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Conference 7.286::digital

Title:The Digital way of working
Moderator:QUARK::LIONELON
Created:Fri Feb 14 1986
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:5321
Total number of notes:139771

2269.0. " the manner of leaving " by RDVAX::COLLIER (Bruce Collier) Thu Dec 10 1992 16:48

     As someone almost 80% through "notification week," I have observations on
 two points that might help those "notified" in the future, or their friends.

     When I finally got paranoid one week ago, I got and read the "transition"
 advice packet someone gave a pointer to in these notes.  I was most struck by
 the advice to find ways to "say goodbye" to the company and to friends in
 some active way, rather than just disappearing.  Many people I've known who
 were "tapped" earlier have vanished as quick as they could.  And since I
 generally react to emotional termoil in ways generally deemed "inappropriate"
 for a "grown man," I wasn't sure I could do this at all.  But I have managed
 to do it pretty well, and I am very glad.  In case you're interested, I'll
 give some details.

     The easier part was deciding to be as "professional" as I could about
 winding up  my responsibilities.  It was easier in that it was intrinsically
 reassuring to me to act on the belief that my projects and work were worth
 treating with respect.  Since my entire (small) group was being eliminated, I
 had to find people in several parts of the company to hand responsibilities
 off to.  I got their consent, and then notified others with interests in the
 projects, and informed several people outside the company who used me as a
 contact point of where they should go, instead.  I'm also dealing
 systematically and appropriately with project and confidential documents, to
 the amazement of many who think my office is the messiest thing they've ever
 seen (they're wrong, I just organize things with a style different from most
 people's!).

     More painful was "goodbyes" to friends (many of whom are colleages, too,
 of course).  Even now I find it quite painful to inform anyone I like about
 my situation in person or by phone, so I started entirely by e-mail.  At
 first I couldn't even do this without risk of shorting my keyboard with
 tears.  But it got easier, and after some e-mail exchanges, I could even deal
 coherently and helpfully with direct interaction.  By Wednesday I was even
 able to go to the regular weekly lunch meeting of the group of people I like
 and respect most in the company (and will most miss) without behaving like an
 utter fool (though I had my doubts right through to the end).  I am also
 doing e-mail one person at a time, rather than some blanket distribution
 (though I'm sure there are people I will later kick myself for missing). 
 Still in the middle of all this, I'm not yet fully sure why these painful
 effort is proving beneficial.  Certainly part is that managing to deal
 directly with grief I feel - and accepting it enough to share it - also makes
 clear that it isn't too powerful for me to cope with.

     So my first point (and much the longest) is that if you have your own
 "notification week" some time, try to find ways to explicitly "say goodbye"
 that fit your personal style and situation.

     The other point, for those not getting the boot, is not to get hung up by
 feeling awkward about knowing what to say to those that are (as has certainly
 happened to me in earlier rounds).  I have found that the details don't much
 matter.  It has been helpful when people have simply acknowledged knowing of
 my situation, with or without particular consolation or advice.  As with
 other forms of grieving, you can just leave it up to the affected person as
 to whether they want to share feelings, discuss details, or ask for help.  In
 these departures, just give people an opening to say the goodbye they are
 comfortable with.

     I hope some may find these thoughts helpful.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name		DateLines
2269.1And it's been fun!!!BREAK::HAMBURGERHorizons are but the limit of our sightThu Dec 10 1992 21:4424
    Bruce,

    Loss of a job is no different than a death, a divorce, or other sudden 
departure where you will be unable to continue life as before. 

    This week I have seen memos that are filled with fear, anxiety, abuse 
for DEC management and group leaders, and I have seen memos that are 
beautiful letters of hope and cheer and appreciation for co-workers and all 
those who have meant so much to the writers.

    I personally sent out a memo to some 3 dozen folks and probably should 
have included more but that is what I whittled the list down to....I 
expressed my appreciation to former managers who helped me grow; they knew 
who the were.....I expressed my appreciation for people who worked for me 
and for proving my faith in them time and time again with their hard work. 
They also knew who they were. And I said it has been a good 12+ years, with 
growth, new friends that have become old friends, good times and promotions 
and successes. I couldn't ask for more than that, I have enjoyed working at 
DEC and will miss the place. It isn't the same today, but neither am I.

