Conference vaxcat::friends

>If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?


	Let's ask the source...... Jen?


							-Seth

    Gina I think the stress of your big day is making you silly.....
    
    Most of those sound like Steven Wrightisms
    
    Thanks for the giggle
    
    JT

    
    Hey /jen,
    
    	Mebbe this will help.....
    
>> Why are there floatation devices under plane seats, instead of parachutes?
    
    In case of a crash you might want to keep you seat when landing on
    water. It a comfartable way down.
    
>> Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
    
    Because the 'brassiere' goes around your 'chest' [ singular ] while the
    'panties' go around your 'legs' [plural]...
    
>> If you tied a buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a 
>> great height, what will happen?
    
    Nothing. cause a cat always lands on its feet.... ( Ask Holly.. )
    
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.........
    
    Ravi.
    *8pppppp
    
    
    
    

    I have a box of instant water....... what do I mix it with???

    Do you go blind when the prescription runs out on your glasses?
    
    
    BTW.. there is a whole article somewhere (if I can find it I'll enter
    it) on what happens if you put a piece of buttered bread (which always
    falls butter side down) on a cat (who always lands on their feet)........ 
    
    
    
    they float!

/gina,

don't come any closer with that loaded toast, my cat has
a nervous disposition!!

BTW... where do we send the obscene faxes for your big day??

:)
joyce

    Then there's -- 
    
    Can I just do it 'till I need glasses?

    
    One of my favorites.....
    
        "Can I pay my Visa with my Mastercard?"
    
    :)
    
    Wen

    
    <---but you already need glasses. :)
    
    What next? :)

     >>                      <<< Note 129.7 by ATPS::TANNER >>>
     >>                         -< Bills, bills, bills... >-
     

    	For a minute there I thought we were playing Jeopardy
    
	"And the question is" Which NFL Football team lost the last three
    	Superbowls?"
    
    	As for stress relief I suggest you Billls fans get a new football
    team    :-))
    
    	@@
    	 >
    	\_/ 

    
    
    How can I pay my bills........
    
    
    ........I can't even pay ATTENTION!
    

Stole this from my secretary.........
    
From:	QUIVER::CURRIER       1-JUL-1993 09:34:25.90
To:	LEVERS::NARGI
CC:	
Subj:	Dee,   The folks in the group might find this interesting     -s

From:	US1RMC::"[email protected]" "Ron Currier - Sun BOS"  1-JUL-1993 09:21:29.69
To:	quiver::currier
CC:	
Subj:	How to stay stressed


----- Begin Included Message -----

From geoff@tyger Wed Jun 30 18:41 EDT 1993
From: geoff@tyger (Geoff Arnold @ Sun BOS - R.H. coast near the top)
To: rcurrier@tyger
Subject: How to stay stressed
Content-Type: text


