Conference trucks::football;1

     I think it's time to create a Bristol City topic - while we are still
    in the second division. I'd like to add some current form but we don't
    have any ( 2 points from the last 17 league games ) but as they say
    things can only get better, hopefully starting with 3 points against
    Wolves tonight.
    
    Martin

    
    oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
    

     
    And answer came there none!!
    

    I know you have been waiting a long time for a reply but there is now
    another City fan working at Digital, all be it only for one year.
    
    Well, although we lost badly to the Gas at that fixture, we got our own
    back later in the season by beating them at home, a result which put
    them down into the 2nd division, oh what sweet revenge.
    
    Onto the new season, Os has bought a few new faces into the club namely
    Liam Robinson a speedy striker, Ian "Yogi" Baird a lanky no nonsense
    striker expect him to be sent off at least twice this season, Dave
    Martin a utility player that cost us nothing named as captain in
    pre-season but as yet 3 games into the season not even in the squad.
    
    Well we lost our first match of the season away to big spenders Wolves,
    but there were some pluses namely two seventeen year olds in midfield
    and a general commitment to the game. It seems that Os and Rosy have
    made sure that the players they pick are proud to wear the red and
    white or purple and green of the club something i feel that has been
    missing since a certain Joe Jordan left the club.

    On Saturday the 21st of August 1993, the boys in red and white gained
    their first points in the Endsleigh League Division 1.
    
    Being the first home match of the season, expectations were high down
    at the gate. We were playing Palace who were relegated from the
    moneybags league last season, we knew it would be tough but the feeling
    was that we would win, as Palace have sold Thomas and McGoldrick, also
    the fact that Saloko was still injured raised our hope a little bit.
    
    Well onto the match the city team as follows:
       			1. Keith "Elvis" Welch
    2. Stuart Munro				3. Martin Scott
    		4. Mark Aizlewood	5. Mark Shail(Capt.)
    
    	  	6. Matt Hewlett		8. Gary Shelton	
    7. Mike Wyatt				11. Brian Tinnion
    		9. Yogi Baird		10. Liam Robinson	
    
    
    I could give you the palace side but who cares apart from the fact that
    old Pasty face was in goal for them.
    
    The first half was only notable for a couple of incidents, apart from
    which it was pretty crap. The major incident was the sending of Palaces
    Bobby Bowry for elbowing Shelts in the face, although watching the
    highlights on the T.V I would suggest he was unlucky to be sent off.
    The sending off seemed to inspire palace more than us and they looked
    lively going forward although they did not create any real chances
    until the half was almost over, when a mistake at the back let in
    Armstrong for a free shot at goal which he fluffed and Elvis held it
    easily. As for city a Wyatt cross cum shot had Nige stretching to tip
    the ball over.
    
    The second half didn't start much better, but as soon as Allison
    replaced Robinson, we won a corner from which Tin Man floated over a
    perfect cross which Yogi got on the end of glancing it into the net,
    1-0 the crowd went mental. From this point city took the game by the
    scruff of the neck, and later Tin Man had a candidate for the goal of
    season disallowed for offside although the linesman must have been the
    only one who saw it, although give the bloke his due his had a good
    afternoon running the line and he did flag early. It was only a matter
    of time before we scored our second, and when it came it was well worth
    the wait Tin Man crossed the ball from the left fully 45 yards and
    Waynard followed the path of the ball and headed it back across the
    goal to slot the ball past nige 2-0. City then decided to shut up shop
    as Palace seeked a goal. Full Time came we won, 3 points.
    
    The youth in midfield had a great game with Hewlett particularly
    impressing this fan he hardly missed a pass tackled well, covered well
    and was willing to have a shot at goal, in fact he forced nige into a
    excellent save in the second half. Wyatt was willing to take on
    defenders at every opportunity and crossed the ball well.
    
    
    I thought Ray Atteveld may have played as he impressed in pre-season
    however it seems he thinks he can also box a bit, and has been banned
    from the ground for two weeks. 
    		

    Being Bristol born and Bristol bred. I would just like to wish Bristol
    City and the fans the best of luck. Shame (not) the Gas will go down again.
    
    Rich H.
    
    p.s. Even though I have been a spurs fan all my life, I have supported
    City at Ashton Gate a couple of times, as they are/were the best local
    team.
     
    

    Hi,        		
    
    On my PC I've got a 'new' Player Manager game called :
    Championship Manager '93 (CM '93).
    
    In my first game I chose to manager Man.utd. and I became champion after
    2 seasons without much difficulties.
    
    Now I'm trying to promote to the premier league with the second division 
    team Bristol City (as fast as possible).
    
    Therefore I want to buy a few good player, from other second div. teams.
    But my problem is that I don't know which players are good in this
    division.
    
    Can anyone tell me some names and the team their playing in. 
    (season 1993)
    I need :
    Goalies
    Defenders
    Midfielders
    Strikers
    
    (I don't want to start a discussion of which team is the best in
    England, I only want some names of good player in the second division
    for my PC game.) 
    
    Thanks, Jeroen
    
    This Note is also written in 13.483 ! 

    Re 7
    
    Keller   (Millwall)        --- Goalkeeper
    
    Thompson  (Wolves)         --- Right Back
    Pearce    (Notts For)      --- Left Back
    Mardon    (West Brom)      --- Centre Back
    Whitlow   (Leicester)      --- Centre Back
    
    Bradley   (West Brom)      --- Midfield 
    Fergusson (Wolves)         --- Midfield 
    Southgate (C Palace)       --- Midfield
    Donovan   (West Brom)      --- Midfield
    
    Taylor    (West Brom)      --- Forward
    Armstrong (C Palace)       --- Forward
    
    
    
    /GAry

    Put in Martyn in goal, Salako on the wing, Eric Young at centre back
    and you'd have a team!
    
    There's a review of a PC game in Eagle Eye this issue, where the
    players skills seem to bear very little resemblance to reality -
    
    a single example - Paul Mortimer, a skilled and talented attacking
    midfielder!
    
    Paul

    r. 8 and 9 
    
    Thanks for your player-inputs.
    
    reply (2) on 9
     
    Well in this game the players skills resemble their actual skills
    (at least in the premier league).
    For instance Cantona, Giggs, Sharpe and Hughes play as in real life,
    also Rush, Beardsley, Sanders, Flowers, Schmeichel, Ince, Adams and
    others are at their normal level.
    
    Only in the fourth season I played 1996, Wimbledon became the league
    champions ! (reality ??)
    
    But I don't know if lower league players resemble their skills in
    reality ?
    
    Jeroen.

    Former Swindon Town boss JOHN GORMAN has been appointed assistant
    manager to JOE JORDAN...........stop press..........

    
    Good to see this note open again,doubt if it`ll make 20 though.
    
    Davie...

Rovers!  

Forget Ashton Gate, lets all go down Twerton.

There's been many a time when I've been in some pub in Bishopston when a bunch
of Rovers fans have taunted some of my Bristol City chums.  Mind you, it may
have something to do with the fact that they were wearing green wigs and 
Ronald Reagan masks too.

