Conference 7.286::digital

    
    No pun intended, but I would imagine bubble gum for the ears. 
    
    jc 

    I`d like to see what Glen LArson would do with this. I`m not partial to
    Doonesburry (sp) and never like it enough to follow it.

    ......garfield comes to mind.....fat cat scratching his belly and
    smiling from hear to hear...saying don't worry we have plans we just
    don't know what they are yet.....
    
    
    HOrNEt
    

>    I`d like to see what Glen LArson would do with this. I`m not partial to
>    Doonesburry (sp) and never like it enough to follow it.
    
    I'd be even more interested to see what Glen's brother Gary would do
    with it!  He's a cartoonist, ya know!  :^]

    Yea, yea, him too. How quickly we forget...and I even like him. Now I
    really feel like a derrrrr.

  Too bad the creator of The Far Side retired.

    
    	Personally I think Scott Adams (Dilbert) is hard-wired into the
    SLC. He got the compensation plan on the nose ("Will the sales target
    be based on a complex formula and involve numbers that can't be
    accurately measured? - YOU BROKE THE CODE!); and his comments on
    company strategy ("We've narrowed it down to either the employees are
    ninnies, or we deserve more stock options") are classics.
    
    		the Greyhawk

	Dilbert is so close to what's going on in DEC that it's almost
	scary at times!

	The "employees are ninnies" one rang way too true.

	I hope Scott writes a book when he gets old about who fed 
	him these great ideas.

							mike

    Ditto on Scott Adams. While it might be interesting to see what Trudeau
    might do, he is at his best when commenting on lifestyles, pop culture,
    and politics (not necessarily in that order). Scott Adams's Dilbert is
    the reflection of the every-"new collar"-man and the baroque workings
    of the corporation around him. IMO.
    
    [reposted to fix a horrendous mixed metaphor.]

  Scott spoke at this past Fall U.S. DECUS and basically stated
  that he gets ideas from lots of folks throughout the industry.
  Apparently, "management as a core (in-)competency" is epidemic
  throughout our industry, and possibly all industries.

  Write to him at "[email protected]" or use the keywords "Dilbert"
  or "Dilboard" on AOL.

                                   Atlant

My favorite Dilbert is his manager's comment "anything I don;t understand is 
easy to do"

Sounds like some managers I've worked for...

dave

Adams has also said that he doesn't use an idea unless it has been submitted
from two or more different companies.  This even more reinforces the notion
that incompetency is everywhere.  (The stories my wife tells me about the
company she works for make Digital look good.)

				Steve

    I saw a Dilbert posted at a customer's site which showed Dilbert
    saying to his manger that he would like to join the ranks of management
    but he was wondering if a lobotomy was really necessary.

    re: .11
    
    >My favorite Dilbert is his manager's comment "anything I don't
    >understand is easy to do"
    
    I shared that Dilbertism with my wife.  She didn't get it at first. 
    Then, it hit her like a brick.  This is a truism that explains so many
    things and not just management challenges at Digital.  
    
    Steve

    The DOGBERT support line cracks me up. There is one where the dog
    says, "I think I know what your problem is... Stand on your chair
    so that you can see all around, and yell out the following:
    
    
     DOES ANYBODY KNOW HOW TO READ A MANUAL ?
    
     It's only funny because it is true.
    
    							Derek.

    
    	One of the favorites around here is the "bungee boss" strip. But
    then, unlike so many of you:*), we've only had four bosses this fiscal
    year (FY95) - of course, that is only at last count!
    
    		the Greyhawk

    I've got one on my wall.  Shows three people looking over the edge of a
    cliff.  One says:
    
    
    "He was a good boss and we'll miss him.  Somebody want to kick his
    briefcase down after him?"
    
    							Tex

    
    	Dilbert's Manager wants to take a laptop home for the weekend
    	but complains how heavy it is.  Dilbert tells him to delete
    	the files...
    
    	Tom
    

    Run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and bag a copy of "Dogbert's
    Big Book of Business" BUILD A BETTER LIFE BY STEALING OFFICE SUPPLIES.
    
    My personal favorite is Dogbert's Group I.Q. Formula:
    "The intelligence quotient of any meeting can be determined by starting
    with 100 and subtracting 5 points for each participant." With the
    following example:
    
    1 person (to himself) "The project is good"
    2 people (in dialogue) "What do you think?"
                           "There are many issues."
    3 people               "What are the issues?"
                           "Is it our mission to think of issues?"
                           "That's an issue"
    4 people               "Let's write a purpose statement."
                           "That could be our mission."
                           "Is that like an objective?"
                           "That's an issue."
    
    Sad thing is, Ive been to that meeting.......often...hf

    My personal fave was the strip when the Archetypical Manager,
    apparently responding to social pressures, saunters over to Dilbert and
    says that the SW on his office PC needs to be upgraded to the latest
    rev.  Dilbert says "Ummm, the PC on your desk is a cardboard mockup."
    

    Boss: 'My boss says we need some eunuch programmers.'
    
    Dilbert: 'I think he means Unix... and I already do Unix.'
    
    Boss: 'Oh..  Ok. By the way if the company nurse drops by, tell her I
    said not to bother'.

Y'know, some how these cartoons don't seem quite
so amusing when reduced to an approximation to
the original dialogue, and no pictures.

