Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    This may not be of much help, but for many men stag parties are
    a kind of x-rated cousin to The Three Stooges, the Worldwide Federation
    of Wrestling, or perhaps the Thursday-night-boys-only-penny-ante poker 
    game; the headset I've most frequently (yes, including my own), is
    that the event is an opportunity to smoke, drink, belch, fart, rank
    on each other, make rude, stupid remarks and generally have a damn
    good 'ol time.  There is a strong element of joking/not-serious-stuff
    going on and I've only rarely (and not at all recently) known of
    sexual activity.  Come to think of it, I've never encountered it
    in this part of the country (but maybe I've been leading a sheltered
    existence :-} ).
    
    Now, I take no great pride in telling you that many men find sharing
    stuff like the Stooges, wrestling, etc. in a loud, boorish manner
    is a terrific bonding experience.  Why we think that way is beyond
    me; I simply accept that I like it and admit that it is loud, boorish, 
    etc. so I'll try not to inflict such behaviors on those who aren't,
    um, aficionados/das.
    
    Be that as it may, there are some risks you may not be aware of.
    For example, it is a well-documented phenomenon that men who've
    never touched tobacco in their lives will do so at stag parties,
    so even if your fiance doesn't puff away, don't be too surprised
    if he comes home smelling like an El Produto Blunt.  
    
    Steve
    
    Moe!  Larry!  The cheese!  Moe!  Larry!  The cheese!. . .No!
    No!. . .The Limboiger!!
    

    Re .1, wouldn't you really rather go shopping and have a nice lunch
    somewhere?
    

    Re: 0
    
    Change places!  I mean put yourself in his shoes!  I went to a party
    where a male stripper showed up and strutted his stuff.  He was
    great looking and did it well but he did NOTHING FOR ME!  Meaning
    it was just that entertainment.....in fact I never fantasized about
    him or anything...in fact today I don't even remember what he looked
    like.  Just take it for face value.  Remeber - your the woman he
    loves and is making a commitment to him....why don't you compliment
    him by trusting him?????  
    
    Please don't worry!  If they don't listen to his requests there
    is nothing either of you can do about it!  He won't know till he
    gets there.....
    
    But I say don't sit around the night of his stag party - make sure
    you have something planned yourself so you won't worry alot.
    
    Bobbi
    

    
    
    .3
    
    Ah, you beat me to it!  My husband 'surprised' me with a male
    stripper for Valentines Day.  Quite frankly, I was embarrassed
    with the whole thing, and quite relieved when it was over.
    Like you, it did NOTHING for me (other than cause me to feel
    very uncomfortable).
    
    But...I wonder if men feel differently about the whole 'exotic'
    dancer routine...male strippers are a fairly recent phenomenon.
    
    Could this be a cultural and/or genetic difference between men
    and women?  Anyone have any answers?
    
                        Deb
    
    

>    Of course, I will  always
>    imagine this exotic dancer as being the woman of his dreams, more
>    desirable than me, etc., which doesn't do alot for my self-image.

    Why would you imagine that? If there were more desirable women
    then you he wouldn't be marrying you right?
    
    Anyway if he's expressed his desire that a striper *not* be there
    and they are really his friends then there will not be one. You
    may want to suggest he remind his friend of that.
    
    			Alfred

    Re: .0
    
    Will it help you to think that he's going to be uncomfortable if
    the stripper does show up?
    
    Try repeating, "I love him, I trust him, I'm going to marry him."

    
    
    Re: .6
    
    Yeah, as a matter of fact it does make me feel a little better that
    he'd probably be VERY uncomfortable if she shows up.  But that just
    might be all the more fun for everyone else to see him squirm and
    turn redder than a lobster...
    
    We're both pretty conservative in alot of ways (sorry, no nude
    hottubbing with friends for us!) and it just makes me uncomfortable
    to think of this exotic dancer person doing her thing in front of
    him.  After all, it will be his bachelor party so all of this is
    in his honor, right?  I trust him completely and without reservation
    that, if given the chance, he will not partake in any
    "extra-curricular" activities, no matter how much apricot brandy
    they stuff down his throat!
    
