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If the children want to testify in their behalf, then I would highly
recommend it. They are not at an age where their testimony can be
misconstrued as coercion or bribery on the part of their father.
If they are unable to attend, have them document their intentions and
rationale for moving in. It would be to their advantage to document
beforehand their intentions to remain with your husband. As a
comparison of grades from school showing improvement is also
taken into consideration.
In my situation I fowarded copies of my children's (ages at the
time were 11 and 9) letters to the ex's lawyer, and the family
services officer. The children were willing to go to court and
speak directly to the Judge concerning their intentions, which was
also documented within their letters. Because of the possible trauma
of going to court, the letters were adequate, and my children did
not have to attend. The trauma was suffered by their mother.
Duress on the part of the mother is usually hard to compete against.
However, in your case you have the letter with informing them she
would not interfere with their life, and would not provide any
financial support for them. Plus the missing of the graduation
ceremony. From what has been documented by you, it seems the
charge of duress has swung from the mother to the twins. So I would
push for dismissal.
Best recommendation is to stay unemotional with this entire
affair, easier said than done and I realize it. But cooler
heads prevail in most situations.
Now on some of the other issues. I would recommend some form
of advice. This advice can come in either legal or a support
group in the area. If you don't want to go through a lawyer
as you have circumvented in the past, get in contact with a local
support group.
I've been a custodial parent for two and a half years, and I get
no financial support for either of my children, from my ex-wife.
I doubt if I ever will, as she pleads poverty when I send her copies
of medical bills for the children. So I continue to plug along and
only concentrate on the kids.
From a true gut feeling, If you get some good support or advice
from the support group, I think you will come out okay.
ken
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| I agree with .2.
Don't get too caught up in the legal wranglings. Remember that the
system is self-perpetuating. Therefore, the ex can file all the
motions she wants. That doesn't mean the court will award her
anything. In point of fact, your husband can also do the reverse and
file for support, even if it is for only a few months. Heed the
advice in .2 to stay cool. She is trying to find the right button to
push; don't have one. It's all a game - a serious one, but a game
nonetheless. There appears to be some sour grapes here, so she wants
you to spend some money, if not on her, then on the system.
You are correct to document, document, document, document, document.
Based on what has been relayed so far, I'd say she is on very weak
ground. Her letter stating no support is meaningless, and in some
courts, could be interpreted as a direct challenge, which the courts
frown upon, and get rather nasty about. If your husband pushes the
issue, and the court agrees, rest assured, she will pay.
I see two risks here. The first is not going through the court to
discontinue support payments. The court may or may not wish to
address that issue. In many cases, the court does take into account
circumstances, especially if the father, in this case, has consistently
fulfilled his financial duty, been close to his children, etc.
The second risk has to do with entering the arena without a lawyer.
If you can get sound advice without one, as suggested in .2, then
that is your cheapest route without sacrificing a favorable outcome.
If you are unable to obtain such advice, then a lawyer may be a
consideration.
I would not look forward to an easy resolution to the issue. It
appears the ex is going to do all her money will allow her to do to
make things miserable for all concerned. Try not to let it get to
you, and expect a long siege. At the same time, continue on with
your lives. Let her anger consume her, not you.
Lastly, as for the most rotten person you've ever met, I can assure you
given the opportunity to meet my ex, your husband's ex will place a
distant second.
Good luck.
Bill
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