Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    
    
    	I love it when you talk like that! 8-]

    I've noticed this too, Joyce.  I've dated some people I met through
    notes, some more seriously, some less seriously.
    
    I feel the negative effects of having somewhat hidden agendas more
    at note parties than in the conference itself, though.  I was at
    one noters party where it felt more painful to be ignored by someone
    I cared about who was in another room than it felt good to talk
    to people in the room I was in.
    
    I know someone else who had happily been making friends with another
    noter and exchanging mail about some problems the second person was having
    with her SO.   The first person didn't realize that the second
    person was dating her ex-husband (not a DECcie) until the couple
    attended a noter's party.  The relationship between the two 
    noters was a little awkward for a while!              
    

    
         Interesting.  And, how many of us have stifled urges to disagree
    with a topic because we didn't want to hurt an extraNOTEal friendship?
    
                                    Greg
    

    re .3
    Probably a lot of us Greg. :-)

    re .3
    Yes, Greg.  Alot of us have stiffled our consciences. :-) :-)
    
    Then later we say, "How could you say that about XYZ in the notes??"
    
    Karen

    	I don't understand .6.  Why the hell should I meet someone
    "face-to-face' just because I disagree with the person's stand or
    opinion on an issue?
    
    	Notes, for me, is an interesting way to communicate - not the
    best but far from the worst - and a chosen way to communicate. 
    I have not been asked to meet anyone from notes face-to-face.  I
    have been written to outside of notes in response to an entry in
    notes.  In every case I have ignored the efforts to continue a notes
    discussion outside of notes unless there was a need to elevate the
    discussion to a higher level of privacy.
    
    	I am not hiding.  I am managing.
    
    Douglas

    re .3   Yes. I think such urges lessen daily though. Football
            may yet put that to the test.  :-)
    
    re .6   Perhaps another abstract connect time. A bit like 
            Pink Floyd's US and THEM?  
    
       verse 5: 'Forward HE cried from the Rear,
         "   6:  And the Front Line Died.......
    
    operation 5: 'Forward S/HE cried from the *REAR*......
    
              Emphasis depends upon circumstances. 
    
              Yes different.  Hopefully Equal.
    
                                                      Russ

    I get the  drift of both .0 and .6, they both relate to the fact
    that many noters are not the same person in person as they are
    from the autonomy of being in front of a tube and keyboard.
    
    This very subject has come up at a number of different "noters parties"
    held by members of this and other files that I've attended. An
    unfortunate part to notes (unless you follow a number of files that
    contain the same people ) is that you (on the average) are only
    getting a one or two sides of the dimension of people that are in
    fact very multi faciteded. 
    
    I say this since there has been a number of times I have been pleasantly
    surprised and rudely shocked by some of these noters. The concept
    and depiction I've had in my perception of who and what a person is, 
    changed, by meeting them in person or catching the other sides of them
    in different files.

    It really boiles down to that you can't faily judge the total who
    and what a person is by just seeing their opinions in one file.   
    I suppose about the only saving grace I have is that according to
    the people I've talked to, I am one and the same both in and out
    of the files. Of course these are the people that know me from 
    multipal sorces.      :-)
    
                                     Bob B 

    re .0  I use personal mail. And a few Conf's. Both involve 
           agendas. I prefer personal mail for clarifying with
           noters some discussion points. Sometimes a new friend.
           
           Noting is an agenda that's wide open. Like Hemingway or
           Teddy Roosevelt hunting in the Jungle. Or a slave in an
           Oppressive land being chased down. Beaten up. KO'd.
           Sometimes one. Sometimes the other. Better than Vegas.
    
                                                      

    I was recently um reminded, much to my shame, that people sometimes
    don't walk right up to you at parties because they're shy.
    (I'm shy, and somehow I just forget that other people might be too!)
    
    (Of course another reason people are restrained at parties is they're
    worried their normal pounding of the keyboard may turn into throwing
    furniture--which is something hosts aren't too fond of.  :-)  :-)  )
    
    -----------
    I know it works for other people, but I've made it a point never
    to date anyone met electronically [Loud sighs of relief from keyboards
    all over digital.  :-)  :-)  :-) ] (I made this resolution after some 
    spectacular disasters.).  Although once it helped someone just over the 
    wall who'd read some usenet postings of mine to decide I might be
    worth talking to.

    	I've made some very close friends and met lots of good people
    	through notes.  I communicate via MAIL with my friends.  I've
    	exchanged photos with some, made arrangements to meet others.  
    	(It's a bit difficult when I'm in Colorado and the majority 
    	of noters are easterners...)  Electronic communication is a
    	wonderful way to get to know someone's mind with NO emphasis
    	on the physical realm.
    
    	I've never been un-pleasantly surprised when meeting a fellow
    	noter, but I have been *surprised*.
    
      						Carla
    

       
       Sometimes, I see notes (both in other conferences and, most
       recently, here) where a note is nothing more than a thinly veiled
       swipe at soemone with whom the noter has had a relationship
       outside of work.  I suppose such notes are a way to release
       pent-up frustration, since they let the noter embarrass their
       target while ostensibly responding to the subject at hand. 
       I've never been a target of one of these swipes, but I'm sure
       that I'd feel awful if I had been.
       
       Seems to me that complaining about one's ex-(spouse/squeeze/etc)
       with not-so-vague references in notes is a sleazy way to do
       business.  
       
       --Mr Topaz

    I wonder if some notes aren't perceived as being swipes at an ex-flame?
    I know I've certainly mentioned obscurely people who've never worked
    at DEC, let alone read this notesfile.  Sometimes we also have to
    watch out when someone we know says "I know this person who", and
    make sure we don't translate that to "Me".
                                              

re Note 625.0 by MARCIE::JLAMOTTE 

>   one must go to parties and/or participate in a lot of personal mail 
>   in order to read between the lines so to speak.
    
People misunderstand simple declarative sentences often enough that we 
should suspect our ability to read between the lines. 

I have a tendency towards paranoia, and it's funny how often I hear 
sentence 1, in which someone is talking about me, and then sentence 2, in 
which it is crystal clear they're not.  As in:

   She laughs too loudly.  But Aunt Agnes says that's how 
   people laugh in Oregon.

Sentence 1 could be me. Sentence 2 tells me it's not. But some loud laugher
in Oregon may be seeing herself "between the lines." (Trust Me. I don't 
know a soul in Oregon.)