Conference quokka::non_custodial_parents

    1. You can write a motion to shoot the witch. Or....;) you can fight
    like crazy to show the system that she is a mooch. You offer her the
    option to finish college and thats all. 

    
    In Colorado the maximum time that they can award "spousal support" is
    5 years.  It gives them time to get their act together, then it's
    out into the cruel world.
    
    fred();

	  My divorce stipulation is that my ex-wife gets alimony for three
     years, which is (my attorney told me) considered a standard term for
     alimony in New Hampshire when alimony is awarded, which it usually is
     not.  The intent of alimony is to permit the ex-spouse to regain a
     position of self-support, where that position was lost as a result of
     dedicating work to the home rather than to a paying position.  As more
     of the same, I have to pay expenses she may incur taking graduate
     courses, should she pass the course, again with a three year time
     limit, and with a generous dollar amount cap.

	  However, a co-worker is paying alimony with no time limit, so
     such awards can happen.

				     Brian

    I have been told that Alimony was illegal or etc in New Hampshire.
    Again, count your lucky stars that its only three years. Be careful
    that it is only for three years. 
    
     
    mtb

	Ex gave up all rights to alimony at divorce agreement, however,
	this increased the amount of child support....Back in 1987.

	In 1991, I received temporary custody of my children, Judge 
	ordered six months of alimony to be paid.

	In 1992, after six months evaluation of children, Judge ordered
	payment of alimony for one year additional. Judge did not want
	ex to become a ward of the State! 

	Agreements aren't worth the paper they are drawn up on.

	Insight from a personal and expensive experience......

	Ken

    Ken,
    
    I thought that if your wife had a job, that she didn't qualify? 

    I guess the thing that bugs me is the old fashioned attitude of "she
    deserves alimony" since we were married so long.  I don't get the
    logic.  I invested as much as her in the marriage, I came out with alot
    less, and while we were married she started and quit college (with my
    support) at least 4 times.  She still contends that she will get
    awarded permanent alimony based on the fact that we were married so
    long and that her earning potential is lower than mine.  What??? 
    Nobody 'gave' me anything I have today.  I worked and scrapped to improve
    my lifestyle and I guess I feel my ex ought to do the same.
    
    I have heard that the South Carolina family courts are getting a little
    tougher on 'dependant' ex spouses with a 'poor me' attitude.  We'll
    find out this summer..........
    
    steve

    My two cents...as a woman, I never could understand it when my
    'sisters' put themselves in a position that clearly says, "I have
    no pride and choose to be dependent upon you for as long as possible."
    Even if it is considered a punishment to their former husbands, it's
    really a pathethic statement, and I always wonder about their apparent
    lack of self-esteem.
    
    I wish you luck, but perhaps you should be keeping your eyes open for
    a new husband for her!
    
    Karen

    >>I wish you luck, but perhaps you should be keeping your eyes open for
    >>a new husband for her!
    
    Thanks, Karen.
    
    On the subject of a new husband I'm afraid there's little hope until she regains
    some self esteem........
    
    Steve  

    My case finally came up in South Carolina court yesterday, on the
    complaints my ex filed against me last August regarding my alleged
    refusal to comply with certain terms of our seperation agreement. Her
    complaints were unfortunately based on what she "wished" our agreement
    says and not on fact.  She also included some untruths in the complaint
    that my lawyer uncovered thru the discovery process.  The bottom line
    is her complaint and defense was totally without substance and her
    lawyer was forced to advise her NOT to go into court, but rather settle
    outside in the lobby (thus saving face for him).  Bottom line:
    
    I am forever relieved of alimony payments.
    I am forever relieved of any obligation to provide her with medical or
    life insurance.
    I am not liable for any of her past or future medical expenses
    Child support for my oldest daughter ends in 4 weeks, forever.
    I agreed to pay $35 more per week in child support for my youngest
    daughter until next summer when she graduates.
    
