Conference thebay::joyoflex

Subliminal messages are cropping up along the roadside like
so many crocusses in spring.  Here are two sitings from the
Maynard area:

          FRUIT                   
         BASKETS                  QUALITY EXHAUST
           CUT                      FAIR PRICES
         FLOWERS



...but the original note reminds me of Ogden Nash's observations:


                        CROSS
                      CHILDREN
                        WALK

                         
                       -- but --

 
                       CHEERFUL
                       CHILDREN
                         RIDE

I've seen:
		CAUTION
		 BLIND
		 DRIVE



	but never a Seeing Eye Fence

And recently:

          SLOW
        BUSINESS
          AREA

which is an obvious allusion to the woes of computer manufacturers.

			SLOW
		      CHILDREN

is a classic.  Also:

			THICKLY
			SETTLED

and:

			DENSELY
		       POPULATED

--PSW

    
    
           BLIND
           DRIVE
           
    
    - chuck

    A friend of mine back in college was driving to an exam and he saw
    a sign that said 
    
    	DO NOT PASS
    
    so he took the advice and flunked
    

On the north side of Dayton, Ohio is a

	VENETIAN BLIND LAUNDRY

You figure it out!

Stephen

    I saw in Lexington, Mass. a sign that proclaimed:
    
    	WE CLEAN SWEDES AND LEATHER
    
    I've thought that "Swedes and Leather" would make a good porno flick...
    
    Jon

    Haven't you ever seen that pornographic hot chocolate that comes
    out of some coffee vending machines?  You know, "hot and whipped"...

    
    re: .7
    
    Where I grew up a local store specializing in draperies, shades
    and, of course, venetian blinds, always had van on the back of which
    was written in large letters:
    
    	CAUTION, A BLIND MAN DRIVES THIS TRUCK!

    Russian emigre comedian, Jacob Schmirnof (sp?) pointed out
    that the following ad, seen in a U.S. newpaper really rubs it in:
    
    	GREAT SALE
    	LAST WEEK

Then there was the furniture store in Brookline (I think) that I used
to drive past on the Mass Pike. The sign read:
	14 YEARS WITHOUT A SALE

You figure out how they stayed in business

re .-1

Well, about two or three years ago, they went out of business.  The sign 
was replaced by

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Maybe the store that replaced it sells beds.

-rob

    My favorite sign is the one that used to be on Rte 90 in Rockport,ME
    That advertised one of those little roadside general stores
    that sell just about everything under the sun. It said:
    
    			EAT AHEAD
    			GET GAS
    
    It took about 2-3 years for the store to go out of business.

    Have you ever noticed that the signs advising you that there are
    children in the area feature (1) a boy chasing a ball or (2) a girl
    tripping and falling (over nothing)?  Does this bother anyone else?
    

    re: .15
    
    made me think of another odd saying - anything having to do with
    "getting into deep sneakers".
    
    Where did this come from??

    $ SET PEDANTRY=ON
    
    It's part of a common habit with profanity: to substitute an innocuous
    word or phrase for an obscenity.  The word or phrase often is nonsense,
    possibly to make the audience refer back to the original meaning.
    ("This doesn't make sense, so the derivation must be...")
    
    The words and phrases "Shucks", "Golly durn", "Jeez", and so on are
    onomatopoetic substitutions for the swearing phrases, and have passed
    into "respectable" society as acceptable.  Once in a while some
    extremely fundamentalist religious fanatics point out the origins
    of these words and exhort their followers not to use ANY exclamations,
    which must be like the Shakers' complete denial of sex.
    
    The best example of this substitution is in the French.  Louis XIV
    banned all obscenity at court.  Fortunately, he had a little dog
    named Bleu, so the favorite French exclamation "Sacr� Dieu" became
    "Sacr� Bleu".

    $SET PEDANTRY=OFF

A few years ago, one of the local Massachusetts banks put up a billboard
over the Mass Pike that said

	Premature Withdrawal May Lead to Loss of Interest

    
    
    I have seen simular signs in the Springfield/Chicopee Mass. area.
    
