Conference misery::feline

    When our Christabelle reached 18 she had FUS and a pre-diabetic
    condition.  We felt as you do, that we couldn't hold onto her out of
    our own selfishness.  But we still couldn't bring ourselves to make
    that final decision.  As she got weaker and weaker, we kept putting it
    off until she got to the point she could hardly walk a few steps
    without resting.  When we took her to the Vet's the last time, he said
    he wanted to keep her over the weekend.  On Monday he called to say she
    was failing, so we went there, held her in our arms and he gave her an
    injection.  I think it took her being away from home (and out of the
    familiar surroundings) for us to make the decision.  While she was at
    home we could delude ourselves that everything was "as usual".  Her
    being at the Vets seem to put the situation in the proper perspective
    that she was not going to get better and that we could do her a last
    kindness.
    
    This didn't make it any easier for us to make the decision for the next
    cat in line, Gypsy at 16 years.  As it was, my husband was taking her
    to the vets to get his opinion if "this is the time" and she went right
    there next to him.  At least she had someone with her at the end.
    
    I think we try to make the decision as if our animals were humans and,
    since we cannot just end a humans life (though both my husband and I
    have living wills and hope that when the time comes someone WILL make
    that decision for us) we have trouble ending a cat's.
    
    Do what YOU think is best but try to be compassionate and don't let
    them either suffer OR become embarrassed (as with wetting on the
    carpet, she DOES know what she has done and it must hurt her terribly).
    
    Linda

    I think Smokey will and perhaps has let you know.  In your heart if you
    can ask this question, you must also know it is time.  It is not an
    easy decision, but then not to get too philosophical, this end of the
    natural way is hard for those of us who think about it.  Smokey has
    certainly not looked at it the way we would.  I have made this decision
    in the past and after time I have known that I did the right thing and
    have no regrets.  Well, here I go! Crying again!  We will be thinking
    of you.
    Love to you and Smokey,
    Karen

    I think Linda (.1) made some beautiful and eloquent statements.  I
    (personally) treat Otis like a human ... God knows I love him like
    one.  When the time comes I pray to God I have the strength to do the 
    right thing for HIM.
    
    No advice - just a suggestion.  Perhaps talking it over with your
    vet might give you some insight as to whether or not Smokey is
    in pain and if there is anything humanly possible that could be done 
    to make him better.
    
    Sending you best wishes.  A hug for Smokey too!
    
    Marilyn & Otis
    

    I'd also ask your vet.  S/he can very likely tell you if Smokey is in
    pain and what the quality of his life is.  This is an unbelievably hard
    decision to have to make, but please take some comfort in knowing that
    when the time does come, your decision will be putting Smokey's good
    ahead of your own feelings.  I'm sure he knows he is loved and cared
    for.
    

    We also had this decision to make a few months ago for our 19 year old
    siamese, Jinxie.  The hardest day for me was when the decision was
    actually made.  We had to wait two days after that until our adult
    children could say their goodbyes.  Jixie, who went downhill rapidly
    towards the end let us know it was time by asking to go outdoors,
    something he had not done for years and our other two cats started
    attacking him, something they had not done before.  Hard as it was, I
    felt at peace with the decision.  We owed him that much.
    
    My thoughts are with you at this most difficult time.
    
    Pat Beaudet

      
      One thing that we all have to remember is to do what is right for the
    animal... Many times--and we are all human so all probably 'guilty' (if
    that's the correct term) of it to some degree--is that we "hold on"
    because WE don't want to go through the "missing" part.
    
      However, we have to do what is right. To make is a little easier
    though, DON'T think of it as LOSING her or him!! Think of it rather as
    placing her/him in a safe place where she/he can and will NEVER suffer
    any more pain, where she/he can wait in peace and serenity for US to
    join them later. I know that I'll have a CROWD waiting for me when I
    go...and I know too that they'll be happy to see me again...just as
    they did every time I came home when they were here on THIS place.
    
      Keep the GOOD that you had together. Do NOT think of this as
    something that you should be guilty for, but rather that you should be
    proud to be ABLE to give this one last and very important
    gift...because they NEED you to help give them this peace when the time
    comes..
    
      But...DON'T cover the pain you will feel either...it's normal, it's
    natural, and most of us in FELINE have had SOME experience with it.
    After some time, the pain dulls, and the good times can be recalled and
    cherished..
    
      John McD
    (Yeah...REAL MEN cry too!!)
    

    Thank you everyone for your replies.  My original appointment was for
    this past Saturday, but this past Friday, I knew it was time.
    
