Conference turris::womannotes-v3

Yes it changes.

Yes, it gets worse.

Yes, it gets better.

Yes, it's worth it.

Bruce

The trick is to stick together long enough until neither of you have any
possibility of ever attracting anyone else.  Fear of loneliness and
abandonment will drive you together like two atoms in the Fermi
accelerator.  Then you'll have each other and think how wonderful it is
to have stuck together for so long; it *must* be love.
    
    
    mike

    Consider yourself stoned.  - Vick
    
    P.S.  How old were you thinking of????

I have no fear of loneliness or abandonment.

The possibility of attracting anyone else occurs almost daily.

We knew each other for about a week before we both knew it "must" be love.



Try again.

Bruce

    re .2, this hasn't worked for me so far because I seem to have even more
    fear of being stuck in a claustrophobic relationship with a boring,
    irritating person, than I do of loneliness and abandonment. :-)
    
    

    Yes, it changes.  For some, it gets better and better; for others, it
    gets worse and worse; for yet others, it's a roller coaster.  Some, but
    not all, in the latter two categories could convert their personal
    rides to better-and-better by changing the adjustment of the shock
    absorbers.
    
    Yes, there really is a 7-year itch.  However, it is like the common
    cold:  For some people, it is virulent enough that it doesn't take 7
    years to show up; for others, it takes much longer; and some seem to be
    immune to it.  Some of those who are susceptible never gain immunity;
    others develop immunity after one episode.
    
    Didn't help much, I imagine, but these are the things my assorted
    acquaintances have discovered and been willing to convey to me.  What
    it all comes down to, and this may be a more responsive answer, is that
    it's *your* life.  *Your* choice.  *Your* marriage.  What *you* make of
    it will determine the *real* answers to these questions.
    
    -d

>                                 -< yeah but >-

>    re .2, this hasn't worked for me so far because I seem to have even more
>    fear of being stuck in a claustrophobic relationship with a boring,
>    irritating person, than I do of loneliness and abandonment. :-)

    
The trick is to find someone who doesn't make you feel claustrophobic, and who
isn't boring and irritating. %-]

Seriously, everybody, including you and me, is boring and irritating at times, 
and any relationship is going to have unpleasant periods.It's just that the good
times far outweigh and outnumber the bad times. When the balance keeps tipping 
the other way consistently, it's time to reconsider. 

Of course, people are highly individualistic, and someone you find boring and 
irritating may be interesting and delightful to somebody else.  

Bruce  

   

    Congratulations on making it almost through one year of marriage.
    To answer your question as to weather or not it changes after the
    first year, it's been my experience that it changes after the first
    day.  No to days are quite the same.  That's why it's such a challenge
    to make it work.  It can only work however with maximum effort from
    both of you.  It doesn't always have to be 50/50.  Somedays, for one
    reason or other I may  be able to contribute only 40% of what it takes
    to succeed so my wife will unhesitantly pick up the other 60%.  Other
    times the situation will be reversed.  We do this without question
    because we are a team.  As for the 7 year itch "thing" I have found 
    that to be an ever present factor but it contributes to our realization
    that we must be ever vigilant to confide in each other and to never
    take each other for granted.  That's what makes our life together so
    interesting.  I guess we just respect each other.  Really pretty simple
    when you come right down to it.  
    
    I guess that I might have strayed off the subject somewhat.  You didn't
    ask for advise but I figured I'd just throw my 2 cents worth in anyway.
    
    Oh by the way, on June 18th my wife and I celebrated our 31 wedding
    anniversary.  (Hold the applause please)
    
    Have a good,long,happy life together.
    
                              Art  
    

    Art, congratulations! but I am running close... almost 28 years for me.
    
    Yes, a marriage changes almost daily, a marriage has its ups and downs,
    its happy times, its sad ones, but THAT is what makes a marriage, the
    sharing of everything, good and bad, but mind you, we can always change
    things... we can always make the bad less bad, we can always make us
    more sensitive and receptive to the other, we can make things just a
    bit brighter, just a bit better, we can do a lot... only if we try.
    
    We can make anything work if we just tray.  If you want your marriage
    to work... it will.  Best luck and many more years to come!  Ana
    

    He did not turn into a pumkin, as I was afraid of...
    
       ....
        so I guess it will just be more of same.
    
    What a rush.
    CB-M