Conference moira::parenting

    I just handle it like you do. I tell Brad [it's interesting to me that
    it's only Brad who's doing it with the gun bit] that guns are not nice,
    we don't use guns, and he's not to play with guns. I've tried asking
    him where he saw a gun, and he tells me that Daddy showed it to him, so
    I know he's sort of making it up as he goes along. Since he has a
    tendency to do this, I usually take what he says with a very large
    grain of salt. I just assumed that he was picking it up at daycare, and
    since I can't be there every minute to supervise what kinds of pretend
    play he does, I try to set the rules and limits.
    
    I have found,however, that the gun-play has subsided recently, so maybe
    I'm getting through. But knowing Brad, I'd say he's just found
    something more interesting to play with.
    
    I've also had Jessica come home and tell me she wants to play Power
    Rangers, and since we've never seen it, I know that, too, is coming
    from daycare. I just figured they'd pick up similar things at school
    once they start that, so I'm just fighting this battle a little sooner.
    
    

    Anything the kids are likely to "pick up at school" will ahve to be
    addressed by parents of daycare attenders.  Some of those kids have
    older siblings to show them these little niceties.  So, yeah, you will
    probably have to get used to addressing these things earlier.
    
    My kids were not allowed to have guns in the house because I felt very
    negative about it.  Well, when they chewed their toast into the shape
    of a gun and killed me at the breakfast table one morning, it was proof
    to me that kids learn things thru osmosis.  I was an at-home mom at the
    time and they were not learning this stuff from sesame street or mister
    rogers (which 8 years ago was the programming of choice for them).  I
    remember that as they got older I could make understand that guns killed
    and killing was a final act.  My boys were taught early that shooting
    people is not acceptable.  I was not always able to control this, they
    played with neightbor kids, they watched more TV as they got older,
    etc.  And I stopped being fanatical.  Eventually, my kids just stopped
    showing an interest in weaponry.  They still like the occaisional
    sword, but even though they are in karate - we don't have alot of ninja
    kicking, powerranger fighting going on.  Maybe my kids aren't the
    violent type, but they just grew out of it.  The problem we had was
    that our dog is scared of loud sudden noises and she hated the sound of
    the plastic trigger of the toy guns, so since they couldn't shoot them
    in the house, I guess they were no longer fun to have.
    
    -s
    
    (sorry for rambling)
    

When Evan would do this we would say "We don't play with guns."  When it
started coming from daycare we knew their policies forbade guns and using
anything to be like a gun, also, so we got their help.  They became more
vigilant about this with the children, and it worked.

We decided to keep the rule strict about guns, but to relax the rules 
regarding all violence, so Evan is allowed to play martial arts (not at
animals or unwilling others) and swords (rarely, and only with approved, soft
materials and aiming only at the sword, not at the other person).  It worked
for us.  Although he still enjoys violence (martial arts that he does with
his toys) far more than I am comfortable with, he hasn't done anything that
I would consider inappropriate (more than once...).  :-}  

Even Santa is willing to go by the "no guns" rule in our house.  When Santa
brought Evan the Power Ranger dolls for Christmas, he didn't have his elves
make the guns that normally come with them...

:-)
     Carol

    We have a 'no weapons' rule, that lasted for about 5 years, and now
    it's pretty much 'no guns' though their father bought them a cap gun
    (for HIS house!).  My boys have ALWAYS been taught that no matter what
    gun/fake gun/sword or whatever they're using as a weapon, that they
    should never EVER point them at people.  And they don't.
    
    I tried to teach that more so that there'd be less chance of an
    accident in case they were ever able to get their hands on a gun.  
    
    And then the kid upstairs came running in one night, charging up the
    stairs with a toy rifle and aimed it right in my face.  And yelled "POW
    POW!".  It was a complete and total reaction that I grabbed the gun,
    twisted it away from him and almost sent the kid flying back down the
    stairs, and then yelled at him "DON'T point guns are people!!".  His
    father turned around and looked at me like I was nuts.  Geez!
    
    So, maybe keeping them pointed away will also help them from getting in
    trouble from people who don't like being "shot at". ??
    
    

    So far with Rowan, I've only ever had one occasion to say to another
    adult 'Rowan doesn't play with guns', he replied that they had tried
    that tactic as well, but gave up in the end.
    
    It made me think that although I don't like guns, and don't see any
    particular need for any private gun ownership, I did have toy guns with
    caps, spud guns, pingpong guns and water pistols which I was allowed to
    point at someone and shoot them - that is after all what they are for.
    I haven't grown up into a crazed gunman (but if we don't get a payrise
    soon...:-), so I don't suppose there is any reason for my son to (or I
    suppose for any other child).
    
    I think, like my friend, we will hold out as long as possible, but not
    go over the top about it.
    
    I don't believe the availability of toy weapons is responsible for the
    perceived increase in violent society, as these toys have always been
    available in one form or another. What worries me is that I don't know
    what is. And if I don't know, how can I protect my child?
    
    Andy