| I am still dealing with something along these lines. My daughter Jenni
is now living with me (see other notes).
Everything MUST be documented, even if you are not ready to finalize a
change through the courts. I had to pay for Jenni for two months after
she was no longer living with her mother because there was no release
from the agreement. Jenni's mom finally "allowed" me to suspend
support payments pending an official change of custody agreement (which
I may have to take her to court to get). A court battle is not
necessary if both parties reach agreement and sign a consent decree
which will then be made official through the court. What you can do
and what you are liable for (back support, Dr.s visits, etc) should be
carefully set out in the temporary agreement and the consent decree.
You should have a lawyer involved to protect your (and your child's)
rights. Be very careful about anything you sign but GET DOCUMENTATION.
Regarding the child's needs, try to be honest and open about what is
happening WITHOUT saying unkind things about the other parent. Other
children, usually, don't really care about these issues. In fact, my
children usually do not seem to talk about these things with their
friends even though I think it would be beneficial if they did.
Most importantly, IMO, try to minimize the number of changes your child
has to go through and let thme know, as much as possible, when and why
changes will be occurring (that and letting them know you LOVE them).
jimc
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From my experience
- What are the legal mechanics?
o Does it require a new court order?
It *can* be a *gentleman's agreement*. Probably will be if the CP
is agreeable (reluctantly or not). If the CP is not agreeable,
the Court Order will be necessary.
o Can the original CP have a bad day and just pull the
plug on the whole deal?
Unless there is a Court Order, YES!. My ex came with 6 sheriff's
deputies and the custody papers and there wasn't a &^%$ thing I could
do about it. (This was for my son).
o How long is temporary?
After six months, in most states, if the change has been with the
agreement of the CP, this can be used to request permanent change
since in the legal terms "the child has been integrated into the home".
(check it out in you state).
o What are the ramifications on decision making (medical
treatment, education, summer camp, etc)?
Unless you have "joint legal custody", technically (and probably
legally) you should get a "power of attourney" to C.Y.A. Otherwise
if the CP wants to make a fuss over you authorizing medical treatment
etc, you may be in *deep* trouble.
o Does the original NCP still have to pay Child Support?
Child support continues *as is* until changed by the court. If it
is changed by agreement with the CP, GET IT IN WRITING.
o Does the original CP start paying Child Support?
Not unless agreed upon by the CP or ordered by the Court.
o If the Child Support is suspended and custody reverts
to the original CP, can the original NCP be made to pay
the "back payments"?
If you don't have it in writing (most courts will probably take this)
and the CP is willing to lie about the agreement in court, YES!
- What about the child's emotional struggle?
o How do you help the child deal with an unhappy
original CP?
Very carefully!!
This is extremely difficult without getting onto your own feelings
about the CP. I told my daughter where she stood legally and what
would have to happen in order to get the custody changed. I felt
that she was old enougt for "straight talk" and deserved to know
where she stood. BTW. Although I'd let it be known that I would
be happy to have her live with me, it was my daughter that brought up
the subject of her comming to live with me. I told her that the
decision to change parnts had to be entirely hers and I would support
her decision either way.
o Once the final decision is made (one way or the
other), how do you keep the heat off of the child?
Unless you can get the child out of the CP's home immediatly (i.e.
evidence of child abuse or neglect). YOU CAN'T. And many CP's
go border-line (if not entirely) psyco. This is an *extremely*
difficult part of trying to get a change.
o Is the child likely to have to explain to his/her
friends? (This is different then just telling them what
happened, this is about approval/acceptance).
Not likely. Although my daughter did have a friend that was very
difficult for her to leave.
I thank God that at 16, my daughter was a very intelligent and
courageous little girl.
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Judging from what happened in 116.0-.1 over a house, Jim hit the
nail on head - document, document.
I can't help wondering what kind of influence, control the NCP
can exert to have things "legalized" in a temporary custody
situation when the NCP really wants it and the CP doesn't. The
NCP can't refuse to co-operate, right. What tools are there to
get both parties names signed on the dotted line?
Richard
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