Conference thebay::joyoflex

285.0. "I've Built a Better Model" by MAY13::MINOW (Martin Minow, MSD A/D, THUNDR::MINOW) Wed Dec 10 1986 12:21

Last week's Prarie Home Companion had a rendition of one of the old-time
favorite computer songs.  Here's the version I plucked off Usenet in
November 1983:

A Computer Song by Steven Levine at Apollo Computer

I've built a better model than the one at Data General
For data bases vegetable, animal, and mineral
My OS handles CPUs with multiplexed duality;
My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality.
My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity,
You never have to bother checking out a bit for parity;
There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting;
My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting.

CHO:  His disk drive has capacity for variable formatting,
      His disk drive has capacity for variable formatting,
      His disk drive has capacity for variable format-formatting.

I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point:
There's lots of room in memory for variables floating-point,
Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral
I've built a better model than the one at Data General.

CHO:  Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral
      He's built a better model than the one at Data General.

The IBM new home computer's nothing more than germinal;
At Prime they still have trouble with an interactive terminal;
While Tandy's done a lousy job with operations Boolean,
At Wang the byte capacity's too small to fit a coolie in.
Intel's mid-year finances are something of the trouble sort;
The Timex Sinclar crashes when you implement a bubble sort.
All DEC investors soon will find they haven't spent their money well;
And need I even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell?

CHO:  And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell?
      And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honeywell?
      And need he even mention Nixdorf, Univac, or Honey-Honeywell?

By striving to eliminate all source code that's repetitive
I've brought my benchmark standings to results that are competitive.
In short, for input vegetable, animal, and mineral
I've built a better model than the one at Data General.

CHO:  In short for input vegetable, animal, and mineral
      He's built a better model than the one at Data General.

In fact when I've a floppy of a maximum diameter,
When I can call a subroutine of infinite parameter,
When I can point to registers and keep their current map around,
And when I can prevent the need for mystifying wraparound,
When I can update record blocks with minimum of suffering,
And when I can afford to use a hundred K for buffering,
When I've performed a matrix sort and tested the addition rate,
You'll marvel at the speed of my asynchronous transmission rate.

CHO:  You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission rate,
      You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission rate,
      You'll marvel at the speed of his asynchronous transmission-mission rate.

Though all my better programs that self-reference recursively
Have only been obtained through expert spying, done subversively,
But still for input vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I've built a better model than the one at Data General.

CHO:  But still for input vegetable, animal, and mineral,
      He's built a better model than the one at Data General.

    Re .1:
    
    Bravo!
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    

I've always enjoyed byte opera.

		Tom_K

    Was that written by Gilbyte or Sullivax?