Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Charlie,
    
    	I can understand your concern and possibly the feeling of
    helplessness (not knowing what to do or say). Three and a half years
    ago my wife had to have both breasts removed due to the big "C".
    
    	Not knowing you or your wife I have no idea just what kind of
    emotional stress you will go through, however, I can assure you
    that there will be emotional highs and lows for both of you. I think
    that the best thing that you can do is just be there for her and
    listen to her.
    
    	There are support groups available all over the country that
    are made up of people just like yourself ... women and men that
    have gone through this before. I recommend that you ask her doctor
    or the hospital to refer you to one of these groups ... you don't
    have to go through this alone.
    
    	As I stated earlier ... it was three and a half years ago for
    my wife (she still goes for regular checkups) and I still remember
    how difficult it was for both of us, but thank God she is still
    with me. We just celebrated our 20th anniversary a couple of weeks
    ago.

    Best wishes for her successful and rapid recovery .... and hang
    in there .... cancer CAN be beat.
    
    
    

    Lee Ann, has had the big "C" diagnosted so many times I have lost
    count, Breasts (both), In the Brain, Uterine, and all have so far
    come out favorable.  
    
    Just do as I did, be there, be the strong one, even if you do not
    want to be.  Give her all the support, and remind her that you do
    love her body, but the mind is what you are really attracted to,
    and that as long as the mind is there you have the person that you
    love.  I know how difficult a time she is having, when Lee Ann came
    out of the Rad's she was so weak, and we found that Peanut Butter,
    would restore the strength fastest.  So I would have a fresh jar
    of Peanut butter, and a spoon when I drove down to pick her up.
     She would be okay when we got home, and I never cease to tell her
    how much that I love her.
    
    Dave
    Go forward, in love.
    

    Charlie--
    
    My mom went thru this two and a half years ago.  I went home to
    be with her and my dad, so we all experienced it together.  My mom
    went thru a biopsy, a lumpectomy, and a mascectomy all with two
    weeks.  Her lymph nodes were clear, too, and to date (knock wood)
    she is healthy, strong, happy--and incidently, minus one breast.
    I'd like to share her philosophy about it with you and your wife:
    
    "Look, it's not like you SEE out of it, EAT with it, or WALK on
    it--a breast is nothing.  Who sees, except your husband, and a good
    one will understand and realize that one breast is very little of
    the woman he married."
    
    As other noters have already mentioned, just give your wife love
    and support, and tell her often how much you love her.  Cancer does
    NOT have to be live-threatening;  we can beat it today.  Your strength
    will help her so much.  Encourage her to seek support groups of
    other women who have gone thru this;  there are some with husbands,
    too, as they are a vital part of the healing process.
    
    There ARE emotional mood swings, but your love and understanding
    will help her to move forward.
    
    Thanks for sharing this with us, and allowing us to help.
    
    Jane
    

    A friend of mine had a lumpectomy a few years ago.  Since we
    are not very close, I cannot say how she felt all the time,
    but when I saw her she was frequently her standard, cheerful,
    witty self.  The therapy did make her tired, so she tried not
    to take on any extra work.  Also, the radiation therapy caused
    her skin to peel, and she felt her breast looked like raw meat.
    
    But that is over now, her last checkup was clean, and she has
    the energy to work on getting into better and better physical
    shape.
    
    Ah!  Diet.  A wholesome diet with lots of fresh fruit and vegetables,
    and at least eight 8 oz. glasses of water a day would be advisable.
    And limit the caffeine and animal fat intake.
    
    						Ann B.

    
    	I forgot to mention it earlier ....
    
    	If your wife is concerned about the looks of the scar ... have
    her try lots and lots of Vitamin E oil on it ... its a liquid and
    comes in a small bottle about the size of a bottle of fingernail
    polish.
    
    	My wife used the stuff even though one of her doctors (which
    happens to be a very good plastic surgeon) told her that it would
    do no good but it also would do no harm. Well to make a long story
    short ... she used it religously for the first number of months
    after the operation and (as well as taking a number of other vitamins)
    and it not only amazed me but the Plastic Surgeon as well.
    
    	Doesn't make the scar disappear but it sure makes it look a
    whole lot better a whole lot quicker.
    

    I would second the suggestion of a support group.  As supportive
    as you can be, there is nothing like talking with other people who
    have had the same experience, feelings, etc.
    
    -Tracy
    

    My mother had a lumpectomy followed by radiation about a year ago. It
    took her a while to accept/believe that she had cancer. I think it felt
    very unreal for a while. She perked up quite soon after the operation.
    I went to D.C. to take care of her and she wore me out with all the
    errands we ran; she even taught a class less than a week after surgery. 
    
    I know that the radiation was draining; she needed to watch her eating
    and sleeping habits very carefully. She also experienced burns. She
    knew to expect them and she was allowed to take breaks from treatment
    when they showed up. 
    
    It's hard to tell how your wife will react, whether she'll be angry at
    the world. It depends on what type of person she is. I agree with
    others that getting involved with a support group would be wonderful
    for her. I know that my mother was visited in the hospital by someone
    who'd had breast cancer a while back and that it helped her
    tremendously to meet with someone who got through it. 
    
    This sounds like a hard time for you, too. Do you think it would
    help to get some sort of support for you? I'd expect the cancer
    society to have "s.o." groups. As someone mentioned, it helps if
    you can be strong, but in that case, I'd think that it would help
    if you could unload a bit of the burden somewhere else.
    
    Take care of yourself and of your wife and best wishes to both of
    you.
    
    Liz