Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    
    Dating after a divorce (at first) is kind-of wierd; it's perfectly
    normal to feel somewhat awkward the first few times.
    
    After a while, it will feel much more comfortable/natural.
    
    Be patient with yourself--you're going through lots of change, and
    it takes time to process and adjust to it.
    
    As for topics of conversation, pick a few in advance, so you won't feel
    like the two of you will be stuck without anything to say:
    
    pick some items from the newspaper (either heavy material (i.e. Iraq,
    recession, etc.) or light stuff (like from the center column of the
    Wall Street Journal);
    
    also (one of the best ways to keep a conversation going):  pay
    attention to her--what are her interests? books? movies? work?
    sports? hobbies?
    
    Good luck
    
    (and DON'T CANCEL!)
    
    	Don
    
    

    Imre,
    	Hmmm...  If I were in your place, I'd talk about something
    	that I'm comfortable with, whether it's food, weather, news,
    	whatever.  It doesn't have to be earthshaking or profound.
    	By talking about something natural to you, you won't have to
    	work at it, and you can let your personality show through.
    	You may also want to let the other person put you at ease --
    	a simple "I'm a little nervous -- it's been a while since I
    	went out to lunch with someone" can make both of you less tense.
    	The other thing to do is just to react to the day and the
    	surroundings.  I met one of my best friends through a passing
    	remark about a new building -- it gave her the opening to
    	respond and started a long conversation.
    
    	Good luck!
    
    	Ron

    
    
    Great opening line:
    
    What would you write for your fortune in the next fortune cookie you
    open!!
    
    Asked this of my SO last night, and it lead to quite an interesting
    conversation.
    
    Give yourself some credit.  The person you are meeting obviously
    likes your first impressions.
    
    Best of luck and have fun,
    Michele

RE: .3

Thanks Michele for the (Fortune Cookie). One Thing that comes to mind is
that I'm a delicate Human being, and as I allow my self to be delicate...
Delicate things will happen.

And that Michele is my Fortune Cookie... Thank you for the Lovely thought.

Thanks,

Imre E.

    

    Imre,
    
    I'm not sure if you would remember me, but I use to work in Paula
    Shipman's organization as the secretary.  
    
    I know exactly where you are coming from.  I have been divorced for
    almost 8 years and each and every first date is a scary thing.  What do
    you talk about, what do you have in common, do they like you are all
    things I worry about before a "date".  
    
    I tend to ask questions about the other person, to get to know them
    better, and if they are interested in me I figure they will ask
    questions back.  That way you will see what, if anything, you have in
    common, which will start other conversations rolling.
    
    Hope your lunch date was a good one!
    
    Good Luck
    
    Andrea
    

    Well...we're all waiting....how'd it go?
    
    
                                 L.J.

Well luch was cancel, not because of that fear that ones in a while takes
over me. It was one of those situation in which work had to come first.

There is something that I have learn since my divorce, is that there is a 
good and positive reason when things happen. That is why today I have 
allow my self to be gentel and patient with my self. I mention the words 
gentel and patient, because a good friend confronted me after the 
devorce, she mention to me, that from now on I must be patien with my 
self. And today I'm grateful for what she said to me then.

One thing that I will like to share, is that I tend to get a little 
frustrated, because sometimes I can not express, communicate or vocalize 
what is on my hart, but on the other hand I said to my self, that is ok
because as long as they live in my hart, I know that I'm in touch with 
me.

And for last... I have asked her to go out these comming Friday night, 
either dinner or movie, perhaps both. Well time will tell....


   Imre E.
( A survivor)

    It's good to be gentle and understanding with yourself.  And when it
    comes to communication and you feel tongue tied or you feel you're not
    able to put your feelings into words (particularly when you feel you
    must communicate quickly, speaking with someone), you can either use
    electronic mail or write notes or letters, or you can even just ask the
    person to wait a minute while you compose your thoughts....I'm sure
    they'll understand.
    
    -Jody
    

	Remember it's not just you that has an attack of the collywobbles, it 
	happens to us all. Those little butterflies in the stomach are in more
	stomachs than you may think.


	Have a great time,

	Heather

    I remember having butterflies last summer when I spoke at DECworld for
    the first time (me?  the terminally stagefrightened?  presenting
    where?)....
    
    Butterflies are perfectly natural.  The trick is getting them to 
    fly in formation!
    
    

	The biggest thing I'm finding is to take a deep breath, try to 
relax and then to pass on the humor of the situation.  The other person
is probably feeling just as awkward and it seems to help both of us (well
me, anyway) to mention it, laugh about it, and go on.  This works as long
as the person I'm with is comfortable with communicating.    

	I hate & love first dates, too.  It's a deliciously, terrible
feeling of anticipation.  :-)

-Andrea

    Before last night, I would have suggested that it's always fun to ask
    the other person about herself, but after watching a "set up" date on
    the Roseanne show asking nothing but questions without waiting for the
    answers, I'd have to say that it might be wise to relax and let the
    revelations flow a bit more naturally.
    
    The best thing, I suppose, is to relax and enjoy the company.  If she
    feels relaxed and enjoys the company, too, conversation should flow on
    a natural basis.
    
    Keep in mind that unless people are on the phone, they don't need to
    talk constantly.  Quiet moments of enjoyment can be expressed with
    facial and body language.
    
    -jt

    
    It sounds to me like you have *already* started the conversations.  You
    asked this woman to lunch/dinner.   I agree with .-1 that if you relax
    and just enjoy this other person, you will feel good about her and
    yourself as well.
    
    and - don't forget to write in the notes file soon after - all us
    mothers will anxiously await the description of your experience!
    
    -m