her
    fears, don't force the lessons and maybe show up on the first day of
    lessons where she will see her teacher and maybe she'll want to start
    (you may lose the money if she decides she still wants nothing to do
    with it so ask ahead of time) but talk to the instructor before and 
    ask if she could encourage her a little to start the lessons. Maybe 
    suddenly the fun has gone out of swimming and it's business - she 
    might be too young for the change.
    
    Happy swimming!
    Andrea
    

    Bribe her!  I'm kidding really but I had a somewhat similar situation.
    
    My 5 year old twins went for swim lessons this year at daycare.  After
    the first one, my son didn't want to go back.  Well, I think learning
    to swim is very important, and five is not too young to start. 
    Luckily, he happened to see a boy using a snorkle and mask at the local
    lake, and he thought that was the neatest thing he'd ever seen.  He
    wanted a set just like it.  I told him he couldn't have a snorkle and
    mask unless he knew how to swim!  We made an agreement that after he
    took his series of swim lessons, 14 weeks, we would go get him a
    snorkle and mask.
    
    I don't know if this would work with a 3.5 year old.  Different things
    work with different ages.  I also remember the time I went to see one
    of their swim lessons, and I noted that my daughter, once she saw me
    there, didn't want to participate with the rest of the lesson.  It was
    almost as if the water was too scary, and now that I was there she just
    wanted me to "take care" of her.  So she didn't have to be brave
    anymore.
    
    My suggestion would be to see if you could participate in the lesson
    with her.  I know that would be possible in the lessons my kids are
    getting, they welcome adults to come and get in the water with the
    kids, in the role of assistant instructor sort of.  I would be
    reluctant to just "let her off the hook."  I think swimming is one of
    those things that is truly intimidating unless or until you truly learn
    to handle yourself in the water.
    

    
    I think the water has really been cold.  She skipped one lesson when
    the weather was not really warm and went back for 2 times in a row
    after the weather got warmer.  I think when we have several days of
    nice weather the pool water gets warm and nice.
    
    The first time she went back, she needed a lot of encouragement.  I
    seriously thought about going with her, but I knew that she will be
    totally dependent on me if I was there.  Her preschool teacher said
    she was a bit reluctant but did fine afterwards.  The second time she
    went back to the lessons, the preschool director was there and she said
    my daughter did fine.
    
    I told her that I was really proud of her and made her a hand-made
    ribbon with colored paper and stickers and call it "a swimming lessons
    award".  She like to wear it around and show it off.  We also went 
    swimming in a lake over the weekend and despite cool tempreture of
    water, she was splashing in it.
    
    With a lot of encouragement and praise, she will get over it I think.
    
    Thanks for the advice,
    	Masami

    I just found this note, and do realize it may be after-the-fact, but I
    put this note in another note somewhere else.  It basically said that
    AJ had been enrolled in the Mom and Me classes at the Y, eight
    Saturdays, inside pool.  During this period his home daycare provider
    enrolled all her charges in lake classes, 3 weeks of 5 days per week. 
    He did and continued to do well in the Y classes, but during the lake
    classes the daycare provider said he became clingy, refused to go in
    with the others, and kept saying things like "my teacher's not there"
    translated into, he's looking for the Y teacher.  They had also
    separated the children into 3 groups, and his best buddy ended up in
    another group, he did well one day when his group and his buddy's group
    were merged.  
    
    Bottom line, maybe your child is looking for a familiar face, or maybe
    it's just time to try another round of mom and me type classes.  I also
    noticed that the once or twice I've stopped by the daycare home,
    usually to drop something off, but have left without him, there is a great 
    separation anxiety clingyness, and general not wanting me to leave.  I
    think it could be separation more than the lessons.
    
    Lyn