Conference turris::womannotes-v3

Barb, I'm listening. I wish you peace.

Hugs,

Kathy

    
    Oh Barb, I'm crying with you. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. I have a
    son too, although he's too young for war,but I can imagine the pain
    that you're going through.
    
    I will include both you and your son in my prayers.
    
    Desryn.
    

I realize that there is not much I can do so far away, but if you think of ANY
opportunity, I am here for you.

I will add your son to my "name list" - I speak the names aloud so they will not
be forgotten while they are in Saudi.  

I will be thinking of you.

Barb

    
    
    
    Hi Barb. *BIG HUG* from me too. I rarely write in notes
    and hardly anybody knows me, but I really feel for you.
    
    This whole "war thing" didn't really bother me until they
    set the deadline. Then I started thinking.....I wish I hadn't.
    Last night, I cried for 2 hours after I climbed into bed.
    I cried because I'm afraid of a draft. I've got a brother
    who will be 18 in July and a boyfriend who's 24 that I've
    been with for 6 years and plan to marry. I am terrified.
    I also feel like somewhat of a baby. I mean, they're not
    actually there, but I keep saying, "What if..." I'm 
    constantly being told that it's useless to worry about matters
    of which I have no control, but it's hard. I don't honestly
    know your exact feelings, but thinking about those who
    do have loved ones over there is really putting things
    in perspective. I have learned how to pray, and it helps
    BUT I still wish I could fix everything with a snap of
    my fingers.
    
    You will be in my prayers...
    
    -Jennifer.

    You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers.
    
    Hugs,
    Martha
    Mother of a 19 year old son

    
    I'm thinking of you and your son, Barbara.  And I hope that you
    and he will get the chance one day to cry over all this together.
    
    Hugs,
    
    Justine

    Barb, I offer you the comfort of a hug.  I wish for the day to come
    when your son can have a better understanding for what happened, and
    that he can have peace of mind.  You too.  
    
    Kim

    Barb - 
    
    There is very little that can be said that will offer you the comfort
    and peace that you need right.  I hope it helps a bit to know that you
    and David are in my thoughts and prayers.
    
    I'm sending hugs and peaceful loving thoughts, my friend.
    
    Nanci

    
    re: Nanci (.10)
    
    Me too, Barb.
    
    Many hugs.
    
    Carla
    

    Barb, 
    SEND YOUR LETTER TO HIM!
    Can you find a better way of explaining your pain your feelings than to
    send them to your son?
    Life is hard, there are many circumstances in life that make a person
    callous, hard, etc.  Your son should know HOW YOU FEEL and HOW you felt
    during these past years and that YOU LOVE HIM! don't let a minute pass
    by without expresing your love for HIM, he needs you, as much as you
    need him.  We might be in a war and lots of things might happen, but
    you must let your son know of your love for him.
    
    I send you many hugs, that might help you, but only you can help your
    son, tell him you love him. (he might never forget to be rejerted from
    his parents and be put up for adoption, but if he knows the reasons...
    he'll be less bitter, he will understand you, he will find he is NOT
    ALONE...) I pray for both and for all who have been sent there... I
    worry sick at the impending conflict...
    
    A big Hug! Ana
    

    Barb -
    
    Hugs to you.  And shared tears.  And much love and compassion and
    sympathy.
    
    More hugs and love and compassion to your angry young man.  May
    his anger be transformed to a power for positive things in his life.
    May he return from this particular journey safely.
    
    Alison

    Thank you all so much!  I cannot express how much I need this support
    at this time.  You've never failed me yet, friends.  Whenever I
    limp and stumble, you've always been here to help.  It means so
    much!
    
    Barb

    Barb, I'm not a person who crys easily.  But nothing I ever read
    touched me quite the way your note did.  I really cried.  As I read
    it I was thinking, I wish your son could read this, that he could know
    how you feel.  Barb, you are a very brave person.
    
    Hugs,
    
    Mary

    Barb, my heart goes out to you. 
    It was a wonderful note that you put in, maybe you want to mail a
    hardcopy to your son in Saudi Arabia.
    Everytime I saw clips of soldiers waiting in the sea of sand on TV, I
    felt like crying. War is so senseless.
    
    caroline
    

    Since I don't know what it going through David's mind, I cannot
    know how this will be received, but the words of a mail message
    have prompted me to send the base note to my son.  The words were
    (paraphrased) "...the fact that he called you means that there is
    still a connection there..."  Although I have no address for him--he
    refused to give me one so I could write, I am going to send it to
    him c/o Ft. Carson, Colorado, and hope for the best.  This is the
    only cover letter I could think (read, "feel") of...
    
    Hoping to let him know I care,
    
    Barb
    
                      *********************************
    
        	  						    January 15, 1991.
    
    Dear David,
    
    	  I cannot help but feel pain at the thought of you being in a war.  
    It is only natural that you will discredit this, and I don't blame you.  
    I know I would feel the same way; however, it is true.  
    
    	  In my company, we have something called NOTES, which is a way of 
    communicating with other Digital employees around the globe.  One of the 
    conferences I participate in is called WOMANNOTES.  Because today is so 
    impacting on the rest of your life and, more indirectly, in mine, I 
    entered a note in the conference.  Although I wouldn't normally have 
    burdened you with my feelings, several friends from this conference have 
    encouraged me to send you a copy.  Therefore, I am risking your 
    expressions of ridicule to share it with you.  
    