Boss:  I'm putting you in charge of the XYZ department and
       your first task is to lay everyone off.

Dilbert:  Wait!   That's just means you'll lay me off afterward!

Boss:  I promise you I won't lay you off.  (Thinking to himself:
       "That will be the job of your new manager.")

    I like Dilbert too, but what about the original subject of this note
    ???  The comment was made about the SLC, cotton candy and bubble gum. 
    I received the videotaped "highlights", and personally thought they
    should have played the soundtrack from that song "Everything is
    Beautiful...." in the backround.
    What planet are those guys living on ???  Out here in the "field" we
    have massive defections, hardly anyone left to cover our many accounts. 
    My Global account manager just quit, our entire marketing group was
    canned, budgets for travel are slashed to nothing, morale is terrible,
    the customers are rushing to our competition in droves despite Alpha,
    customer sat is pretty terrible and we've all been forced into home
    offices as a money saving ploy (with absolutely no planning or
    infrastructure in place).  
    Once again, am I the only one who thinks management has entered a time
    warp and still think its 1985 ???
    
    

    
    	re:-1
    
    	No. You're absolutely, positively correct; even if somewhat
    
    unpolitically.;-)
    
    	But the year these guys are in is 1978. The VAX was three, sales
    were starting to climb faster than the PDP-11 was diving, and
    everything was a solid go.
    
    	Of course, the PC was an S-100 bus system made by hobbists, and
    IBM was cranking out mainframes, and profits, like tomorrow would never
    come. Our competitors were other minicomputer makers, and margins were
    80%.
    
    	I don't think the SLC believes the second statement; but they argue
    the first is what we are doing. Reality will not strike until July. You
    can't sell computers without sales and sales support people who KNOW
    what they are doing. And selling Alphas by phone is one of the great
    hoaxes of our time.
    
    		the Greyhawk 

    Bingo!  Greyhawk has pointed out a problem that I see *every single
    day*.  One half of my clients don't think they even have a Digital
    salesperson or approved 3rd party (they may be right). 
    
    The other half are thinking of going to another, more stable, vendor. 
    Or they're disgusted with the round-robin of sales people they've had,
    but they're hanging on. One even said, "I have successfully managed to
    buy products from Digital for the past five years *despite*
    Digital...but they're making it tougher!".  This is not what I would
    call a glowing recommendation.  Maybe the powers that be think we're a
    public utility?
    
    I'm clueless as to how all this is supposed to work.  Or is it?
    
    								Tex

    Maynard, MA - April 1, 1995
    
    Digital announced today that despite implementing tougher 
    restrictions and putting in stricter controls Digital customers
    were still finding innovative ways of purchasing Digital products. 
    
    "I'll be damned", says Eyster from Digital Texas, "no sooner do
    we have one leak plugged then one of these folks jest finds
    another."
    
    Company officials are at their wits ends and are trying to
    downplay the issue. Despite having some of the
    most advanced product purchase blocking systems in the industry
    stock leakage continues to take place at an alarming rate. "It's
    like a guerilla war" says one source who wished to remain
    anonymous "these people will stop at nothing to purchase Digital 
    products. They could go out and purchase perfectly reasonable 
    alternatives from any other supplier but they get a kick out of 
    defeating the system."
    
    "Jest no way we're gonna stockpile this stuff with these ornery
    folk messing up our plans", conluded a dismayed Eyster.

    I was with a partner the other day who said "I'm thinking of apponting
    a project manager to buy things from Digital".
    
    .-1 made me laugh.
    
    Andrew

    
    A recent true story.
    
    
    At dinner with another couple both in the computer industry.
    
    She relates coming back from vacation to meet her secretary
    who asks, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would  
    you like first? "
     
    "The good news."
    
    "We have a new Digital salesperson."  
    
    "That is great news!. So what's the bad news?" 
    
    "We had to hire the previous salesperson." 
    
    =--=--=
    
    Discussion thereafter reveals that previous sales person was almost
    impossible to reach, order from, book. Seems that he had about a dozen
    grandmothers whose funerals he had to attend. It was just a very 
    difficult situation dealing with this person. 
    
    Me:  "In round figures, how much do you book with this salesperson
          each year?" 
    
    She: ( without hesitation ) "10 million dollars"
    
    =--=--=
    jc 

>    Discussion thereafter reveals that previous sales person was almost
>    impossible to reach, order from, book. Seems that he had about a dozen
>    grandmothers whose funerals he had to attend. It was just a very 
>    difficult situation dealing with this person. 
>    
>    Me:  "In round figures, how much do you book with this salesperson
>          each year?" 
>    
>    She: ( without hesitation ) "10 million dollars"

Apparently, he is not selling these things to his grandmother.

    
    
    re:  -1
    
    Don't be so sure about that. 
    
    Let's see now. 
      
      a. Some people get buried with 'life possessions'.
     
      b. Some that get buried might choose a computer.
    
      c. Most grandmothers are great people. All the ones I've known have 
         been - but it is possible that some of them haven't been. 
         Some could spend eternity in Hell. 
    
      d. Since 'Hell has our phone number' ....
    
    
    The more important question is:
    "Should I take a fast or slow processor with me?" After all, if I 
    have eternity, what's the rush? 
    jc
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    Our system has been so s-l-o-w today!! :-)