    
    	Can I contribute to this feeble attempt to get to note 20 ?
    
    	I doubt if this is relevant but I have a cousin who is in the drug
    squad in Bristol.
    
    Malc.
    

What's his/her name? 

If his/her number's 60218, then tell him/her that we know where he/she lives!

;-Q

    Shit, I always miss out on the fun.....
    
    Paul.

    
    	His first name is Chris, I can't for the life of me remember his
    second name (I reckon I'm going senile). He's actually married to my real
    cousin. His number can't be 60218 because then I would know him as 6.
    
    Malc.
    

Malc, I can't believe you going senile.  You don't look a day over 93 :-))

Anyway where are we meeting tonight?


Ps. could be Alzheimer's

    
    	It can't be Alzheimer's disease, I can't spell it let alone
    pronounce it. I reckon it's the worry of everyone thinking you're my Dad.
    
    	Do you still want a lift down the boozer, John ? I can mebbe twist
    Stef's arm to show me the way to your hoose. Otherwise we will be
    propping up the Piano Bar from 7.30 onwards (till the wee small hours).
    
    Cheers,
    
    	Malc.
    

    
    I saw Joe Jordan in an aqua park in Portugal once.....
    
    Davie

    
    	Hey..........Bristol City play in `Red' don't they, were they
    	perhaps Bristol City trunks he was wearing????
    
    
    					Curious
    
    						NEIL.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    	P.S    BTW, Pamela Anderson has got some Bristol Cities  8*)
    
    
    

da daaaaa! 30!

Did I mention that Ashton's a sh1* pit?

    No Matt, I don't believe you did. But then again it's the best football
    ground in the area which doesn't say a great deal for the South West of
    England...
    
    Stuart

The best thing about Shton is that they hold other events down there too, like 
the mountain biking trials.  Much more fun than watching BC playing.  BTW, 
where are my semi-adopted team in the league then?  Are they languishing at the 
bottom of D1 yet?  It could be a laugh if they end up down with Rovers, Swansea 
and Cardiff.  Big violence in the streets of Bristol methinx.

    
    	Maybe we can get this note past Man Utd.
    
    	I'm running out of (vaguely) relevant things to say about Bristol
    City though. How about Jackie Dzieganowski(sp) the ex-Celtic player
    (and night club connoisseur), was it City he signed for or Rovers ?
    Is he still there ?
    
    Malc.
    

I can think of loads of nice stuff to say about Bristle, but unfortunately not 
much about the football team.  Hmmm...Whiteladies 
road...Bierkeller...Odyssey...Gloucester Road...SS Great Britain (!)...Clifton 
Suspension Bridge...etc...etc...

    
    	I've got some more relatives in Weston-Super-Mare. That's quite
    near Bristol, isn't it ?
    
    Malcy Baby.
    

Not too far.  Weston is Bristol's glamorous coastal resort neighbour (!)

<link>

Wonder if Weston's footy side are any good.......

    
    > Wonder if Weston's footy side are any good......
    
    	I doubt it. My auntie is their centre half.
    

    I once went on a course in Bristol. Stayed in the Holiday Inn.
    Overpriced and overrated
    
    Stuart

    In fact for many years, I lived in Gloucestershire. As you'll be aware
    Bristol was in Gloucestershire before the creation of Avon, so really
    the 2 Bristol sides were my local team. Well if you ignore Swindon
    which was 20 miles nearer than Bristol

And of course, Gloucestershire's cricket ground is in Bishopston, Bristol.

Ha!  I got 20, 30 and 40.  How terribly exciting.

    
    	I think 50 is a nice number.
    
    	M.
    

    
    43 is not bad either.
    

    
    I'm quite keen on 44 as well.
    

    
    45 I can take it or leave it.
    

    
    	OK this running joke is wearing extremely thin (and it wasn't very
    funny in the first place). I would like to take this opportunity to
    remind John Hussey of last night's avowal to set up a Southend United
    note. He probably needs reminding after the state he was in.
    
    Malc.
    

    
    	Is Southend near Bristol ? (Trying to keep some semblance of
    football going)
    
    	I bet we get all the way to 49 then Matt George will come in and
    pinch 50 from under our very noses.
    

Southend note coming up....

    
    	Rubbish effort, John. Do I get a prize ?
    
    	Malc.
    

I didn't want 50 anyway.  Portishead!  (Bristol reference)

    This is now very tiresome.
    
    Matt, stop crying. If you try hard enough you may get number 100...
    
    Stuart

>>very tiresome

indeed.


>>>stop crying.

eh?

    
    	Ever heard of a Telephone, guys? Are you all drunk, or what? It's
    	not even afternoon yet.....sheesh....
    
    	Andy.

    
    	Can't we have a little bit of (harmless) fun seeing as it's
    Christmas ? What happened to good will to all men, and all the other
    bobbins that goes with it ? (How do you do those smiley things)
    
    Malc.
    

    Malc
    
    He was just trying to help this one on it's way to 60 ;-)
    
    Stuart

    
    
    		Merry Christmas..............
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    			....from all at
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    			Bristol City F.C
    
    
    
    
    				Now that is relevant....I think??
    
    

    
    
    
    
    
    
    				Ba**ard
    
    
    				 8*(
    
    

    
    	Does anyone else agree with me that the first team pool at City is
    somewhat lacking in depth ? I feel that Joe Jordan will have to buy
    some new players fairly soon as cover should any of his current squad
    pick up injuries or suspensions over the winter.
    
    Malc.
    

Didn't Andy Cole spend a while at City, before going off to the Arse or 
somesuch other cruddy Laaandaaaan club.

    
    	Dunno. They used to have a guy called Romario playing in the
    reserves. I don't know what happened to him either.
    
    M.
    

    Malc
    
    I agree. They lack firepower up front, have trouble defending and don't
    have much of a midfield. Hence their problems this season. However, a
    couple of wins over the Xmas period and they should be off & running.
    
    Matt
    
    He came from Arsenal. Great business by GG. Sell a player who goes on
    to score hatfuls of goals and keep Kevin Campbell who's total career
    goals don't even reach the total cole scored last year.
    
    Stuart

    
    	Very true.
    
    	I feel that their twin strike force of Newman and Trialist have
    never really hit it off. Time for Change.
    
    	Also due to injury they don't have Options on the wing.
    
    Malc.
    

    I think they'll miss their main centre back pair of Don and Key more
    than anything else.
    
    Stuart

    Mine!

    
    	Don't bring your Arsenal prejudices in here, Stuart !
    
    M.

Pairing the centre backs Don and Key will be the midfield tour de force, Don 
and Howe.

(Just thought I'd clog up another topic with all things fat and dull)

    
    	Don't forget their Yugoslavian left sided midfield players
    Kantplay Fortoffi and U. Slesgit.
    
    	What chance of getting to 100 by close of play tomorrow ?
    
    	Malc.
    

    They have also bought a Danish midfielder according to today's papers,
    C. Rapshot. They are also in the process of buying a hard talking
    midfielder, Dai Sent.

    
    	I believe they also have on trial a Mexican striker called Juan Nil.
    
