Conference moira::parenting_v3

    I have some suggestions.  One is to keep her hair in braids so that
    it doesn't get tangled.  Do you brush out her hair before washing?
    The water makes any existing tangles worse.  I would definitely
    use cream rinse on her hair in the bath/shower.  I was not that 
    impressed with the no more tangles stuff that you spray on when
    brushing.  I have shoulder length hair and find that after applying
    cream rinse I can work out tangles by running my fingers through
    the hair while the water is pouring over it in the shower.  A final
    suggestion is, I don't know if you or she does the shampooing, but
    don't take all the hair and pile it up on top of her head and smear
    it around when washing it.  You can get it just as clean by gently
    massaging the scalp with your fingers and then rubbing the strands
    between the palms of your hand without adding as many tangles.
    The other obvious one is make sure you are brushing out the tangles
    starting at the bottom of the hair strands.  I like the soft rubber
    based pin brushes with rounded heads on the pins.  Happy brushing!
        	Linda	(ametuer dog groomer :-) )

    forgot to mention, keep her hair in a pixie cut for 10 years until
    she can brush it herself.  :-)

    My daughter has always had a lot of hair (since birth!).  Now at age 
    3 1/2 she has hair down to the middle of her back.  I have always 
    blown it dry after her batch using a comb.  She gets some major tangles
    and there have been some complaints, but not much screeming at all.
    I think it might be because I always have her get a stack of books to
    keep next to her or one of her favorite toys which she reads or plays
    with while I'm doing her hair.  Her attention is diverted from the
    "untangling".
    
    Good luck,
    
    Valerie whose_mother_went_the_pixie_route_through_her_childhood

    I have a 5 year old daughter who enjoys putting "pretty" things
    in her hair.  I sometimes have trouble getting her to hold still
    for the combings, but if a nice barette or bow is promised I get
    a lot more cooperation.  I also use the spray-in conditioner on
    a regular basis. (Clairol Leave-in Conditioner available at Longs)
    If I'm not the bathing parent that evening, Dad puts her up in 
    front of the T.V. and brushes.  I have noticed that if I let
    her hair dry at all the tangles seem to be worse, so I always
    try to brush right away.  If all else fails, buy a hat.
    

    Glad to know I"m not the only one who has this problem!  I've
    threatened cutting, but, since my mother did that to me once, and
    I never forgave her, I've decided that it's too intrusive.
    
    I have threatened not to do her hair at all, and once sent her to
    school with her hair a mess.  After all, it's her hair, and if she
    wants it to be a tangled mess, that's a reflection on her, not me!
    Also not an ideal route.
    
    We do pony tails and/or braids as much as possible, brush from the
    bottom with those plastic rubber-tipped bristle brushes, use a good
    shampoo (not baby shampoo -- that's too drying) and conditioner,
    and keep the windows closed while brushing.

    I also have a five year old.  I usually use a cream rinse unless I
    think it will be awhile between hair washings.  I've noticed that
    cream rinse tends to make her hair look dirtier faster. 
    
    I like to use a sturdy, wide-tooth comb for getting the tangles out
    of wet hair.  I even keep one near the bath or shower and get a 
    head start on the job by combing the cream rinse through her hair.
    If you take it slow and start at the ends of the hair, it should be
    practically painless.
    
    Anybody out there ever gotten a perm for a five year old?  Amber has
    very fine (read, limp) hair and this summer she will be swimming every
    day.  I would like an easy to care for hair style without going short.
    Her hair is shoulder length now and neither of us wants it any shorter. 
    
    
    Jodi-
    

    My sister 's daughter has long, fine hair and they too had some
    battles over combing/brushing. She now uses a spray can of Lanolin 
    which she swears makes a huge difference. (and the can does suggest use
    as a hair detangler!)
    
    Sandy (we only have 4 yr old boy now, but are expecting our second
    child in Jan.--I was hoping it would be a girl, but just realized how 
    much extra time I'll need in the mornings, never mind at bath time 
    to do her hair!!)

Hate to discourage you, but we still have the problem at 10, and have more or 
less resigned ourselves to having it until Lara takes over the responsibility 
for doing it herself.

I think that it's not so much related to length as thickness and the 
sensitivity of the scalp.  The braids, pigtails, and ponytails work somewhat, 
but then you get into kid-logic -- you know:

	 +-------------------------------------------------------------------+
	 |								     |
	 v								     |
	Mom:	   How about ________?					     |
									     |
	Daughter:  I don't like _______! 				     |
	 |								     |
	 +---------- loop until all possibilities are suggested and rejected-+

	Mom:	   Well, how do you want it?

	Daughter:  Straight!

	Mom:	   O.K.  (begings to brush)

	Daughter:  AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE !!!!!!  

	Mom:	   AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH !!!!!

I specify "Mom" because this is the one phase of parenting about which I feel 
_totally_ incompetent, and I even refuse to attempt (I'll brush, but refuse
to try to do anything with it).

