Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    I went through a similar list of simultaneous changes in my life last
    March: new marriage, new job, new town, new house...  To say it was
    traumatic would be a gross understatement.  Was it all worth it?  You
    bet it was!  I'd go through it again in a skinny minute, though I would
    do some things differently. 
    
    We chose to hold out for jobs in the same city before moving.  While
    that sounds like a wonderful thing to do, it was the source of about
    50% of my stress during that period.  We're both Digital employees, and
    *some* Digital management chose to make it as difficult as possible for
    us.  Because we both valued our Digital careers greatly, neither of us
    "walked"; we kept faith that Digital culture would win out and we'd
    both eventually be treated right.  That eventually happened, but by the
    time it did we were both almost ready for the funny farm.  As much as I
    love this company, I don't believe I'd go through that part again. 
    
    Something else we did that I wouldn't repeat is buying a brand new
    house.  We already had more to do than was possible, and on top
    of it all we found ourselves with a brand new yard to put in, the
    thousand little things you do to a new house once, plus dealing
    with the normal "new house" bugs.  Ordinarily it wouldn't have been
    such a big deal, but for two people who are already teetering of
    the edge of stress-out it was something that would have been better
    left out of our lives at that point.
    
    The rest is the joys of combining two households -- you'll have AT
    LEAST two of everything!  The Salvation Army will *love* you! 
    
    I wouldn't take a million dollars for doing what we did.  I wouldn't
    do it *all* again the same way, but it was the best decision I ever
    made!  Go for it!!!!!  And good luck!!!!!
    
    						Pat Resende

    Why doesn't he move back east? Would that be easier?
    
    			Alfred

         You might want to try the two northern California conferences
    WCSM::SILICON_VALLEY or THEBAY::SAN_FRANCISCO to get more contacts
    with Digital people within the area.
    
    ASP

    We went through a similar experience when we moved to New England.
    My advice is to ask for all the help you can get, from any source,
    and try to develop or maintain good close ties with both his family
    and yours.
    
    I'm originally from Montana; Neil and I met while we were both
    attending graduate school in Binghamton, NY (in a class on the History
    of Medieval Science, if you can believe that...).  I completed my
    master's a year before he did, got a temporary job at IBM, and we
    got married that fall. 
    
    Around Thanksgiving, I interviewed and was accepted for a job in
    Merrimack, NH.  The catch was, I had to start in January and Neil
    didn't graduate until June.  (My first thought was, Merrimack, where?
    That sounds like a place that has wolves in the yard!)  But a job's a
    job and this was an exceptionally good one, so we decided to live with
    the complications. 
    
    With maintaining two households, plus Neil's school expenses, we
    couldn't afford to travel much.  Since Neil was job-hunting at the
    time, he was able to get a couple of company-paid trips for interviews,
    and I drove down twice for weekends.  But mostly we had to get by
    with just talking on the phone.

    In a way it was good:  I was forced to quickly develop my own support
    systems, friends, and way of doing my job, so that when he finally
    started (at DEC too), I was already used to the new environment and was
    able to be more supportive during his transition period.  If he had
    been adjusting to his new job at the same time I was, there would
    have been a lot more conflict.
    
    If I had it to do over again, I would write more letters.  Once
    or twice at lunch I missed him so much that I'd write instead of
    eating or going out running.  Most of the time I didn't mail them,
    but now I wish I had. 

    I would also try to develop more contact with my husband's family
    and keep better contact with mine.  I struggled through a lot of
    things that Neil's mother, who was a working woman all her life,
    could have helped me with had she known about it.  But I thought
    that if I couldn't handle all this on my own, I'd be failing as
    a woman.  I guess I was reversing the brave-pioneer-woman-pushing-
    wagon-train-across-the-west role, bravely pioneering the wicked
    east, but the rule was the same:  no fair asking for help. 
    
    Which was pretty silly of me.  Now I know better.
    
    Hope this helps some.  If you want to ask me about more details,
    or for more personal advice, feel free to send me mail.
    
    --bonnie

    First, my thanks to you for sharing your experiences and suggestions!
    It has been a tough few weeks just trying to get things rolling,
    but I seem to be getting some momentum going now and don't feel
    quite as overwhelmed with everything as I did!
    
    I have met with the manager of the development program I am in and
    believe that leaving the program in mid-swing won't be too detrimental
    to my career growth... it's a good program but they aren't ready
    to expand it to remote participants.. I'll have to look for a
    University program which offers similar material and hope that my
    next job will provide continued opportunities to develop.
    I still have some very strong feelings about leaving the
    support group of other program participants which has developed
    over the past year.
    
    I think I have found a place to hold the wedding, Harrington Farm
    in Princeton, where the innkeepers are more than willing to stay
    in touch over the phone and to handle all the details of food, tent
    for a reception outdoors, etc.... so coordinating from afar doesn't
    seem to be a daunting proposition anymore.
                                           
    My partner and I have decided to hold off on buying a house for
    a while, mostly because it is the one thing that we can put off
    (whereas finding a job and making the move aren't!).
    
    Thanks again for your support! It really helps to know that others
    have gone through similar situations and not only survived, but
    been glad they did it!
    
    Cynthia
    Now all I have to do is find a new job!

    I changed cities and Digital jobs by taking a personal leave of
    absence.  I waited till I got to the new city to contact local
    Personnel and set up interviews.
    
    I have always found job hunting to be time consuming.  My choice
    allowed me to pay attention to the job I was doing until I left. 
    I also had the time to unpack and settle in before I interviewed.
    
    Granted, it depends on your ability to survive without a weekly
    paycheck for the leave period.
    
    =ss

    
    
    I, too, moved from one coast to the other (from MA to souther CA)
    and I stayed within DEC by taking a personal leave of absence. 
    Before leaving MA I contacted the offices and managers ofthe offices
    closest to where I was moving and forwarded resumes. I told them
    I'd contact them when I arrived and did so.  I really lucked out
    because I interviewed the day after I got here (I was exhausted
    but needed the paycheck!) and got the job later that week.  I did
    take one week off after find out I got the job just to get my bearings
    and have a breather, but it all worked out fine.
    
    Second part of my story - after moving 3,000 miles away from home
    I met a man from my hometown, started dating, and now we're engaged
    to be married next year!  So, I know what the originator of this
    topic is talking about when she had her worries about arranging
    a wedding from 3,000 miles away.  I was going to suggest that if
    you're getting married in your hometown where you spent alot of
    your life, you'd probably already know of places you'd like to have
    the wedding and reception.  You can contact these people by phone.
     The people we have for all the major things hvae been more than
    helpful.  Also, you can use your parents, friends, or his family,
    to get info on cakes, florists, etc.  It's not easy, but it can
    be done!
    
    Best wishes to you!
    
    Cheryl
    (who's getting married in Leominster, MA on October 14, 1989!)
    

 
    Did you know there is a Jobs notesfile (OASS::JOBS)?  You can't
    both post your resume there and read job descriptions there that
    are posted directly by the managers that are looking.
    

    I mean, "You _can_ both post your resume and..."