Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    You should enter this note in the womannotes notesfile.  There is
    likely to be a lot of good advice for you and your wife over there, as
    well as support.  I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this.
    My best wishes.
    					- Vick

    Hi Rich,
    
    My best advice right now is to hope for the best, and just be there for
    your wife.  From what you stated in your base note, it sounds like the
    next step for your wife is the biopsy.  From the Biopsy they can tell
    if the tumors are malignant or not.  If it is Cancer, they can tell
    what type of Cancer it is, what type of cell it is and what stage the 
    cancer is in.    
    
    If it is cancer, I highly recommend Dr. Krikorian (sorry, I forget his 
    first name), he is an Encologist, and he is head of Encology
    at Framingham Union Hospital.  I don't know where you are located,
    therefore I don't know if this recommendation will help or not, but you
    could always call Dr. Krikorian and get a recommendation from him for
    someone in your area.  
    
    Keep in mind that they have come along way in Cancer research and
    depending on the type of cancer, your wife will need some sort of 
    treatment (ie. radiation, chemotherapy, or both).  I have seen women
    go into the FUH Cancer Center on their lunch hour, have their treatment
    and walk back out & go to work.  It is amazing to listen to some of
    these women who have faught the battle and won --- there are alot of
    success stories out there.  
    
    Like I said, be there for your wife, this is a tough thing she is going
    through, and wait for her to come to you to talk about it, do not
    pressure her into talking.  The doctor you choose to use can recommend
    some local support groups for your family.  You should attend these, so
    that you can see how other people are coping.  This does not just
    affect your wife, it will affect your whole family and also change your
    lives quit a bit.
    
    Best of luck, please keep us posted,
    Debby
    

    I suggest you contact Brigham and Woman's hospital (part of Harvard
    Medical School i believe) in Boston. Or have the surgeon refer you to
    somebody affiliated with Brigham and Woman's hospital. If you can't get
    a referral, I suggest that you contact the Oncology department of the
    hospital and ask for the Chief of the Department, with a view toward
    getting treated there. Boston is often considered (one of) the medical
    center(s) of the world. I have been a resident of Massachusetts for 50+
    years and grew up in Boston. I cannot conceive of being treated in New
    Hampshire or my wife being treated in New Hampshire for a (potentially)
    life-threatening medical problem.
    
    

    Rich:
    I don't quite understand what you are trying to communicate wrt to how
    she wants to be treated differently for this than for any other medical
    problem. (e.g would a brain tumor qualify?)
    If it's the case that it has specifically to do with her breast then
    maybe you two can talk through how either of you would be
    reacting/would want it to be discussed if the medical problem under
    consideration were your testicles.
    I don't know whether there is or ought to be symmetry here, but it
    MIGHT be illuminating. Mebbee not.
    
    				best of luck
    				herb

    
    
    re .0
    
    
    In a way I can understand your wife telling you what she has.  It
    is her body and no matter how hard you try to identify with what
    is going on, you will not be able to completely understand the fear
    she is facing.  I'm sure she is looking at the possibility of 
    loosing a breast.  I'm not saying this is what will happen, but
    it is a possibility that surely must be playing on her mind.  
    
    Sure it is a part of her body, but it is a physical characteristic
    that identifies her as a woman.  Just the thought of having that
    taken away/removed has got to be scaring the hell out of her. 
    She could be worried that you may no longer see her as you see
    her today.  She may be feeling that she will no longer be whole.
    There is just so much that she could be feeling and looking at.
    
    
    My suggestion would be to have you contact hospitals specializing
    in this.  There are support groups for spouses and family members
    of woman who have gone through this.  Talk to men who have been
    there before.  It may help you to understand where she is coming
    from.  Good luck and god bless.
    
    Michele

I might suggest that you contact the Employee Assistance Program here at DEC.
They can help you folks with pointers to various independent outside support
groups/mechanisms.

Art

    Rich,
    
    I also had something very similar happen.  Fortunately, it was not the
    big "C".  I think I can identify with what is happening with your wife,
    it may be fear that you will not want her if the worst senerio happens. 
    If I may offer my advice, just verbally and physically reassuring her
    that you love the total package not just the parts of her and you are
    with her.
    
    Sometimes, women really mean please hold me, I'm scared.
    
    Home this helps.
    
    El