| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 784.1 | | MILKWY::ZARLENGA | that was a lucky shot, grammaw! | Fri Apr 10 1992 17:51 | 4 |
| There could be a bazillion reasons.
Can you be more specific about any events that happened between
"friendly" and "rude?"
|
| 784.2 | whose grammaw? | YOSMTE::WILKES_EL | | Fri Apr 10 1992 18:53 | 20 |
| Yes, of course. I guess I wasn't too clear.
There was a start of a relationship. Never got anywhere - not even a
real date. However, that was months ago and I thought we could just be
friends.
My concern is that he seems to have the ability to catch me off guard.
We are in an RSI (church) setting and the group is small. I really
don't want to do anything to call attention to this situation. And
sometimes he will just walk up and greet me with a big hug and act as
if we're best of friends and we'll have a very friendly conversation
and everything seems normal. The next week he'll go out of his way to
avoid me and if for some reason it is necessary for him to speak to me
it's very abrupt and rude.
My approach to this situation up to now is to be friendly with him
when he's in a friendly mood and ignore his behavior when he's
unfriendly. This does'nt seem to be working.
el
|
| 784.3 | -1 | IMTDEV::BERRY | Dwight Berry | Mon Apr 13 1992 05:48 | 3 |
|
Sounds like too much starch in the shorts.
|
| 784.4 | tricky situation | TOOK::M_ELLISON | | Mon Apr 13 1992 08:17 | 17 |
| re: .2
Sounds like he's having a bit of difficulty articulating what's on his
mind. Possibly he believes he is sending you obvious and blatant signals
(hugs, friendly mode), and then expressing dissatisfaction (sp?) with
your response (so he acts out, he's hurt).
Your options are varied. Next time he's rude, you could confront him
and ask what's the thorn stuck in his paw, or, next time he's friendly,
you could ask him why he's in such a good mood. Then work the conversation
to touch on the other behavior. If he denies the differences that you
perceive, then his issues are probably larger than you want to deal with.
Whats common in both encounters is his drawing of your attention...just
different flavors of attention is all.
Mark
|
| 784.5 | some men scare easily | CVG::THOMPSON | DCU Board of Directors Candidate | Mon Apr 13 1992 09:40 | 8 |
| RE: .0 Anything I'd say would only be a guess. But my best guess is
that he's nervous and that he's either reading uncomfortable signs
from you or that he just isn't reading you right. Your only chance to
get things cleared up is to talk to him. Since he's been unable to
open up it's probably up to you to get things started. Or forget about
him.
Alfred
|
| 784.6 | Phd, Ardnox U | CSC32::HADDOCK | I'm afraid I'm paranoid | Mon Apr 13 1992 11:37 | 18 |
| re el
You're making a *big* assumption here. You think his behaviour is
due to your relationship. Probably isn't. I tended to to the same
thing with people and didn't really know I was doint it. People
around me thought I was mad at *them* when the reak problem
was that I was preocupied with other things that were going on in
my life and tended to "shut out" people around me--the ol' "men don't
let their troublesshow thing" strongly reinforced by a few women
who tended to cut and run the first sign that a man had *any* problem.
I do a lot better with that now that I realize I do it. If you really
are concerned about this relationship, (outherwise you wouldn't have
entered this note) you should *talk* to him about this and invite him
to share what is *really* going on.
fred()
|
| 784.7 | | YOSMTE::WILKES_EL | | Mon Apr 13 1992 12:33 | 2 |
| Thank you all for your help. These perspectives have helped.
el
|
| 784.8 | Just ask | PHAROS::FANTOZZI | | Tue Apr 14 1992 10:30 | 6 |
|
Just come out and ask him. Best way to get to the bottom without
guessing what is going on.
Mary
|