Conference moira::parenting

    You didn't give your son's age.  How old is he?  I assume he is a young
    toddler.
    
    According to Dr. Ferber (Solving_Your_Childs_Sleep_Problems), head
    banging in the crib is actually a means of self-comforting due to the
    repetitive motion, like rocking.  Dr. Ferber says it rarely results in
    head injuries even when the furniture gets damaged!  He doesn't see it
    as something to be overly concerned about.
    
    When your son bangs his head repetitively on the floor, is he perhaps
    overstimulated or tired and in need of a quiet, soothing environment
    and maybe a nap?  Might you try rocking him in your arms instead?
    
    It sounds like the head banging during play is just a variation on
    playful hitting, biting and other roughness.  My daughter tried all
    three.  Same method of stopping it:  Firmly grab her, tell her no, and
    teach her to "make nice" instead.  If this continues, she gets a time
    out and firm words.
    
    L
    

    My daughter did/does this although not so much anymore - She would
    sit with her back against the wall and bang her head on it over
    and over again.......My friend has a baby 5 wks younger (Samantha
    is 11 1/2 months now) who does the same thing on the sliding glass
    door......
    
    Someone told me once that it's the noise they like.....
    
    andrea

    My daughter did this at age one to one and a half, although not
    frequently. She would sometimes bang her head on the floor while
    playing. It appeared fairly harmless. She also would get carried
    away during tickle games and start banging her head into us. She
    broke my nose doing this. It was just a phase that she grew
    out of. She's two now and I haven't seen this behavior in a long
    time.
    
    Alice

    
    
    I agree with the others....it's just a kid thing. My daughter and my
    nephew both did this. Sometimes they did it while playing, sometimes
    when very angry. :) Either way, they both survived with nothing more
    than the realization that it *hurts* to bash your head against the
    kitchen floor too many times....:)
    
    
    jim s.

    
    Thanks for the replies.....  Michael is just about 13 mos. 
    Yes, it seems to happen when over tired, over stimulated, or just plain
    angry (usually when he doesn't get his way). I spoke with my daycare
    provider yesterday about it (she is taking him back FULL days next week
    and having him afternoons has yet to experience it yet), and she said
    she had a child once who did the same thing when going down for a nap.
    So far he hasn't done that yet (although sometimes he'll bang a leg for
    a few seconds). She said it does pass, as you all have said.
    
    Guess I'll just have to wait it out and try to distract it/him  when
    possible.
    
    All replies still welcome!
    Chris
    (who got clocked over the eye pretty badly Sun nite and still hurting!)
    

    Just wait until your lil darlin comes over to you while you are napping
    on the sofa and punches you in the solar plexus. ;-)
    
    L
    

    For us males of the species, the problem is a little lower than the
    solar plexus!
    
    Now that *HURTS*
    
    Dave

	I happen to have heard of someone who's just cured this in their
	toddler. Whenever the child starts banging (this was in bed), go in
	and get her up and walk up and down the hall several times. While 
	you're doing this, avoid eye-contact and other 'rewards'; do it in 
	a businesslike fashion, then put the child back to bed and leave
	the room. 

	This came as professional advice, and though it sounds odd it worked
	within a week. There are reasons why it works -- I can find out if 
	you need them.

	Richard.

    Last night I noticed when Emily (Emily is almost 4yrs old.  She is 
    the second child, only girl) didn't have her mother's full attention
    or if mother didn't start reading on Emily's demand, Emily began to hit
    herself, again and again.  During a time span of 1/2hr, she did it
    again.  
    
    Is this a phase children go through at this age?  Is it a sign of
    something to worry about?  This is something new, say in the past 2
    weeks.  Emily's been going to daycare since Sept. 
    
    This self abuse bothered me. I suggested to mother that she look it up
    and see if there is anything to be concerned about.
    
    Has anyone run into this type of behavior, if that's the correct word
    for it? 
    
    I would appreciate any ideas, inputs.
    Thank you.
    Marie

    My son Christopher is a head banger (now 15 months) and has been doing
    it for perhaps 4-5 months.
    
    I asked our family doctor about it at his 12 month checkup and she
    seemed pretty nonplussed, which actually reassured me. She said that as
    long as he's not intentionally hurting himself then I can basically
    ignore it. She also mentioned the likelihood that he does it at times
    to provoke attention, as he may know it bothers me.  In general though,
    he will head butt or head bang when he's tired or frustrated. He will
    also do it, as another noter described, sitting up in the crib and
    gently banging the back of his head against the rail, somewhat self
    comforting, when he's preparing to settle down to sleep at night.
    
    FWIW, my older brother was also a head banger as a young toddler. Made
    me wonder if there's a hereditary element here? :-)
    
    The worst part is when Christopher head bangs the dog, who's 130 lbs!
    

    
    Michael got me good yesterday (head butt) right smack in the nose as
    I was holding him talking to my daycare provider about his day. I think
    he was trying to tell me to pay attention to HIM, not talk to her!
    
    I saw stars this time!
    
    My little bruiser!
    Chris
    

    
    I'm looking for ways to help with my daughters temper.  I did notice
    there is another note regarding this same subject but nothing in it
    helped me.
    