In article [email protected], stef@apple (Stef Jones) writes:
>Forwarded to me through a long chain of email addresses.
>
> This came from a bookmark distributed by De Anza College.
> ======================================================================
>
>                        How To Stay Stressed
>
>                          ---------------
>
> Although the De Anza Health Office long been an advocate of stress
> management, stress, tension, and burnout are still common complaints of
> students, faculty, and staff alike.  On account of this, we have come to
> the following conclusion: YOU ALL WANT TO STAY STRESSED!  The following
> provides you with a few reasons why.
>
> STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT.     Anyone as stressed as you must be
>                                      working very hard and, therefore,
>                                      is  probably doing something very
>                                      crucial.
>
> IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL    Anyone as busy as you are certainly
> DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY.         can't be expected to form emotional
>                                      attachments to anyone.  And let's
>                                      face it, you're not much fun to be
>                                      around anyway.
>
> IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES. Obviously you're too stressed to be
>                                      given any more work.  This gets you
>                                      off the hook for all the mundane
>                                      chores; let someone else take care
>                                      of them.
>
> IT GIVES YOU A CHEMICAL RUSH.        Stress might be considered a cheap
>                                      thrill, and you can give yourself a
>                                      "hit" anytime you choose.  But be
>                                      careful, you might get addicted to
>                                      your own adrenaline.
>
> IT HELPS YOU AVOID SUCCESS.          Why risk being "successful" when by
>                                      simply staying stressed you can
>                                      avoid all of that?  Stress can keep
>                                      your performance level low enough
>                                      that success won't ever be a threat.
>
> STRESS ALSO LETS YOU KEEP YOUR       The authoritarian style of "Just do
> AUTHORITARIAN MANAGEMENT STYLE.      what I say!" is generally permissi-
>                                      ble under crisis conditions.  If
>                                      you maintain a permanently stressed
>                                      crisis atmosphere, you can justify
>                                      an authoritarian style all the time.
>
>
> Are you worried now about how to stay stressed?  You'll have no trouble
> if you practice the following clinically proven methods:
>
> NEVER EXERCISE.                      Exercise wastes a lot of time that
>                                      could be spent worrying.
>
> EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT.               Hey, if cigarette smoke can't
>                                      cleanse your system, a balanced
>                                      diet isn't likely to.
>
> GAIN WEIGHT.                         Work hard at staying at least 25
>                                      pounds over your recommended
>                                      weight.
>
> TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS.           The old standards of caffeine,
>                                      nicotine, sugar, and cola will
>                                      continue to do the job just fine.
>
> AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES.           Ignore the evidence suggesting
>                                      that meditation, yoga, deep
>                                      breathing, and/or mental imaging
>                                      help to reduce stress.  The
>                                      Protestant work ethic is good for
>                                      everyone, Protestant or not.
>
> GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL               Let the few friends who are
> SUPPORT SYSTEM.                      willing to tolerate you know that
>                                      concern yourself with friendships
>                                      only if you have time, and you
>                                      never have time.  If a few people
>                                      persist in trying to be your
>                                      friend, avoid them.
>
> PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM.           Anyone who criticizes any aspect
>                                      of your work, family, dog, house,
>                                      or car is mounting a personal
>                                      attack.  Don't take time to
>                                      listen, be offended, then return
>                                      the attack!
>
> THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.       Staying stressed is no laughing
>                                      matter, and it shouldn't be
>                                      treated as one.
>
> MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO.  Never ever ask for help, and if
>                                      you want it done right, do it
>                                      yourself!
>
> BECOME A WORKAHOLIC.                 Put work before everything else,
>                                      and be sure to take work home
>                                      evenings and weekends.  Keep
>                                      reminding yourself that vacations
>                                      are for sissies.
>
> DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS. Schedule in more activities every
>                                      day than you can possibly get done
>                                      and then worry about it all
>                                      whenever you get a chance.
>
> PROCRASTINATE.                       Putting things off to the last
>                                      second always produces a marvelous
>                                      amount of stress.
>
> WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T         Worry about the stock market,
> CONTROL.                             earthquakes, the approching Ice
>                                      Age, you know, all the big issues.
>
> BECOME NOT ONLY A PERFECTIONIST BUT  ...and either beat yourself up, or
> SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS...     feel guilty, depressed, discour-
>                                      aged, and/or inadequate when you
>                                      don't meet them."
>
>--
>Stef                 
>[email protected]      
>                   
>--
>Selected by Maddi Hausmann.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to [email protected].
>
>Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
>Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.


