Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    Perhaps, you can consider a referee instead of a lawyer?  An
    arbitrator?
    
    Don't be embarrassed to change your mind.  Go slowly.  Unless your
    life is in jeopardy.

    A  G-R-E-A-T deal has to do with the state that you reside in.
                                         -----
    
    Bubba

    Ask the attorney for his/her references!  Too bad they don't give 'em.
    
    Biggest problem I've seen/heard of, is for the two atty's to
    communicate with each other.  Eternal Delays.
    
    ed

	
<    I'm wondering is what are the questions I should be aasking him other
<    then what his/her fees are ??
 
    There are a lot of things you need to consider.  First of all, you
    should TRUST your lawyer.  If you don't have a good feeling about that,
    then go get another.  You need to be confident that he/she is looking
    out for YOUR interests.  There are a lot of folks who are very cynical
    about lawyers in general... but, lots of lawyers are good at what they
    do, and will give you satisfactory service.  Just be careful... as you
    would when making any big decision.
    
    Some of the issues you need to consider: 
    
    If there are children, be sure you do what is right by them.  If you
    are going to be the CP, be sure you make good arrangements to allow
    appropriate visitation, and be ready to work at it.  Please, please
    avoid involving younger kids in decision making.  Be open and honest
    with them, and watch them carefully for signs indicating they may need
    professional help in coming to grips with the divorce.  
    
    If you are the NCP, then be prepared to support the children fairly. 
    Many states are adopting formulae or guidelines used to calculate the  
    support obligation.  Be honest, be fair.  Do your homework.  Find out
    what those guidelines are yourself, work out the issues and make room
    in your budget for the expense.  Avoid impersonal automatic payroll
    deductions, or wage garnishment if at all possible.  You will be
    distanced far enough from your kids as it is... they will appreciate a
    personal check with your signature every payday..
    
    Tell you lawyer to protect your property... but, remember that most
    states are community property states, and that entitles your spouse to
    1/2 of everything the two of you have accumulated since your marriage. 
    Also be aware that some things (like inheritances) are viewed as
    separate property, even if they come while you are married.
    
    Also, try to protect your retirement benefits.  You may not be ready to
    think about retirement NOW, but some day you will.  Your spouse is
    elegible for 1/2 of those benefits which accrued during the marriage. 
    So ask your lawyer to work that out.  You may have to offer a portion
    of YOUR property NOW to protect your rights THEN.
    
    Make sure that the divorce decree is VERY specific.  It must name dates
    for visitation... not nebulous things like "free and equal at times
    agreed upon".  You'll find out those "agreed upon" times won't occur. 
    If there is child support, be sure the exact amounts are listed, and
    when they expire.  Most states stop the requirement for CS at age 18,
    but require payment to continue thru higher level education, or until
    age 21.  Find this out.
    
    Also, some states REQUIRE the NCP to pay for college for the kids.  Be
    prepared for this if your state does.
    
    As I said, there is a LOT to getting a divorce.  
     
<    And what is the definitions of UNcontested divorce vs contested divorce
<    Im new at it so if these questions seem dumb I apologize, just
<    searching for some advice and or answers I guess.
    
    I'm not a lawyer.  But, I believe most states won't even allow a
    divorce to be contested.  NO-FAULT divorce pretty effectively
    eliminated that.  If you state allows a no-fault divorce, then what is
    there to contest?
    
    
    tony    
    
                                                Thank you in advance
    

    

    Guess it depends upon if your a man or woman in .0. If the base noter
    is a man, best to find a goood fathers suport group. If your a woman,
    finding a lawyer thru pro-bono, or what ever is an easy game. I veiw
    attornies like Mark Twain does, "Line them up agianst the wall and
    shoot them down like dogs." Reason was that of the two lovely attornies
    that I paid big bucks for, and the others whom I have interviewed is
    that I find they have great office sales experiences, telling you war
    stories of how far they can pee. But when it comes to the real burning
    issues at hand, thats about all they can pee in, is their hand.
    
    Sorry, but I went pro-se and found it works much better that spending
    lots of money to get corn-holed. 
    
    George
    
    ps Friday, Oct. 25, 1991 I go for the final. It is now an uncontested
    divorce. I am getting custody of my daughter, child suport, get to keep
    the family marrital home, and it doesn't get any better than this!:) 

    Its a done deal. Its over, I get all mentioned, and it just doesn't get
    any better than this...:)

    Be fair to ALL affected by the divorce...including YOURSELF!  From
    what I've heard and experienced, most divorce lawyers are more
    interested in making an easy "buck", than in looking out for your
    best interests.  Where paying attorney fees is concerned, the old
    adage "You get what you pay for." doesn't hold water.  I was more
    than a little naive to believe a person could trust a professional
    to perfom his services to the best of his abilities, whether it be
    a lawyer, doctor or whatever.  Shop around, there must be a good
    lawyer out there somewhere (?).

    .7 That sounds like a good joke. Finding a good lawyer, esp after
    the heart burn and corn-holing many of us have recieved. Finding a good
    mens suport group is a better answer. Learning to go Pro-se will and
    does work. Esp when you have a good suport group behind you. 

    .8  A men's group wouldn't have helped me, since I'm not a man.  If
    Pro-se means representing yourself in court, I could have done much
    better that way.  My biggest fault was trying to make things as 
    easy as possible for my ex.  My main gripe is that a lawyer charged
    me $2K, and didn't advise me against being a "marshmellow".
    
    I'll bet you thought only men got the short end of the stick.
    
    Cindy

    Or mens group has helped women. We helped a woman who had lost custody
    and was being denied visitations to get visitations and very liberal
    ones at that. Guess it depends upon the group that you run with.