Conference turris::womannotes-v1

    
    
    Hmmmm....
    
    Too aggressive, to me, means pain....if a guy is too rough.
    
    Other than that...the only thing I can say is, too aggressive is
    when a guy you have no interrest in still persists in his attentions
    towards you.....ie won't leave you alone after you tell him to get
    lost...[This has happened to me only once...I finally had to threatin
    him with police action before he left me alone.]
    
    Maybe if you could give some examples of things that were called
    "too aggressive", you could get some more opinions?
    
    Becky

    
     Mike 
    
          I asked something similar back in note 118. Some of the 
          replys there might help to understand, but too many times
          its a razors edge that separates too much from not enough.
    
                                            Bob B
      

    I am a woman and it has been said many times that I am aggressive (or
    tough), I guess because when I have an opinion I express it!  I 
    respect the same in others, I would rather have a person let me
    know what is happening good or bad at both a business level as well
    as personal, rather than be sheltered for some reason.
    
    I try to take everthing with a grain of salt!  If something really
    bothers me I let it be known. We talk it out and try to find a solution to
    the problem, usually a mutual understanding or agreement will exist, 
    sometimes not.  But because we tried to respond to the problem at
    hand and heard each other out without loosing our cool we accomplish
    communication instead of the "I don't want to talk about because
    you hurt my feelings syndrome" and things start to get better!
                   
    
    Better, better ahhhhhhh!! (the beatles)
    
    
    One aggressive woman's opinion,
    Chris
    
              
    

    Aggressive = a man who won't take no for an answer
    
    or
    
    Aggressive = a man who is trying too hard to be something he's
    not...I'd much rather he just be himself, and even though there
    may be some attributes he has that I don't appreciate, I'll like
    him better if he is honestly "himself"
    
    or
    
    Aggressive = acting too macho (again, this is a relative thing,
    but often this machismo "feels" unnatural to me, and it seems like
    an act put on for my benefit, or even for the benefit of his cohorts)
    
    or
    
    Aggressive = being too intense about everything (be it work or play
    or whatever) a majority of the time.  Taking things in context and
    looking at the overall picture yields perspective.  I once had a
    beau who would get furious over video games and pinball machines
    - aggressive to the point where he'd hit them if he didn't think
    he did well enough.
    
    
    just a coupla my opinions...take, as always, with a grain of salt...
    (or was it a spoon full of sugar that helped the medicine go down?)
    
    -Jody
    
    

    The only thing I can say is, 'if you can't be yourself, don't try
    to be someone else'.
    
    If you're a passive personality, be it.  If your nature is aggressive,
    it's difficult to turn it off or down.  If you're a little bit of
    both, or it depends on how your day is going, well that's just how
    it is.
    
    This attitude is pretty blase' I know.  But I think it's important
    to understand that those two women you speak of may be coming from
    a place that has nothing to do with you.  You still have to be you.
    
    Maybe '88 will be better.  Hang in there, there's plenty of women
    to go around.
    
    J

    If the attraction is mutual almost nothing is too aggressive.  If the 
    attraction is not mutual almost anything is too aggressive.  Doesn't
    it s**k?
    
    Lorna
     

	Well, I can't say that I wasn't being myself. I am a
	humorous person, and I rely on that for breaking
	the ice at times, cause I am very shy at first.

	I think what I did, and someone mentioned it before, is
	I think I wanted a little too much too quick, and again
	I'm not talking about sexual references.  I guess I'm
	seeing these things now, that I wanted a relationship, and
	she didn't, just a casual dating type relationship.

	Personally, I don't like those, cause it feels to me like,
	Gee, I'll go out with A, cause B won't, or I can't find anyone.
	That's me, and that won't change.  I have constant contact 
	with the "agressive" situation where we are both here at
	DEC, many miles apart.  My other situation is back homeward.

	I'm doing alot better dealing with this as time goes by.
	I know it takes time, but damn, it hurts....

		Micheal

	I appreciate the replies, and advice.  I read 118, and that
	helped a little...

	Please ignore the personal name, that was a joke from another
	notes file and I forgot to change it...

		Micheal

	re: Lorna

		Yeah it does...At least from my point of view..
	
			Micheal

	Well, 

	I've sat down and had a long talk with myself.  I've 
	straightened myself out.  BUT in the meantime, I lost
	what I thought would have been a good friend.  I blame 
	myself entirely, and want no sympathy.  Just a friend.
	I've talked with someone outside this conference, that
	participates, and she's helped me alot.  I'm over the
	initial "head s over heels", and my emotional state.

	I feel like it was foolish of me, for what I did. And
	I am embarassed that I acted the way I did.


		This is all the now needs to be said.

		Thank you for your ears, and advice.

				Michael

    Agressive to me is when someone tries to win at the cost of
    me. Assertive is when a win/win situation is achieved. Passive
    is either don't care or hostile(Maybe this is passive-agressive)