    M.

    
    	Maybe he is. I do know he has a Christmas loving team mate called
    Santa Forward.
    

    
    Surely we're not going to give up now? Man United watch out - Bristol
    City is after your record 8-).
    
    Happy Christmas chaps.

    I'm back.
    
    The chinese philosophy student who is also a Wham and Bristol City fan:
    Jung Guns
    
    Stuart
    

    
    	On Tuesday night there will be a special debate in the Bristol City
    supporters club. We request a big turnout as we ask the burning
    question that is on everyone's lips at this moment in time :
    
    
    
    	John Hussey.
    
    
    
    	Why ?
    

    
    	Did I mention the first team trainer Jim Nasium ?
    Or his mother who helps out on match days, Ma Jicsponge ?
    
    	I was thinking we should let Dave Rooney have the honour of
    entering note 100 seeing as it was him that started all this rubbish
    back in note 12 (!). When it gets to note 99 we should allow him 30
    minutes (from the entry time of 99) to let him prepare a short speech
    of thanks to everyone who made the Bristol City note what is today.
    
    	If he doesn't answer in 30 minutes it's every man for himself.
    
    Malc.
    

    Malc
    
    What a nice gesture. 
    
    Stuart

    
    Well thank you all.....
    
    This really is a momentous occasion we`ve already overtaken the
    Cardiff,Southampton,Derby,Watford notes to name a few.
    
    Heavens above we`ve even beaten the "Irish League" topic,they
    only have a measly 91 entries.
    
    This really is emotional.....we even beat Farnborough Town.
    
    Davie...
                                     
    

    
    	Before you start John, I know my counting was wrong again.
    
    	I nominate 62 as the funniest note. Minimalist humour!
    
    	Goodwill to all men, signing off til '95.
    
    	Malc.
    

    Can you please get back to... er, football?
    
    Cheers
    /JF

    
	So JF, is that supposed to be some sort of rap over the knuckles
    or something ?

	I don't know, if you can't have a bit of a giggle now and then over
    something trivial the world is in a pretty sorry state. Where does it
    say that every single note has got to be deadly serious ? I would argue
    that we did try to keep the football link going right through (although
    admittedly somewhat tenuously at times) so IMO your heavy-handed deletions
    are unwarranted and downright fascistic. I call for their reinstatement
    forthwith ! (if only for the reason that Stuart and I used up a lot of
    brain cells in writing the damn things in the first place).

    Malc.

    JF
    
    I agree with Malc. It took a great deal of effort to help a topic that
    had been neglected for far too long. You can tell by some of the later
    entries that we were really racking our brains for Ashton Gate
    regulars. Also, what happened to your yuletide spirit?
    
    Stan Andeliver (Highwayman fan of the Robins)

    
    	Malc, you missed the smiley things when jokingly referring JF's
    	moderator-ship to being "fascistic".
    
    	please read para 5 of note 1.0
    
    	Andy.

    
    	Re 108. Thank you for your input Andy. I quote your own reference :
    
    > The Moderators reserve the right to limit or eliminate discussion
    > felt to be extreme, or irrelevant.
    
    	"felt" by whom exactly ?
    
    1. If by the Moderator alone then we, the noters, must have some right of
    appeal to his (the Moderator's) opinion otherwise the word fascistic
    becomes true, smiley things or not.
    
    2. If by a general consensus then when was this poll carried out ? And why
    were we (Stuart and me) not included, being the main contributors ?
    
    	I am not questioning his (JF's) right to delete them but I would like
    to know why, and having ascertained this information plead my case for
    their re-inclusion because it's going to come down to his opinion
    against mine at the end of the day (Brian). You may have gathered that
    I am not one to blindly follow leaders, right or wrong. Some would call
    it stubborn.
    
    Malc.
    

    
    	JF.
    
    	IPESUB::CHAMPOLLION.
    
    	Are you there, please ?
    
    	I really REALLY would like a reply to 106. That has been five days now
    to the minute since the last note. Can anyone tell me if he is on holiday
    or away somewhere, and if so would another moderator like to reply
    on his behalf ?
    
    Malc.
    

    
    Well I think after about 100 odd notes about absolutely nothing, JF
    merely requested that we 'might' get back to discussing football.
    
    Try doring a 'dir 79.*' and see for yourself. Now does what you see
    bring JF's note into proportion or not ??
    
    Dezzz.

    Hi,
    
    I am on ISEPUB::CHAMPOLLION.
    
    To call my entry "fascistic" (sp.?) is a joke for those who've known me
    since 1987 when I first created this Notesfile.
    
    Regards
    �JF?

             
    	He's fairly new to noting, JF, so give him the benefit of the
    	doubt about what he said.
    
    	Knowing your style, he'll be forgiven sooner than it takes to
    	realise how absurd this whole note string has become...
    
    	Andy.

	Thank you for your reply, JF. And you, Dezzz. OK, "fascistic" was
    probably the wrong word to use. My most sincere apologies.

	However, I would still stand by the gist of note 106. The whole
    thing was just a bit of fun in the run down before Christmas. It was
    not sectarian, racist or even vaguely insulting to anybody at all and
    thereby was a lot more wholesome than half the drivel that flickers
    across my screen. It was even amusing (well it made me laugh anyway).
    (I would prefer it if that was not the cue for another tangential debate!)

	And another thing. Why delete some notes and not others ? The whole
    thing from 63 onwards ran like a conversation and all that has happened
    is that the whole thing has become disjointed and now just looks odd.
    (But please don't delete the rest.)

	Is disk space really the issue here ? Because that's a whole
    different ball game (to coin a phrase). I for one was certainly not
    aware that it was a problem. What is the policy on archiving ?

    Malc.

I must agree.  By deleting the odd note, the entire note stream makes even less 
sense than it did in the first place.

    
    	Not possible, Matt 8-)

	I fear my one man crusade for the Return of the Lost Notes of the
    Ancient Inca civilisation (Bristol City chapter - "The Wilderness Years")
    is definitely flagging. The moderators' "ignore him and he might go away"
    tactics seem to be working. I feel my quest is nearing its end and,
    unfortunately, that I may not be victorious.
	However I will have one last try.


    So,

	JF (or Dezzz), are we getting our deleted notes back ? If you put
    them back I'll dance at your wedding and I promise I won't bother you
    any more (probably more important to you).

    Please answer one way or the other.

    Malc (quite a nice chap really, by all accounts. Cubs honour).

    Malc
    
    As requested, I've moved it to Bristol City. 
    
    No I didn't have anything in mind nor planned. I was interested to see
    how dooged your determination to get a reply was. It seems to have
    developed into a battle of wills, the mods silence and your requests.
    Interesting to see who wins...
    
    It would be useful to have guidelines so that you know the bounds of
    personal taste that were exceeded (I can guess with 1 or 2 of the notes
    why they may have been deleted) and the length to which you can stretch
    them, if in future something of similar ilk should crop up elsewhere.
    
    Stuart

    
    Talking of Bristol City, should notes 463.* regarding Patsy Kensit's
    bust be moved here?
    
    Steve.
    
