Conference misery::feline_v1

         My heartfelt sympathies to you, Don and Mocha.  I'm sure Coco
    knew how much you all loved her.  If there's anything I can do,
    or if you want someone to talk to, just send me mail.
    
                                       - Andrea

    Hi--
    
    I'm so sorry about Coco, and I know how you feel.  Please try not
    to feel guilty!  If Coco was as loving as you say, then she *surely*
    felt your love and concern for her.  Cats are pretty smart about
    that.  You did the right thing in getting her to the vet's;  as
    we all know, a cat that acts a little sick is often REAL sick. 
    So she let you know, and you did what you could for her.
    
    Sharing your memories is so important--it helps ease the grief,
    and it helps all of us to remember all those good times.  If you
    keep thinking of things like this, you will see soon that you have
    nothing to feel guilty for.  We love our children in different ways,
    too, but it never means we love one less/more.
    
    I know you must feel bad about not saying good-bye, but it is my
    belief that animals understand so much intuitively that words are
    not always necessary.  I'm sure that she felt your love and care quite
    strongly, and that she always knew how loved  she was.   Coco is
    safe now, and without pain.  And even though her time with you wasn't
    as long as you wanted it to be, it sounds like it was GOOD time.
    
    I had a cat from the time I was 6 til I was a sophomore in college.
    The last time I saw her, I knew that she was failing fast.  She
    was going blind and deaf, and was having trouble walking.  All during
    that last visit she stayed close to me, and slept on my lap.
    I carried her around everywhere (which looked pretty funny, because
    she was a pretty big girl!!) with me, and generally spent a lot
    of time with her.  I still felt bad when my mom called me at
    school and told me she was gone.  But when I thought of our last
    time together, I knew that no goodbyes were needed.  She knew
    how I felt about her.
    
    Please keep in touch with us, and keep remembering all those good
    things.  It's ok to cry, and it doesn't have a specific time limit.
    You're not alone;  this file  is one of the best ways I know of
    to share our feelings.
    
    Take care,
    
    Jane
        

    I'm so-o-o-o sorry for you.  I'm going through problems too
    and his name also is Cocoa so I know how you feel.  I would
    suffer so much if my Cocoa died because he's like how you
    described your Coco to be.
    
    OF COURSE your Coco knew how much you loved him.  HOW COULD
    HE NOT KNOW?  They say Mothers show more love to the ones
    they worry about.  Since you didn't have to worry about
    Coco you and he BOTH knew that the real love was there.  HOW
    CAN YOU DOUBT THAT?  You'll see him again, later.  If I didn't
    believe that I couldn't live with the pain that comes from
    our love for our furfaces.  Tell him, once in awhile, that you
    love him ..... he WILL hear you.  And talk to Mocha about Coco
    because Mocha will fell a loss also.
    
    Regards,
    
    Bj
    

    I realized that your Coco was a little girl.  Sorry!  But
    I still feel the same.
    

    
    	I'm so sorry to hear about Coco. When they took Cricket away
    	from me at the vets (note 1005), I thought I'd see her again,
    	so I didn't make a big deal out of saying goodbye. Then they
    	called me at work to ask permission to put her to sleep. I wanted
    	to drive down there to say goodbye, but the vet said `no, she
    	might even be gone right now'. I was devastated. I never got
    	to say goodbye to Cricket the way I wanted to, but I know she
    	wouldn't have known me had I been there, and she knew I loved
    	her and was thinking of her. 
    
    	Please don't feel guilty, Coco knew you loved her, too.
    
    	Sherry 
    

    I'm sorry to hear the news about Coco.  My thoughts, are with you.
    
    Just keep on remembering the fun times and antics.
    
    Pat & Schnitzel
    

    Don't stop crying !  Before you know it, all the guilt and loss
    you feel will lessen.  I'm sure when you think of Coco in the future
    the strongest memories will be of all the funny, pleasant things
    she shared with you.  You really loved her and that is WONDERFUL!
    
    You'll stop crying when you are ready.  When you think of her,
    think of her LIFE not her death.  And think of her death as her
    escape from pain.  She is and always will be alive in your heart.
    And of course... There is no sickness in Kitty Heaven !
    
    

    
    So sorry to hear about Coco!
    
    But don't feel guilty about your thoughts before Coco got ill.
    
    On occasion, I find my self calling T.K. my favorite kitty, because
    he is so funny and energetic, but I thought about it, and I realized
    that I love them all just as much, but like them all in different
    ways.  I like Bandit because he is so cuddly and cute and sweet
    and I like Cinamon for the same reasons that I like Bandit, but
    it feels different.  I might say that T.K. is my favorite, but if
    I want to cuddle a kitty, I certainly don't get him.
    
    I don't know how much sense I just made but essentially you have
    realized that you loved both cats just as much but just liked them
    in a different way.  
    