    This settlement was beyond my wildest dreams. I can now get on with my
    life and help my daughters with theirs as my ex wife will hopefully get
    on with hers.  It's been a long 4 years.......
    
    steve

    Congrads Steve! Count your blessings that it went the way it did. There
    is a man in Littleton New Hampshire who is paying child support to his
    non custodial ex wife. And he is to pay this for some time to come.
    Under normal cir, one would call this alimony or maintence. But she is
    married, and we know that if she re-marries that would be also illegal.
    But this is New Hampshire for you. 
    
    And remember when the elections start to happen and people start
    telling you what a civic minded, law abiding bunch of folks we have
    here in the state. Remember this man. 

    
    Add my congratulations.  Goes to show that putting up a fight is
    is a pain in the &^%$, but often pays off.

    fred();

    Thanks for the good cheer......my documenting EVERYTHING was a real
    blessing. I still can't believe it!
    
    steve

    
    I'm in Southern California and looking for some HELP with my alimony
    situation.
    
    The root issue is that I am currently paying alimony for LIFE due to my
    ex-wife's claims of medical disabilities preventing her from working.
    
    I am seeking any resources that have addressed any similiar situation and
    successfully obtained a termination date of the alimony.
    
    Any pointers to lawyer's, men's groups, legal precedence, State
    legislatures, etc. would be very helpful.
    
    Please copy me on your reply at HIGHD::DREHER
    
    Tks,
    Jim.
    
    (P.S. Just for my own sanity, can anyone give me an understanding of
    "the other side"?  What gives a woman the right to receive support from
    me for life?  I can understand up to the length of the marriage but I
    simply am having difficulty in dealing with paying her for LIFE.)
    

       FWIW - While I was going through my divorce I read a document
       written by a judge about divorce.  I don't remember the name of
       the paper or the judge - but it took the position that divorce
       was not the termination of a relationship, but a means of allowing
       the people to separate so that one or both of them could marry
       some other person.  The paper was written with the idea that the
       man was responsible to support the children and the woman
       forever, even if he married again - it really scared me.

       My alimony (state of NH) was for 3 years, than it was extended
       for a few additional months (her and her boyfriend were moving
       and she needed a few extra dollars).  Every time I question a
       lawyer about this I get a lot of tap dancing and the impression
       that even thought she is remarried, she has the option of asking
       me for alimony anytime for the rest of my life, and if the judge
       feels that she needs the money (disability, bad luck, etc) and
       that I have it, then alimony can be reinstated.

       Richard

    
    re .15

    I'd start by bringing this situation to the attention of your state
    Senator and representative.  Especially in the light of "no fault"
    divorce.  I can understand laws that would prevent some jerk from 
    abandoning his seriously ill wife.  I've seen it happen.   I'm not 
    saying this is your case, but you asked what would justify this 
    situation.  However, I also think that there needs to be some serious 
    penalties for false accusation and false evidence.  Those penalties
    also need to be enforced.

    Second, I'd try to get evidence that she is not really disabled. 
    what type of activities (especially physical) does she participate
    in.  A photo or two of her boogying the night away with her beau
    can work wonders in court.  Maybe higher a private detective to
    follow her for a few days.  Sure private detectives are expensive,
    but so is paying alimony for the rest of your life.

    It may not fix the situation, but it may give you some satisfaction
    in fighting back.  Get enough guys fighting back, and the politicians
    will have to start listening sooner or later--or find another line of
    work.

    Even one in a million chance is infinately better than zero chance.
    
    fred();

    If your out of the house, and she has a beau living with her. That can
    help your case too. As in are we subsidising not only her, but her,
    him,and them. .... 
    
    I will also vote a mens rights activist. There isnt enough of us to
    fight the limo liberals that are big in vesting our lives to someone
    who things we are all a bunch of nuckle draggen, nenderthas that take 
    some sort of sick pride of taking a poke at our ex's with our fist.
    
    p
    a

    I just learned that my ex-wife is getting married in 2 weeks........I'm
    not surprised.
    
    8*)

    Here is a real good one to watch. :) There is a guy here in dec, whose
    ex wife married just before the official date of the legal divorce.
    So, in essence, she was married to both men.:) There is a law 
    against this sort of poopie. Anyhow, guess your off the hook! And get
    a copy of this from the town records!:)