    BTW the Mod's must be asleep as 463.19 has yet to be set hidden / deleted.
    

    
    Steve, you have a smutty streak a mile wide (but I like it).
    
    Stuart,
    
    	I thought the notes were deleted on the basis of being irrelevant
    rather than any tasteful premise i.e. I've seen an awful lot of dodgy
    stuff going through which does not seem to be queried. The whole crux
    of the argument is whether or not they are (or were) relevant, and I
    have been contending that they are/were (more or less). Dave's flippant
    remark in 16.216 is really quite a good point. Why does Wacky Races
    make it through, while our stuff gets panned ? Anyway I've decided I'm
    going to try opening up a second front and see what happens ...
    
    
    	Did I mention to you (I'm pretty sure I did not) that Joe Jordan
    was having disciplinary problems with his reserve goalkeeper. He was
    placed on the transfer list and fined two weeks wages, after returning
    from the Summer break three stones overweight and looking severely obese.
    
    
    
    	His name is Hugh Jarse.
    
    	Malc (oh its good to be back).
    

****SHOCK****HORROR****SHOCK****

RELEVANT NOTE IN B.C.TOPIC SHOCKER!

****SHOCK****HORROR****SHOCK****

City are through to the next round of the cup.  They beat some crappy team last 
night.

    
    	Here's something you didn't expect -
    
    
    
    			a serious(ish) Bristol City note !
    
    
    	English FA Cup 3rd round replay
    
    	Stoke City		1		Bristol City		3 (aet)
    
    	Some spawny get from			Junior Bent (no he's not)
    	the midlands.				Ian Baird (is this the same
    						guy who played for Hearts ?)
    						Brian Tinnian(sp?)
    
    Stoke scored in the first half totally against the run of play, ten
    miles offside and their centre forward was playing keepie-uppie with
    our goalie at the time. However the insidious chocolate of a referee,
    intimidated by the home crowd (three men and a dog), decided to allow
    the "goal". No matter, after the half time pie (or pies in some cases)
    and Bovril, City were revitalised and came out fighting (not literally)
    and soon got the equaliser. On to extra time, and the extra training in
    the social club paid off as we scored two fine goals, Stoke City not
    used to staying up that late (that's why they wear pyjamas for a strip).
    
    	A home tie to Moremoneythansense in the next round. We will win.
    I forecast Bristol City will spend a longer time in the FA Cup than
    Arsenal, Stuart.
    
    Malc.
    

    Another fine victory for city against high flying Sheffield Utd by
    2 goals to 1
    Robert Fleck made a good start to his loan term at Ashton Gate and 
    was voted M.O.M.
    The other major highlight of this match was one the linesmen was
    female,and the referee acted like one.(A BIG WUMIN).

    
    English FA Cup Fourth Round
    
    	Bristol City	0	Bunch of jammy gets from Scouseland
    				(no not that lot the other ones) 	1
    
    What a flipping travesty of justice ! Bristol City (those princes
    amongst men) get 90 per cent of the play, hit the post twice and have
    another shot kicked off the line and still get beat to some lucky
    mishit shot which ricocheted off 29 players before it trickled over the
    line while their centre forward was standing on our goalies head. It's
    enough to drive you to drink. Speaking of which I watched this game
    from the comfort of that famous salubrious watering hole in Glasgow,
    the Horseshoe Bar. Most of the second half I was watching from a
    horizontal position which is why I missed who scored, not that I care
    in the first place, mind (as long as it wasn't that xxxx Ferguson)
    
    	Not that I'm biased in any way, oh no missus not me ....
    (contd page 94)
    
    Malc.
    

    
    Endsleigh League Division One
    
    	Swindon Town	0	Bristol City	3
    				Robert Fleck
    				2 others
    
    A great win in a local derby game sees City climb out of the relegation
    zone for the first time in three millennia (that's a good word). We may
    yet stay up ! (But embryonic chickens are not being counted).
    
    Malc$i_can_eat_all_the_cadburys_mini_eggs_i_can_see.
    

naah, I'm looking forward to how the police are going to handle Bristol City, 
Bristol Rovers, Swansea City, Cardiff City and Wrexham all playing each other 
at least twice in the same season!  (that is if we don't have a late push for 
promotion 8-))

    
    Endsleigh League Division One
    
    Bristol City		2	Charlton Athletic	1
    Coull (maaan)			John Somebody
    Tinnion (crazy name, crazy guy)
    
    	Another great result. This relegation struggle is really exciting.
    I don't know why but City always seem to play a lot better in midweek
    than on Saturdays. Perhaps they can switch the floodlights off every
    time the opposition get near their goal, or something. I haven't seen
    a league for a few weeks so I'm not that sure about their current
    position but I vaguely remember that the teams below them had a couple
    of games in hand so it's going to be very tight in the run-in.
    
    	However this is all just an excuse (as if I ever needed one) to
    enter something frivolous. You may recall a month or two ago a debate
    in 32 concerning the competitors in the Wacky Races. I am now in
    possession of THE definitive list which I shall now post for your
    delectation and delight (you can press NEXT UNSEEN here if you like) :
    
    
    
		Competitor				Car
		----------				---

	Dick Dastardly and Muttley		The Mean Machine
	The Slag Brothers			The Bouldermobile
	The Gruesome Twosome			The Creepy Coupe
	Professor Pat Pending			The Convert-A-Car
	The Red Max				The Crimson Haybailer
	Penelope Pitstop			The Compact Pussycat
	Sarge and Private Meekly		The Army Surplus Special
	The Ant Hill Mob			The Roaring Plenty
	Luke and Blubber the Bear		The Arkansas Chugga-Bug
	Peter Perfect				The Varoom Roadster
	Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth		The Buzz Wagon

    	Although I considered myself something of an expert concerning the
    Wacky Races I must admit I can not for the life of me remember what
    the Red Max looked like although his car name rings a bell. Old age
    must be catching up with me at last ....
    
    Malc.
    

Bottom of Div 1  (including last night)

Charlton	p33	42pts
Stoke		31	41
Pompey		32	40
Port Vale	32	39
Southend	35	39
Sunderland	32	39
Bristol City	35	38
Baggies		34	38
Swindon		32	34
Notts Co	34	29
Burnley		32	28

I think 4 go down due to the re-organisation of the Premiership.

    
    	English League Division One
    
    	Port Vale		2	Bristol City		1
    	Don't know			Can't remember
    	Don't care
    
    Ho-hum. Back into the relegation area we go. What we need is for all
    weekend matches to be cancelled and moved to midweek. Maybe we have
    some players who have Saturday jobs and can't play at weekends ?
    
    Stuart
    
    	I could plead network problems and other technical difficulties to
    explain the delay but I think the true answer is just general lethargy.
    So therefore (Frankie Howerd voice ON ) :
    
    				Oh shut yer face !
    
    Malc.
    

    
    	English League Division One
    
    	Bristol City		1	Burnley		1
    	Err...				Ummm...
    
    	A dreadful result as Burnley are bottom of the league. This is
    exactly the sort of game we should be winning. I'm going to have to
    write a stiff letter to Joe Jordan, a very stiff letter, in fact it'll
    be on cardboard (� Tony Hancock 1965-ish).
    
