| First, I'm not a man so this is from my (female) perspective.
Anyway, I asked this man once about his time in prison and how the
men related during their couseling sessions. He said that counseling
or the "let your feelings out" therapy group sessions were not very
helpful in that in this particular enviornment, where a man has
an image or a front to protect, he's not going to express himself
with any group of men. He'd be setting himself up for ridicule.
So I think the enviornment and trust has a lot to do with how men,
or anyone, will let their guard down.
I asked him, don't these men want to be helped in understanding
where they coming from? And with other men around, wouldn't that
lend to a good support group. He said, no of course not, I can't
explain it exactly.
From my own observations, I'd think that a man, in a general sense,
has a certain "front" to protect. I'm not exactly sure what I mean
in this sense of the word, "front", but when you're out in the world,
especially on your own, you have to think of yourself and your
survival. Throw the first punch as hard as you can before he gets
you first. That's your best chance. And this world, or at least
in the world that these boyz live in, the other man is your opponent.
You can't start to get touchy-feely with men, it may let your guard
down.
I definitely agree that a strong father benefits their sons. I
see the results everyday in my neighborhood as well as in my own
life. I don't believe that a father doesn't matter in the family.
He is very very important. His absence does make a difference
and it's observable in those children. A single mom has a hard
life. And loving gets harder.
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| I haven't seen this movie yet, but would like to.
>there is a clear message that it takes a strong, loving,
>authoritarian father to raise a son to manhood, especially in an area
>surrounded by poverty and despair.
From what I've read about the director, this is basically an
an autobiographical film, and this is the situation that worked for
him. He might believe this is the only way, but he is only 23 years
old, too.
I certainly haven't worked my way out of poverty, but I would think
that it would take a great deal of hard work and self-discipline to
do so, and having that role model from a parent of either sex would
work. I've heard men say that it was the strong influence of their
mothers that made them the success they are. Sometimes some other
significant adult figure can do the trick, such as a guardian.
>In the end, the one son with a strong father turns out well. The other
>two boys raised by a mother who alternately dotes on one and harrasses
>and condemns the other, end up badly.
This sounds to me, on the face of it, that it is her inconsistent and
thereby hypocritical behavior that gives a confused message to her
kids. This leaves them without a healthy role-model in the home.
>How do you respond to a fellow male in despair? Does silence = acquiescence?
>Is sympathy undesirable? Is an embrace unmanly?
I think this depends on a wide variety of factors, much of it having to
do with the way affection is generally expressed in the family, and
this again goes back to role models. Many guys are very uncomfortable
with it.
-roger
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