Conference turris::womannotes-v1

   Yup.  I can't think of the names of any offhand, but several african
   and polynesian societies practice polyandry.
   
   						=maggie

    Tibetian woman used to practice polyandry
    Bonnie

RE   Societies that allow multiple husbands and wives

     Even though US laws prohibit the situation, several thousand 
     couples have turned themselves into triads and quads.  Interested?
     See the book Options by Marcia Seligson.

     Details on the book:

     Seligson was a native New Yorker who moved to California after her 
     divorce.  At an LA brunch, she realized that the 30 people present had
     gone through 40+ divorces and she got to wondering "What's wrong with
     contemporary marriage? And are there alternatives?"  She spent the 
     next year traveling through the US, interviewing people currently or 
     formerly involved in multiple marriages.  Fascinating stories.  Here
     are some points I remember (which subtract nothing from the book):

     Most multiple marriages consist of an original married couple plus
     the lover of the wife or husband.

     Most wives and husbands respond to their partner's affair with one ton
     of anger and ten tens of "self consciousness" and feelings of inadequacy
     comparing themselves to the lover. (It is almost always better to meet
     the real lover, who is human -- warts and all -- then to live with the
     imaginary godness or god.)

     Most multiple marriages break up after a few years, often because
     two of the partners draw closer and leave the other one or two out.

     Quad marriages, starting off with two married couples, often split up
     with Mrs. Smith married to Mr. Brown and the other two partners resume
     single life.

     The families of people involved in multiple marriages overwhelmingly 
     ignore the situation.  They know it's a multiple marriage but prefer
     to say nothing. 

     Kids usually like having three or more parents.

I think the book was published between 1975 and 1980.  I found a hardcover
copy in the Fitchburg Public Library.  One curious note: Guy Taliese'
block-buster about sex and marriage in the US included a *massive*
bibiography about sex and marriage but omitted Seligson's book, which I
find a curious omission.  Anybody know why?               Meigs

    I don't know about being "married" to several people, but sometimes
    it would sure be handy to have another adult or two around the house,
    when major repairs are needed, or when people are sick or depressed
    or whatever.  Sometimes having an "extended family" nearby works
    for those situations, or close friends who are willing to help out.
    Somehow, as people have moved away, changed jobs, etc., Paul and
    I don't have many of that sort of friends anymore, and find ourselves
    having to delay things that can't be done by two adult people and
    two cats until we can dredge up another person or two -- and we
    also haven't spent a weekend painting someone else's place (a "major"
    job that I personally kind of enjoy doing) in several years, either
    (this may change soon, since his sister just bought a house which
    needs a bunch of work; her second child is due in a month or so,
    also, so I imagine that she will be glad of some help - her husband
    just had knee surgery).

In re: .2 
	> Tibetian woman used to practice polyandry

	I understand that in traditional Tibet 1 in 4 males was a
celibate Buddhist monk - and from this diminished pool women had to
find *more* than one husband ? Now there's a "man shortage" for you.

In re: .3
	> Children generally like having three or more parents.

	As one of two parents of a two year old I am ready for any
additional volunteers :-)

	But maybe not - in a few more years - I can hear it now:

	"But Daddy, Mom and Mr. Smith said that if Mrs. Jones didn't mind..."

During the housing shortage in WWII, Margaret Mead and several married
partners along with their children shared a city residence.
After the initial crunch, the adults enjoyed it and the kids loved it. 

In her autobiography, Blackberry Winter, she mentioned that at least one of
the kids yearned to return to the group living arrangement for years. 

I come from a big family and it was great to have the whole town 
passing through our house.  Try this: if 8 kids and 2 adults bring home 
an average of 10 new friends and acquaintances a year, that's = 100 people.
After 20 years, 2000 people have touched or moved into your life.

If multiple marriages were legally valid, I think a lot more people would
jump in.  I'd consider it.  Hmmm, imagine being divorced by all your
husbands and wives at once: "Fran, we want a divorce." That's got to be the
ultimate rejection.

I've mentioned the book Options to about 50 people in the last six years and 
only once has someone mentioned that she personally knew of a multiple 
marriage.  However, one of the trio was a teacher so my friend didn't want 
to say anything else about the arrangement.             

re: 0  What prompted the question?                      Meigs

    This is slightly tangential - but the Boston Globe did an 
    article on Communial living after 20 years in the Sunday
    magazine, July 2, that talks about some of the issues Meigs brought
    up.

    Bonnie

    ok, ..... so who does the dishes?

    re .9  She does ! - outvoted !  Ain't democracy wonderful ? :-)

    In most modern high technology households, the dishwasher does the
    dishes.  :-)

    Anybody see that great spoof "The Man Who Mistook His Wife for A
    Dishwasher" in a spring _New_Yorker_?

    
    
    re .0
    yup.
    mine.