Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Wow.  I just begged off lunch with a friend today for the same reason.
    With little or no provocation, I will either bite someone's head
    off or burst into tears, and I really didn't want to take it out
    on anyone accidentally.  It tends to happen on and off for a week
    or so before/at the beginning of menses.  The only things I have
    found to do was cut way down on caffeine, sugar, and salt - and
    take B-complex vitamins (I take Balanced B-100, time released),
    which tend to alleviate water-weight, and de-stress me, and help
    even me out.  Lately I've been trying self-hypnosis, picturing my
    emotions at the point I begin as a wildly swinging pendulum, which
    I must still and "center down".

    I warn people if I can that I am "not myself", and apologize as
    soon as I've done anything untoward.  That's the best I can do.
     And trying to understand and be there for me (if it's not too painful)
    is what I'd ask an SO to do.  Of course, if I'm hurting them and
    can't seem to stop, they should by all means remove themselves from
    my presence post-haste, until I've recovered my rationality.
    
    Also, for many more viewpoints on this, see Womannotes-V1, 
    
    131 - PMS - how we cope
    
    -Jody
    

    related, but not quite fitting into this, but here goes.
    
    Has anyone else this problem, My wife has a problem after
    her period ends.  The first time that we have sex after the
    Period she is unable to climax, she may get really close,
    but never makes the grand finale!  She will become quite
    upset, and I understand, and over the years we have come 
    to the point that when this happens, I just hold her, and
    we try again later, and then everything is normal.  But 
    earlier she would become very upset and swing at me and
    scratch at me for a short while. (less than a minute) and
    I usually ducked out of the way, and held her.  
    
    Dave

Several years ago, I was in a relationship very similar to .0.  It turned
out that the woman had been abused as a child, and I could unintentionally
say or do something that triggered a memory, and things went on from there.
Also, we were both under external pressure at the time, so, whenever we
were both "needy", neither of us had anything to give.  (We're still friends,
and she's now happily married.)

About all I can recommend is to take things slow and easy, and communicate
(especially when you're not angry).

Also, you (both) might try to find a counsellor to talk to.  One thing
you definitly want to watch out for is the addictive cycle of "anger, fight,
kiss and make up" that becomes increasingly intense.  There are a number
of notes about this in Womannotes V1 that I wish I had read when I was
in that relationship.

Good luck.

Martin.

    Re: .0
    
    I would definitely see a good doctor.  No guarantees that anything
    can be done, but I would definitely explore that option.

    Have you tried talking to her about it at a time when she's not
    suffering from mood swings?  She might have her own ideas about
    how you can help -- perhaps she'd prefer to have little contact
    with you during those few days but be afraid to say something for
    fear of hurting you, for example. 
     
    I've suffered from the same thing for years.  It seems to be
    getting worse and the diet manipulation Jodi mentions didn't help
    me any, partly because it's not PMS.  PMS symptoms appear before
    your period and go away when your period starts; my mood swings
    accompany my period and usually don't happen on months when I have
    severe cramps. [There's a tradeoff -- do I want three days of
    serious pain, or three days of fights with my husband and blowups
    at my kids?] 
    
    Paradoxically, the thing that's most guaranteed to set me off is
    when I think my husband is catering to my emotional whims. It's
    better if he ignores me.  Certainly that's my advice to you --
    ignore as much of what happens during this time as you can.  The
    odds are she doesn't even remember most of it and certainly
    doesn't mean it.
    
    I have that problem with orgasm after my period, too.  I found
    a solution that always works for me, but I don't know if I
    can put it in a notes file -- well, what the heck.  It's after
    the form feed; skip if you think you might be offended by
    something explicit:
    
    
    
    Masturbating to climax before trying to have vaginal sex works
    for me every time.  
    
    --bonnie

    I get highly depressed, and suicidal during my TOTM.  I have to
    be watched very carefully, but no one wants to get near enough!
    
    Talk about your vicious circle.
    
    At least my hub is supportive, but sometimes even he says the wrong
    thing.
    
    I usually just keep very much to myself.
    
    K.C.

    I've discussed this with my doctor who says there are no cures right
    now for PMS and they (the medical profession) are still unsure about
    why some women suffer and others don't, but he recommends vitamin
    B-6 50mg 3 x day.
    