    Mocha and your husband will be your best comfort right now, and
    remember, Mocha is lonely too and needs YOUR comfort, as does your
    husband most likely.
    
    Thinking of you,
    
    Karen, T.K., Bandit, and Cinamon

    Although I don't often participate in this file, your story touched me
    deeply.  With past losses I have found much comfort in some of the
    books that deal with pet loss.  Mostly because they say it is OK
    to feel the way we do.  I have also noticed recently a pet loss
    support group based in the Portsmouth NH area.  My thoughts and
    prayers are with you tonight.
    MaryAnne

Your story brought tears to my eyes.
I recently(last November) lost my dog of 13 years to kidney failure.
I cried for weeks.  
I still feel sad that she's gone, but it's starting to get easier.
I have stopped feeling guilty because I felt there was something I should 
do.  Now when I remember her it's the good times that I remember and I 
realize that she knows how much I love her.
Obviously it still hurts because I have tears in my eyes right now just
remembering her, but believe me, it does get better(I'm not balling).

Becky

    We are so sorry for your loss.  Please don't feel guilty;  it is
    really hard to know how serious an illness is;  my Pussycat had
    no visible symptoms of advanced leukemia until a few days before
    he had to be euthanized.  I know too how you feel about favorites;
    I think of Sweetie as my favorite cat now, because he is so
    intelligent and sweet, but how I would miss Holly's little fox face
    and her jumping onto my shoulders.
    
    Karen, Sweetie, and Holly (and Pussycat, too, I'm sure)
    

    I'm so sorry to hear about Coco.
    
    From reading this notesfile you must realise that there are so many
    unwanted and neglected cats out there.  Please concentrate on the
    good home and love that you gave to Coco, so many others are not
    so fortunate.  Guilt is a natural part of the grieving process,
    it doesn't help to be told that when you're going through it, but
    you did everything you could for her and no-one could ask more.
    
    Take care of yourself, your husband and your other cat and believe
    that we have all (most of us) been through what you're going through
    now and that with time what you will remember will be the happy
    memories.  I'm sure that that will be the best tribute to Coco and what
    she meant to you.                             
    
    Thinking of you.
    
    Kate

    I sent a mail message directly, but wanted to emphasize one
    point to all of us who by our mistakes MAY have effected
    the death of a beloved pet.  We have to give ourselves room
    to be human.  Humans make mistakes.  The best we can do is
    learn from them so we don't repeat them.  
      Much love and sympathy -
       Nancy DC

Thank you all for your kind words of comfort.  It really helps.
Yesterday when I called to tell my mother what had happened, she told me that
my favorite uncle's dog, Alex, had passed away on Tuesday.  He was a faithful
doberman who was a family pet in a big way--not your typical doberman.  He was
rescued by my cousin in Brookline, lived with them in Newton for several years,
then with his brother in Boston, and finally with my aunt and uncle in Haverhill
I'm not quite sure who loved him most.  Anyway, the point of this story is that
I wanted to find a card I could sent to console them and to let them know that
I shared their grief, for my own reasons but also because I loved Alex, too.
I'd like to share the words of this most appropriate verse with you:

	When you are
	sorrowful--
	look again
	into your heart,
	and
	you shall see
	that in truth
	you are weeping
	for that which
	has been your
	delight.

And inside:

	May the
	delightful
	memories
	fill your
	sorrowful
	heart
	with joy.

       Losing your friend is definately one of the saddest things a
    person can know.  It's been over 2 months now since I lost my 
    beloved Ruby to leukemia, and I still cry, every day, still feel
    the pain, still visit his grave, and still wish there had been 
    something I could have done. But I was blessed indeed to have
    known him, as you were blessed with knowing Coco. The good times
    you will always remember, and you'll remember more of them as you
    go on. You will realize that those good times and knowing how happy
    your friend was when you were together are the important things.
    You'll feel angry that this illness took your Coco away before the
    time was "right", but unfortunately life is this way. Treasure
    what you were lucky to share with Coco. 
        After a few weeks, I wanted to "get on".  A little thought came
    to my head, who knows maybe it was even Ruby, that said I should
    go to the MSPCA, I'd find someone there who needed me as much as
    I needed him. And I sure did. So, in the process of saving Max's
    life and giving him a home, in return I have a new and very wonderful
    friend to share my life with.  No one will ever replace Coco or
    Ruby, but there's so many kitties needing homes and love.
    Maybe you can share your life with a new friend, but don't feel
    guilty, and don't be afraid to mourn, it would be strange if you
    didn't mourn.
                                       Good luck,  Denise

    Its a tribute to Ruby that you've taken Max into your home, I'm
    sure that he would approve.
    
    Wishing you and Max many happy times.
    
    Kate