    Peace to all who are hurting this week and the weeks to come...

    	Vic H
2269.2GNUVAX::QUIRIYLady entrepreneurFri Dec 11 1992 09:0419
    
    I stuck around to say goodbye and I'm glad I did.  I sent mail out to 
    everyone I knew and liked, whether I'd met them in person or not, telling 
    them that my last day would be today.  I came in everyday this week 
    (except today) and talked to everyone I knew: cafeteria workers, 
    janitorial staff, smoking room comrades, hallway acquaintances, aisle 
    mates, friends, and co-workers past and present.  I tried to see the 
    others in my group who were notified and who tried to beat it out of 
    here quick.  I made a big platter of baklava, brought it in Wednesday, 
    and had a little party for myself in my cube, with people dropping in 
    and out all afternoon.  I didn't worry too much about crying; just about 
    everyone was teary-eyed at one time or another.  I got lots and lots of 
    hugs and good wishes.  It's helped me to not feel so "lost at sea," if
    you know what I mean.  I don't feel cut loose so much as I feel I am
    off on a new adventure, striking out in my own little boat.
    
    Best wishes to all,
    
    Cq
2269.3NAPIER::WONGFri Dec 11 1992 13:2135
    It's hard say goodbye...

    I sent out a long note yesterday...the distribution list was filled
    with 173 names of all the nice people that I had met over 8 and a half
    years at DEC (my first job).  I know I've missed alot of people on that
    list.  I've been editting it all week, making sure that I didn't sound 
    angry and that I didn't take it personally.

    One guy who started out with me in this company said that he's never
    seen me in a bad mood so I figure that's what I'd like people to
    remember when they think of me.  It took me a long time to hit the 
    <RETURN> key that would send out that piece of mail.

    It's a painful process to leave people behind, and I couldn't help but
    feel angry for a few moments when I got some thoughtful messages back
    from people whom I've had the pleasure of helping out over the years.
    It was even more unusual to get goodbye notes from people who've known
    me only through the notesfiles that I participate in.

    Anyways...it hurts to leave such nice people behind...it hurts to see
    good people go.  It would be nice to know that the relationship went
    beyond work.  The people who are leaving will be cut off, to some
    extent, from their support network here unless you make the effort to
    keep in touch.  They're probably going to feel abandoned for a while
    until things pick up again.

    As for myself, it's been a pleasure being here with the people I've 
    had the honor of meeting.  I'll be going into Notes withdrawal for
    a while ;-) but I think I'll survive.  

    That's all, folks!

    Regard,
    Benson Wong  aka  The Mad Chinaman
2269.4Thanks for your good-byes.USCTR1::JHERNBERGFri Dec 11 1992 15:0216
    
    
    Like the tin man said to Dorothy on her departure from OZ; "Now I 
    know I have a heart because it is breaking."  Notesfile has become
    a kind of heart and I find a tear or two falling as I read the 
    previous messages.
    
    I wish each one of you the best of luck and much success.  I will 
    carefully store away your advice on how to handle good-byes because
    next time could be my time.
    
    God bless you all......}-(
                           ,
                           ,
                           ,
2269.5SERC::ROBERTFri Dec 11 1992 17:034
    Does anyone have Benson Wong's address???
    
    Thanks Dave
2269.6I agreesPTOVAX::FURMANSKIDS Project Sales - @PTO 422.7288Wed Dec 16 1992 01:4014
    I agree with the majority of the comments in this note.  I am taking
    this much better than the folks I had worked with.   I think I've been
    hardened a bit by the last few years of TSFO.  It has made be think
    about how I would go out if selected.  
    
    A few other points - This is one of the last bits of time to talk with
    many aquaintences (SP).  Those folks you work with that aren't
    after-work pals.   
    			-  It has also been fruitful in networking to find
    opportunities and gain good advice.
    
    Good luck to those who are leaving and those who are staying.
    
    Joe