Conference moira::parenting

    Andrea, its just a phase...8-).
    I find that Charlotte still bites during the time she is teething.
    Its our little affectionate daughter who loves to give hugs with
    teeth!
    She also has the tendancy to pretend a person's face is made of 
    silly putty (grabs some piece of your face and tries to stretch it
    some direction it wasn't design to go). 
    an "Ow!" at this point is usually considered high comedy and she will
    do it again.
    I find only through endless repetition does she begin to understand.
    
    I usually take her hand put it to the part she was trying to rip off
    and make her caress that spot. "Aye, Charlotte, Aye"  (Which is
    what my mom always would say when we were to be gently caressing
    something).
    Someday........
    
    Monica

    Andrea,
                            
      My daughter Maycie who is 15 months old now, reacts exactly like 
    Melissa when I try the "No hitting/biting Mommy"  technique.  I have 
    also tried showing her the proper behaviour like touching gently and I 
    tell her "easy" and give her a big hug and kiss and then she usually
    hits me with the other hand and laughs.  If I try catching her hand 
    before she can hit me and say no she just tries harder.  If I put her
    down after she has hit me a few times, she cries but, I do not get the 
    sense that she has made the connection that her behaviour was the
    cause. 
    
     One thing that I have tried that has worked for me is letting her know
    she has hurt me.  I say "Ow" and then cry gently and look real sad.
    She usually gives me a hug and kiss and the game seems to stop.  Not
    sure how this technique will working in the long run but, it seems to 
    be doing the trick for now.
    
     The good news is that the behaviour is a lot worse during teething
    time and seems to get a lot better when the teeth are through.  When 
    not teething, she only hits a couple times a week.  When teething, she
    hits 5-10 times a day.    
             

    I've been told that it's just a phase but my 3.9 year old son Alexander
    seems to love to kick me.   He has been doing this for the past 2 years
    and to tell you the truth I am getting sick and tired of it.  I keep
    telling him not to but he seems to think its a game and its funny to
    see mommy run aroudn with all these bruses on me.  I am going to have a
    talk with his pedi when I take him for his 4 yr check up in November
    and see what he says.  He did go through a bitting stage but stopped
    after a few months, now the only time he bits is when he is mad.
    
    I hope he stops this kicking soon.
    
    
    Liz

    There is a chapter in a book I refer to as "my Bible", called Toddler
    Taming.  It deals with many of these behaviors.  I just sent it to a
    friend who is also having biting problems, so I can't give you quoted
    advise.  Might be worth the investment of the book though.
    
    Lyn
    

    
    	Saying "ow" only seems to spur Emily on.  She will be holding
    	my face in her hands, then will grab my lips or cheeks and pinch
    	and *she'll* say "ow".
    
    	Now I just explain that that hurts Mommy.  I take her hands gently
    	and, like Monica, try to get her to gently pat my cheek.  If she
    	continues, I'll usually explain, "I'm going to have to put you down
    	if you keep hurting mommy", then follow through if necessary.
    
    	She doesn't try this that often, usually if she's feeling fiesty
    	from too little sleep, so it's not a very big problem for us.
    
    	Karen
    

Someone (daycare?  This file?) taught us that when you say "Don't do xxx" to
a young child, all they hear is "do xxx".  Instead, we learned to use 
positive terms ("do yyy").  

The biting *is* quite common, as you have already heard, and they often bite
when they think they are kissing.  They are still learning to close their
mouths and pucker.  

You can put her down whenever she does that.  It only takes a second, and
then you can pick her up again very shortly.  If you are consistent, then
she will hopefully learn that biting/pulling_hair gets her the *opposite*
of what she wants.

Remember, too, that she is *very* young, and saying no doesn't get very far.
Distraction can work wonders, and they are *so* distractable at this age.

    Carol, mother of a 10 month old and a 5 year old

Also check out note 477.* "First NO NO's - Starting Good Disciplinary Habits"

       Carol, as moderator  :-)

re: .3

In my opinion, there is a considerable difference between a 10 month old and 
a 3.9 year old.  I believe in a toddler, there is an element of willfulness, 
intent, and understanding (or the ability to understand) the consequences of 
kicking, biting, etc. that is lacking in a 10 month old.

For that reason, I wouldn't classify the 10 month old as "fresh".  
Unfortunately, though, I can't make any suggestions, since we were lucky 
enough not to go through that.  For anyone past the age of two or so, I think 
that the discipline notes and the "terrible two" notes are more appropriate. 
Unless you believe that techniques for a toddler are applicable to an infant, 
I suggest that we use this note for preventing infants from doing undesirable 
things, and use other notes for toddlers.