    Are there any other women (or men for that matter) whose spouses
    were "treated" to this type of entertainment at a bachelor/bachelorette
    party?  Did it bother you?  How did you deal with it?
    
    Thanks to all of you who have responded.....
    

    
    
    Regarding my previous note.....I wanted to clarify that the last
    line "Thanks to all of you who have responded...." should have read
    "To all of you who have responded - thanks!" 
    
    I didn't want that to be misunderstood!!!!!!
    
    

    My first wedding was a big deal, and my fiance was treated to one of
    the stag parties you read about in Playboy.  He got to bed about 9:00
    A.M. on the day we were married, and arrived at the church at 3:00 with
    a hangover like I've never seen before or since.  They had exotic
    entertainment at the party, but he (and his friends) both told me he
    was too far gone to even realize what was happening. 
    
    While hottubbing nude with friends is far, far, past my point of
    tolerance, it never really entered my mind to worry about the stag
    party.  My first husband was a very outgoing fellow, the kind who
    never meets a stranger, and he (we both) did love to party.  The
    exotic dancer just seemed to me to be another part of the celebration.
    
    The only negative feelings I remember about the whole thing involved
    having to go home after the rehearsal party, knowing my fiance was
    getting ready to party for the rest of the night.  I wanted to go
    too!!! 
    
    							Pat 

    re: .2
    
    Yeah, but I don't usually realize it until the next day. . . :-{
    
    
    re: .0 (somewhat on the serious side)
    
    I'd toss in one other slice of info; most professional strippers
    and nude dancers are assertively (occasionally aggressively) *not*
    there for sex.  I realize I'm on thin ice using the word most and
    I'll qualify it by saying that while I don't know most pro. strippers,
    I have known quite a few, including two as roomates; those I've
    known have said that the vast majority of dancers/strippers are
    into it for the bucks. . .period.  And most of them know how to
    handle a situation that starts to get too rowdy.
    
    One other thing, a few years ago, if the stag party involved a
    prostitute, about the worst thing you could catch would require
    an embarrassing visit to the doctor for some penicillin.  Needless
    to say, the stakes have gone up.  Unless your sweetie is a complete
    mental midget, he knows this and you have nothing to worry about.
    
    Steve
    

    I went to a Halloween party once and two of the men (one a friend
    of mine named Dave) were having birthdays about that time. Their
    friends hired an exotic dancer (female). She didn't strip all the
    way, although what she had left on didn't cover much.  Anyway, the
    two men seemed to enjoy it, everyone laughed about it, etc. 

    Dave and I were talking later and an eddy in the crowd left us
    isolated for a moment, so I teased him a little about the dancer.
    He said that she "didn't do anything" for him.  (I believe he was
    being truthful.) I was surprised, partly because he's such a flirt
    with most women, I figured it was the sort of thing he'd enjoy... 

    Anyway, my point is that at least *some* men will go along with
    this sort of thing because it's expected.  Doesn't mean they like
    it, want it, or enjoy it--but they may pretend to. 

    -- Linda

       As I think I said in the earlier note, I did not in fact have a
       batchelor party however:

       prior to getting married I frequently went out one (or more)
       evenings a week with a group of acquaintances. We usually wound
       up at a bar not a thousand miles from Spit Brook Road (Nashua,
       NH) that features exotic dancers. It was not that rare to have a
       party there on Friday nights celebrating a batchelor evening.
       Usually one of the dancers would do a specialty dance for the
       groom to be. The name of the game was to embarass them
       completely...

       I also went to a couple of private parties there (They are closed
       Mondays and Tuesdays and then available for a private party at a
       flat rate). Again no sex, but the groom to be would be very
       embarassed. In this particular case the thing that would worry me
       is that at private parties they provide a croupier and gambling
       facilities, and on each case a couple of the guests (in one cae
       the groom to be) lost a lot of money.

       Did the dancing "do anything" for me? no I've been in enough
       studios with figour models to be completely blase to eveything
       except with my wife. I find it boring, and in the case of this
       club doubly so since the lighting is so low that you would get
       eye-strain trying to watch. My wife knows of this activity and
       simply discussed it with me. We mutually agreed that it was
       inappropriate for me to go after I was married unless she
       accompanied me and indeed I have only been once since I was
       married, and she did go with me. [They had Chesty Morgan as a
       featured dancer recently and she thought that was hilarious...]