    I have a 20 month old girl that is very stubborn and has quite the
    temper.  When she gets real angry she smashes her head.  She does
    this to the point she gets bumps and bruises.  It makes me extremely
    nervous and I'm not sure how I can get her to stop. I did the ignoring
    but that didn't seem to do a thing.  I've also put her in her crib
    but now she does it on her crib.  I've been trying to get her out of
    the habit of waking up and coming into my bed which meant crying in
    the middle of the night, she starts with the crying and then starts
    hitting her head.  When I'm in the kitchen, usually trying to get
    dinner dishes done, she'll want me to stop, when I don't is when she'll
    start hitting her head on the cabinets.  I cut hair at night and she's
    also thrown fits when I cut, at this time she hit her head on the
    leg of the table.  I don't see this habit getting any better and
    it's been going on for about a month.  I was assuming that after she
    hit her head hard enough to where it hurt she'd stop....nope.  She
    gets plenty of attention and love so I know it can't be out of lack
    of attention.  Is there something that can be done to get her to stop
    this?  I spoke with the dr and she said that she's never actually seen
    a child do real damage and that it's just a temper tantrum.  Well,
    tantrum or not, I'm not so sure Kelsey will stop to the point she
    doesn't hurt herself.  She'll scream and hit her head 3-4 or more
    times, course screaming worse after each hit cuz it hurts but it still
    doesn't stop her.  She has bruises along her forehead/hairline.
    
    Any ideas on what to do about this would be greatly appreciated.
    
    thanks
    deb
    

	Hi Deb,

	I just read an article on this yesterday.  Unfortunately, I tossed 
	the magazine (it was one from Diadee Diaper 18-24 months that
	they send out tryingto drum up business).

	What I do remember (I only skimmed since my baby is just 4 months
	old) from the article is the suggestion that you offer the child 
	another outlet for her anger.  If you give her a cushion or other
	soft object to beat up on that might help to relieve her aggression 
	in a non damaging way.  

	I'm a little iffy about the suggestion though.  First of all, I'd
	make sure the soft object is not a stuffed animal.  Second, I
	really wonder if you shouldn't try to teach the child that 
	physical agression is not acceptable.  Then again, I think about
	those times when I am just fuming and a good workout helps let
	off some steam.  Maybe she just needs to let off her steam in
	a physical way.

	Well, good luck. 

	Karen

    When my 2 1/2 yr old daughter gets out of control she hits herself and
    trashes her head too.  Usually this comes on from being placed in a
    timeout.
    
    We've never hit her and have used timeouts after 2 warning of naughty
    behavior.  I can't figure wear the anger is coming from.  My husband
    and I spend every home minute with her and are extremely loving towards
    her.  Yet these anger fits -- hurt her and rip my heart out.
    
    Leaving in the morning for work after one of theses kills my whole day.
    I call daycare and she's fine - but I feel sad knowing we had to go
    thru so much pain that morning.
    
    I work with a lot of parent with children under 3 and this weekend and
    this morning - every child was a little terror.   Is this thing
    cosmic??
    
    
    
    I could also use help.

    I think part of the headbanging/self abuse at this age is frustration
    for not being able to completely communicate;sort of like when I go to
    Mexico on vacation.  I understand far more Spanish than I speak and I
    want to express myself, but I often have to resort to one or two words
    and a lot of body language.  In a problem situation this can be
    extremely frustrating as an adult, let alone an 18-month to two-year
    old who doesn't know the meaning of the word "patience"
    
    For Carrie, and Lolita, I gave them a pillow they could pound, instead
    of the floor.  Atlehi seems to be expressing frustration already, so I
    expect that we will need to introduce her to the pillow soon as well. 
    Now why kids are violent this way when raised nonviolently is beyond
    me, but I expect it is because so much energy is there on the
    frustration, that it has to be gotten out somehow.  I just prefer they
    work it out on inanimate objects that they can't hurt and that can't
    hurt them. 
    
    Meg

    
    My 15 month old daughter also appears to suffer from this "frustation"
    release.  When she gets angry or frustrated she will hit herself on the
    head with her fists, bite her hand, or bite whatever it is that is 
    frustrating her.  I am at a loss as to how to get her to stop doing
    this, so if anyone has good ideas, I am open to suggestions.  I think
    that I will try using the pillow method to see if that will get her to
    stop hurting herself.
    

    I tried the pillow method with my little 2 1/2 daughter and she whipped
    the pillow at me and yelled, "NOOOOOOOO sank you" then she got even
    more angry.
    
    This weekend she had a few outbursts and we just cleared an area on the
    carpet layed her down (kicking and screaming) and said we'd be in the
    kitchen and when she was all done to come on in and we'd give her a
    hug.  After what seemed like a life time of unreal screaming coming
    from the livingroom this little person comes walking in the kitchen and
    says, "I'm all done crying" I put out my arms and she came runnin
    in......she gave me the biggest squeeze.

    
    Well, I'm happy to say that Kelsey has stopped banging her head.  I'm
    not sure if it was my doing or hers but I just keep my fingers crossed
    it doesn't start up again.  I mainly ignored her on every little fit
    that she pulled and told her that banging her head will get her
    nowhere.  I'm not sure if she understood what I was talking about 
    though.  When she would start the banging, I'd either leave the room or
    sit her down where she was and told her no.  I also took her off that
    nightime bottle which means no bottle at all.  Everything has been
    fine.  I guess about the only thing that works for this sort of stuff
    is time.
    
    deb