Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    It feels like a kind of brush off.
    I get it a lot.
    
    Once I identify that they are in that mode.  I have taken to saying
    REALLY important things that I KNOW they would have cared about if 
    they were listening.  
    
    A little later, when they come back and say "Why didn't you tell me
    this earth sharttering event was going to happen to me?"  I just look
    blankly at them and say "But I DID!  Don't you remember??Right
    after I told you about this degree I want to get.....etc."
    
    Then I am fairly guaranteed that they will listen in the interest
    of eventually getting to the information they want.
    
    I have begun not to take it to heart.  I have begun to think of it
    as a kind of game.  But, that may just by my wry perspective on the
    world. ;-\
    
    Cindi

    In my experience, the folks I usually run into these "stoppers"
    with tend to be very self invovled.  It's generally a case where
    I may be relating a particular story and the person I'm conversing
    with either knows more or has a better story.  This happens with 
    men and women.  The way I handle it, if the person is someone who
    generally doesn't partake in this type of "conversation", I let it
    go, chalking it up to a bad day, good day, mitigating circumstances,
    whatever.  If it is someone who continually converses in this manner,
    I generally stop seeking his/her company out.  I figure if it appears
    that the person assigns such little worth to my
    comments/goals/aspirations/etc, they really aren't worth my energies
    in maintaining a relationship/friendship.
    
    Christine

    ...You just say "That's not the point".
    
    I told my parents that this year, I want to take another "A" level. My
    mum said "But you don't need another one, you got this far with only
    two."
    
    I said "That's not the point. It's something I want, not need."
    
    Alice T.

    .0
    
    Anyone that says "trust me" to me has to work to harder to convince me
    they should be trusted...
    
    -Janice

    Take "Listening Skills" or "Communication Skills" 
    
    HRH

    Ignoring them is the best way to avoid them...
    why worry for such small stuff?
    
    Ana
    

    Hannah,
    
    I found some very good books on this... "The Gentle Art of
    Verbal Self Defense."  There are a whole series now, I
    recommend the first and second ("The Gentle Art..." and
    "More on the Gentle Art...").  I can't remember the
    woman's name who wrote them.  She writes alot about
    what you described and has some great recommendations
    on how to keep the conversation on track.  I've used
    what these books taught me 100 fold.
    
    with love,
    cheyenne

    My (soon to be ex-) husband did this to me all the time.  No matter
    what I started to talk about, he would switch it round to his business
    or his experience.  It drove me crazy!
    
    Susan

    I usually go out with a large group of people to a restaurant in Marlboro,
    MA. There's usually anywhere between 10-20 of us, mixed male and female. I
    notice what the basenoter describes *constantly*. I laughingly refer to it
    as "The Art Of Dangling Conversations" as we (myself, guilty as the rest) 
    may start on one issue, then by the end of the evening (or technically 
    morning sometimes) we couldn't even tell you what we initially started 
    talking about, becuase we've changed directions in mid-conversation about 
    ump-teen times! It's only annoying if you stop to think about it, but hey,
    at least it's *still* people talking, interacting, and having a good time.
    
    Sometimes, things "happen" as a result of evenings like the one I've just 
    described: people make connections towards new careers, positions, etc.
    but even if absolutely *nothing* "happens", it was a lot of fun anyway.
    

    
    This sounds familiar!
    
    Someone who can listen - *really* listen - hear what you're saying
    without judgement and without the need to venture their own
    opinion (unless you ask for it) is a RARE FIND.
    
    I don't choose to communicate with people who have this style - 
    if I really can't help it I need to get my strength up and stick
    religiously to my point, ignoring the interruptions.
    
    My parents seem especially prone to this.
    I find that "stoppers" often include those gool ol' Parent Tape
    words such as "should", "ought", "must", "can't", "don't"....
    
    'gail