    
    
             SLOW
            BRIDGE   
            AHEAD
         
     What I'd like to know is, what is a slow bridge? or for that matter,
    what is a fast bridge? Is this a bridge that moves slow allowing
    you to connect into another highway.    

    
             or
    
            SLOW
            MEN
          WORKING 
             
  	No wonder our taxes are so high in Mass. With all those slow
    men working it's a wonder the work gets done.
    
     I also remember a sign that had something to do with YEILD. 
    can't remember how it read.
    
          Chuck
    

    Re .20 (Chuck):
    
    >         SLOW
    >        BRIDGE   
    >        AHEAD
    >     
    > What I'd like to know is, what is a slow bridge? or for that matter,
    >what is a fast bridge? 
     
    A slow bridge is a drawbridge that raises and lowers in a leisurely
    fashion.
    
    A fast bridge is one that's securely anchored in place.
    
    >        SLOW
    >        MEN
    >      WORKING 
    >         
   >	No wonder our taxes are so high in Mass. With all those slow
   > men working it's a wonder the work gets done.
    
    ... at least they're working.  I'm expecting, any day, a sign saying
    
             SLOW
             MEN
         NOT WORKING
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    Re: .21:
    
    Or to put the sign more positively:
    
    >    SLOW
    >    MEN
    >   LOAFING
    				:-)

    Back in the '30s when President Roosevelt had his "Works Progress
    Administration" it was common to see WPA construction crews on various
    highway projects, with men frequently seen leaning on their shovels.
    
    As a result, the "WPA" acronym became know as "We Poke Along".

    re:.20
    
    I would assume that a fast bridge is one that has loose morals
    (analogous to "fast women").
    
    And I think a sign that says "SLOW MEN WORKING" is very encouraging.
    It's an indication that we're being progressive in hiring the
    mentally handicapped.
    
    --- jerry

On my first visit to Massachusetts I was delighted to be informed by the
road signs that the area was THICKLY SETTLED.

Presumably the bright settlers moved to where it was warmer.

	Steve :-)

    Re - all those .n that played on the `work' pun
    
    I was thrown by a sign I saw on the back of a construction vehicle
    (actually, it was a lorry, but I don't want to start another argument
    about trucks ;-)
    
    	M25 WORKS
    
    I couldn't work out why anyone should make a statement so patently
    untrue.
    
    b

    Jerry,
    
    How is a bridge with loose morals different from one that has
    tight morals.
    
    This reminds me of the old joke about the elderly lady who was
    going on a tour of a forest. Upon being told that this was a large
    stand of virgin timber she asked timidlly...
    
    
    how do you tell it from the ,um, other kind?
    
    Bonnie J

    Re SLOW MEN NOT WORKING:
    
    Is it then a paradox if you see men putting one of these signs up?
    Or does one have to hire women to put them up?
    
    :-)
    >M

    No, they're done by kids playing.
    
    	Jon

    Bridge with loose morals is when somebody's cheating at the card
    table.
    
    Bridge with tight morals is when the other three shoot the cheater.
    
    --bonnie

Anyone remember a woman with initials D.T. that worked in the RD part
of EDS&P within Ed. Services here at Digital ?

She had a suggestion that I find amusing.  She refers to those signs
that say

		SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT

She suggests that the signs should be more discrete and say

		SPECIAL TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT

/Eric

    Re: .29
    
    It certainly could be a paradox. Those who have PhDs are usually
    considered smart, not slow.

    
    
    RE:21,
    
      In reply to your note on 
    
          SLOW
         BRIDGE
         AHEAD

      This sign was seen on a bridge that was fixed. In other words
    the bridge was stationary, it wouldn't move
    
      Chuck
        

    
    
    I saw a sign yesterday while I was in W. Springfield Mass. 
    