       /. Ian .\

    Well, if you're truly worried that your fianc�'s friends will
    provide "entertainment" anyhow, why not suggest to your husband
    that he suggest to his friends that he would find a belly dancer
    more fun?  (I can even recommend one; she is a friend and her
    husband drives her around. ;-)
    
    							Ann B.

    I love exotic dancers of either sex and I don't mind admitting I
    get turned on by them. For my fortieth birthday I want to fly
    myself and my mother and my grandmother to NYC and spend the
    evening at Chippendale's ogling all the gorgeous bare-chested men
    with the filled-out pants. 
    
    Of course, I do nude hot-tubbing so I suppose I don't belong in
    this discussion. 
    
    I'm afraid I honestly can't see what you're worried about if you
    don't think your fianc� is going to be tempted to do something he
    shouldn't.  Isn't it the dancer's business if she enjoys appearing
    nude before panting men? 
    
    --bonnie, puzzled 

    I think you should just plan an interesting evening for yourself
    that night and forget about what he's doing.  Afterall, we can't
    control other people's lives, even a husbands, so the best we can
    do is just try to enjoy our own.
    
    Lorna
    

        
    
    	Some of the guys in our group decided we'd all go out to the
    GB on rt 1 the other night... The strippers there were the "R" rated
    kind - it all came off, but nothing outrageously lewd. Touching
    was *completely taboo*, I noticed. My reactions were about the same
    as to a cup of hot coffee; slightly higher pulse rate and sweaty
    palms. I suppose I could have been easily embarrased by someone's 
    "Gfaw-Gfaw" sense of humor, if it was "my" party at that point in
    time; "Look! Joe's gotta woody!" Gfaw Gfaw - Ho Ho hee hee haw haw 
    haw...
    
    	I think that the tradition of the "stag party" is trully based
    on humor - men's humor - where the bachelor is made a specticle of,
    is poked at in fun and teased a little. The "final fling" aspect
    never goes beyond tipping a few too many beers, I'm sure. So let
    the boys have their fun with him, and even though you may not
    understand "men's humor", I'd say you can be sure nothing beyond
    a lot of boisterous (boy-sterous?) laughter will be happening!
    
    	Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
    
    	Joe Jas
                         

    Re: 17
    
    Nicely put, Joe Jas!  You got me laughing.......
    
    :)
    Cherie
    

    Don't worry about it!!!  My husbands friends were the same way when
    they were planning his bachelor party - "oh were going to get some hot
    babes...drink...sex..drink.." etc.  My husband told them that it wasn't
    his style but they kept teasing both of us about it.  
    
    Well the day of the bachelor party I was at a wedding so I didn't even
    think about it - well at least not constantly.  Hearing about it later
    it was just a barbeque with softball, basketball, swimming, lots of
    beer and a few funny/sexy presents.  I guess they rented a porno flick
    but that lasted about 5 minutes ( the sister of the usher who threw the
    party gave me all the details :-)). 
    
    If you trust your fiance -  don't worry about it!  Make plans for
    that evening with your attendants to keep your mind from wandering. 
    
    Have a wonderful wedding! Enjoy!
    
    Suzanne
    

    re: .17 & .19
    
    Yeah, that's the ticket; both strike me as very accurate descriptions
    and triggered a couple of sorta-off-the-track thoughts:
    
     o  re: .17  -  "men's humor". . .I'm wondering how many people, having
    		    read these replies, consider that to be an oxymoron
    
    
     o  re: .18  -  hmmm; maybe the *real* reason the parties are stag
    		    is that somehow it's "o.k." for "us boys" to brag
    		    about all the drink/sex/etc. we're gonna do - us guys 
    		    all *know* that we're really *not* gonna do that stuff
    		    and part of the "fun" is in calling each other chicken.
    		    But, jeez, if "the girls" find out, they'll think we're 
    		    wimpy. . .
    
    Steve