    I've been doing that now for the past 6 months and it has helped.
    I also try to keep to myself during the few days before and the
    first couple of days of menses, though that is difficult with twoyoung
    children and my husband all wanting attention.
    
    Maryan
    

    another pointer to the earlier version of Womannotes
    
    687 - Men & PMS
    
    (how they cope)
    
    -Jody
    

I also go thru some really horrid moments during that time.  I hit
my husband, I break things (a chair once and a coffee pot), I get
terribly vicious in terms of my anger.  I will also cry at the 
drop of a hat, and have on occasion been so upset by some notes
I've read then that I just have to get away for a while.  For me
it doesn't last long, but when I'm in it it's horrible.

I KNOW the one thing that would help ME is if my husband would just
hold me when I'm being awful.  It's needing love when I'm being
the most unlovable.  

Do talk to her when she's not in that timeframe, and yes, do find
a Dr.

    I am also a victim of pre-menstrual wild-woman syndrome.  I become
    paranoid about everything and everybody, I have become suicidally
    depressed a number of times, bursting into tears for no obvious
    reason, living in my own private room of torture.  Two months ago,
    I badgered my GYN to please change my dosage of birth control pill.
     She did; now I am minimally depressed, but have fits of paranoia,
    am quite irritable, and splitting headaches.  My husband says I'm
    much easier to deal with, but I really don't know which is the lesser
    of two evils.  I didn't ever have these symptoms before I started
    taking the pill after my daughter was born.  Symptoms start about 4 days 
    before my period is due, and are usually gone by the second day of my 
    period...  I have read a very enlightening book on PMS which helped 
    explain why perhaps I act the way I do.  The name of the book is
    called PMS: Premenstrual Syndrome by Ronald V. Norris, M.D. with 
    Colleen Sullivan.  Very informative for both sexes.
    
    

    Kristy: a good friend of mine had very similar symptoms when she
    was on the pill as well.  She/we made the decision to go off of it
    and a lot (actually, all) of the symptoms went away within two months.
    Having bad headaches is supposed to be a warning sign that something
    isn't quite right when the pill is a suspected causative agent.

    
    When I told my Dr. that I was having headaches while taking the
    pill, he took me off of them immediately, and was quite upset
    that I had not told him before.  I had headaches before I went on
    the pill and after I came off (but not as often and not as bad)
    so I didn't think this was important, I was wrong.  
    In case you haven't already, let your Dr. know.
    
    Ange

    There is now a supportive newsletter dealing with PMS.  It's called
    CYCLES.  If you would like to receive this, send a check for $9.00
    (a year's subscription to a publication which comes out every other
     month) to:
    
    CYCLES
    P.O. Box 434
    Belmont, MA  02178
    
    all mailing lists are held in confidence....
    
    -Jody
    
    p.s.  I saw an issue when I went to the doctor last week.  It is
    not glossy or high-tech, but it is informative and VERY valuable
    to know what is happening these days in the ways of research, studies,
    help, suggestions, discussions, etc......I suspect it will grow
    as the readership grows, too.
    
    

    An invitation from the Women's Health Center, Marlboro,
    MA..............
    
    
             Premenstrual Syndrome Support Group for Women
             
    
    Every month many women experience a variety of symptoms related
    to their menstrual cycle.  These symptoms can be mild to almost 
    incapacitating.  Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) may severly effect
    personal, family and work relationships if not adequately dealt
    with.  This support group, which meets once a month, will help women
    learn whether or not they suffer from PMS and will offer a mutually
    supportive atmosphere for sufferers to learn how to deal with PMS.
    Common, accepted, self-help methods are discussed, such as.....
    
    **Dietary modifications and vitamins
    **Excercise
    **Relaxation techniques
    **Interpersonal coping strategies
    
    If you are trying to cope with PMS alone, you no longer have to.
    Join us on the first Tuesday of every month at the Women's Health
    Center, 203 Union Street, Marlboro, MA (riight next to Marlboro
    Hospital). The suport group is lead by Agnes Oblas, RM.C., Nurse
    Practitioner and Holistic Health Consultant.  For more information
    please call 485-2143.  There are no fees for this support group.