| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
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| 919.1 | I'd be a brat too! | CLOUD9::WEIER | Patty, DTN 381-0877 | Tue Mar 14 1995 15:58 | 37 |
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If it was me, I'd change her daycare. It SOUNDS to me like your
daughter REALLY dislikes Meghan, and the sitter really LIKES Meghan,
and is unable to work with the two girls so they get along, and is
blaming Holly for it (Holly was terrible today!).
All kids aren't going to get along, and it also sounds like her misery
at the daycare is causing her to act up in other places. Don't you
remember that lady that used to sit in the office near yours that you
despised?!? (someone, somewhere, I'm sure) Now picture if you were
'stuck' with her all day long and forced to play with her. And if you
DIDN'T, everyone blamed you!! When it's clear to you that the other
girl/woman is just a twit.
If you decide to change, I'd be CAREFUL to explain to Holly that you're
doing this because you believe that there may be a problem, and that
you'll find a different place together, but that you don't expect the
same kinds of problems in a different place. Let her know that you're
willing to help her, but you're NOT going to be walked over. It's
reasonable that she may not get along with a particular individual or
two, but it's not reasonable if she never gets along with anyone.
As for her tantrums at home .... she's in a place she claims she hates,
all day (or at least w/ a person she dislikes), and as far as she can
tell, this is what the rest of her life will be like. I'd be upset
too! Maybe you can focus on the positive at home, or explain to her
that Meghan's not around anymore (at home) and you expect her to treat
you guys right .... or something like that.
What 3.5 year olds pick up toys?!?!?!? I'd like one of them!! If I
threaten to beat my kids with a stick, they'll think about it (well,
it's not that bad...). There is no "typical 3.5 year old", and if you
have an image of one, your child is certain to be the opposite (that's
in the genes!). I'd try to work 'one problem at a time', at least
until you can get the daycare situation straightened out.
Good Luck!
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| 919.2 | | BIGQ::MARCHAND | | Tue Mar 14 1995 16:51 | 18 |
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I have to agree with .1. Sounds to me like she's being forced
to be "nice" to someone she doesn't care for and is resenting it.
So, she's doing the only thing she knows how, acting out her anger so's
someone will listen and see that she has a problem.
As for the day-care, I don't think I would be happy with them.
If they are blaming a 3.5 year old for they're inability to deal
with the situation then they need mental health facilities not you!
Plus, I wouldn't want my 3.5 year old to feel that no matter
how much she dislikes a person she has to be "nice as pie". It's not
a good lesson to learn. She does need to learn how to function
in situations around people she doesn't care for, but she shouldn't be
forced into "niceness". I'm not sure if this paragraph came out
the way I was thinking.
Rosie
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| 919.3 | daycare center? | MPGS::HEALEY | Karen Healey, VIIS Group, SHR3 | Wed Mar 15 1995 09:29 | 9 |
|
Perhaps it is time to switch to a center where she will be with kids
her own age (not 1 year younger) and have lots of other kids to choose
as her friends?
Personally, I plan to move Lauren to a center when she is 3 since I
think that she will have outgrown a family day care by then.
Karen
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| 919.4 | Find some place FUN for Holly | BRAT::JANEB | See it happen => Make it happen | Wed Mar 15 1995 16:42 | 6 |
| It does sound like time to change daycares!
Holly deserves to be with a caretaker who really LIKES her!
If I were her age and in that situation, I'd act up too. Come to
think of it, that applies to the age I am as well!
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| 919.5 | Maybe it's a phase | STOWOA::SPERA | | Fri Mar 17 1995 14:27 | 21 |
|
Why doesn't she like Meghan ? (Before you scream, let me explain that I
have a nearly 4 year old who held her breath and passed out on me this
morning as I left daycare and I still don't know why she did it !)
Still, I think we have to find out what is causing the problem and
whether there is another solution. I knwo drop off and pick up are
rushed times but can your provider find some time to talk to you about
what is going on. Maybe Meghhan is going through a phase that is
pissing off Holly.
Last night, I heard again about Marc...he calls her a baby, he sticks
out his tongue, etc. I haven't a clue what to do so the advice I give
is usually ridiculous...e.g. tell Marc he used to be a baby..
I decided to turn it around and pretend I was Marc and pretend I was
nice. We played for a while and she said she wanted Marc to stay over
and she wanted to sahre her toys...