    I went to pick up a parcel at a company and there was a sign that
    said   LEFT TURN ONLY. Well years ago this street stoped at that
    point and you only could go left. About 2-3 yrs. ago the city extended
    the road to the right and a huge wholesale stationery store was built 
    on the Left. The sign never was changed.
    
     I tell ya, what a way to conjour up business for this company.
    
     Another sign that gets me is the  <-----------
                                         One way
     
                    or                 ------------>
                                         One way

             I always wondered what the other way was
    
                       and also
    
      Driving along RT 20 into Hunnington ther is a sign that says 
    
                               20
                          BRANCHES TO 
                           THE RIGHT
                         AHEAD 5 MILES
     Ya, know I drove those 5 miles and didn't see a single branch anywhere
    on the road. Maybe they were refering to the branches on the trees
    that hang low during the winter months. I don't know.

                                Chuck
    

    Which reminds me. In Ireland I've seen, on approaching a "T" junction:
    
                  --------------+--------------
    		<  TOWN CENTRE  |  TOWN CENTRE  >
		  --------------|--------------
    				|
    
    It was right too ... either way, you ended up in the town centre!
    
    Otherwise my favourite is:
    
    			FACTORY ENTRANCES
    
    But who? The owner perhaps?

    -- brian

    In Cambridge (MA), there's one that says:
    
    
    <------ Harvard Square
            No Harvard Square ------>

In New York I used to enjoy the "SQUEEZE LEFT" and "SQUEEZE RIGHT" signs on 
the parkways; I always followed their advice when driving with women.

In Massachusetts, I used to see "BLIND DRIVEWAY" signs which I always thought 
were sort of sad.  

In Vermont the same sign is rendered as "HIDDEN DRIVES" which always makes me
think of secret desires.  A little kinkier but a lot more fun. 

Larry

     I like the exit sign on south bound Freeway 880 when it goes through 
    Hayward Ca.
    
    	A Street
    	Downtown
    
     It certainly is a street that is in the downtown section of Hayward.

    
    

    G'day,
    
    Back in England in a town somewhere en route from Coventry to Reading,
    there is a sign that reads
    
          WARNING
    Plain Clothes police operating.
    
    Sure 'nuff - within two minutes we came accross a mass street
    observation exercise in operation, with at least 6 police cunningly
    disguised as dustmen ( garbage collectors).
    
    What about misread signs?  Mix the C and G and it gets read as:
    
    CONGEALED DRIVEWAY
    
       OR
    
    DANCER AHEAD                                                   
    
    Or there's the signpost in Kent, UK that reads:
    
    
    
                 _________________     ________________
                /                 \|^|/                \
               <    HAM            | |    SANDWICH       >
                \                 /| |\                 /
                 ----------------/ | | \---------------/
                                   | |            
                                   | |
    
    Derek
    

    My favorite sign is one that said SPEED BUMPS.  This was followed by
    about a quarter mile of severe potholes. 
    
    Julie

    
    Or is it "speed *bumps* kill"?

    
    Can I be the only one fascinated by this roadside injunction, outside
    a fruit farm......

                                            
    			STRAWBERRIES
    			PLEASE PULL IN.
    
    Where do the rest of us park ?
    
    Ian
    

RE; .24

WPA, when I heard the line (from my Dad), was  bit more direct; 
it stood for:

		WHISTLE, PI** & ARGUE

- Steve

     I'm the proud owner of a 5 x 7 color glossy photo (without the circles 
and the arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one explaining what 
each one was.....) of a sign seen by a friend on I-95 in Delaware:






     			INFORMATION
     			  POLICE


     Why is Delaware such a fine place to incorporate if they have these 
guys around?

     				Otto

    
    In Reading, U.K., on a gate opposite the exit from Shire hall is a
    notice which reads
    
                          --------------  
                         |   NO  DOGS   |
                         |    PLEASE    |
                          --------------  
                           
    
              Ours always seems to, - himself at least.
    
    Having re-read the above, I imagine you're questioning the unusual
    perusal capability which I've claimed for the notice.
    
    Dave.