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Conference waylay::singles_chat

Title:	A place for gabby single folk

Moderator:	PCBUOA::DEWITT

Created:	Thu Jan 09 1997
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	69
Total number of notes:	5349

39.0. "The fragile beginnings of new relationships..." by BGSDEV::LANGONE () Mon Feb 03 1997 13:48

    
    	This question/discussion deals with that fragile time at the
    	beginning of a possible relationship. That Twilight Zone time
    	when you may/may not be entering a more serious relationship.
    	
    	It's sort of a difficult time because it's hard to speak frankly
    	w/o seeming too pushy or bringing up issues to early. Also it's
    	so hard when entering a new relationahip not to drag in issues/
    	hurts from past relationships. And sometimes you might relive
    	the "past" bad relationship because you're starting to feel
    	vulnerable again. And you might think, "Do I even want to
    	care this much again?".  
    
        Most of us in this conference have had at least a few serious 
    	relationships and/or marriages. In the best of all possible
    	worlds we'd like to meet new people and be unencumbered of
    	our past emotional backage.
    
    	So what are your thoughts on this?
    
    						Kathleen

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
39.1	Like a child...	APACHE::KEITH	Dr. Deuce	`Mon Feb 03 1997 14:32`	10
	In some ways it (a new relationship) is like a child. A newborn explores their world with great difficulty at first, wanting to know/do more than is physically possible with their new body. As they grow, they underastand more and can do more, they mature. So does a relationship. It includes bumps and bruises, pain and sorrow, but learning goes on all the time. They grow, and so does a (healthy) relationship. The growth will not be as fast as in the earlier years, but growth will happen none the less. Steve
39.2		EDWIN::WAUGAMAN		`Mon Feb 03 1997 14:34`	8
	> So what are your thoughts on this? Don't second-guess yourself. Whatever happens, happens... glenn
39.3		BOOKIE::KENYON		`Mon Feb 03 1997 14:41`	8
	Start as friends.. if anything more comes of the relationship, then so be it, if not, you have a great friend. Starting as friends, without any other expectations, takes the pressure off the whole situation. Just let the magic happen.. (-; Kathleen
39.4	honesty...	ABACUS::DELBALSO	she'll make her way	`Mon Feb 03 1997 15:48`	8
	If you let the other person get to know you, and they still hang around? Then you have a friend. If you feel the need to explain something, then explain it-- if you have a point to discuss, then start the discussion. If they like you they'll stay-- if they don't, then they don't. Be yourself right from the start....
39.5	Good answer Kathleen	WRKSYS::BROWER		`Mon Feb 03 1997 17:41`	8
	I agree with Katleen Kenyon.. Now if only I could heed her advice as well :-} I think as we grow older there's a modicum of impatience and self inflicted anxiety when entering a new relationship. If you start off trying to be just friends it certainly does lessen the pressure you put on yourself. bob
39.6	Starting Out	TBC001::DROVER	HEDGEHOG	`Tue Feb 04 1997 10:58`	11
	Quite often we mean to start as friends but one person often gets way to fast for the other and that's where it can be tough. This time for me, I had absolutely no intention of being anything more than just a friend at first and neither did she. But because we were comfy with each other and there was no "starting a relationship pressure", it just happened. So I think Kathleen is quite right. But based on past experience, it's damn near impossible. But when it starts that way and people can keep it that way for a bit, good things have a much much better chance of happening.