    By Friday morning, she wouldn't eat again and her back paws bowed out
    a little when she walked.  I know adult cats aren't supposed to have
    milk, but this was one thing that Smokey loved.  She would actually
    go over to the refridgerator and look up at it until you gave her some
    milk.  On Friday, for the first time in her life, she even refused
    milk.  Then I tried chicken liver, her second love which she also
    refused.
    
    I held her for a while and she wouldn't purr, so I knew she must
    have been in pain.  I decided then and there that I didn't want to
    put her through this for another day.
    
    I came into work and called and made an appointment for that day.
    I took a half a vacation day so I could spend a few more hours with
    her.
    
    I wanted to stay with Smokey while they gave her the injection.  I
    was pretty upset, though, so my sister came with me.
    
    The vet. technician explained to me that it would be quick and
    painless, which it was.  It was very hard for me, but I know it
    was the best for Smokey.  I miss her so much, though.  I'm crying
    again right now just writing this.
    
    Anyhow, we brought her home and buried her, then bought some flowers
    to put on her grave.  My little niece then painted her name on a large
    stone and put it around her grave, along with some others.
    
    How I wish they could be with us forever.  But I have many special 
    memories and many pictures of her.
    
    I'm just glad she's as peace now.
    
    Thank you all again,
    
    Gayle
    
    

Gayle, I'm sorry to hear about Smokey's passing, but she let you know it was
time and you did the very best thing for her and she'll always be grateful.
Our thoughts are with you....you're very brave!

Mary

	Sorry to hear about Smokey, Gayle.  It sounds like you did the
	right thing for her, though.  She will always live on in your
	heart.

	Sandy + 7

    
      Gayle, So sorry about Smokey, you did the right thing to free her
      from any sufferring. I have gone through this pain and I sympathies
      with you. 
    
      take care,
    
      Shaw

         My condolences to you, Gayle, about Smokey.  I hope I can be as
    brave about letting my little ones go, when it's time, as you were 
    with Smokey.
    
    					- Andrea

    You wish she was still beside you...and even thought she isn't right
    by your side...you will always have her in your heart, in your mind,
    in your love for all other creatures...she is yours forever!
    
    My sincere sympathies....she is resting in peace now.
    
    Sandy
    
    

    I'm sorry to hear about Smokey.  But I think you did the right thing,
    Gayle.  Hugs to you and the rest of Smokey's pets.
    
    Nanci

    I am so sorry to hear that you lost your faithful companion and best
    friend.
    
    Smokey let you now it was time and you loved her enough to let her go. 
    You are very courageous, strong and brave.  I am sure she felt your
    love, was secure in the warmth of your arms and passed in peace.
    
    My heart goes out to you.  She will never be far from you, however,
    there is great comfort in having such beautiful memories.
    
    Love
    
    Marilyn & Otis
    

    Gayle, I'm so sorry. May Smokey live in your heart forever.
    
    ng

    Gayle, I'm so sorry for what you're going through now, but you were
    both blessed for having had each other for so long.  You showed your
    love when you let him go.
    
    Pat Beaudet

    Gayle, we offer our condolences too.  I and my husband Jimmy will be
    making this decision regarding our Baby, probably this weekend.  I want
    to be there when they do it, but am terrified of how I will react.  I
    can't go in there crying uncontrollably.  It would probably upset Baby
    too much.  How did you deal with this?  Like I said, I want to be there
    but don't know that I can.
    fondly,
    Karen

    I don't know that I have much to add at this point, but facing, and
    implementing, this decision was one of the most difficult and troubling
    I have ever experienced, and maybe one more perspective will help a little.

    I've lived with cats virtually my entire life, and for the past 19 years
    have shared my life with a trio, then a pair, and now just one.

    Bear with me, a little background.

    Monkey and Wabbit came to live with me in the fall of 1973, brown tabbies
    from the same litter.  A coworker of mine, knowing that I had just lost
    my last cat, Sydney to a bladder obstruction (he died in surgery), offered
    me a kitten, and came by one evening with basket of three.  I was to pick
    one, and the other two would be taken to the animal shelter.  Knowing their
    inevitable fate, I decided to take the "matched pair" (the third kitten was
    orange) and was rewarded with my friend's announcing "we hoped you'd do
    that, now we can't help but keep the third one".

    We all thought they were little boys, given the chocolate brown "powder
    puff" markings under their tails, but about six months later they both
    went into heat, and our mistake was obvious.  Regardless of my position on
    neutering (I'm pro, by the way) the caterwauling was more than I could
    endure, so they were soon spayed.