    	  In all things, I wish you well, son.  I love you.
    
    Your mother

    
    That took a lot courage. Bravo!
    
    I hope your son learns to conquor anger and fear and discover the
    miracle of forgiveness. As you have found, first he must forgive 
    himself, and then, perhaps, he will find the courage to forgive you.
    
    When one looks around and wonders what the world has come to; what
    humanity has come to; all that keeps one going is the evidence that
    there still people like you among us.
    
    Do not apologise...we do not need perfect people...we need people
    who have tripped and stumbled and even fallen...and then have picked
    themselves out of the dirt to start over.  There is no honor in winning
    if one has never suffered defeat.
    
    You have my deepest admiration and respect.
    
    And a hug from a stranger.
    
    Melinda

    Barb,
    
    You are a very brave and loving woman.  I hope that David will be able
    to really let your love into his heart and be healed.  My heart and
    good wishes go out to both of you.
    
    Hugs,
    
    Laura
    

    Barb, my heart cry's to you and your son. You have just taken the first
    step in healing. Send a letter to your son what you have told us here.
    
    May our Father in heaven guide you and your son back together.
    
    God bless,
    Bill
    P.S will keep you and your son in my prayers.
    

    Barb,
    
    You are one courageous woman!!
    
    My prayers and lots 'a hugs are with you...
    
    Peace & Love,
    -Dotti.

Barb,

All I can share with you, is that I love and care for you and your son, 
even though I don't know the both of you, but that is a gift that God has 
give me TODAY ( A gift of Love). 

One thing that I will like to share with you and to all those that log 
into this notes file, and that is, every morning when I wakeup in the 
morning, the first thing I do is give my self a hug, and as I gave my 
self that delicate hug, I'm not only hugging me but olso that God that 
protect us and love us.

Barb, will you be willing to do a beautiful exercise, count from 10 to 1, 
and as you count give your self and you son a delicate affirmation, 
remember that last number (1)... Who is number One...

For last, today I shall pray for you and yor son, and That God may 
embrace the two of you with his eternal and immortal love.

    
    
    
I love the Both of you.

			Let Go and Let God

Imre Eordogh.
(A survivor)
    

Cont.. from .22

Barb,

Last year a friend of mine gave me two beautiful gift. One of the gift 
was a God bag ( A regular paper bags ). The same way you write letters to 
friends and send them via the Postoffice... Well these God bag is a 
special Postoffice.. (I called My God Postoffice). The other gift is a 
God Shelf..

Barb, that is my gift for you.

Imre.

    P.S: In .0 you shared the following.
    
         > I was not a good mother.
    
         Barb, You are a beautiful and courages mother. By sharing what
         you shared with all of, you have made amends not only with your
    	 self but with your son to.
    

    I am new to this notes file and only today started reading it.  Your
    note made me cry.  I don't know you but I felt the need to tell you
    that I admire your courage and the love you feel for your son.  I am
    sure that when he reads your letter you will here from him.
    
    Like everyone else who has responded, I too will keep you and your son
    in my prayers.
    
    Peace,
    
    Doreen

    Barb:
    
    Last night when war was declared, I immediately thought of you and your
    son.  I cried yesterday afternoon when I read your note, and cried
    again for you and your son last night, hoping that you both are given
    the second chance you so richly deserve.
    
    I will pray, in my own way, that you are both given that second chance. 
    I do understand how you feel, but don't beat yourself so hard.  Give
    yourself credit for the mending you've done since that time in your
    life, and for the strength you've gathered to be the person you are
    today.  I have four sons and cannot imagine the pain in your heart you
    must have because of where he is right now.  
    
    May God bless the both of you!  
    
    A HUGE hug is sent your way!
    
    Estelle                   
    

    I'm so sorry,Barb. There isn't much else I can say except that when I
    am down and trying to pick myself up I try to think of healing as being
    an on going process as opposed to a 1 time event. This allows me my
    time to grieve. 
    
    Be good to yourself,
    Hugs,
    Kate

    Peace to you and a hug, Judy
    

Barb, I'm glad that you are continuing to reach out to your son.

Shellie and I continue to struggle with the pain that we experienced
at the hands of our parents.  Sometimes it is hard to believe them (some of
them) when they express love or any caring feelings toward us.  However,
the one thing that gets through to me, more than any words that they have
said, is consistency over time.  My mother has started listening to me,
letting me express my feelings toward her.  She still gets angry at me,
and isn't as supportive of me as I would like her to be, but the fact that
she has listened a few times helps.  

My father has listened, too.  I still don't understand him; I still don't like
him.  I have learned to like some things about him, though.  I have learned
to appreciate some of the things that he has done for me as an adult, like
not being judgmental about my being gay, and how he sends presents to my
son, even though he doesn't like children.  The best thing that my father
has ever done for me, is admit that he abused me.

Continue trying with your son.  Listen to him, and try to allow him to vent
his anger.  It is hard to experience continual rejection, so when you need
a hug from me, let me know, and I will be happy to send you one.  You are 
doing the right thing.  It may not show the fruits for a long while, but it
is worthwhile trying.

      Love,

         Carol