| One option is to check with the Rabbi who will be performing the ceremony,
especially if he's local to the cemetary.
You might think about renting a room at a nearby synagogue, funeral home,
or perhaps even a hotel. Guests who attended the funeral could visit you
there, and you could travel back home later in the day. I don't know whether
there are any halachic problems with doing things this way.
Still another option might be to sit shiva at the home of a friend of your
father's, if there is one located close to the cemetary.
As for providing a shiva "for your father": The shiva (that is to say, the
observances of shiva) are for you, not for your father.
Your local Rabbi can help with the preparations for shiva. There is very
little that you need to do in advance. Probably the most important thing
at this point is to find a Rabbi to help you through the process.
I don't have a complete list of stuff, but here are the things that come
to mind:
- It is customary to wash your hands when you return from the cemetary.
Put a few pitchers of water, a large bowl, a few cups, and towels on
a small table at the entrance of your house.
- You'll need to cover (or remove) the mirrors for the entire shiva
period. Usually, people just hang sheets over them.
- All mourners (your Dad's brothers, sisters, children) should sit on
hard, low chairs. Some synagogues provide cardboard boxes for this
purpose. The key is: no cushions. You need these only for the family,
not the visitors.
- If you'll be having a minyan at the house, you'll need some prayer
books, yarmulkes, and someone to lead them. You may want to have
spare tallit and tefillin. Most synagogues have "shiva kits" containing
these things that they'll lend to you.
- Family, friends, and others should provide for your meals. People
will send you fruit baskets and deli platters. They'll come to your
house to cook and to feed you and your guests, and to clean up.
I might suggest the book "The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning" by Norman
Lamm. Excellent book on this subject. It should answer most of your
questions. It is focused on "what to do", rather than "why do we do this."
Rabbi Lamm is an Orthodox authority.
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| David,
Thank you for all your suggestions. I appreciate any and all support
during this period. It was suggested to me to talk with my own Rabbi to
see if he can help me with a local Rabbi in the town where my father
would be buried. In this respect, perhaps your suggestion of the use of
a local temple would come into play. As for shiva, I have many friends
that have already offered their assistance, so I feel comfortable in
that respect. The only concern at the moment is the day of the funeral.
Appreciate your support and advice,
Marcia
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