Clay

    Well, I am sporting a colorful black and blue on my shoulder this
    morning.  Our nightly routine at bathtime is after I take her out of
    the tub and wrap her in a towel, I will hug her close to keep her warm
    and dry her off.  As I was doing this last night I felt a sharp
    shooting pain run up my shoulder.  You guessed it, she really got me
    good.  It hurt so bad it brought tears to my eyes.
    
    When we went back downstairs for play time before bed, I was sitting in
    the chair as she played on the floor.  She crawled over to me, pulled
    herself up on the chair and bit me in the leg.  I picked her up and
    carried her to the other side of the room.  She repeated this action at
    least five times.  I basically just want her to stop because it HURTS!
    
    I called the pedi this morning to ask his advice.  When I hear back
    from him, I will let you know what he says.  I do realize she is just a
    baby which is why I do not want to slap her hand or bite her back.  I
    just don't want to be her teething ring anymore.
    
    Thanks for all the replys,
    
    Andrea

    Well, I just got off the phone with the doctor and I feel a bit better
    because he reassured me that what I was currently doing was basically
    the best and only thing I can do.  The only real advice he could give
    me was to never turn my back on her and when I see a bite coming to
    duck.
    
    As they say, this to shall pass.  I think I will start to keep a
    running count of bruises in her baby book.  Bruise #1 present and
    accounted for.
    
    Thanks again,
    
    Andrea

    	I remember putting a note in here when Spencer was about your
    daughter's age saying that I was going to buy a leather suit to protect
    me from my son's bites.

    	He only bit me (mom=food) and when he did bite, he bit HARD (black
    and blue). I remember one weekend, I just handed him to Marc and said
    "take him, I can't deal with the biting anymore" and I left the room.

    	Can't tell you when but it did diminish and eventually passed.
    Until it does however, you may want to think about that leather suit
    idea ;-)

    				Wendy                            

    Wendy,
    
    	Tell me where I can get one and I will be there at lunchtime.
    
    Andrea

    Andrea,
    
    When I got bit by the two older kids, I didn't hold back, I SCREAMED
    bloody murder.  This scared the kids pretty badly, but the biting phase
    went away quickly.  Since both of them were nursed until they were
    over 2 you can imagine where the new teeth got tried out.  there was no
    way I could tolerate biting and feed them, and hitting was out of the
    question, but the screetch seemed to work and the biting stopped.
    
    Meg

   re: .-1... yep, a loud "ouch" seems to work for my kids too.  I don't
   recall ever being bit (well, not too hard anyway), but I've been poked
   in the face and kneed in the groin and other stuff like that.. usually
   just letting them know (by yelping loudly) that it hurt is enough to
   bring them around.
   
   - Tom (who now closes his knees when his almost 5-yr old wants to jump
          up into his lap!)

    It passes. It really does. 
    
    Concentrate on controlling your own anger; I know it hurts. Sometimes I
    would get angry and put her in the crib and walk away. It didn't stop
    the behavior but it gave me a minute to reflect on the fact that she
    hasn't a clue why it is ok to pull and bite somethings and not others.
    
    You might tell her to bite her teething ring not people and to pull a
    pull toy not hair. Kids need to learn what to do not what not to do.
    

Boy, do I remember this with Elise, and we're about to do 
it again. Sarah logged her first bite on me just this week 
(almost 10 months).  The only good thing about when Elise
went thru this is that she preferred to bite her father :-).

Ah well, not much really to add, except here's one more
kid going this particularly unpleasant phase.  Maybe we
can have a contest for the bruise that most closely
resembles Richard Nixon.  Losers chip in to buy the
leather suit for the winner....

Pat

    Babies at this age (7 1/2 - 14 months) are extremely pleased when
    they get reactions to something they do.  So if they bite, or
    pinch your face, or pull off your glasses, and you respond with
    "Ouch!" or laugh, or make any sudden, surprising response, it's
    hilarious or fun to them.  They'll do it again and again, to
    get a reaction.  Try NOT reacting - as unobtrusively as possible,
    stop the behavior (slowly/quietly stop the behavior by moving
    their arm, e.g.), and distract them with something else.  If
    it continues, you can also add a firm "No", and also ignoring
    them for a short period, which is the opposite of what they wanted.
    The noter who said she moves the baby to the other side of the
    room is probably doing this.
    
    Regards,
    
    Jennie

What both daycare and I did when my youngest started biting in pinching was to tell
her No and that it hurt us firmly the first time and if she did it again, she was
immediately put on the floor and told that we would not hold her if she was going
to hurt us.  This stopped the behavior pretty quickly.  I'm telling her the same
thing about my glasses now.  She keeps wanting to take them off of me and play 
with them.

Irene