Conference thebay::joyoflex

1168.0. "Maurice Sagoff -- The Euphemism" by CPEEDY::BRADLEY (Chuck Bradley) Mon Jun 03 1996 06:38

Maurice Sagoff is the author of Shrinklits.

I saw the following in one of the local papers (Acton, Mass, USA) and
thought other joyoflexers would enjoy it.




	The Euphemism

I have a little Euphemism,
  I keep it in a drawer,
I feed it on news items
  It eats the clippings raw;

You've seen a Euphemism --
  A word or phrase that's specious
And used to mask or prettify
  What's ugly or pernicious:
When employees are fired
  And jobs go down the drain,
"We're only just downsizing,"
  The CEOs explain.

Some Euphemistic phrases
  Make such pretentious jumps
Like "Sanitary Landfill"
  Replacing homely dumps;

The former War Department
  (A name that made good sense)
Has come to be, due to PC,
  "Department of Defense";

Remember when the Pentagon
  Brought out the MX Missile
And called it "The Peacekeeper" --
  It made my Euphie whistle!

Some day when you have quit this life
  And your obit is read:
"He's gone to his eternal rest"
  Don't kid yourself.  You're dead.

          *************

Those euphemistic screenings
  Are frauds we should bewail,
But hey! think of the mischief
  Their absence would entail --
Our fantasies would suffer,
  Our rhetoric would pale;
Plain words and honest meanings
  Would (awful thought) prevail.

		-- Maurice Sagoff