    	At least I had this game as a 3-pointer on my coupon. I just missed
    yet another massive pools win by 1 point.
    
    Malc.
    

Malc,

The big match is on Saturday -  That Bristol mob versus the Mighty Shrimpers.

Expect a good stuffing for your (adopted) team!!!!

    
    	A fiver says we will win, John. Oh hang on, does this count as
    betting (as in not allowed), Dezzz ?
    
    Malc.
    

    
    	English League Division One
    
    	Notts County		1	Bristol City	1
    	I forget			Baird (smarter than the average)
    
    	I suppose I'd better mention this result although it's just as bad
    as the last one. I fear the big slide towards Division 2 is gathering
    momentum. After scoring Ian Baird was sent off, so he did learn something
    from his days at Hearts after all.
    
    	It could be time to start the Joe Jordan Must Go campaign.
    Alternatively I could make up some more players for him to sign. How
    about that big Dutch striker who's always on the move, Hertz van Rental ?
    
    Malc.
    

    
    	English League Division One
    
    	Bristol City		0	Sarfend Utd	0
    	N. O'Body			S. O'Dall
    
    	I haven't seen a report of this match but that's never stopped me
    in the past. Southend can consider themselves extremely lucky to take a
    point from this game as they spent virtually the entire 90 minutes
    camped in their own half and conceded 18 corners to City's one. City
    hit the post twice and the bar once and had what looked like three cast
    iron penalties turned down by the referee, Mr. S. Wonder of Los Angeles.
    
    	All in all a moral victory for City so I think you should cough up
    a moral fiver John.
    
    Malc.
    

Yep, got me on that one .. NOT!

Will a wedding invite do instead?


As for the match from what I heard on R5 the Bristols did most of the 
attacking (ooh err) but never looked like scoring in a fairly drab match.
Still a better point for the Mighty Shrimpers than your mob.

Updated table will follow soon.

    
    	English League Division One
    
    	Derby County		Won	Bristol City		Didn't
    	(I think the score was 3-1 but it might have been 2-1)
    
    	As you can see, as City sink further into the relegation swamp the
    reports get vaguer and vaguer. This is because of the deep depression
    hanging over their supporter.
    
    	Trouble at t'mill, methinks.
    
    Malc.
    

    > Is it time to panic yet ? >-
    
    Malc,
    
    Certainly is!
    
    Are your reports getting vaguer because of a lack of interest
    perchance?
    
    Stuart

Time to switch allegiance to Rovers, I reckon.

Mind you, you could never show your face in Bristol again.  You'd have to hide 
in the Golden Lion (Bishopston - B. Rovers haven) for the rest of your days.

    
    Stuart
    
    	> Are your reports getting vaguer because of a lack of interest
    
    	Well I must admit a bit of sparkle has gone out of this note since
    I stopped having the argument with JF. Also I thought City were going to
    make a real fight of their relegation battle but they seem to be almost
    resigned to their fate recently, so if they are not going to care then I
    don't see why I should. I think on the whole I would prefer City to go
    down if it means Sunderland stay up.
    
    	Anybody got the current league table (John) ?
    
    Matt
    
    	> Time to switch allegiance to Rovers
    
    	That'll be Blackburn Rovers I take it ? Well OK but only till
    the end of the season. Come on ye Moneybags !
    
    Malc.
    

    
    	English League Division One
    
    	Bristol City		0	Tranmere Rovers		1
    					TGA
    
    Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
    
    Malc.
    

Malcy,

According to R5 Bristol City can count themselves a bit unlucky in this
game in that the Tranmere pen was a bit dubious and Bristol had a sure fire
pen not given late in the game.

Can't complain as it helps Southend!

    
    	English League Division One
    
    	Stoke City		2	Bristol City		1
    	Don Tknow			Harve Ntaclue
    	B. Tsme
    
    	A pathetic performance against the team we bundled out of the Cup.
    Second Division here we come !
    
    	Bristol City		1	West Bromwich Albion	0
    	Junior Bent
    
    	What's this ? A win ? I don't believe it ! However surely this is
    coming way too late as we are now 5 (or is it 7 ?) points off fifth
    last spot ? Typical of City, raise our hopes at the last minute when it
    is way too late.
    
    Malc.
    

I forgot about Junior Bent.  He wins "footballer (with the most obviously 
pi$$-takable name) of the year".

    
    > Friend of Mark Bright?
    
    	Is there a wee story behind this, Matt ? It wouldn't have the same
    meaning as "Friend of Richard Gough (allegedly)" does up here in
    Scotland, perchance ?
    
    	There is a story of a team announcer reading out the City team at
    some ground or other and when he read out Junior Bents name he added
    "I bet he is and all". Well you had to be there ...
    
    Malc.
    

I think you get the idea.  Mark Bright...Justin Fashanu...Andi Peters...Take 
That...etc.

Malcy,

Mark Bright's (alledged) sexuality was well documented in the Sheff Wed note
earlier in the year.  Unlike a certain Mr Gough (alledgedly), none of 
Mr. Bright's activities were illegal.

However, it's about time they passed a law making some of your (attempted) 
jokes a thing of the past. Bloody Tories never do get anything right :-) 

Oi!  Less of that Tory bashing!

    Ee John

    	You're a miserable git. Just because you've got a cold and I
    slaughtered you at golf last week you're acting like a bear with a sore
    head (not a great deal of difference to your normal act come to think
    of it). How about giving us a merry Southend fertility song or
    something like that to cheer us all up, as we've all got the "I've just
    been on holiday but now I'm back and I'm p*ssed off" blues ?

    	I remember the Mark Bright stuff now you mention it, although for
    some inexplicable reason I was thinking of Mark Wright just now. Too
    many brain cells disappeared this weekend I should imagine ...

    Malc.
    

Malc,

It's this marriage lark. It gets you down. Plus the sun's been blazing down
all day whereas yesterday it was snowing.  I think I'm just going to kick
someone up in the air in me game tonight to make me feel better.

Pity you're not playing for the opposition ;-)

    
    >I think I'm just going to kick someone up in the air in me game
    >tonight to make me feel better.
    
    	This is no way to behave in a game of golf. I hope the Royal and
    Ancient don't get to hear of this behaviour.
    
    Peter Alliss.
    

    
    	Apologies for lateness of entering this but I have been gallivanting
    around central Scotland playing golf for a couple of days, arguably a
    better way of spending my time than supporting City ...
    
    	English League Division One (but not for much longer)
    
    	Watford			1	Bristol City		0
    	E. John
    
    	We are relegated.
    
    	Oh bolleaux.
    
    Malc.
    

Malc,

Shouldn't you tell everyone why you weren't in yesterday as well?

And are you going to change your allegience to the mighty Southend now
that they've proved themselves to be less crap than City?

    Malc, are you going to confirm once and for all that you are a
    Sunderland fan?
    