Just an idea... a little role playing to help her find another
solution.
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| 919.6 | Trust your feelings | AIAG::MANSEAU | | Mon Mar 20 1995 13:27 | 12 |
|
We had the very same situation. Worried and worried some more
about changing daycares. After we finally did it we saw a BIG
difference in our daughter. Some kids just like grown-ups just
don't get along. Spending all day in close quarters with someone
you don't "click" with is stressful. Who needs it.
Its hard to switch but once its done you'll be glad you did.
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| 919.7 | preschool | MAIL1::LOCOVARE | | Wed Mar 22 1995 10:10 | 13 |
|
I went thru this too. My daughter was in a family care that she
had been in since 6 mo's old but there was no one her age
and she needed more challenge... She was horrible at my sitters
and at home. We put her into a preschool and she is very
happy, she is kept busy, she is learning and she has more kids
her age to play with.
Time for a change - try a preschool. Mine has extra hour baby
sitting for working parents.
Good luck!
Suz
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| 919.8 | | CLOUD9::WEIER | Patty, DTN 381-0877 | Thu Mar 23 1995 15:23 | 3 |
| How's Holly doing? Any update??
-Patty
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| 919.9 | Thank you for asking | AKOCOA::NELSON | | Wed Mar 29 1995 15:26 | 29 |
| Glad you asked! Meghan's mother is considering moving her out of
daycare. I talked with my sitter at some length this morning, and
said, well, if I'd known how awful it really was, we probably should
have moved Holly. And the sitter called me at work to reassure me that
as far as she was concerned, she would mind my kids for as long as we
needed her to. SO that made me feel better -- not much better, but
better.
Holly is one of those kids who is very intense, has a temper, and is
having a hard time learning to control it (hmmm....sounds like her
Mom!). She isn't berating Meghan all day. BUT if Meghan tries to,
say, touch her, Holly "goes ballistic" -- the sitter's words, not mine.
I think that Holly is as much sinned against as sinning. She plays
fine with other kids, she just can't stand Meghan. IF there were more
kids at the day care, it probably wouldn't be so bad, since they'd have
a choice of whom to play with and wouldn't be running up against each
other all day.
I have to admit, this whole thing has given me another headful of gray
hair. To top it all off, my husband has injured his back and can't
work (or even do housework), both of the kids have been sick over the
last two weeks, and I'm trying to heal a muscle spasm in my right
shoulder -- and I'm right-handed.
I still wonder if I should have my daughter evaluated by a child
development specialist.
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| 919.10 | Be creative w/ the housework... | CLOUD9::WEIER | Patty, DTN 381-0877 | Fri Mar 31 1995 10:24 | 33 |
|
Sorry to hear that things are going so badly for you right now ...! I
hope that everyone's feeling better soon, and you'll be able to get on
with the "normal" rat race, without all these added complications (-:
It wouldn't hurt to have Holly evaluated, but (imho) there's probably not
a problem. Kids need to learn how to deal with their own emotions, but
they don't need to do it with someone who knows what buttons to push,
"on them" all day long. It's tough enough to figure out appropriate
ways to deal with being royally pissed off. Add to that someone who
just enjoys pissing you off. Sigh.
What are the GOOD things about this daycare that you feel it's great
for her to be there? What would SHE lose if you moved her? What would
YOU lose? What would she/you WIN if you moved her? Even if it's more
convenient, or maybe a little more costly to move her, you may find
it's all worth it in the end, so that you can have back the daughter
you're used to, instead of one who's tormenting you guys because she
feels tormented all day. It flows downhill, and when it comes to
parents/kids, I think the parents can end up on the downhill side of it
all, quite frequently! (-: We give, give, give for our children, and
don't take a moment to ourselves - and never think of this as the
slightest bit odd or tipped in their favor. I'd switch her just
because I'd want my "real" kid back again. It may relieve a lot of
stress for the whole family.
Well, good luck with everything!! I hope it turns out well, and you're
all feeling better quick!!
-Patty
p.s. you can fold laundry sitting down .... stack it on the couch next
to hubby, and let him help out that way ... (-:
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| 919.11 | An update?
An update?
| LETHE::TERNULLO | | Tue May 23 1995 08:51 | 7 |
|
Any update on Holly?
Hope you're all doing much better now.
Karen T.
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