Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    It sounds to me to be exactly what he told you.  He still has feelings
    for his ex and wants to resume that relationship.  Unfortunately,
    you happen to be the victim in all of this.  Luckily for you, you 
    don't have more time invested in him.   I know it sounds harsh, but
    IMHO the best thing for you to do is scrape the dust off your self,
    and get on with your own life.
    
    As far as his telling you that he had strange intestinal feelings every
    time he was with you, I'd take that with a grain of salt.  More than 
    likely he was trying to convince himself that he was over his ex.
    
    It's impossible to find the logic in another person's actions when 
    you don't know *everything* that's going on in their mind.
                               
    Good luck to you,
    SS
    

    
    He told you he broke off with her because he didn't love her.  I 
    wonder what he's telling her as to why he's breaking off with you.
    And if he comes back to you, I wonder what he'll tell you as to why
    he broke off with her again.  You have a right to feel confused and
    hurt.  I wouldn't be optimistic.  He's not being quite as honest and
    sincere as he may have seemed.  Maybe he didn't break it off with
    her, but she broke it off with him and he just didn't want to feel
    like a looser.  But now she's changed her mind and ...  Who knows.
    Don't torture yourself.  It's not your fault.
    							- Vick
    
    

    Vick is right, don't torture yourself.  Chances are you wouldn't be
    happy with this person in any sort of longterm relationship.  It sounds
    as if the person is confused, and it's nearly impossible to have an
    intimate relationship with someone that doesn't know themself very
    well. 
           
    -Janice

    WAAAAAAIIIIITT a minute you said that you are going to Vermont
    for the weekend.For what. He may be a little jealous about this and
    is trying to not let you know this. Ask him if going away for a weekend
    is bothering him if it does than reassure him it's not to meet other
    men. He may feel that you are looking for one you know. This thing
    about the ex coming back may be just to help him keep his manhood
    while deep inside he feels hurt. Most men will not allow themselves to
    be open and weak with a women. Then again I could be wrong!
                    Ite
    

    re:  -.4
    
    That thought had crossed my mind too.  But if he is so insecure
    about the relationship, has so little trust, and is going to make
    up some cock-and-bull story to try to manipulate you into not
    going to Vermont or whatever, then you should probably forget him
    anyway.
    						- Vick

    I've been there.  From a woman's perspective, give it up.  You cannot
    compete with the ex if he still has strong feelings for her.  I know,
    because I suffered through a year of torture at the expense of a guy
    who wanted to have his cake and eat it too.  I ended up breaking it off
    because I realized I didn't trust him (he kept cheating on me with his
    much older ex and I kept finding out through friends) and I was sick of
    being second in his life.  I'm sure after I ended it he truly regretted
    it but you cannot live life suffering through the agony of not knowing
    where his true feelings lie.
    
    Tammi

    Where to start?
    
    First of all, I've been there!  I
    
    I agree with .6 - it's their cake and eat it too! 
    
    When I first read your note, it sounded almost exactly what I went
    through, the heart throb!  Oh please!  (I'm saying these things about
    the person I was involved with)....he couldn't make up his mind from
    one day to the next!  One day he couldn't live without me, the next
    we was going back with this X!  It was the worse relationship I have
    ever been in in my life!  All my friends were right, I hate to admit
    to it!  They were right though, he wanted it all - 
    
    It was like a merry-go-round, which I told him I was stepping off of,
    and he could play games with 'her head' instead of mine!
    
    I am a stronger person today because of it, but it almost destroyed
    me!  The confusion is what stinks, you never know what they'll say
    next.  I learned the difficult way, they can SAY anything they want,
    when it came right down to it, he was with 'her' for the holidays!
    
    I wish you the best, and hope you can be strong if he comes back!
    
    Regards,
    Robin (send me mail or call if you want)....

    Some people cannot cut themselves loose from their attatchments. Or,
    they try to deny their feelings because they are now "alone" after
    many years of a shared identity and they are very scared.
    I think your "friend" found it easier to face a known relationship,
    even what might have been a bad relationship, then go into a new 
    relationship with many unknowns.
    
    You may not realize it now but eventually you will come to find
    that you are better off. Give it time and keep faith in what
    really matters to you. Don't let your life stop because of 
    someone elses actions.
    
    			-Jim- 

    
    Yup, I think we've all been there. Fortunately you did not invest alot
    of time with him, although you may have thought things were great,
    he sounds very "ify" and you probably wouldn't be happy in the long
    run. 
    
    Mary