Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Cherie,
    
    A friend was in the same situation, and she came up with a solution
    to the dilemma.  She was married on the East Coast and had a party
    on the west coast about a month after the wedding.  Both the reception
    and party were simple, so they were able to afford both.
    
    You might want to consider wedding announcements.  Check with the
    place that's printing your invitations.  You might also want to
    refer to "Miss Manners".
    
    Good luck!
    Judi
    

	On a couple occasions I've received invitations to the weddings
	of friends or relatives that were too distant for me to attend.
	I was appreciative of the invitation, and when I sent my regrets
	I thanked them for being thoughtful enough to invite me.

	One couple that had a West coast wedding (Groom from East Coast)
	included with the wedding invitation an invitation to a reception 
	hosted by his family at their home a few days before the wedding. 
	That way, friends on both coasts had the opportunity to wish the 
	couple well and share in the celebration. 

						Tom_K

    Several of my cousins have gotten married while they were in the
    service, and so have been at places like London, Seattle and Florida.
     With all the family in Rhode Island, you can see that we could
    not possibly attend their weddings.  So what they all did was to
    have a reception the next time they were home for the family so
    that we could celebrate with them.  We have had outdoor barbecues
    and a full-fledged reception with a band and sit-down dinner (about
    the only thing missing was a wedding gown on the bride).  The
    receptions have been as late as 1 year after the wedding with my
    cousin from Seattle since that was the first time he had enough
    leave to come home.
    
    I think that you could just have a reception some time after your
    wedding for your friends in California.  It doesn't have to be right
    after the wedding.  You could wait some amount of time, especially
    because you probably don't want to be planning 2 wedding receptions
    at the same time.  Talk about stress! And maybe some of your friends
    would like to even help you out with the plans.  I know that I've
    always enjoyed planning big parties and weddings (I have a big family,
    and everyone usually helps in the planning stages).
    
    Good luck with your plans.                      
    Cathy

Cherie,

I was in a similar situation, we got married in the East but I grew up in the
West. We had a wedding here, and then my Mom had a reception for us in LA.

A close friend of mine had a similar situation also. She got married in the
West, but lives here. So she had a wedding reception (at our house) for her
friends, and due to the economics it was pot luck. 

You could have a "wedding" reception in the West and send invites and suggest
that instead of a gift bring a dish to share.

I think the main thing is that friends want to share in your celebration. I 
don't think most people care about how fancy it is, but want to be on your
list of special people that you want to share with. So I suggest a low
budget party for your close friends in the West. Send them invites to that
and not to your wedding.

Good Luck in all the planning

Muggsie
    

    If you plan on holding a reception on the West Coast afterwards,
    you might consider sending wedding invitations to your work friends
    at the same time you send their reception invitations.  This sends
    the signal that you'd like to have them attend but you know it's
    not convenient.  They know about the reception, so they don't feel
    pressured to attend the wedding.  Nor do they feel excluded from
    the wedding itself, since they were really invited.  It becomes
    their decision, rather than yours.

    another idea is to have a party on the west coast, but have it be
    "potluck". one of my friends has an annual chocolate/champagne party
    (bring something either chocolate or champagne) -- that might be
    a fun theme for such a celebration.
    
    when i got married, my uncle couldn't make it, so he and my aunt
    had a reception for us in new york (i got married in the boston
    area) several months later. it was lots of fun to extend the
    festivities and i got to celebrate with several people i really
    like but who couldn't join us at the wedding. so it did work out
    well. also, i'd suggest you send friends invitations -- be prepared
    for them to accept, but also let them know that you'll understand
    if they can't make it!
    
    enjoy and best of luck.
    
    liz

    College friends of mine are finally getting married (after nearly
    10 years, starting in high school, together) and they'll be returning
    to their old home town (on Long Island) to do it.  They live here
    in the Bay Area and I know that they've been alerting all of their
    friends to the upcoming wedding, but they know not many will be
    able to fly back east for it (in September).
    
    Anyone who indicates they'd like to go to the wedding, even maybe,
    is getting an invitation.  The couple is also planning a party 
    several weeks after they return, for everyone to help them celebrate
    and feel "included" (over a dozen of us from that back-east university,
    associated through a fraternity and friends, are out here now; we
    all want to celebrate this wedding big-time!)
    
    DougO

    
    My husband and I live in Ireland, but got married in NewYork
    I did not issue any invitations at all for my wedding.  I phoned
    my Dad told him our plans and the rest of the family, they
    understood why we were doing it this way, and I don't believe
    I lost any friends or family because of this decision.
    
    The suggestion I am making is - talk with your friends openly, 
    let them know how you feel - they will understand, and maybe
    have a suggestion or two also.
    
    Regards Aileen
    
    
    

	 I didn't read all the replies, but...


	 did you think of video taping the wedding?  Then you could
	 have the wedding in two places and your friends wouldn't miss
	 out on the ceremony!  Have a casual reception  at a place
	 with a big-screen tv and let them enjoy the wedding too!
	 that way you COULD send out wedding invitations to everyone!
	 (Different ones of course!)

	 This would definately be what I would do!

	 kath

>	 did you think of video taping the wedding?  Then you could
>	 have the wedding in two places and your friends wouldn't miss
>	 out on the ceremony!  Have a casual reception  at a place
>	 with a big-screen tv and let them enjoy the wedding too!
>	 that way you COULD send out wedding invitations to everyone!
>	 (Different ones of course!)


Great idea!

    
    
    Kathy,
    
    Thanks for the great video tape idea!!  Even though we did get some
    good ideas from the replies here (thanks,everyone), we're gonna go
    with your idea.
    
    One less thing to worry about!  :^)
    
    
    Regards,
    Cherie

    Cheryl:
    
    Just wanted to throw in my two cents worth.  I hope I'm one of those
    "Westcoast" friends you're referring to.  Under the circumstances
    I'd do whatever makes you the most comfortable.
    
    If you do videotape the ceremony we'll have to have you come to
    L.A. for another "training" session so that I can see it.  Or as
    we're suppose to always be saying, "Let's do lunch".
    
    Linda

    SUGGESTIONS:  Is it possible for you to cut expenses on the wedding
    in order to have a reception in CA?  I think the reception idea
    is the best, and it doesn't have to be a big shindig.  People who
    really care won't mind if it isn't fancy.  As for sending invitations,
    you could do it as a courtesy; but this is one of those expenses
    you can cut.  People in CA will understand if they don't get an
    invitation to a wedding in MA.  Whatever you decide, BE CONSISTENT.
    That way nobody gets hurt or offended.