Conference 7.286::sports_91

    
    The bearded lady
    
    
    tried a jar
    
    
    She's now
    
    
    a famous
    
    
    Movie Star
    
    
    Burma-Shave
    

    If you
    
    Don't Know
    
    Whose Signs
    
    These Are
    
    You can't have
    
    Driven very far
    
    Burma-shave
    

I had a dog

and shaved his tush.

But now he looks like

Barbara Bush

Burma-shave

The Hoosiers have 


a basketball team,


So loaded with talent 


they're a coach's dream.


But MorT says the reason


they're such a dud,


Is 'cuz they got no 


widebody stud.


Burma-Shave

    
    Norelco or Braun... which is better?
    

    The game laws
    
    ought to
    
    let you shoot
    
    the bird who hands you
    
    a substitute
    
    Burma-Shave
    

    Once a mainly stud
    
    with 'nads of rock
    
    now sword-swallows crud
    
    with ACCrock
    
    Slasher Shave

Have Packer and MorT


At the same time and place.


Ever been seen?


I rest my case!


Burma-Shave

    Shaved and robed
    
    He beats his drum
    
    Crocked and snowed
    
    He adores a bum
    
    Slasher Shave

    one in thirty
    
    sure is dirty
    
    the quest for more
    
    is the impossible chore
    
    bummer-shave

    Great note Kev
    
    it's sure the rage
    
    but don't you think
    
    you're showing your age?  :-)
    
    Burma-Shave
               

    
    If you gonna make him pout
    
    
    
    You better be wary and watch out
    
    
    
    Nexted thing ya know you'll be screaming 'HALP'
    
    
    
    Cuz he'll be at yer haid massaging yer scalp
    
    
    
    
    Isiah Shave

That Hoosier red sweater,


Looks so warm and wooly.


But beneath the veneer,


Hides a glowering bully.


MorTy-Shave

    
    That pasty look and nasty nose
    
    
    
    Rotting teef and ugly clothes
    
    
    
    A timeless fool, is this bloke
    
    
    
    
    Known forever as the "King of Choke"
    
    
    
    Snuffy Smif Shave

    Sports analysis
    
    Must be objective
    
    Cultists amiss
    
    Antis corrective
    
    Burden Shave

MorTy's rhyme is, 


So inventive.


But FatBob still is,


A_anal retentive


Buma-Shave

    His Face was smooth
    
    and cool as ice
    
    and Oh Louise!
    
    he smelled
    
    so nice
    
    Burma-Shave
    

    Cutie invited
    
    rugby hop
    
    guy full
    
    of whiskers
    
    party a flop
    
    Burma-Shave
    

   "So. Cal"

    So. Cal
    no cal
    low cal

    blonde babes
    gnarly waves
    nameless graves

    gang wars
    hip stores
    bitchin' whores

    tute coke
    tone loc
    big smoke
    GO BROKE

    CALY, what a joke?
    

	-iceMAN
    

    You Guys
    
    Slay Me
    
    I Can't Beleive
    
    They pay Me
    
    To Sit And Absorbe
    
    This Smogasborg
    
    
    BG

    These Burma shave poems


    They're really great


    But I can't help but wonder


    If the need to indulge in them has deeper, psychological implications.
    Perhaps it's symptomatic of a fear of winning or of men who love women 
    who hate men or perhaps...
    

Here in ::SPORTS


We is all insane.


So we don't need Dr. Tom


To pick our brains


Burma-Shave

    Skwak,
    Read "The Fountainhead" by Ann(e) Rand
    
    Great great book!
    
    Kev_the_librarian

>    Skwak,
>    Read "The Fountainhead" by Ann(e) Rand
    

Corrected for SPORTS:

	Read "The Foutainhaid"



'Saw

    
     Actually, not to be anal retentive but it's A-y-n Rand not Ann.
    

    >Here in ::SPORTS
    
    >We is all insane
    
    Speak for yourself, Splasher... and maybe for ACCrisp too.
    
    MrT
    

    Hey Tommy, at least I got the book right!
    
    grins,
    Kev
    

    
     re .32
    
     Yes Kev, and I was duly impressed. 
    
    
    
     Back to the subject at hand...
         
    

    
    re: .28
    
    Who is John Gault?
    

    I'm outa here
    
    
    
    So I'll say "Ta ta"
    
    
    
    For one whole week
    
    
    
    I'll be in Florida.
    
    
    
    
    Later SPORTS friends!  
    
    	--dan'l

    Hating the Celtics 
    
    Is easy to do
    
    Raise your hate of Satan
    
    To the power of two
    
    Bash the Jihad
    
    At every chance
    
    Until they cry
    
    Please - "No mas !"
    
    Celtic Shave

    Lower than low
    
    
    Are the Cleveland Browns
    
    
    Colors are ugly
    
    
    
    And they play like clowns
    
    
    Bernie-Shave

Midnight claims he knows the game

His expertise, you've heard him proclaim

But if the final standings you saw

You'd wonder what he's using it for.