Geoff Arnold, PC-NFS architect, Sun Select. ([email protected])
--------------------------------------------------+-------------------
Arbitrary adoption of axiomatic principles, even if the "metaphysics" so
constructed is self-consistent, is fundamentally irrational. [Jim Perry]



----- End Included Message -----


% ====== Internet headers and postmarks (see DECWRL::GATEWAY.DOC) ======
% Received: by us1rmc.bb.dec.com; id AA13771; Thu, 1 Jul 93 09:19:20 -0400
% Received: by inet-gw-1.pa.dec.com; id AA14760; Thu, 1 Jul 93 06:20:56 -0700
% Received: from snail.Sun.COM (snail.Corp.Sun.COM) by Sun.COM (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA06557; Thu, 1 Jul 93 06:19:40 PD
% Received: from East.Sun.COM by snail.Sun.COM (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA11567; Thu, 1 Jul 93 06:19:38 PD
% Received: from suneast.East.Sun.COM by East.Sun.COM (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA29277; Thu, 1 Jul 93 09:19:37 ED
% Received: from mycroft.East.Sun.COM by suneast.East.Sun.COM (4.1/SMI-4.1) id AA02651; Thu, 1 Jul 93 09:19:35 ED
% Received: by mycroft.East.Sun.COM (5.0/SMI-SVR4) id AA19764; Thu, 1 Jul 93 09:26:20 ED
% Date: Thu, 1 Jul 93 09:26:20 EDT
% From: [email protected] (Ron Currier - Sun BOS)
% Message-Id: <[email protected]>
% To: quiver::currier
% Subject: How to stay stressed
% X-Sun-Charset: US-ASCII
% Content-Length: 7581

    Do you mind if I use it again???

    
    
    Have a t.!
    

    
    are you replying to every note in here? ;v))))
    
    t.

    
    Hehehehe! I will when I know you'll be there later! ;-)))))))
    
    Mark ;-)

    
    I have a 'why'!!!!
    
    Why to our TMT (Territory Management Team) send out statements which
    have wide-ranging impact after most employees have gone home for the 
    evening??
    
    Jackie

    Which statement is this???? *GULP* ;->
    
    Rick.

    
    The one concerning Geoff Turton/John Barrett.
    
    Jackie

    Nope... whats happened??
    
    Rick

    re. 19
    
    Rick..Copy of mail on its way to you!
    
    
    re.22  Hi Hamp! Nice to see you in here. :-)
    
    Well, no snow here..so guess I'll have to find some other way to
    relive the stress!!
    
    Jackie

    Yep.. read your mail Jackie.... not good news! :-<
    
    Rick.

    
    
    	stress relief? A Steyr AUG and old chevy downrange.....:*)
    
    chico

    
    
    Ah, stress relief....
    
    
    I note all over the place, and get everyone's panties in a knot. :*)
    
    
    
    Terrie
    

    
    I just pick up the phone!
    
    Jackie

    
    
    Just listen to a certain someone's voice!! AHHhhhhhh( heavy sigh......)
    
    Chris
    :)

    a bottle of Vodka usually works for me...........

      
    
    Gin works for me....................
    

	Beer works for me...		BenJ.	;)

    My secret stress relievers:
      
        - going to Aerobics
        - running
        - a nice big excellent tempered glass of German wheat beer
        - a nice big excellent tempered glass of Guinness Stout
        - a nice big excellent tempered glass of Sam Adams cream stout
        - a big portion of Chocolate and Cappucino icecream
        - and a night full of sleep and sweet dreams
    
    Best works: all of the above
    
    ;)
    Martina

    Hey BenJ, want a beer?????
    
    ;)
    Twix_thursty

	Do U think, there is a second in my life I am not thursty for having a
beer with such a good company?

					In the Nook, quickly,	BenJ.	;)

    
    It's Oriental Day today down in our canteen... they are playing this
    very strange Oriental music, that's very stress relieving...

    
    
    I worked at Sharp electronics for a while and they used to pipe
    oriental music through the offices .. very strange !!
    
    
    
    Shell

    
    Yeh it sounded really weird

    
    
    You do get used to it after a while but even so its a bit perculiar to
    listen to that type of music while you're eating your fish & chips ;-)
    
    
    
    Shell

    
    Well they had all chinese food.... so I s'pose it was ok