Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    About a month back, I was doing a very important demo of some Macintosh
    and MS-DOS personal computer networking SW to some internal Sales
    Support folks and I suddenly got very embarrassed -- I realized that
    I'd just said:
    
    "...in order to capitalize on either the 'DECNetosity' or the
    'TCP/IP-ness' of these network connections..."
    
    Whoops.  Thank goodness these were DEC folks rather than Real
    Customers.
    
    I don't think they noticed -- at least I hope that *I* was the only one
    in the room who blushed... 
    
    Dan_who_does_not_suffer_from_TCP/IPness_envy  :-)

    (Did I tell this story already?)
    
    Last summer I was in San Francisco.  I went to a restaraunt with some
    friends.  I found our waitperson *extrememly* attractive; I was trying
    hard not to do anything crass, but I was flustered.  (I get that way
    around people I am attracted to.)
    
    Anyway, after we finish dinner, she comes over to the table and says
    "Would you like to take a gander at the desert menu?"  I, always
    prepare for a straight-line into a pun, come back with "How about a
    goose, instead?" (intending the meaning of "goose" only as the female
    of "gander", ya see...)
    
    Even as the words were leaving my mouth I realize how that was going to
    sound, and turned bright red.  She looked a little taken aback and a
    little amused.  I couldn't meet her eye for the rest of the time I was
    there.  (My friends thought it was *hysterical*!)
    
    D!

My experience was similar to D!'s (I thought it was hysterical, too) minus the
"crush/flustration".  Meaning that I wished no sauce/spices, I looked my server
right in the eyes and said, "I like my spaghetti naked!"  

My server had the good taste not to make any "kinky cracks."

BTW, thanks for opening this note.  I haven't laughed out loud for awhile.

Barb

    See, I get everything confused.  Are you saying I am not *supposed* to
    hop around on one leg while the other has its foot implanted firmly in
    my mouth?  All the time?  Without even trying?
    
    Sigh
    
    There is so much my mother and father never taught me.
    
    E Grace

    Hehehehe
    
    I was talking to E Grace this morning about housework and related to
    her that my son wanted to know what the white stuff was on the grill.
    I told him that I had put baking soda on it to put out a few small 
    flames.  E Grace came right back with well, I hope you took it off
    first.  I said "huh?"  ---she said, your bathing suit!  Hehehehehe,
    that's BAKING SODA - that white stuff that puts out fires.
    
    Martha
    

    Thank you Martha.
    

    I always enjoy hearing about conversations between Martha and E Grace. 
    :-)
    
    -- Mike

    
    Yep, I do this alot!
    
    I was speaking with a customer at DECworld in front of his DEC
    salesperson.
      cust : "Would you recommend running this on a VaxStation 2000?"
      me   : "I wouldn't recommend running anything on a Vax Station 2000,
    	unless you have alot of time."
    
      (oops, this is why they hide engineers from customers.  I did end up
       smoothing that one over, believe it or not!)
    
    I was speaking with a woman whom I knew medium-well.  
      me : "I notice you got green contacts.  They're very pretty
    	on you."
      her : "No, this is my real eye color.  I usually wear brown
    	contacts."
      me:  "No way!  That's not your real color!  The brown just looks so
    	natural on you"
    (little did I know that one of her eyes was a glass eye.)
    
    To the same woman at the beach;
      her: "I just hate being so small-chested."
      me : "Quit complaining!  You can wear great swimsuits.  I'd love
    	to be an A cup!"
      her: "I'm a B cup, not an A cup!"
      me : "Really????"
    (little did I know she was really sensitive about her chest cause 
    her fiance had said something nice about mine.)
    
    At the perfum counter when some perfum woman tries to show you a
    fragrance. "yuck!"
    
    
    (I'm working very hard on thinking before I speak.)
    
    Rachael

    Here's my favorite foot in mouth story.
    
    I had just returned to work from my honeymoon in Hawaii and was
    talking with the guys at work about the trip.  Someone kept pestering
    me for more details and totally without thinking about what I was
    saying, I said "Whadda ya want? A blow by blow description?"
    
    Mary
    

    Mary,
    
    (*8  (*8  (*8
    
    Yep, that one was definately worth the wait!
    
    E Grace

    i am in the habit of wearing earplugs to concerts, seeing as
    bands have a tendency to set their amps on '11'.  usually this
    is no problem, as between songs people cheer and scream, and
    there is lots of noise to cover when i talk a little louder
    than usual.
    
    went to see the Cocteau Twins perform at the Orpheum recently.
    i'm often surprised when a band that i like turns out to not
    have a drummer (which was the case with CT).  between songs,
    everybody remained quiet, waiting in anticipation for the
    next song to start, so i took a moment to comment to my friend
    "Gee, I didn't know that Echo played with these guys."  (echo
    is the name of a drum machine...was making a joke on the group)
    with my earplugs in, i didn't notice that my personal volume
    was up, and the five rows in front of me got a good dose of
    my twisted sense of humor.
    
    oops.
    