    Ica

    
    Ica
    
    	Yes indeed, as previously documented in 37.349. My father comes from
    Sunderland (born within a mile of the ground) and he went to all the
    games watching the likes of Raich Carter in their heyday. He used to
    tell us football jokes (clean ones) about Sunderland and Newcastle, and
    years later I heard them all again told about Rangers and Celtic. I
    have kept one eye on their results all my life and only hoped they
    would lose when Terry Butcher was their manager as I knew every dropped
    point meant a little bit more ink on his P45. (Well I just cannot stand
    the guy because of his major hun tendencies.)
    
    	Why do you ask ?
    
    Malc.
    
    PS  Just while you're on, we would like to see a bit more detail in
    REPAIR::CRICKET concerning the WI v Aus test matches if you please.
    Coverage is sketchy here to say the least.
    

    Yes Malc, I support Sunderland from a distance and will be listening
    for scores on Saturday at the same time as trying to give you more info
    in the CRICKET conference. The 4th test starts at 3pm Saturday British
    time.
    
    Are there any videos of the season available for the first division as
    we here in Australia get absolutely no coverage whatsoever apart from
    an hour of the Premier League once a week. Yes, gone are the days of
    The Big Match and Star Soccer where they would regularly go down to the
    lower divisions. 
    
    What about Sunderland, they could make a video of "Great Promtion and 
    Relegation Battles Of the Last 20 years" or something like that. You 
    could start it with the '73 cup final, on a triumphant note, (first cup 
    final on live TV in Australia), and end it with this Saturday's trip to 
    Burnley.
            
    Ica
    

    
    Ica
    
    > Are there any videos of the season available for the first division
    
    Frankly I doubt it. The British TV is concerned with the Premiership to
    the exclusion of everything else as far as I can see, and the lower
    divisions get a solitary one hour programme which goes out at one in
    the morning on a Tuesday or Wednesday. This programme is fronted by Ian
    St John and Jimmy Greaves and features all or most of the goals from the
    first division, a few from the 2nd, and one or two from the 3rd.
    
    	However I reside in the fair country of Scotland so it is quite
    feasible that we are getting reduced coverage up here, and perhaps
    south of the border they have Endsleigh league programmes coming out of
    their ears (and probably other orifices as well).
    
    	It is always one extreme or another with Sunderland. There is
    usually something interesting about their season whether it be
    promotion or relegation or a big cup run or whatever. I reckon they're
    just trying to keep us on our toes. However I think we only need 3 points
    from 3 games to be safe and that's assuming Swindon win all their games.
    
    Malc.
    

    Ica,
    
    If you ring SUnderland and suffer the time-lag on the phone i'm sure
    they will be able to get you a video review of the season.
    Most premiership/first divion clubs produce one.
    
    Ian.

    Ica,
    
    If you want to see the highlights of the mackems' season, why not
    go into your local store and ask for a blank tape?
    
    Peter

    
    	In the true Bristol City spirit of all things frivolous, we were in
    the pub the other night trying to compose a baldy team. The only ones I
    can remember are :
    
    	Bryan Gunn in goal.
    
    	Lombardo, Ray Wilkins and Eamon Bannon in midfield.
    
    	Bobby Charlton up front.
    
    	That bloke Rowbotham from Kirkcaldy as ref. There's an Italian ref
    with the same hairstyle(?) but nobody could remember his name.
    
    Err... that's all I can remember. Must have been a good night. Anybody
    got any further suggestions ?
    
    Malc.
    

I'm surprised to didn't include your substantial (?) skills in midfield
as well Malc.  You make Butch Wilkins hairy.

John Hussey

    
    Dion Dublin

Armstong ( ex-Southanpton )

The Dutch bloke who used to play for Forest (Heuuurgghhhhw?)

    
>The Dutch bloke who used to play for Forest (Heuuurgghhhhw?)
    
    Metgod?
    
    I can see Ralph Coates and Noel Brotherston vying for the right wing
    position (with Lombardo, come to think of it!)
    
    Dom

    
    	I thought that Ralph Coates was very far from being bald and will
    mainly be remembered for his unfeasibly large sideboards.
    
    	Who's Noel Brotherston ?
    
    Malc.
    

    
    	What about the great Alan Gilzean?
    
    	Brotherston was a N.I. winger who played for Blackburn in their
    	heady div.3 days...
    
    	Andy.

>>remembered for his unfeasibly large sideboards.

I thought it was his kitchen he had on his back!!


PS. More right wingers : Norman Tebbitt

    That Bulgarian forward who played in the World Cup, Letchov (sp),
    was lacking in the hair department. Not a bad player mind.
    
    Andy

>>Letchkov 

Isn't he another right winger.  Must be compulsory to have no hair!!!

    
    	This team is very lop-sided. Aren't there any follicly challenged
    defenders in the free footballing world ? I have it on good authority
    that Tony Adams wears a wig.
    

    
    What about Mark Hateley, he's kind of lacking
    in hair growth.
    
    Choppers

    
    And half the Killie team are so old they're baldy.
    
    Choppers 

Bruce Grobbbbelaaaaaar?  Not exactly bear-like in hair-coverage...

    
    > Terry Mancini
    
    Who hell he?
    
    Ian/

His brother, Henry, did the Pink Panther theme, didn't he?

    Ian,
    
    I forgot you were but a mere whippersnapper...
    
    Terry Mancini played centre half for most London clubs in the mid 70's
    (most notably Arsenal & QPR) and was widely regarded as one of the
    games characters due to his appearance. As with other "characters",
    this proved to be a euphomism for useless t0$$-pot. His looks were
    well, odd to say the least. If you have seen the Clint Eastwood films
    that involve the orang-utang (any which way but loose I think), you may
    recall the leader of a biker gang. He was Terry Mancinis twin brother.
    
    He was also a Republic of Ireland international which doesn't mean a
    lot given their international standing during the mid-70's.
    
    Stuart 

    I remember seeing Mancini playing for Arsenal a few times. Being a mere
    lad at the time I was more sold on the fact that we had the guy who
    was famous for being filmed on the opening credits of The Big Match
    with his shorts around his ankles (whilst a player at Raynes Park
    Queenies I should add). 
    
    In retrospect I believe Mancini was brought to Arsenal for sheer 
    circus clown value (that and he was probably cheap as well) as a 
    means of deflecting from the total lack of success the club was
    experiencing at the time. Another strange purchase was Big Willie
    Young from Spurs who eventually became some sort of Highbury folk 
    hero. Anyone remember Geoff Barnett from a few years previous? Oh 
    and Jeff Blockley. Oh dear.
    
    barry.
      

    barry
    
    Mancinis' clown value meant that he fitted in perfectly with the
    Arsenal team of that era. Geoff Barnett was the keeper in the 1972 Cup
    final and as such was probably the first player to wear an afro-type
    perm at Wembley. Jeff Blockley was just a complete waste of space.
    
    Stuart

    If we're going to talk about clanger-dropping Arsenal centre-halves,
    let's not forget Ian Ure (hey, I'm only 33 before you ask;-)).
    