    Doda shot poor Midnight
    
    With his pithy .38
    
    But it didn't even rhyme right
    
    So the hurt wasn't too great
    
    Burble Shave
    
    

T, 

In NE, that does rhyme...

daryll

Whose woods these are I think I know

His house is in the village though

He will not see me stopping here

Or else he'd fill my ass fulla buckshot, oh.

Hillbilly Shave    

    There I sat
    
    brokenhearted
    
    paid a dime
    
    and only f@_ted
    
    This time thought I'd take a chance
    
    To save a dime,
    
    I sh_t my pants.
    
    Charmin Shaved
    
    Sorry
    
    JaKe
    

    JaKe's scatalogical "prose"
    
    So long ago made us tire
    
    On butts his interest is froze
    
    Fixated, on the Ring of Fire
    
    Buggerer Shave

    from the still born cradle
    
    where the nations sleep
    
    to the halls of learning
    
    where the new gods meet
    
    no one knows the reason
    
    why the shadows swell
    
    but the distant ringing
    
    of the mission bells
    
    there is no heaven and there is no hell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    dead men have no tales to tell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    the bland lead the bland
    
    in a pale new world
    
    where dreams of democracy
    
    are now unfurled
    
    on the lips of infallicy
    
    a peace proclaimed 
    
    breath of revolution
    
    without change
    there is no heaven and there is no hell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    dead men have no tales to tell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    hear the words of the prophets
    
    see the men on stilts
    
    as they bow to the effigies
    
    that they have built
    
    once faith was a virtue
    
    now its use is denied
    
    and the bones bleach white
    
    under western skies
    
    there is no heaven and there is no hell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    dead men have no tales to tell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    there is no heaven and there is no hell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    we were there the day the red god fell
    
    but they still keep ringin' up the mission bells
    
    Luke 21:33 Shave

    
    The earth was created by the assistance of the sun
    
    
    And it should be left as it was
    
    
    The country was made without lines of demarcation,
    
    And it is no man's business to divide it
    
    I see whites all over the country gaining wealth
    
    And see their desire to give us lands that are worthless
    
    The earth and myself are of one mind.
    
    The measures of the land and the measures of our bodies are the same.
    
    Say to us if you can say it,
    
    That you were sent by the Creative Power to talk to us.
    
    Perhaps you think the Creator sent you here to dispose of  us as you
    see fit.
    
    If I thought you were sent by the Creator
    
    I might be induced to think you had a right to dispose of me.
    
    Do not misunderstand me, but understand me fully with
    
    Reference to my affection for the land.
    
    I never said the land was mine to do with as I chose.
    
    The one who has the right to dispose of it is
    
    The one who has created it.
    
    I claim a right to live on my land,
    
    And accord you the privilege to live on yours.
    
    Heimot Tooyalaket (Chief Joseph) Shave

I used an epilator on my ass


My friends told me it would be a gas


But I found out it hurt like hell


So I covered my ass with aloe gel


It smelled so nice to a nearby bee


That he came along and he stung me


Hemerhoids never hurt so bad


As the bee sting on my ass I had




Epilady Shave

    
    	
    There once was a man from Nantucket.........
    
    
    :*)
    
    Claybone

 When in this world the headlines read


 Of those whose hearts are filled with greed


 Who rob and steal from those who need


 To right this wrong with blinding speed


 Goes UNDERDOG!!!!
    

    When you need to catch a louse
    
    
    You gotta call Mighty Mouse
    
    
    The other heroes should get outta the way
    
    
    
    Cuz Mighty Mouse is hear to save the Day.
    
    JD

Nobody...  NOBODY can take Mighty Mouse.

Still the Greatest, Still Undefeated, Still the Champeen of all Super Heroes


		MIGHTY MOUSE!


'Saw

PS  He sings a pretty mean aria too!

    I'd better leave
    
    on the double
    
    My dear Sweet Polly
    
    Is in trouble
    
    For her to be saved
    
    I must go
    
    So it's HIP HIP HIP
    
    And away I go !
    
    Underdog Shave

    Yo my man, this news I must bear
    
    For in your line you are in error
    
    It's when Polly's in trouble I am not slow
    
    It's hip hip hip and away I go.
    
    Shoeshine boy shave
    
    

    passin thru these ruins
    
    Mr Lincoln's train going by
    
    spilling smoke into these bloody fields
    
    all the people stood and cried
    
    our tears are the same color
    
    we can all hold hands and mourn
    
    but me I'm still askin myself why
    
    I'm not any freer than I was before
    
    
    Mr Lincoln are you free now?
    
    was it worth what it finally cost?
    
    if I had something to believe in
    
    I could bear this endless cross
    
    I got no home they sold my family
    
    I got no job ain't got no vote
    
    them books they're all mysteries to me
    
    can't read or write I got no hope
    
    
    the train it just keeps rollin 
    
    cold as steel and dark as night
    
    it don't give me no answers no
    
    it don't pay me no mind
    
    and the scenery just keeps changin
    
    but these folks they just stay the same
    
    same old fearful eyes are starin
    
    askin me to take the blame
    
    for their shame
    
    for their shame
    
    
    Lincoln's Train Shave (Proverbs 14:34, Galatians 3:28)

    HA! they ain't bible quotations!

    
    
    
    JaKe