Clay

    
    My daughter has the same problem. We use Vidal Sassoon creme rinse
    on her hair, it works beautifully. The "no More Tangle" stuff doesn't
    do much. I wait till her hair is dry to comb/brush it. I use a brush
    and start at the bottom, I hold the hair very tight in my hand so
    that she won't feel much of the pulling. I put her hair in a pony tail
    for school so that food, paint, glue and etc, won't get on it. I
    brush her hair everyday so it is not that bad. Also, I trim the ends
    on a regular basic (every 6 weeks) to get the dry parts off, this helps
    to prevent tangles.
    
    
    Eva.

This saying was passed down in our family by at least 3 generations of women:

"If you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer."

When the complaining started, the first one to say it could probably
get a laugh from the other women/girls in the room.

-Amy

    Both of my girls (4 1/2 and 7 1/2) have waist length very thick
    hair that tangles something awful.  I have learned not to brush
    or comb it when it is wet - wait until it is dry and then the tangles
    come out much easier. It doesn't hurt them to go to bed with wet
    hair or blow dry it before combing/brushing.
    
    I now use Paul Mitchell "The Conditioner" on them as well as my
    hair.  I have seen a big improvement since I started this over other
    conditioners.  This conditioner is applied after the hair has been
    towel dried and stays in the hair. Also, it is much better to wash 
    their hair in the shower and when it is rinsing brush your fingers 
    through.  (I take showers with them at least 1 time a week, the other 
    time we rinse it under the faucet in the tub.)
                           
    Between washings I braid their hair or at the most make sure it
    is in a loose pony tail at bedtime.  Always brush the hair before
    going to bed to remove tangles so they don't get worse during the
    night.   They rarely wear their hair down, maybe for special occasions/
    places like church or out to dinner.        
    
    Kim

<    I now use Paul Mitchell "The Conditioner" on them as well as my
<    hair.  I have seen a big improvement since I started this over other
<    conditioners.  This conditioner is applied after the hair has been
<    towel dried and stays in the hair. 

I was just about to suggest this!  My hair is currently down past my waist
by several inches.  I also have a very sensitive scalp (as in it *hurts*
to get my hair braided, etc).  Paul Mitchell's is so FAST and easy to use!
It gets the tangles out faster than anything I have ever seen.  It used
to take FOREVER to do my hair (Shellie thinks it still does), but I have
seen a tremendous improvement since using this conditioner.

Incidentally, I do comb it while it is wet, just after applying a LITTLE
of the PM conditioner.  It doesn't take much conditioner at all.  For me,
it works like magic.

         Carol

Our eldest has fine hair that knots if you look at it ... creme rinses do
help a little, but not a lot.

Our middle one also has fine hair, but totally different from her sisters'.
Don't brush or comb it while it's wet .... you'll fight with it and create
tangles.  Wait till it's dry and you wonder what the problem was ... tangles
fall out!

The 3rd is like the middle, but her hair curls ... dunno where she got that
from!

Stuart

    I've always noticed that my own hair combs out a lot easier when
    dry, too.  If it's still wet, new tangles get created.  As for
    my daughter, she's only 8 months old, but she got her first
    haircut last Friday!  She gets little knots in her hair and cries
    if I comb them, so what I do is just pinch the hair above the
    knot, and work it out a few pieces at a time.  As someone else
    suggested, I always give her a toy to amuse herself with while
    I'm doing this, but she's always moving that little head around!
    
    Good Luck,
    Kathryn
    

We use Humectrus by Nexxus on Laura's hair.  It works, by far, better than any
other product that we've ever tried with her.  Her hair is a nightmare after
a washing ... and we've tried a lot of things.  After washing her hair, we a
dollop about the size of a nickle in the palm of the hand and really work it ...
particularily toward the ends.  We rinse with clear, warm water (not too much, 
you want to keep a little of it in the hair) and use a large-toothed, coated-tip
air brush (not the round kind) and work it beginning at the BOTTOM of the hair
and working our way up.

Her hair is nearly waist length and I think the part that helps the most is
when we started de-tangling from the bottom and working upward toward the
scalp - little bits at a time.  Trying to brush from the top down was the pits.

Elaine

    I used to have the same problem with my daughter(she's 7) Now,
    she takes care of her hair by herself, I showed her how. First,
    she brushes her hair and tangles out before shower, then she
    washes her hair with Pert (it's shampoo/conditioner in one),
    she doesn't pile her hair on top of her head,she runs her fingers
    through her hair as she rinses in cool water, then she combs 
    her hair with a wide tooth comb and then scrunches the ends
    for curls. My daughter loves having long hair, but I'm at 
    work when she takes her shower so I made a rule for her to take
    care of her hair or I'll have to have it cut, that's just the
    way it is. Oh, if my daughter wants her hair done a special way
    in the morning, I just spray her hair with a water bottle and
    french braid it or whatever, but most of the time my daughter
    wants to wear a headband(most girls her age do).
    

