Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Bob,
    I agree with your assessment that the words one speaks are not good
    indicators of one's behavior.
    
    Liz

    .0, .1 I also agree with your assessment. Words mean very little
    if the actions are not present that go with them.
    
    chris
    
    

    I agree.  I don't think that being able to say, "I love you", is
    an indication of fidelity.  It may not even be an indication of
    love!
    
    Lorna
    

          
          
    When I was married, my ex said ILY up to the day we filed.  As far
    as fidelity, there was never a concern in that area.  I knew he
    was.  But as far as actions and saying ILY....NOPE.  They didn't
    go hand in hand.
          
    My current SO has a little trouble with verbal emotion, however
    his actions speak louder than words.  If it should be that way,
    so be it!  I'd prefer the man who can't say it, but acts it to a
    man who can and doesn't.
          
    Cheryl
          

    I love you means nothing without genuine caring behind the words.
    
    Barb

    This seems to be another of those <expert> attempts to create 
    their own unique solution to a contrived event; just 'tossing'
    two events together and then proving how they do/don't relate
    and why that's bad.
    
    I can see a causal relationship in that, if communication has broken
    down so much in a relationship that ILY is no longer said, then
    it is possibly so bad that one (or both) parties becomes unfaithful.
    
    Dorothy

    I agree.
    
    Actions speak louder than words.
    
    ILY, doesn't necessarily mean fidelity.

    
    -Dotti.    
   

    Words of love are special, but knowing that you are loved comes
    without words.
    
    Bonnie

    Everyone so far seems to be sure that INfidelity proves a lack of
    love...
    
    I don't think so!
    
    Nancy

    Hi Nancy,
    
    I don't agree that infidelity proves lack of love, but rather a
    breakdown in communication can lead to infidelity.
    
    Dorothy

    And actually, I was trying not to judge "infidelity" but rather
    to say that the ability to say ILY does not necessarily predict
    whether one will practice monogamy.
    
    liz

Fidelity isn't the same as monogamy, is it?
	Mez

    argh. i suppose it depends on the "rules of the relationship". given
    the basenote, i'd assumed for these purposes that they were synonymous.
    
    liz

    in re .9
    
    I just read the whole string of responses.,..please tell
    me where anyone said that Infidelity proves a lack of
    love.. all the answers that I read just said that love
    doesn't have to be expressed in words to be true.
    
    Bonnie

    I for one equate love with respect (you can respect without love,
    but you can not love without respect.)  Infidelity shows a lack
    of respect for a mate, thus a breakdown of love.  In my opinion.
    
    My husband is not verbal, nor is he physical, but he shows his love
    in a way that I can interpret.  When he does say "those words",
    it makes them all the more special.  On a different note, I once
    dated a guy who said "those words" all the time, and all he wanted
    to do was bed me.  When I wouldn't, and was firm about it, he stopped
    saying it, and was downright cruel (not physically).
    
    Which just goes to show, actions DO speak louder than words.
    
    K.C.
    
    			8 letters
    			3 words
    			1 meaning
    
    			I love you.
    
    					- Randy Coutermarsh

    Re: .14
    
    Thank you, Bonnie.  

    My Dad used to say "I love you" quite a lot to my Mom. In fact he
    continued to say so long after she divorced him for saying "I love
    you" to too many women at the same time. He probably loved her.
    He also probably loved every other girl he said those words to.
    
    When my husband says: "I love you", I know it's true, and I also
    know that for him it means: "I love you and you are presently
    the only person I say that to and consequently make love to". However,
    that would be a bit longish to say, so he uses the shorter version,
    of which we both know the implications.
    
    Some people will say "Please pass the butter" and it will be words
    of love, and some will say "I adore the ground you walk on" and
    it won't mean a thing. 
    
    Behaviour will tell you more than words. In fact, I guess I have
    a nasty mind, but too many words will definitely put me on my guard!
    
    Joana

    Thanks, folks, for your insights.
    And Yes, I did intend that:

    o ILY was restricted in the sense of being spoken ONLY to ones
      spouse/SO.
    
    o That fidelity is a stament of monogomy with that SAME one person.
    
    Bob 

    When ILY is said in the heat of passion, then it could mean at this
    moment I love you.  When said over dinner, during the day, whatever,
    it could mean I love you forever and always....but it could still
    mean at this moment, I love you.
    
    As for fidelity/infidelity....I don't think ILY can be used as a
    true indicator.
    
    P.
    

    Might SOMETIMES just be the other way: I found some men very good
    in words - and that was it. I would tend to distrust a person who
    thinks it necessary to utter her/his feelings verbally all the time.
    
    (BUT: when I come home from work monday evening and my man has been
    with me for the weekend I like to find some slip of paper on my
    pillow...)
    
    pony
     +
    

    re -.1
    
    Sometimes is the key word.  I don't know about men, but I am a female
    who tells my husband ILY almost every chance I get; most especially 
    when he drops me off at work, or when he goes to work himself.  I am
    just a little insecure, and I like to know that if something should
    happen, he will know that I DO love him.  (He has a dangerous job.)
    
    (Slip of paper; that's sweet!)                                     
    
    But most definitely, words are not a measure of emotion.
    
    K.C.
    K.C.

    	Fidelity and love are not the same.  They mean different things.
    	But in a context of a committed relationship, if fidelity is
    	understood, saying ILY is a reaffirmation of fidelity.
    
    	In a casual relationship, instead of saying:
    
    		I Love You
    
    	We should say:
    
    		I Love the way *you* make me feel
    
    
    		sherry

    I agree with Sherry,  in a casual relationship you should really
    think about what your words would mean to the other person.  I love
    you carrys a heavier message than I love the way you make me feel,
    or I love (some other aspect of the relationship).  
    
    As for Fidelity,  I think it has to do with the degree someone is
    in love with the other.  For example,  I was faithful to my Ex-SO
    out of choice because I loved her so much I couldn't even think
    of hurting her.  She on the other hand, loved me in other ways but
    never thought that her infidelity would hurt me.  I'm not saying
    that I loved her more, but just that we loved each other differently.
    Fidelity for some means Love and others it doesn't.  I personally
    think it does...
    
    Bill