    I never did quite understand why Arsenal never made a bid for George
    Berry of Wolves (and Wales), probably the greatest blunderer of them
    all. Sliced clearances, own goals, bad backpasses...he had the lot ;-)
     
    Dom

    George Berry...
    
    hmm, wasn't he the one who got nicked for syphoning petrol from cars in
    the Wolverhampton area? Arsenal *never* sign anybody who has criminal
    tendencies. We are perfectly capable at bringing them through the
    ranks. 
    
    If we are talking of crap centre halves then I will end the discussion
    with Gus Caesar. 'nuff said.
    
    Stuart

    Paul Hart of Leeds could hit a pretty sloppy backpass...
    
    Dom

    But if we're talking Afro's George Berry probably comes a close 
    second to my old mate Paul Breitner.
    
    barry. 

    
    I'm thinking of Mark McNally.....
    
    Choppers

For own goals Graeme Hogg when he was at TGFCITW (or something like) was
exceptional.  That one in Barcelona was a cracker.  Packs a mean right hook
as well ;-))

    Now look here chaps.

    	This didn't start as a discussion of crap players, it's baldy ones
    we're looking for. I fully admit that the terms are not mutually
    exclusive of course but some people have definitely got carried away.
    Naming no names (Stuart).

    Malc.

    Oi, Malc
    
    >Naming no names (Stuart).
    
    I would merely like to point out that I stated a baldy in note .179, ie
    Mr Terry Mancini.
    
    Because one of our younger viewers had no idea of who he was, I gave a
    brief but accurate description of him. I would suggest that the line re
    crap players was started by someone else in about note .182 (ish).
    
    Stuart$hurt
    

    
    	No I think you were right the first time Stuart. :-)
    
    	But to start something totally tangential of my own I think the
    only reason Arsenal kept Ian Ure (mentioned in passing a few back) was
    so that they would win Quizball every year. His encyclopedic(sp)
    knowledge was only matched by Jim Craig of Celtic if memory serves.
    
    Malc.
    

    Malc,
    
    The only reason Arsenal kept Ian Ure was because they wanted to be in
    the Guiness Book of Records for having the player with the shortest
    name in their side...
    
    Stuart

    
    Brian Martin,(Motherwell & Scotland)

    
    	How about Gianluca Vialli ? Or is he merely a skinhead ? Come to
    think of it Toto Schillachi is very similar. Who is he playing for these
    days ? Also I remember Derek Dougan playing a couple of times with his
    head shaved. He had some bee in his bonnet about the hair growing back in
    stronger than before, or something ....
    
    Malc.
    

    Malc,
    
    Vialli doesn't count as he was a voluntary 'slaphead'. Schillachi plays
    for Toni's Cafe reserves XI in the Italian Cafe League.
    
    Stuart

Wasn't Vialli a slaphead originally due to some prank in the Italian team
before a World Cup/Euro Championship?

    Stu

    	He may well be a voluntary slaphead but so is my banker goalie Bryan
    Gunn. I reckon he shaved off his crowning glory just to get into our
    team. Some people will do anything for a game.

    	Poor old Schillachi. I'm sure he must be a good catholic though. We
    could do with a couple of strikers down Parkhead way. We could do with
    half a flipping team come to think of it.

    Malc.

    Well, for once I can solve your goalkeeping problem with a player
    relevant to this note. 
    
    During the 80's BCFC had a bald keeper called John Shaw. He had a
    medical condition similar to Duncan Goodhew which caused this problem.
    
    Stuart

Can the mods please censure Stuart Stratford for putting in something
relevant to BCFC in the BCFC note. ;-))

    	I see that we got to note 200 with a good deal less aggro than the
    first hundred. Here's to the next 100 notes of meaningless drivel !

    Malc.
    

What about the Bulgarian (or was it Romanian?) 'keeper in the last World 
Cup?  Didn't he wear a wig?

    > Where did you conjure him up from, Stuart ? 
    
    Malc,
    
    Christ knows! I was reading your note re Bryan Gunn and in popped the
    memory of this fella. 
    
    Stuart

  <<What about the Bulgarian (or was it Romanian?) 'keeper in the last World 
    Cup?  Didn't he wear a wig?>>
    
    I remember him. His name was Bruceski Forsythski !
    
    

    
    Has anybody mentioned Archie Gemmill....he grew a forehead.
    
    Davie.

    
    	I've just thought of some more bald players. Curiously they're all
    coloured.
    
    	Stan Collymore (Notts Forest/Liverpool/Everton)
    	Kevin Harper (Hibernian)
    	Rod MacDonald (Partick Thistle)
    
    Is there a mad barber out there a la Sweeney Todd with some sort of
    grudge against coloured strikers ? I think we should be told.
    
    Vidal Sassoon.
    

    
    	One of BCFC's finest hours on Match of the 70s last night. Having
    drawn with Leeds (Leeds Leeds) in the Cup at home, they went to Elland
    Road and smashed them off the pitch 1-0 with a fine display of football
    and daft haircuts. Not to mention the compulsory John Newcome-style
    moustaches ...
    
    	I vaguely remember this one single match resulted in Gerry Gow
    being capped for Scotland.
    
    Malc.
    

           <<< HYDRA::DISK_NOTES$LIBRARY:[000000]DAVE_BARRY.NOTE;1 >>>
                       -<  Dave Barry - Noted humorist  >-
================================================================================
Note 485.0                 Desperately Seeking Soccer                    1 reply
PARITY::LANGR                                       133 lines  28-NOV-1988 09:44
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                           Desperately Seeking Soccer
 
                                 by Dave Barry

     
                    [The San Diego Union, November 26, 1988]
                     [Copyright Knight-Ridder News Service
                             - without permission]
 
 
          It's  12:30 Saturday afternoon, and I'm desperately  trying  to 
       learn  the rules for soccer.  I used to play  soccer  occasionally 
       back  in junior high gym class, but the only rules I can  remember 
       are:
 
          1. You're allowed to hit the ball with your head.
 
          2. But it hurts.
 
          Suddenly, however, I need to know a great deal more, because in 
       less than an hour I'm supposed to coach my son's soccer team,  the 
       Phantoms, ages 7 and 8, in a real league game.  The regular coach, 
       Rick,  is on vacation for two weeks, and he and some of the  other 
       parents  thoughtfully decided to make me the substitute  coach  on 
       the basis of my various qualifications, the main one being that  I 
       wasn't there when they made this decision.
 
          The Phantoms are, quite frankly, struggling.  We're playing  in 
       a  serious league, mostly against older and bigger kids.  Also  we 
       have been decimated by birthday parties.  The result is that we're 
       not  having  a banner year in the sense of winning games  or  even 
       necessarily  getting  the ball down the field far  enough  so  the 
       opposing goalkeeper has to stop picking his ear.
 
          Nevertheless, I am taking my substitute-coaching  responsibili-
       ties seriously, the only problem being that I have no idea what to 
       do.  Oh, I've attended a bunch of games over the years, but all  I 
       ever did was stand around with the other fathers randomly yelling, 
       "KICK IT!"
 
