Conference turris::womannotes-v5

    Yes, volunteer work (i know she probably has enough on her plate) but
    the best organizations to join are like right in her town...even 
    a church..(unitarian if she has no specific religion).   The school
    she is going to must have organizations too...like different clubs 
    I would assume?  any women's groups in the area as well?  
    
    Or any hobby she has...I know some groups have clubs in hobbies they
    have like quilting, book clubs etc...
    
    /bobcat
    

    cj, your sister is on a very tough road.  

    My best wishes to her when it comes to finding friends (and a good
    way to support her kids.)

    I'd agree that volunteer groups and clubs can be a source of friends.

    I recently made a new friend at the dentist's office - we were both
    leaving after dental work and got to talking (only to discover that
    we have a lot in common!)  It can happen when you least expect it
    sometimes.

    Pls let us know how she's doing...

    Suzanne

    cj,
    
    has she tried care and share, or whatever the Illinois equivelant is?
    
    I don't know if she is religious.  A lot of churches to have divorce
    recovery groups.  
    
    It also sounds like she is still in the shock of the death of a
    marriage that may well have had an abusive component.  Give her what
    support you can, advise her to hang onto the house if it is at all
    possible. (Roomate finders is often helpful and they will encourage her
    to spell out her boundaries when working on a match.)  At least in
    Colorado at this time, it is cheaper to have a mortgage than to rent. 
    Often mortgage companies will work with someone if they come clean and
    ask for assitance, it isn't easy, but it is less expensive than losing
    the house out of pride.  FHA has several programs on this.  The local
    Domestic Violence support group may well have information on this. 
    Bankruptcy can save a home although it is hard on the ego and furture
    credit rating, it isn't as hard on both as a foreclosure.  
    
    Having been on the ragged edge of homelessness in the past, I would let
    the car, TV, furniture, whatever go before losing the house if it is at
    all avoidable.  The kids are better off in rags and having a home than
    in reasonable clothes (ha they don't last long in the shelters) and
    living in the car or the local homeless dorms. she should be able to
    qualify for foodstamps as well as possibily increased financial aid so
    whe may not have to lose out on school as well.  
    
    Best wishes to her.
    
    meg

    Good info, Meg!
    

    two steps forward one step back...too bad she didn't have the courage
    to leave sooner. It's hard to do this but she really is doing a good
    thing for herself. Maybe you could look for some books on other people
    who have gone thru this. It's not the end of the world..she is just
    moving into another world. She probably doesn't know it yet but the new
    world is a safer happier place. 

    She could also gain a great deal of support and health if she looks
    into 12 step programs.  I was married to an abuser for 15 years who
    happened to be an alcoholic but drug abuse does the same amount of
    damage to the person who lives with them.  Al-anon or Coda (for
    codependents) would give her the self esteem back and the understanding
    that she did nothing wrong to cause the addictions in the marriage and
    that she could not have changed him either.  It might help keep her
    from falling into the same type of relationship again which happens
    quite often if help isn't found.  I am looking into where she can call
    for this info and will add it in the next note.
    
    Good luck to her.  Her life will improve "One Day at at Time" as she
    becomes stronger and has a support group to reach out to.
    
    Pat

    Unfortunately, the basenote states that she had a bad experience with
    Al Anon.  
    
    
    E