Conference trucks::football;1

    I was on the train to watch the match beteen Sheff Utd and Derby years
    ago. The train was approaching Derby. I stuck my head out of the window
    and shouted Sheffield to the train standing opposite with a load of
    Manchester United fans. One of them flobbed and it caught me square in
    the face. It was massive and cloggy. I rushed to the toliet to remove
    it.
    
    I've supported Sheff Weds ever since and have never been spat at (mind
    you I haven't stuck my head out train windows either).
    
    Simon
                                                

    
    Years ago I was returning home from Derby and had to rush to catch the
    last train to Manchester. Imagine my horror when I jumped into the last
    carriage and found it was full of United supporters ! After a hurried 
    lunch and a dash down the platform my stomach just couldn't cope with
    the presence of this putrid rabble. Luckily a window was close at hand
    and with suitable haste I opened it and leaned out for some air.
    
    Unfortunately a train bearing Sheffield United fans was just arriving
    with one particularly unsightly example leering out of the window. My
    stomach just couldn't cope. Half a pint of milk and a spinach casserole 
    shot across the gap between the trains and appeared to catch the
    surprised Sheffield fan with his mouth wide open. He then dissappeared 
    from view behind a hastily closed window as our train departed.  
    
    I hope the individual concerned can find it in his heart to forgive,
    for my part I have never been able to tolerate the sight of red and
    white since.
    
    Cheers,
    
    Andy ;-)                                                       

    
    	Jerry told me that he was once returning home from a match with
    a bunch of United supporters and their train stopped in Derby. This
    plonker bursts into their carriage wearing a Blackburn bobble hat 'n
    scarf. They're just about to murder the guy when he sticks his 'ed out
    the nearest window and barfs all over a trainload of Sheffield
    supporters standing at the next platform. Jerry & his mates though it
    was so funny that they forgot about kicking the Blackburn fan's 'ed in!
    
    8-)
    
    JBG

    
    As the train pulled into Manchester one of the United fans, who had
    been drinking large amounts of canned Guinness, thanked me for
    explaining how the can worked and wiping the dribble from his chin.
    He also asked if he could have my bobble hat because he dreamed of
    going to Austria where the the air is clear but cool and nobody knows
    about football so you can talk as much nonsense as you like. I duly 
    obliged and we exchanged manly handshakes. 
    
    I often wondered if the twelve of them ever finished the colouring 
    book they were working on.
    
    Cheers,
    
    Andy 

    Andy,
    
    I've still got that bobble hat. To this day, I've never forgotten your
    advice to me that day 
    
    	"OK, first hold the can so that the pulley thing is on top.
    	 Now, WITHOUT shaking the can up and down, pull back the ring
    	 slowly. Pick up the glass, WITHOUT dropping it on the floor, and
    	 gently pour the Guinness from the can. No, not like that, hold 
    	 the glass underneath the can FIRST !  Wait till the liquid at the
    	 end chenges colour from brown to black and then drink it."
    
    	"Oh sorry, I should have explained. While drinking, it's usually
    	 better if you lift the glass to your mouth and THEN tilt it so 
    	 that it pours into your mouth as opposed to down your shirt."
    
    
    I mean, why couldn't they just have written that on the can. How the
    hell are people supposed to work it all out for themselves ???
    
    Anyway, now that I've found you again, perhaps you can help Jon and I
    to settle an argument.  He insists that you're supposed to use a straw
    when drinking Guinness. He reckons that this is so that you can avoid
    having to taste the soap suds on top of the drink.  I told him that the
    bloke on the train had never mentioned a straw, and that he seemed to 
    know what he was on about (apart from supporting a team of losers) !
    So, seriously Andy, are you supposed to drink the soap suds or not ?
    And, if not, then which end of the straw do you stick into the glass ?
                                                                        
    
    Please help,
    
    Jerry.
    
    
    
    BTW, if you do decide to visit Switzerland, perhaps it would be
    worthwhile checking that your health insurance covers you for lengthy
    stays in foreign hospitals ;-))))

    Jerry,
    
    so it was you after all. The guy I remember was so keen to go to
    Austria I thought it must be a coincidence, you being in Switzerland
    and all. Did you opt for the country with the best hospitals or what ?
    
    As there may be Irish noters around and I'm no Guinness expert I would 
    only give you the following tips:
    
    Don't drink the 'soap-suds' (Jons not washing up properly)
    Don't use Jons straw (I'm not sure where its been)
    Don't drink canned Guinness unless you have to (I would recommend
    a move to Dublin).
      
    Keep the hat, I'll never forget how pleased you were when you managed
    to put it on yourself with the bobble on the outside !
    
    Any chance of a vaguely-football-related note ?
    
    Cheers,
    
    Andy
                                                                          

    Andy,
    
    Re:     Any chance of a vaguely-football-related note ?
    
    
    The bobble on that hat was round and so is a football !
    
    How's that ?
    
    
    Jerry.

    
    Fire Maguire....very bizarre when he ran on the pitch at Highbury
    dressed as a pirate years ago.......
    