    At about this time my family decided to satisfy a long standing desire
    I'd had for an Afghan Hound.  Gandalf was a magnificent dog, and got on
    famously with the cats (especially since when he arrived he wasn't much
    bigger than they were), but proved more than I could handle in an apartment
    so I had to place him with a family that had experience with Afghans.
    (Gandalf is a story unto himself.)
     
    Another coworker, also experienced with Afghans (she had 8 at the time),
    suspected I was really a cat person, so on the eve of Gandalf's departure
    she thrust this little grey bundle of fur at me and said, "here, this'll
    make you feel better".  This was Merlin.  

    Things were pretty uneventful until the day Merlin disappeared off the
    balcony.  A 4th floor balcony.  This is how he acquired the nickname
    "Whirlwind".  He spent a day at the vet, was judged to have survived
    unaffected, and returned home to his stepsisters.

    Then one evening in her ninth year Miss Monkey got very obviously and very
    suddenly sick.  Only days before I had taken a picture of her leaping
    three feet into the air to catch a rubber band.  She died in my hands the
    next morning, of cardiac arrest while being examined by the vet.  An
    autopsy disclosed congestive heart failure, probably congenital in origin.

    I was devastated, and utterly unprepared.  I could write pages about what
    a wonderful animal she was, and I am thankful that I have literally
    hundreds of photographs of her that evoke the pleasure of her company.

    Three years later, I noticed one of Wabbit's nipples was swollen.  This
    turned out to be a mammary tumor.  The prognosis was not good, but I
    decided to go ahead with a mastectomy.  The surgery went well, but the
    followup biopsy was very discouraging - the tumor was metastatic and
    agressively invasive.  The vet said I could reasonably hope for another 6
    months.

    Well, I got another 5 years, until during her 16th year Wabbit was
    diagnosed with a bladder infection.  The question of euthanizing her
    was raised, but she seemed strong and responded well to treatment so
    we went on.  I was becoming convinced she was indestructible.  A few months
    later the bladder infection returned, but now it was compounded by
    diabetes and kidney failure, and was not responding to treatment.  Poor
    Wabbit had lost about 5 pounds and seemed just plain tired of it all.
    She spent a discouraging week at the vet and it became clear to me that
    I was avoiding my loss at her expense.

    So on the morning of New Year's Eve I took her home for a few hours.
    She slept in my arms, purring continually, while we listened to Der
    Abschied from Gustav Mahler's Das Lied von der Erde.  At 1 PM that
    afternoon she kept her final appointment; and just as I had with her
    sister, I watched her die.  I keep her ashes in a small circular box made
    from the bark of a Japanese tree showing the same colors as her coat.

    I spent a lot of time wondering if I had noticed something sooner we could
    have done something for her, but ultimately I concluded that even if there
    was something I would have only postponed the inevitable.  The thing I
    find most distressing about loving cats is that by the time they complain
    or even just show signs of being ill, it's usually pretty serious.

    So now it's just Merlin and me, and a month ago I noticed that one of
    Merlin's nipples was swollen like Wabbit's had been.  This time the
    "mass" was benign, only a cyst, but Merlin's blood work revealed kidney
    disease.  The prognosis is good, but with his age 17 years I know what's
    ahead.  Reexperiencing my last few weeks with Wabbit as I write this still
    hurts enormously, even after almost two years, but when I remember her
    rather than her departure, I can only smile.  I treasure every moment with
    Merlin, even though I've probably still got a few more years with him.
    And when the time comes to let him go peacefully, I hope I've learned
    to do the right thing for him rather than for me.

    len.
     

    Re: .18
    
    Thanks for sharing with us the stories of your wonderful cats, and I
    hope Merlin has happy years ahead for you both.
    

    Gayle,
    
    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I cried reading your note, I had
    to put my 20 year old cat to sleep this summer. It is a tuff decision
    for anyone to make, but it is the MOST loving thing you can do for them
    after all the years of love they have given you.
    
    And to all of you who have replied or have suffered a loss of an
    elderly cat, don't torture yourself with the question "Did I do enough
    to try to save them? Did I try to late to save them?" As someone
    mentioned in a reply, you cannot fight off the inevitable when it is
    time.
    
    In times of crisis like these I repeat a little poem to myself, it
    really helps (it is the A/A prayer).
    
    God,
    	Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
        courage to change the things I can,
    	and the wisdom to know the difference............
    
    t
    

    
    Gayle, so sorry to hear about Smokey.  
    
    Having just gone through this a month ago (note 390), I know EXACTLY 
    how you felt/feel.  I was with my baby when he was put to rest and 
    although I know I did the right thing, it still doesn't make the
    loss any easier.....I still miss him terribly!
    
    Barbara_whos_crys_constantly_over_this_loss_but_is_happy_for_the_MEMORIES