    Echo and the Bunnymen, by the way, were so named because they
    originally had a drum machine instead of a drummer.
    
    -- Mike

    G'day,
    
    I once went with my wife to a 'stress management' seminar.  The
    discussion moved to folk who have very strong beliefs, so strong that
    the beliefs become stressful to maintain such that even small
    incidents can seem hostile to them.
    
    So some guy in the next row asks " what of the other extreme - the truly
    apethetic'. The lecturer didn't know how to answer this one... but the
    guy persisted to the point of almost annoyance..
    
    Without thinking too hard, I muttered "who cares!" in a stage whisper.
    My wife moved up one seat (it wasn't that crowded) and the nxt row down
    sort of fell in a heap. (the guy shut up)
    
    I have to admit I regretted the comment all the way home (outwardlly
    anyway ;-) )
    
    derek_who_often_ opens_mouth_to_change_feet
    

    Several times I have wound up with back to back business trips to
    Atlanta and New England.  I usually manage to come home for one day in
    between.  On one trip, however, I flew from Colorado Springs to Atlanta
    and straight on to New England...and my luggage got lost.  Luckily it
    was found the next day and all turned out fine but I had to call my
    manager and get her involved as I had no clothes but those on my back,
    no toothbrush, etc.
    
    A few months later, in a team meeting, my manager informed me that I
    would be doing this again only this time I would have a day in between
    to come home and re-pack, "That is", she said "as long as you don't
    lose your clothes", to which I blithely replied, "Oh that only happens
    when I'm not coming home."  
    
    The rest of the team, not knowing the first part of the story, errupted
    into hoots and hollars of laughter.  
    
    It still makes me blush to think about it!
    
    Nanci

I'm in charge of an office collection. 
It's Friday, 4:58 p.m.  I'm feeling extremely frazzled
and mind numb.  A coworker stops in to donate money
and hands me about three times more money than
anyone else had.  Two sentences pass thru my mind:

  That's more than all the rest gave!
  Is that all for this?

So out comes "Is that all?"

C r a w l  and  C r i n g e 

Yes, he did look surprised. Yes, I did blush.
But my explanation was probably as frazzled
as the original statement. Happily, he still
speaks to me. 

    In college "I was known as open mouth exchange feet, chew vigorously!"
    
    I'm quite a lot better now, or at least I think so!
    
    Bonnie

    No boasting, Bonnie;)
    
    Barb

    Actually Barb,
    
    it is nice to be able to joke about it.
    
    I lost a lot of friends/acquaintances and got myself in a lot
    of trouble because of my out spokenness
    
    sigh
    
    hugs
    
    Bonnie

  My mother still cringes when she tells the story of meeting a friend
  of hers in the pet store.  The woman has one of those baggies with a
  couple goldfish swimming around, and Mama asks why.  Her friend says that
  she's been babysitting someone else's pets for the past week, and a couple
  of the goldfish died - so she was replacing them quick before the people
  got back & found out.

  Says my mom, brightly, "Boy, it's a good thing you weren't looking after
  the children!"

  :^D
  Kathy

    
             Ya know.....if it was just one foot it might be ok.  When
    meeting women, I suffer from the "absolute honesty" syndrome.  If I
    think it then sure enough, I find it comming out of my mouth....sometimes 
    to lay there on the floor like a dead fish.  
    
    Dave

    Sorry, Martha.  I tried to resist, but I couldn't.  (okay, so I didn't
    try all that strenuously!)
    
    Yesterday, while having lunch with Martha Walker -- wouldn't want
    anyone to be confused about which Martha, now, would we? -- and Mary
    Maling, I asked Martha if she had any Tylenol, and if so could I have
    some?  She said "sure".
    
    She opened her drawer.
    
    and handed me a calculator!
    
    I guess it was calculated to make my headache go away!
    
    
    (*8
    
    E Grace
    
    
    

I was in the car with my spouse and another lesbian friend, and was
talking about how my mother used to be an English teacher.

I'll never, ever live down my announcement that my mother taught me 
never to end my sentence with a proposition!!!

   Carol

    oooh! CArol! ;-)

>I was in the car with my spouse and another lesbian friend, and was
>talking about how my mother used to be an English teacher.
>
>I'll never, ever live down my announcement that my mother taught me 
>never to end my sentence with a proposition!!!
>
>   Carol
    
    
    Not with your spouse in the car, anyway ;^)
    
    Kate
    

re: 568.24 

>I'll never, ever live down my announcement that my mother taught me 
>never to end my sentence with a proposition!!!

    I just  *love*  it, when 'teachers' to point out to me
    that a prepostion is not the type of word to end a sentence with.
    
    -BobE
    (silent minority speaks ...)