    Dave...

    Back in the days before terrace fencing (they've gone again now, gladly),
    and Sheffield Wednesday were in the 3rd division (or it might have been
    the 2nd) - I remember this Millwall fan jumping out of their end,
    shouting "Let's get the Ba****ds!!" and running the full length of the
    pitch where he launched himself into our cop. 
    It made me laugh, cos I think he thought he'd got a little army of
    Millwall supporters behind him, when in fact he'd got nobody - not even
    a copper.
    I often wonder what became of him, I kept an eye on the bit of cop
    where he vanished but he never reappeared. 
    
    Al.

    re -1
    If this was 10 years or so ago, this was almost certainly 'Harry the
    dog'.   Harry was the star of a tv special on Milwall fans - in this
    special he took on the Blackpool kop (fuller then than now)
    single-handed and remains in my memory for a classic quote :
    
    	'We hate those Northern ba....ds from Bristol'   (good to see
    Geography alive in well in our schools!)
           
    Dave C.

    This is more sad than bizarre.
    
    In the days before racial enlightenment on the terraces I was watching
    a match when a racist chant started from about 10 supporters behind me
    (who, I'm ashamed to say, were Wednesday fans - it's a lot better
    now!). I turned around to see who these idiots were and was amazed to
    see that one bloke in the middle was black. Talk about peer-group
    pressure.
    
    BTW Tango isn't even from Sheffield - he's from Wolverhampton (which
    does explain a few things) but he's supported Wednesday for years.
    
    Paul.
      

Many many years ago when I often used to visit the Stretford End a mate of 
mine who came from Warrington used to earn some beer money by offering 
others the chance of punching him in the stomach for 2/-. Yes that long 
ogo! He was very big and had a very hard stomach, but then so did the guys 
who used to line up with the "two bobs". His name was "Bozzy" and I'm sure 
he would have stayed in Warrington. If anyone knows of him I would really 
like to meet up with him again and - maybe - have another go!

    Tom,             
    
    an ageing Reds fan inviting people to take a pop at him ?
     
    Its Bozzy Bolger ! 
    
    He's moved to Austria but please do go and smack him in the guts 
    for old times sake ;-) 
    
    Seriously I'll ask around, I'm not sure how long somebody like that
    would live but if he's still around I'm sure he's famous by now.
    
    Cheers,
    
    Andy  
    

    
    Jerry, you've been rumbled mate...... 8-)

    Andy,
    
    You're out by a generation. I had a pretty short pre-decimilisation
    career and would almost certainly have caused severe back injuries in
    those who payed to bend down and punch me in the stomach. However, if
    you promise not to tell my mother, I can reveal that it was in fact my
    dad that took all that abuse for the team he loved !
    
    Jerry.

    
    
    Talking about Spurs irregular payments...
    
    
    a few years back at Highbury {the home of exciting football}
    I was on the North Bank busily exchanging insults with the Tottenham
    advanced guard when it was decided that we'd have a coin throwing
    contest.  The Arsenal were busy chucking 5 and 10 p's whilst the Spurs 
    were lobbing 1's and 2's !!!!!!!. 
    
    Now if Ozzie and Mr Sugar were as careful with the clubs money you
    wouldn't be in this predicament now ;-)
    
    
    Gazzer 
    

    

     About the best known fan at Ibrox(after Andy Cameron) Is the Copeland
    nutter.This man jumps and waves his scarf for the full 90 mins.He once
    got a lambeg(sp) drum by the The hooded claws men....which takes some
    doing.Even Walter Smith thanked the nutter by walking into the crowd 
    and giving him a players top at the end of last season.
    
    
    SQF Blue nose
    
   
    
     P.S  Thanks for the ticket Chris  @:^)    
    
    

    
    Couldn't the term NUTTER fit the bill of any one of the 7,500 John
    Merrick's who frequent that end of the stadium ?
    
    

    Re 376.0
    Roy McDonough of Colchester has been sacked  - perhaps he should have
    had a real rabbit on his head??
    
    Dave C.

    
    re JJ,
    
    AHEM..

    I like those who, in the middle of winter, spend the whole game
    bare-chested and... their backs turned against the game, you know, the
    cheerleader type. Gets to see about 2 minutes of out 90.
    
    Do you have that type too?
    
    Cheers
    /JF

    At last nights Walsall v Carlisle game - no bare-chests I'm afraid but
    there were two absolutely tiny babies (maybe 1 or 2 months old) that
    had made the 170 mile journey from Carlisle.  There were also a large
    number of young children (5 or 6yrs), whom I'm pleased to say, the 
    players spent time talking to before the match.
    Dave C.

    Re -1
    In the papers this week was a story about a Carlisle fan who has seen
    United's last 1900 consecutive matches (bizarre?).  He missed the
    Walsall game, stuck behind an accident on the M6!
    The club gave him free travel and ticket to the Scunthorpe game 9which
    he must have enjoyed (see 371.82ish)
    Dave C.