Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    
    My ex was ordered to keep me posed on the address, etc where the
    children could be found.  It is reasonable to know where the children
    are and that they are being properly taken care of.  She was often
    in violation of that order and move a lot, but she was so ordered.

    fred():

    
    As for the missing mail, I'd start sending it "return receipt".  That
    way you get a signed receipt that she got it.  If nothing else you
    can show those to the kids to show you _did_ write.
    
    Before I knew better, I'd just send money to the kids in a card or
    something for birtdays, etc.  Then I got ripped by the kids for 
    sending a card and nothing else---hmmmmm.
    
    fred();

    In New Hampshire it is against the law to hide children from you. You
    can file a suit against her for 'Alienation of affection, with intent'.
    There have been several cases of such and there are winners. If you are
    in NH you should join Fathers United for Equal Justice! They do work,
    and you might find you might have a fair chance at seeing them.
    
    If you want to be heard... Speak up.
    If you want to be seen.... Stand up.
    If you want justice....... Fight like hell for it!
    
    

    
    re .0
    
    You ask if it is unreasonable for you to know where your children are
    at all times, or to have a means to directly contact them.
    
    I don't doubt that this is your situation. I just wonder how we, as a
    society, could have ever reached a point such as this, where a parent
    can be forcibly separated and isolated from their children and be made
    to go into court if they want to stay in contact with their kids.
    
    The fact that you are in this situation speaks to the sorry state of
    our society.
    
    John
    

    
    IN my case my Ex husband have custody of my tow kids and the wife is
    changing the phonenumber. I have to call my ex-husband in work to get
    my kids. I can not talk to them at all. 
    
      Befor I had the phonenumber she don't let me talk with my kids she
     find all kind of excuses.
       
            Inge  

    Unless there is some sort of final decree, court order, etc stating
    that you cannot have contact with the children, YOU Should Be Able to
    Talk To The Children!! This sort of stuff, if you have documented it,
    is a good way to get a reversal of custody!!
    
    

    
    re .5

>    My personal opinion is that Court Orders only work when both parties
>    are decent and act in the children's best interest.  If you're states
>    apart - forget it - there is no way to enforce it short of going into
>    debt with attorneys/court costs.

    The court isn't going to monitor the other party to make sure the
    orders are followed. The court orders only work if _you_ enforce them. 
    Build a case that the orders are being violated, and file a complaint. 
    The court may not do anything substantial, but the activity may stop. 
    If nothing else you've served notice that you won't put up with the
    b.s.   If it doesn't, then you have to start over building a case and
    filing a  complaint.  It's expensive if you can't file the papers and
    present the case yourself, and it's a pain, but so is not seeing your
    kids.  How can you expect the court to do anything if you won't.

    fred()

    yes i do this.There is other thinks what she is doing.   She was
    sending Notes to school that my son can not have sport and counseling.
    That she wrote the Pediatrice sad. I called the doctor up and she never
    sad that. I don't what she is scared. My kids not want live there and
    she told me a couple of weeks that they want give the kids back.  I
    asked my ex and He told me that what the kids want, but he wnat it out
    of court and I asd no. I talk already with my Lawyer over that. 
    I can go on and write a book with all the things what she done.
       
               Inge
      

    
    re .10

    Yea, I did say that the court may not do much even if the other
    party is in contempt.  Then you have to consider "did the illegal
    activity stop".  If it did, then that is the main objective.  If not
    then you have to build a new case with  new information and try again. 
    Expensive, yes, but it is expensive for the other party too.  How much
    contempt can they afford?  How much justice and being able to see your
    kids can you afford?  What is important?

    Myself, I'd try (and did) jack the judge up and try to get a different
    judge.

    I've found that a good tactic is to first ask for a "directed order"
    to comply with the court orders.  A "directed order" amounts to a
    direct order from the judge judge saying, "THIS IS A DIRECT ORDER,
    DO IT OR ELSE"!  Then if the party ignores that order, the judge has
    little choice but to whack 'em.  If he doesn't, then go to media and
    show them what is going on and tell them "this judge doesn't seem to 
    care much for the authority of the court".  Or file a request that
    the judge disqualify himself from your case for the same reasons.

    fred();

    .12 The teflon ex! Nothing sticks to her!:)

    
    reply .12

>    Fred - her attorney costs *nothing* - she's "indigent" - or so she
>    claims - pretty funny she walks around in the most expensive clothing
>    until its court time - then the appearance changes.

    Then it comes down to how much seeing your kids is worth to you. Even
    if you lose a case it's not a total loss.  In my case I learned what I
    needed to do to win next time or the behavior stopped, or I could next
    time make the case that he has already been held in contempt for this
    once and she compounds the contempt by continuing the behavior.
    
    fred();

    In my experience the court takes a pretty dim view of this kind of
    stuff. I suggest you go to the court with motions to stop sending the
    children to her (since you don't know where they are) and stop child
    support payments since they won't be with her. Then it's up to her what 
    she does. 
    
    Repeat as necessary until she gets the message.

	  An update -- yes, the court took a pretty dim view of this kind
     of stuff.  The court used words like "irresponsible," "unconscion-
     able," and "totally unreasonable" -- fortunately these words were
     directed elsewhere than at me.  My ex- has "reasonable visitation"
     until she provides "acceptable" proof of an "acceptable" residence, an
     "acceptable" schedule for telephone contact, and so forth.  And I
     decide what is "reasonable" and "acceptable."  Once I'm satisfied, she
     can have what is left of her custodial period this summer -- assuming
     she even bothers: my paying her child support also ceased.  We'll see.

	  The saddest part is, I think she sincerely believes she has a
     "right" to conceal the children from me and interfere with contact
     between us when the children are "hers."  Sigh.

				     Brian

    Did she provide you with an addresss yet? Make sure that there are more
    than one bedroom in her apartment/abode. Men must do this for overnight
    visatation. Children cannot sleep on couchs, in the same bedroom as
    adult males, etc, etc.