All these complaints about tangles, and I only wish my little one had enough
hair to worry about!  16 months old and barely a thread of hair!  Oh well...

From my own experience, I *HAVE* to brush the tangles out of my hair before
I wash it, or I can forget getting them out afterwards.  I have a soft brush
that I can brush real hard and not hurt my scalp.  Make sure you brush the
tangles out before, and I'll bet you'll have only a few afterwards.

Re:  .5  "...reflection on her, not me!"   I have to wonder.... (I can just
hear her teachers now "Can you beleive her mother sent her to school with her
hair looking like that?")!  :-)

Re:  .6   I know of two little girls who had their hair permed at such an
early age.  Both of their hair absolutely FRIED - burned and got so crispy
they both had to cut it all off (both had long hair).

Maybe one of these days I'll have such worries.  Naw.

Kristen

    
    
    
    
              I'm 19 now, but when I was about 9, I had hair down
    to the bottom of my but. My mom tried "No More Tangles", and it 
    didn't work very well at all. She put my hair in braids and ponytails
    and that kept it a bit neater. Now my hair is at the middle of my
    back, and VERY thick. I NEVER comb it or brush it dry. I use 
    a good conditioner like Humectress or Paul Mitchell, rinse,
    towel dry a bit and turban wrap my hair for about 10 minutes, then
    I use a comb thats about eight inches long, with each tooth that's
    about a fourth of an inch apart, and voila! All done.
    
    Never use a brush on wet hair, a comb is always better, and I find
    that if I comb my hair while it's wet, it isn't frizzyI don't get
    static, either.
    
    
                -Jennifer

    RE .6 - about perming little kids hair. If you are doing it to have
    it look nice after swimming, you may get more than you bargined
    for. I would never perm a young child's hair unless they had an
    incredible head of healthy hair. Combine it with a chlorinated pool
    and you'll make matters worse. Take it from someone who started
    swimming competitively at 7 years old - leave her hair alone. You
    can pull it back into a ponytail while she is swimming. After swimming
    you don't have to worry about any type of styling at all. Let it
    dry in the warm weather and you can pull it back again into a pony
    tail, pig tails, french braid, just pull the sides back or up, etc.
    With the perm it is harder to control after a pool session. Check
    with where she will be swimming -some places require bathing caps
    for long hair. 
    
    Andrea _who_wore_a_ponytail_until_she_was_17_and_very_water_logged
    

    
    I second .19 on perm hair. Perm plus chlorination spells damage.
    Another problem is that it looks nice for a couple months and you'll
    have to do it again, else the "in-between" stage of growing out the
    perm is not so flattering. My daughter swam all summer last year,
    twice a day. I just put her hair in a pony tail. When we got home
    from camp, I rinsed her hair to get the chlorine out and let it dry
    naturally. I shampooed her hair every couple of days. I don't want to 
    over process her hair (blow drying, shampooing, etc) since the sun
    does a real good job of drying it up in the summer anyways.
    
    Eva. 

    Steven has the same sensitive-scalp problem even though he's a
    boy.  His hair is very curly like his dad's, but fine like his
    mom's, and it can get tangled in the length of time it takes him
    to put the brush on the counter and walk downstairs.  
    
    A conditioner helps.  So does letting the child do the brushing or
    combing.  S/he can tell when it's starting to hurt.  
    
    We also started using a natural-bristle brush that used to be
    mine.  I didn't like it because it took forever to brush out my
    middle-of-the-back hair, but Steven loves it.  The soft bristles
    bend when they hit a tangle, and sort of coax the knot out rather
    than tugging on it, so it doesn't yank on the scalp as much.  
    
    Kat used to like her hair long, but when she started school it was
    always in her face, and she hated brushing it or taking care of
    it.  It was an extra ten minutes of extra hassle and tears in the
    morning when I was already frazzled, and I eventually got tired of
    it and had it chopped off short over her vehement objections.  But
    as soon as she found out how easy it was to take care of, and how
    it looked decent even when she passed the brush through it twice,
    and how it stayed out of her face even when she was chasing
    footballs, she was glad I made her cut it. 
    
    --bonnie

    
       I know this has nothing to do with the subject but; my 4 1/2 month
    old son has about 3-4 inches of hair.  I have done everything on earth
    to keep his hair down including gel, hats, etc...  Everyone says its
    cute but it could look a lot nicer.  Does anyone have any suggestions?
    
    Francine

    In re: .22
    
    Time.
    
    It works on almost all kiddy problems.  When Aaron was born, he had a
    couple of inches of bright red hair that usually stuck straight out
    from his head as though he was electrified.  He became known as the
    punk-rocker in the family (there wasn't much competition for that
    status, anyway).  Over the months it gradually toned down in both color
    and arrangement, so that by a year or so it no longer looked like a gag
    wig.
    
    			- Bruce