Conference hydra::dejavu

    
    Jamie's a sweetheart!
    
    Cindy

    
    	There once was a harried  notesfile moderator,
    
    	Who, spent much time chasing cyber-violators,
    
    	For all of her countlessly bleating,
    
    	She found herself endlessly DELETING,
    
    	For one so fair, a most maladious chore!
    
    	From across the pond!  Her Knight responds!
    
    	So that she can be out the holiday door!      BillM

    
    You continue to outdo yourself, Bill.  (;^)
    
    Cindy

    You lot, just wait until Monday.
    
    Jamie.

    Everyone have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year
    
    
    
    
    						Scott

    Yes!  Season's Greetings to all my Dejavu sisters and brothers.
    
    	*Stella*

                                           
    Greetings everyone!
    
    Just back from a month of globetrotting - 2 weeks in India (Bombay,
    Ahmedabad, Delhi) and 2 weeks in Australia (Melbourne), with a few 
    brief stops enroute (and a detour into a nightmare).  
    
    Had a wonderful time and plan to write a trip report in the near 
    future.
    
    Thanks, Jamie and Ad, for your support!
    
    Cindy

    Welcome back, Cindy-roo -
    
    Hope your trip was everything you wanted and more....
    
    
    Mary   :-)
    
    

    
    	There once was a globetrotting girl,
    	Who came back from opps the world!
    
    	She's promised us a vicarious tour,
    	Of far off places, a delight, for sure!
    
    	From kangaroos, to Swamis and travel blues,
    	Some trips, you get events you wouldn't choose!     BillM

                                                     
    Thanks, Mary!
    
    Sure have missed your wit, prose and poetry, Bill.  I'm honored!  (;^)
    
    Yes, being introduced to India in Bombay semi-rush hour traffic was
    quite something.  I lived.  And thank God for the rickshaw driver who
    pulled me out of the way of a cow about to attack me at the Taj Mahal.
    Yipes! Here I thought they were peaceful, docile creatures, but just 
    try to take a closeup picture of one and.....
    
    Cindy

    
    	One day, at the Taj Mahal,
    	For a Kodak moment, to be seen by all!
    	Young Cindy did approach a sacred cow,
    	That had the disposition of a sow!
    	But thanks to the driver who saves tourists,
    	She wasn't gored, a calamity quite truist!
    	Yes! A Veggan to be saved from a cow by a rickshawist!
    	That's an irony quite udderly ridiculous!!!

    Cindy!  Welcome back!  You've brightened up the joint already.
    
    	Almost attacked by a cow?
    	Wow!  
    
    I bet you've got a million stories from your globetrotting, and we're 
    all looking forward to hearing them.
    
    Jamie behaved himself.
    

    .11
    
    Mister Bill, I must say you have outdone yourself with this
    masterpiece.  Shades of Ogden Nash.

    
    Hahahaha!!!!!  Goodonyer Bill!
    
    Thanks Susan!
    
    Cindy

    
    	Like Ogden Nash, I too am a shady character.  BillM

    
   This was posted in the INDIA notesfile, and having gotten permission
   from my friend, Anil Navkal, to crosspost (and also to say that he
   didn't write it, and doesn't know who did), I leave it for your 
   amusement.

   I was prepared for just about everything about India, and indeed was
   not taken by surprise by most of what was there, what happened, and
   so forth.

   But I was NOT prepared for the traffic.  Up till reading this note,
   I didn't have the words to describe it, and this writeup describes
   it rather accurately...it should never have been in the Humor topic
   because it's TRUE!!!  Except the author forgot to add chickens in 
   the list of traffic precedence.  (;^)

   Enjoy!

   Cindy   

 ==========================================================================

                      RULES OF THE ROAD, INDIAN STYLE
						

   Traveling in India is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle 
   and experience.  It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, 
   mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the 
   roads, extremely dangerous.
  
   Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a
   Sanskrit text.  These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the
   first time in English:
  
 % ARTICLE I:
   
      The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

 % ARTICLE II:
   
      Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste 
      system.  The following precedence must be accorded at all times.  In 
      descending order, give way to: 
     
        Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, 
        light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, 
        scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles 
        (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, 
        pedestrians.
  
 % ARTICLE III:
   
      All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim:  
      to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat.  This 
      is the Indian drivers' mantra.
  
 % ARTICLE IV:
    
      Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet): 
     
         Cars (IV,1,a-c): 
        
         Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, IE in clearing dogs, 
         rickshaws and pedestrians from path.  Long blasts (desperate) 
         denote supplication, IE to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast 
         to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die".  In extreme 
         cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).  
         Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's 
         870 million whom I recognise", "There is a bird in the road 
         (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have 
         not blown my horn for several minutes." 
        
         Trucks and buses (IV,2,a): 
        
         All horn signals have the same meaning, viz:  "I have an all-up 
         weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of 
         stopping, even if I could."  This signal may be emphasised by 
         the use of headlamps.
  
      Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence 
      in Article II above.

 % ARTICLE V:
   
      All maneuvers, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until 
      the last possible moment.

 % ARTICLE VI:
   
      In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall 
      wear garlands of marigolds.  These should be kept fastened at all 
      times.
  
 % ARTICLE VII:
   
      Rights of way:  Traffic entering a road from the left has priority.  
      So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.
  
         Lane discipline (VII,1):  All Indian traffic at all times and 
         irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the centre of 
         the road.
  
 % ARTICLE VIII:
   
      Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts.  Apparent traffic islands in 
      the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function.  Any 
      other impression should be ignored.
  
 % ARTICLE IX:
   
      Overtaking is mandatory.  Every moving vehicle is required to 
      overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it 
      has just overtaken you.  Overtaking should only be undertaken in 
      suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on 
      blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres.  
      No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and 
      the one you are passing -- and one inch in the case of bicycles or 
      pedestrians.
  
 % ARTICLE X:
   
      Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.
  
 % ARTICLE XI:
   
      Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has 
      reverse gear.

						 - Author Unknown

    
    	Funny!  Wasn't there an Article XII?  In case of death due to
    an accident, the driver comes back in the next incarnation as even
    more dangerous and gets to drive a larger, faster vehicle!
    
    	From the Internet:  What do you get when an insomniac, who is
    dyslexic, is also an agnostic?
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    	Answer:  A person who stays sleepless through the night
    	         wondering if there really is a DOG.
    
    BillM

    
    Heehee!  No, no Article XII - good spot on that one!  Maybe it has yet
    to be translated from the Sanskrit text?
         
    Cindy

    .17
    
    Bill, you are a SCREAM!
    
    .16
    Cindy, thanks for the giggles.