          I  did  attend a team practice earlier this week  in  hopes  of 
       learning some strategy, but unfortunately this was the practice at 
       which  the  Official  Team Photograph was taken,  which  was  very 
       time-consuming  because every time the photographer got  the  team 
       posed,  several players would be attacked by ants.  Down  here  in 
       South  Florida we have highly aggressive ants, ants that  make  no 
       distinction between a cashew nut and a human being.  You turn your 
       back on them, and next thing you know, you hear this rhythmic  ant 
       work chant and your child is being dragged underground.
 
          So  the Phantoms spent most of the practice swatting  at  their 
       legs and moving, gypsylike, around the field, looking for an  ant-
       free  location, and the only thing they really practiced was  get-
       ting  into  team-photograph formation.  I did speak  briefly  with 
       Rick, who gave me the following coaching pointers:
 
          1. The game starts at 1:30.
 
          He  also  gave me some reading material he got  at  the  league 
       coaching  clinic,  which  I am desperately reading  as  game  time 
       approaches.   Unfortunately,  it was not designed to  be  read  by 
       desperate  unprepared  fathers.   It was designed to  be  read  by 
       graduate students.  It starts out with these handy definitions:
 
          "A.  Principles  of Play:  the rules  of  action   (guidelines)  
       that support the basic objectives of soccer.
 
          "B.  Tactics:  the means by which the principles or  rules  are 
       executed.
 
          "C.  Strategy:  which tactics are to be used,  the  arrangement 
       of..."
 
          And so on.  I read these words several times, gradually  becom-
       ing  convinced  that they'd make equal sense to me in  any  order.  
       They  could  say:   "Strategy:  The tactics  by  which  the  rules  
       (principles)   support  the execution."   Or:   "Principles:   The 
       strategic  (tactical)  arrangement of executives wearing  support-
       ers."
 
          I  glance at my watch.  Time to go!  Ha ha!  I'm  sure  feeling 
       well-prepared now!
 
          Now  we're  at  the soccer field.  The  Phantoms  are  gathered 
       around me, awaiting leadership.  Nearby, our opponents are running 
       through  some snappy pregame drills.  The Phantoms look  at  them, 
       then  look at me expectantly.  My brain, working feverishly  under 
       pressure,  begins to form a shrewd coaching concept, a  tactic  by 
       which we might be able to execute the guidelines of our strategy.
 
          "OK!"  I announce.  "Let's run some pregame drills!"
 
          The Phantoms, showing rare unity of purpose, respond immediate-
       ly.
 
          "We don't have a ball,"  they point out.
 
          There was nothing about this in the coaching materials.
 
          Now  it's time for the Pregame Talk.  "OK, Phantoms!"   I  say.  
       "Gather 'round!  Listen up!"
 
          The  Phantoms gather 'round.  They listen up.  It occurs to  me 
       that I have nothing whatsoever to tell them.
 
          "OK!"  I say.  "Let's go!"
 
          The  game itself is a blur.  My strategy  --   yelling,   "KICK 
       IT!"  --  does not seem to be effective.  The other team is  scor-
       ing  on us regularly.  We are not scoring at all.  Our  best  play 
       consists of falling down.
 
          I approach some of the other fathers on the sideline.  "What do 
       you think we should do?"  I ask.
 
          They do not hesitate.
 
          "We should go to a bar,"  they say.
 
          In  the third quarter, I change strategy, from yelling,   "KICK 
       IT!"   to yelling,  "WAY TO GO!"  This has no effect on  anything, 
       but I feel better.
 
          Finally, the game ends.  I attempt to console the Phantoms over 
       their heartbreaking loss, but they're beyond consolation.  They're 
       now  into racing around pouring Gatorade on each other.   But  I'm 
       sure  they'll snap out of it.  I'm sure that come  next  Saturday, 
       they'll be ready once again to take the field.
 
          Under their new substitute coach.
 
          My strategy is to be on the other side of the state.
 

Bristol City 2 Chesterfield 1

Well, Bristol City won again, three out of the last four. Unfortunately I 
took my son to watch the odd one out, 0-2 against Walsall.

Joe Jordan has certainly got them going again. 

Standard of football is not brilliant in Endsleigh Div 2, but we can at 
least get tickets. Mind you Joe's imp-lemented a sweeper system, which must 
be a tad confusing for all the opposition. It certainly seems to confuse 
City anyway !

The worrying thing for Mr Nash and his compadres is BCFC are now just three 
points behind his vaunted BRFC, with a game in hand.

    
    John,
    
    We're just trying to get all of our bad games out of the way prior to
    Christmas so we can begin the new year concentrating on promotion (not
    a word thats gets mentioned over the other side of town a lot).
    
    

  >  We're just trying to get all of our bad games out of the way prior to
  >  Christmas so we can begin the new year concentrating on promotion (not
  >  a word thats gets mentioned over the other side of town a lot).

  Tony, you are obviously confident about the result on 30th December then.

  Do I perceive an off-conference wager in the offing ??

    
    Mr BSO.SALESPERSON,
    
    Based on Saturdays performance from the Red Sh*te...No problem.
    
    

  
 My Dear Mr Nash
  
 >>>   Based on Saturdays performance from the Red Sh*te...No problem.

 As they say, not bad this Saturday, a replay against Bournemouth earned.

 Now, I understand your much loved Rovers lost in the FA Cup to a premier 
 league side. Unfortunately it was the ICIS PREMIER LEAGUE.

 How did that song go ?, "HITCHIN a ride ...." 

 John %^)

Tony, just thought I'd mention it, in cas everybody else forgot ....

Another stunning away result from Bristol City, producing a 3-2 win ooop 
North. This improves the league position to just above chronic. Now, when 
considered along with the miserable performance by Rovers at Toytown Park, 
losing 2-0 to a team from my home area, it gives great pleasure to remind you 
that the Robins are just two points behind, with a game in hand.

best regards
John

Tony

O.K., perhaps you may have been just a teensy weeny little, ever so small, 
hardly noticeable bit close to the truth. What a shower of ....

Bristol City 0 		Notts County 2.
Nobody (never)		Strodder (15 mins ish)
			Devon 'Bruno' White (91 mins)

Near the bottom versus near the top. Probably a predictable result the way 
City are managing to muck everything up.

90% of the game played in the Notts County half. But, as ever you don't score 
unless you shoot on target. Mind you, a shot or two would be appreciated, it 
might have enabled us to keep our hands warm. Notts County have merely a 
handful of serious attacks and score from their first and last.

Short of money, good players (o.k. any half decent players), ideas, and worst 
of all short of staff in the food kiosks. The highlight of the afternoon was 
that it only took 15 minutes to get the Bovril.  Despite the attendance 
approaching the dizzy heights of 'really poor' (or good if you are a Rovers 
fan). At least in the queue for the Bovril I got close enough to talk to 
somebody else in the "crowd".

John

    Off IRN......
    
    
    Bristol City manager Joe Jordan and Bristol Rovers assistant boss 
    Geoff Twentyman were interviewed by police after a touchline 
    flare-up during the Gloucestershire Cup Final at Ashton Gate. 
          
    After the game, police said both Jordan and Twentyman had been 
    "advised as to their future conduct" and that no further action 
    would be taken.