Conference taveng::bagels

    Aside from the fact that I think the title is both too strong and
    inaccurate...
    
    Is there more to this, Mr. TSE::POLIKOFF?  Your note seems to end
    rather abruptly.  Are you asking us our opinion here?  Or our help?
    How can we help you?
    
    There was also something you said:
    > When I got home I sent a letter to all the  Christian  clergy  in
    > town  asking them if they knew if any of their young parishioners were
    > anti-Semitic.  
    
     This seems rather damning and extraordinarily presumptuous.  How old
    of a boy are we discussing here?
    
    > All the Assistant Scout Masters and Committee Persons are  on  my
    > side  and  have  said that if the grandmother can get a Jew out of the
    > troop this time, who will be next.  
    
    "This time"?? Um, does this thing happen in your community on a regular
    basis?  That vocally?  This better not be in my neighborhood...
    
    Your condemnation of this incident is unpleasant to me since you appear
    to be using what MAY be an isolated incident of, yes, ignorance, and
    putting labels on it...
    
                                            Just my opinion, .steve.

    Let's focus a bit on the boy.
    
    For your information, I am no 'headshrinker', but I dead read quite a
    few books on education, to be a bit better prepared to raise my three
    own youngsters. Some Freud is on my bookshelf, as well, although I
    admit that part of it is too high for me (but it looks great, there
    :-).
    
    The symptoms:
    
    - he fights with his fellow boy scouts
    - he antagonizes with every single one of them
    - he offends you with a remark that he KNOWS hurts you
    - he lies
    
    The context:
    
    - his mother is divorced
    - his grandmother covers him
    - he loves both of them
    
    Some of my comments:
    
    Telling YOU that the Jews killed Jesus is the boy's way to punch you on
    the nose, since he can't do that, physically. 'Punching' others is his
    way to attract their ATTENTION. He wants to be 'remarked'. Since he is
    unable to obtain this attention by love and kindliness, he tries it via
    aggressiveness, and notices success. Hence, he continues in this
    direction.
    
    The only way to stop this behavior is to, simply, IGNORE him, and
    freeze the contact with him. The second step is then to go back to
    normal, and re-integrate him into the activities. In that sense, your
    reaction was about the worst of all possibilities.
    
    This child needs some psychiatrist's help. I may be totally wrong,
    and I do not claim to be knowledgeable, but out of all your
    descriptions, I would deduce that the boy suffers a classical �dipus
    complex.
    
    You're pressing the wrong buttons for solving the issue. I don't
    believe anti-Semitism was the child's motive. Were you a Muslim,
    he'd probably read you excerpts of the 'Satanic Verses'.
    
    Talk to the mother, again, and try to convince her that she gives
    her child some headshrinker's assistance. Cooperate with the doctor
    and ask for advice.
    
    As for the fuss that's going on, all it will do is aggravating the
    boy's problems.

    Re: .2
    
    Chris, I think you're missing part (most) of the basenote author's
    point.
    
    It it were I, I wouldn't, at this stage, give a damn for the little
    mumser making the anti-Semitic comments. Let *his* mother and grand-
    mother worry if he's suffering from an Oedipal complex. (If the
    kid wants to screw his mother, so be it!)
    
    The issue is whether the grandmother, because of her anti-Semitism      
    and contacts in the town, is able to get Mr. Polikoff bounced as a
    leader of the scout troop.             
    
    Please try to focus on the topic rather than going off on your own,
    usually rambling, tangents.
    
    Annoyed-ingly yours,
    
      Alan
    

    Isofar as the boy, and indeed the Weblow den is concerned, I think
    it might be useful to devote at least part of a meeting to 
    a discussion of Scout attributes, particularly, "A scout is 
    reverent". After all, these kids are ready to become boy scouts.
    I think that they might be interested in what that means.
    
    Try to find out what the boys understand that to mean.  It may give
    you an opportunity to let the kids know that there are many religions
    and scout requirements for reverence apply to all.  There are scouts
    in Moslem lands, in Jewish lands, and in Christian lands and that
    here, we have a mixture.  But respect for the religion of each is
    a requirement that scouting insists upon.
    
    As for the adult side of things, I'd fight it at the commission
    level and in every public forum (including the press) as is available.
    I think that such a fight, if properly conducted, would present
    the kids with a model that they could admire.

    The suggestions in .4 are perfect.
    
    re .3: There were so many issues and problems mentioned in .0 that the
    firing of a Jewish Scout Leader didn't, upfront, appear as the major
    one. It was not clearly stated what the purpose was, I'm afraid.
    As for yourself, I admire your distinguished style. 

    I have to both agree and disagree with the previous replies (can
    you tell I went to yeshiva?). 
    
    The purpose of boy scouts is to help boys like the one mentioned
    in .0. Being a scout leader is not easy, and sometime it requires
    the skills of a psychiatrist to a football coach. 
    
    It seems that the problem really started in the car incident. You
    are right, that was not the place for a lession in christianity
    but a little more tact could have been exercised. Making the child
    leave the car only reinforced his opinion of jews, and let him know
    that your goat could be gotten.
    
    The boy and his family need counseling and quickly before the problem
    escalates more than it already has. If you want to fight the forced
    resignation you simply have to call the ACLU who will be able to
    give more information about contesting it, though hopefully it will
    never reach that point.
    
    The most important thing is for you to calm down, and focus on the
    important things. Find a way to get the family help, and all the
    other problems will resolve themself.
    
    /jeff
    

    re .3: There were so many issues and problems mentioned in .0 that the
    firing of a Jewish Scout Leader didn't, upfront, appear as the major
    one. It was not clearly stated what the purpose was, I'm afraid.
    As for yourself, I admire your distinguished style. 
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    Thank you. :-)
    
    Grinningly and Modestly,
    
      Alan
    

    Isn't it sad that with all the equality of rights and religious freedom,
    and no matter how kind and supportive you are, there always might be
    that little boy or that old lady who will point at you and accuse you
    of killing Jesus or just name you "dirty jew."  And all the Law and
    Education can do is only mitigate the problemn, not solve it.
    
    ... And that's the price of living in the Galut ...
    
    Shaike
    
    Ps: As to this particular incident, I think that you (Polikoff) went too
        far.  I can understand how bad you felt because of the boy's remark,
        but considering his background or behaviour you should have separate
        his religious beliefs from his desire to insult or punch others. It's
        unfair to say "If I were you," but let me try nonetheless: I would try
        in another occasion to calm down the boy, proove him wrong, and help
        him to overcome his personal problems and his bad attitudes towards
        everybody.  I wouldn't try to ignore or quiet the problem, but not
        exacerbate it either.
    

Probably the boy is insecure.  He is testing each authority in his life 
in hopes of finding someone who cares enough to discipline him, having found 
none in his mother or grandmother.  He wants to know there is someone in 
the world who can guide him instead of his having to depend on himself.

Polikoff, you may be the only masculine influence in his life capable of
enforcing some authority.  It would have been better to have said, "Johnny,
you are not allowed to be disrespectful of anyone, not your
peers, nor your leaders.  Please apologize now."  If no apology, then
followe with the prescribed troup discipline, in the presence of another 
leader.  If you are unable to follow through, for the boy's sake, emphasize
to his pastor his need to discipline the boy with love.  Otherwise, the 
state may get the opportunity later.

You might consult Dr. James Dobson's "Dare to Discipline," and "Love Must
Be Tough."

Best Wishes,

Moffatt